Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[*JG* 2]

Thanks for the everyone. We are still going strong and happy.

I hope everyone continues their path, whatever it may be. Remember that this site does need to remain a place for support. Many of us don't have people to relate to about alot of the topics we discuss here, and that makes VJ and the yardie thread invaluable, let's ensure that it stays that way.

I don't post often, but I love the site. Without it I would have been one confused lady.

I am in "removing of conditions" world so anyone who needs help PM me and I'll communicate through yahoomail about it. I know other veterans are going there soon and I can be of some assistance.

love and blessings to all.

Hey, Doodle....if you come up with any handy tips, would you post publically? There are some others ahead of me; but we file in early August 2008. I'm up for any help anyone can give.

If not, I'll be PMing you if Mindy can't help me out.

[*JG* 2]

Can I ask what you all mean when you say you encourage him to go back to school and that kind of thing? I always take this kind of thing as women saying they feel the man wasn't schooled enough and for this reason I feel looked down upon. I read talk of ESL classes, college classes, GED's, all that kind of thing.

Now, I'm not saying it's bad talk nor is it a bad idea. I'm just wondering how your SO feels about additional schooling talk. Does he feel like you are saying you are smarter then him? Does he resent the topic?

[Marlita 0]

Jawi,

This is a written forum. Besides some well placed smileys and bolded words, you can't get the emotions anyone else is really expressing when they write. And, we are from different parts of the country, different backgrounds, different places in our lives......of course we are not all going to understand each other all that time.

Just because you infer something from my writing, doesn't mean that is how it is being said by me.

I can respect that. Well said! I'm happy to know that my interpretation of your love for your husband was wrong on all counts. LOL. I was really feeling bad for him. Now that I know that you don't mean any harm in what you are saying, I won't take offense again.

As I said earlier, I am cool with you. There are no hard feelings at all, just a simple misunderstanding of our expressed views.

*punch Jomo in her arm*

You know Jomo, I have gotten this impression from you too from your posts, so Jawi's assumption was entirely off. I think you and a few other women on this forum express ill=content towards your men alot more than you express your love for him so it sounds as if you are nothing but a complainer , bitchy, or just plain disrespectful to him. I am glad that you cleared that up.

[Marlita 0]

And whether or not our husbands are here or not means absolutely nothing to the matter in which we handle our relationships.

You are in for so many surprises when the time comes. You have no idea......

oh heck! I am a grown woman who HAS been is many other long-term relationships that were with Jamaican men who lived with me for years!!! So no, I will not be in for a huge surprise. By the time that my husband moves here it will be at least 2 years into our relationship....not 6months. We have a base structure that is our Lord Jesus Christ so even though he and I are not seeing each other face to face, God keeps us seeing eye to eye. I think the problem is that if you are a selfish or self centered person you have "no idea" what marriage will require of you. That is not me or my husbands issue. So once again the "generalization" that MY relationship may be as difficult as yours doesnt stand tall.

Have you not learned anything from all these posts about NOT generalizing others relationships to your own? Cha!!!

[Jengles 0]

Can I ask what you all mean when you say you encourage him to go back to school and that kind of thing? I always take this kind of thing as women saying they feel the man wasn't schooled enough and for this reason I feel looked down upon. I read talk of ESL classes, college classes, GED's, all that kind of thing.

Now, I'm not saying it's bad talk nor is it a bad idea. I'm just wondering how your SO feels about additional schooling talk. Does he feel like you are saying you are smarter then him? Does he resent the topic?

My take is living in the U.S of A, in most industries one needs a piece of paper to get ahead. let me clarify that a U.S. piece of paper. Certain jobs here in NYC want a GED and its states that in the want ads, they are not looking for or accepting foreign diplomas. To me its not a looking down upon the man but more of a way to get ahead here. Here in NYC, we have cabbies who were doctors and lawyers back home (in their country) but couldn't practice here, because they could not get their credentials accepted. Hard to imagine but america is really not that tolerant when it comes to foreign education, especially when the immigrants are non english speakers. I had a babysitter for my son who was like 21 and in high school because the dept of education wouldn't take her school records from Barbados, crazy in my opnion.

[*JG* 2]

Jawi,

This is a written forum. Besides some well placed smileys and bolded words, you can't get the emotions anyone else is really expressing when they write. And, we are from different parts of the country, different backgrounds, different places in our lives......of course we are not all going to understand each other all that time.

Just because you infer something from my writing, doesn't mean that is how it is being said by me.

I can respect that. Well said! I'm happy to know that my interpretation of your love for your husband was wrong on all counts. LOL. I was really feeling bad for him. Now that I know that you don't mean any harm in what you are saying, I won't take offense again.

As I said earlier, I am cool with you. There are no hard feelings at all, just a simple misunderstanding of our expressed views.

*punch Jomo in her arm*

You know Jomo, I have gotten this impression from you too from your posts, so Jawi's assumption was entirely off. I think you and a few other women on this forum express ill=content towards your men alot more than you express your love for him so it sounds as if you are nothing but a complainer , bitchy, or just plain disrespectful to him. I am glad that you cleared that up.

And see, when I read something like this, I have to remind myself of what I said in the first place.

Just remember when ever anyone says something, they are under that same standard.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Can I ask what you all mean when you say you encourage him to go back to school and that kind of thing? I always take this kind of thing as women saying they feel the man wasn't schooled enough and for this reason I feel looked down upon. I read talk of ESL classes, college classes, GED's, all that kind of thing.

Now, I'm not saying it's bad talk nor is it a bad idea. I'm just wondering how your SO feels about additional schooling talk. Does he feel like you are saying you are smarter then him? Does he resent the topic?

I say go back to college not HS...or get a certification in his trade or something like that..school also helps u to make friends, I know I did. I never say I'm smarter ..my hubby is SMART. I don't want him stuck in a job that he makes $8/hr forever u know, b/c he is in a new country that he has to get certified all this stuff to make or even pratice what he did back home..we can live comfy and not worry about where the nest $1 is coming from..It is never derogatory at all. I use school as a form of outlet. I LOVE learning and I believe it is empowering personally.

[Marlita 0]

Umm, not sure what happened here. A few "rude statements" were made. then everyone appoligized and then words started being thrown at "Jomo's girl" or mainly at her??? and then other people who wanted to say something about "Jomo's girl" posts in the past, felt it was fine to jump on the bandwagon. Did Jomo's girl say not to talk patios in the thread? I don't see that post, maybe I didn't go back far enough to read where she made that comment. Oh and of course can't forget bad gyal nuh back down from nuttin.

carry on ladies

It's okay, Jengles. But, thanks for the sentiment.

All I said was READING Patois gives me a headache. Anyone who inferred that I said DON'T talk Patois on any of these threads did that all on their own. And, those of you who implied I don't know my man's culture or where he comes from or even that there is some agreement that we dont' speak Patois in our home, also did that all on your own. Sweeping generalizations over and over again.

Nobody said any version of this in English or patois. You have told me that you understand it and can speak it, you just don't like to read it. I don't have a problem with you not reading it, which is why I started my OWN thread. You were being nasty when you said you couldn't be bothered with my story because of it, but you are in there every day. That is what most people took offense to, and that is what made me post the way I did. Some people are tired of being told that they shouldn't post in patois, and the jokes began. Again, the jokes and suss are part of the Jamaican and African American culture. You can love each other to death, but you will slew each other with the words and jokes.

Jengles what I meant about toe-to-toe on written words was just that, not a literally coming to blows. If someone wants to be snide and rude, and I can go there too. I was tired of saying it's okay Jomo, no hard feelings taken. It seems that she would post a comment to me, and then apologize if it came off rude or harsh. I wonder if she was doing it on purpose to see if I would respond. I did yesterday, and apologized.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag is allllll I gotta say !!! I haven't been on, haven't had the time, but whew, here we go ONCE AGAIN !!!!

So I'm confused WHERE did JOMO say she didn't LIKE your story ??? I think I missed that somewhere. I love the story so far, patois and everything and I do seem to skim over the patois parts and I think I miss what's truly being said and then I have to go back and re-read....but sitting waiting for soccer practice 3 nights a week, gives me that time. "I" don't personally speak it at all, but fully understand it being around patois for over 10 yrs!

The other comments about JOMO telling her husband this and that ..."runnin" him, ya know.... just ridiculous !!! I too, "run" my husband -if that's what you want to call it !!! He's been here for 17 months now and STILL acts like an immature child!! We've been through ALOT in our relationship and I have given him ALL the help, guidance, support, lessons to learn, tools, etc etc etc. I have been more than patient in this so called marriage. MY HUSBAND CHANGED when he came here. HE has chosen to be "stuck" in his Jamaican past with violence, rudeness, disrespect and HE has NOT once grown from the experience that he has had here.

It has been said, over and over and over again in this yardie thread.....that there are only a FEW relationships that are "still in tact" and that are truly happy, healthy, prosperous and whatever other positive words you want to use. "MY" relationship SUCKS and I DO want out and I DO want him to leave!! He KNOWS that, we've talked about it till the cows come home. He makes alllllllllllll kinds of promises to be a better man, take care of his responsibilities, be a better husband and stepfather, ladidada..... but I NEVER see that, ever !!!! "I" canNOT kick the LOSER out of my house, but he also will NOT leave on his own !!!! He tries his best to make MY life a living he&&, but I will NOT allow him to do that. "I" AM a strong woman!! My son and I are both STRONG individuals that have a very tight relationship. My son and I talk about what's acceptable and not acceptable all the time. My son asked Craig over the weekend -AGAIN- WHY has he changed so much and that he liked the guy that he knew in Jamaica and when he first came here..... Craig's response is, your mother has changed too!!! But Craig does NOT GET the reason that "I" have changed towards him and OUR marriage is that "I" caught him having a relationship with another farrin woman....went on for 9 months that "I" know about. Anyone that has read my posts in previous yardie threads knows this. I told him to GO and be with her if that is who he truly wanted to be with. "I" have caught him numerous times giving women his cell phone number (and vice/versa). He does NOT help with bills and responsibilities around the home. He has NOT once stepped up to be a supportive and positive role model to my child. We have talked and communicated our feelings, emotions, etc etc .... it works for a day and then WHAM back to being an A-hole the next !!!!

I admire ANYones relationship that works....I truly envy those that are in JA/American relationships that work !!! but they are far and few between that "I" know of !!!!

I also know that "I" will (me and my son) be absolutely fine. I do not need a man to make me feel good about myself. Craig is the one with serious and I mean serious -especially- anger issues !!!

Not everyone. Written Patois gives me a headache. Can't bother with it.

Good GOD! Do you even love your husband?! If not DIVORCE him!! I can't handle you bashing the man no more!

[Marlita 0]

And whether or not our husbands are here or not means absolutely nothing to the matter in which we handle our relationships.

You are in for so many surprises when the time comes. You have no idea......

Yah, I agree with this.

You would! Generalizer Cha!

[*JG* 2]

And whether or not our husbands are here or not means absolutely nothing to the matter in which we handle our relationships.

You are in for so many surprises when the time comes. You have no idea......

Yah, I agree with this.

You would! Generalizer Cha!

I'm not in the mood to play right now.

[Yaads 0]

This is just getting so old...I know that everyone has the right to say whatever they want and this is an open public forum blah blah blah...

It is just starting to feel like all we are doing is and

[clairern 0]

Can I ask what you all mean when you say you encourage him to go back to school and that kind of thing? I always take this kind of thing as women saying they feel the man wasn't schooled enough and for this reason I feel looked down upon. I read talk of ESL classes, college classes, GED's, all that kind of thing.

Now, I'm not saying it's bad talk nor is it a bad idea. I'm just wondering how your SO feels about additional schooling talk. Does he feel like you are saying you are smarter then him? Does he resent the topic?

Jomo, when I went to Ja last month I brought a GED book for Mike. I did, because all the job research I did, no matter how simple it was, required a GED if you were not trained or went to school in the US. It also allows him to review American history and civics and the word spelling and usage are so different. Mike is very intelligent, but sometimes when you are in a new culture and is faced with so many different things to adjust to, educating yourself can be so powerful and eye opening. When we discussed it he did not show resentment, but was eager to have an idea of what the whole thing entails. Right now he has gone through the book and has told me how much he has learned and it has opened up eyes to what you are require to know. He was in the army and police force in JA and was an amatuer boxer for the army and travelled to Canada and the UK and was very curious about American culture.

I wish there was a book or manual they could read that tells them about life in America and what is expected of them. Education is powerful and can take you far, so I understand how these women feel, wanting to empower their men. Opportunities for higher education in Ja is not the same as it is here, so encouraging them to grab the opportunity to gain a higher education should not be looked upon as me being better, but me wanting you to be on the same or close to the same educational level.

Sorry for my long rant..

Edited November 8, 2007 by clairern

[clairern 0]

Umm, not sure what happened here. A few "rude statements" were made. then everyone appoligized and then words started being thrown at "Jomo's girl" or mainly at her??? and then other people who wanted to say something about "Jomo's girl" posts in the past, felt it was fine to jump on the bandwagon. Did Jomo's girl say not to talk patios in the thread? I don't see that post, maybe I didn't go back far enough to read where she made that comment. Oh and of course can't forget bad gyal nuh back down from nuttin.

carry on ladies

It's okay, Jengles. But, thanks for the sentiment.

All I said was READING Patois gives me a headache. Anyone who inferred that I said DON'T talk Patois on any of these threads did that all on their own. And, those of you who implied I don't know my man's culture or where he comes from or even that there is some agreement that we dont' speak Patois in our home, also did that all on your own. Sweeping generalizations over and over again.

Nobody said any version of this in English or patois. You have told me that you understand it and can speak it, you just don't like to read it. I don't have a problem with you not reading it, which is why I started my OWN thread. You were being nasty when you said you couldn't be bothered with my story because of it, but you are in there every day. That is what most people took offense to, and that is what made me post the way I did. Some people are tired of being told that they shouldn't post in patois, and the jokes began. Again, the jokes and suss are part of the Jamaican and African American culture. You can love each other to death, but you will slew each other with the words and jokes.

Jengles what I meant about toe-to-toe on written words was just that, not a literally coming to blows. If someone wants to be snide and rude, and I can go there too. I was tired of saying it's okay Jomo, no hard feelings taken. It seems that she would post a comment to me, and then apologize if it came off rude or harsh. I wonder if she was doing it on purpose to see if I would respond. I did yesterday, and apologized.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag is allllll I gotta say !!! I haven't been on, haven't had the time, but whew, here we go ONCE AGAIN !!!!

So I'm confused WHERE did JOMO say she didn't LIKE your story ??? I think I missed that somewhere. I love the story so far, patois and everything and I do seem to skim over the patois parts and I think I miss what's truly being said and then I have to go back and re-read....but sitting waiting for soccer practice 3 nights a week, gives me that time. "I" don't personally speak it at all, but fully understand it being around patois for over 10 yrs!

The other comments about JOMO telling her husband this and that ..."runnin" him, ya know.... just ridiculous !!! I too, "run" my husband -if that's what you want to call it !!! He's been here for 17 months now and STILL acts like an immature child!! We've been through ALOT in our relationship and I have given him ALL the help, guidance, support, lessons to learn, tools, etc etc etc. I have been more than patient in this so called marriage. MY HUSBAND CHANGED when he came here. HE has chosen to be "stuck" in his Jamaican past with violence, rudeness, disrespect and HE has NOT once grown from the experience that he has had here.

It has been said, over and over and over again in this yardie thread.....that there are only a FEW relationships that are "still in tact" and that are truly happy, healthy, prosperous and whatever other positive words you want to use. "MY" relationship SUCKS and I DO want out and I DO want him to leave!! He KNOWS that, we've talked about it till the cows come home. He makes alllllllllllll kinds of promises to be a better man, take care of his responsibilities, be a better husband and stepfather, ladidada..... but I NEVER see that, ever !!!! "I" canNOT kick the LOSER out of my house, but he also will NOT leave on his own !!!! He tries his best to make MY life a living he&&, but I will NOT allow him to do that. "I" AM a strong woman!! My son and I are both STRONG individuals that have a very tight relationship. My son and I talk about what's acceptable and not acceptable all the time. My son asked Craig over the weekend -AGAIN- WHY has he changed so much and that he liked the guy that he knew in Jamaica and when he first came here..... Craig's response is, your mother has changed too!!! But Craig does NOT GET the reason that "I" have changed towards him and OUR marriage is that "I" caught him having a relationship with another farrin woman....went on for 9 months that "I" know about. Anyone that has read my posts in previous yardie threads knows this. I told him to GO and be with her if that is who he truly wanted to be with. "I" have caught him numerous times giving women his cell phone number (and vice/versa). He does NOT help with bills and responsibilities around the home. He has NOT once stepped up to be a supportive and positive role model to my child. We have talked and communicated our feelings, emotions, etc etc .... it works for a day and then WHAM back to being an A-hole the next !!!!

I admire ANYones relationship that works....I truly envy those that are in JA/American relationships that work !!! but they are far and few between that "I" know of !!!!

I also know that "I" will (me and my son) be absolutely fine. I do not need a man to make me feel good about myself. Craig is the one with serious and I mean serious -especially- anger issues !!!

Not everyone. Written Patois gives me a headache. Can't bother with it.

Good GOD! Do you even love your husband?! If not DIVORCE him!! I can't handle you bashing the man no more!

Marlita, I don't think she is bashing the man, she is just stating the facts as they are. When I started reading her post way back I was kinda pissed off, but I understand more now of what she is going through. Please try to understand where she is coming from. Everything takes time and she is handling it the best way she can right not.

[SupportOAFJF 0]

This is just getting so old...I know that everyone has the right to say whatever they want and this is an open public forum blah blah blah...

It is just starting to feel like all we are doing is and

Right it is public...no one here has to be friends with anyone ..they can say what they want even if they say it the apologize and go back and say the same thing again. If it no fi u just move one I guess..so Marlita say what she want even if no one else gives a damn. No one persons word stands stronger than anyone elses on here..no matter the content..all mi hear is ppl no waan hear di bad things that happen in a relationship..my ting is wah mi a search fi something that is not there for ? everybody go tru dem ting if dem waan share a fi dem business dat..all mi know is MY MARRIAGE nah go no weh no matter wah nobody seh....

[Yaads 0]

Please know I wasn't talking about one person in particular AT ALL. I was just talking about these subjects coming up over and over and the same type of things being said over and over and in the end we all just agree to disagree. I am just tired to the same convos happening over and over about the same stuff. I am pretty sure we are well aware of where most people stand on the hot topic issues...do we really need to bring it up and go over it again and again in such a short amount of time? It just seems like a vicious circle that gets us nowhere.