Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[Yaads 0]

oh and Myisha and Ricardo going for longer than us all!

[Jonesie 1]

Call me - I'll teach you

Seriously, reading it is the best start. Whether it's on this board or another Jacan board (Dancehallreggae.com or Jamaicans.com) - reading the words out loud will get you started. I think Jamaicans.com actually has a link that says some common words and phrases via Windows so you can hear the pronounciation.

Nooooo....don't send them to DHR, they be SLAUGHTERED!!!

well they can read as visitors - JUST DON'T POST ANYTHING!!

[rhondapayter 0]

And whether or not our husbands are here or not means absolutely nothing to the matter in which we handle our relationships.

You are in for so many surprises when the time comes. You have no idea......

Not neccessarily. Everybody's experience is different. Although it appears the norm is a lot of struggle with him adapting to the different culture, some people do not experience it at all. I KNOW for a fact a few people that didn't have ONE day of the relationship changing when the Jamaican man got here.

I pray that Marlita is one of those.

One of my favorite sayings is "Expect the worst, but HOPE for the best". I think the more prepared you are for what might happen and the big adjustments that must be made, the better you will handle the situation. And yes, every relationship is different. It also seeme easier for those who did the K3 or Cr1 because their husbands could work right away. That's one of the most difficult things for some men - sitting at home doing nothing for months on end!

[Shemmy 4]

I do get what Kelly is saying, though. He has rights too and once she entered into the marriage and permanent resident status, it's not so cut and dried as to how to get out of it.

I understand what Kelly is saying too. But how long is she going to be miserable?? She keeps saying the same thing over and over again. No one said it would be easy. Maybe I'm just tired of hearing about it.

Have you yourself ever been in an abusive relationship?

Actually yes I have. It took me awhile to get out of it instead of talking about it over and over again...I did something about it. She keeps giving the same reasons...what is being done? They are plenty of resources out there. Once again, I never said it would be easy.

[jawi876 2]

There are books out there...most of the Jamaicans I know laugh at them though. It has words they hardly use...almost like how the words we used as teenagers were cool...but wouldn't be so now.

I do think there should be more Jamaican authors published that opt to use patois in their works. When I first started typing patwah, the Jamaicans would ROLL!!! They had a field day with me, but I kept at it. LOL

Kimmy didn't laugh at me yesterday...nor did Gill or Tameka and had LOOONG conversations in patwah with them over the phone. So, I guess I'm not as bad sounding as I think chatting suss.

[Jengles 0]

luv travel

real quick, Craig isn't leaving because of the free room and board, you think he can go and stay with family and not contribute to the household????? Not sure how he's getting away with that.

[Yaads 0]

Call me - I'll teach you

Seriously, reading it is the best start. Whether it's on this board or another Jacan board (Dancehallreggae.com or Jamaicans.com) - reading the words out loud will get you started. I think Jamaicans.com actually has a link that says some common words and phrases via Windows so you can hear the pronounciation.

Nooooo....don't send them to DHR, they be SLAUGHTERED!!!

well they can read as visitors - JUST DON'T POST ANYTHING!!

I have lurked there for a long time...it's a good site...but be careful posting

[*JG* 2]

Well, what about school? Is it taught in school?

Let me rephrase again............how many different ways have you seen Patois written? I mentioned some above. Are there more? You've got me curious now.

As far as credible, I'm not sure on that one. I do know I understand it so much better in the spoken form. Probably some learning defect in me that way.

As far as I know, it is NOT taught in school at all. What confuses me is there doesn't seem to be one certain way to spell things. That's why it's sometimes hard to read. Everyone spells it how they think it should be spelled. I gaurantee if I told Tony to write me a note in Patois, he wouldn't even know where to start. I think most Jamaican's know how to speak it, but not write/read it. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I would say that is true of Andre too. Some things I have copied from a book I was reading were not how he said he would spell them.

[Jengles 0]

Oh I forgot to add. I don't own my own home, we live in an apartment, that I've lived in for over 10yrs. With VERY VERY nosey neighbors !!!

HONEY!!! I would sign a new lease and request a different apartment WITHOUT his name on the lease. I would transfer service on all the utilities and let his crazy behind sit in his apartment alone. He wouldn't have to leave...I would. He won't have much use for the apartment when they come to put him out. LOL. LOL.

that is too funny, but it just might work

[*JG* 2]

I do get what Kelly is saying, though. He has rights too and once she entered into the marriage and permanent resident status, it's not so cut and dried as to how to get out of it.

I understand what Kelly is saying too. But how long is she going to be miserable?? She keeps saying the same thing over and over again. No one said it would be easy. Maybe I'm just tired of hearing about it.

Have you yourself ever been in an abusive relationship?

Actually yes I have. It took me awhile to get out of it instead of talking about it over and over again...I did something about it. She keeps giving the same reasons...what is being done? They are plenty of resources out there. Once again, I never said it would be easy.

Which is kind of my point...."it took me a while to get out of it". She's there too. She's just figuring her way and chooses to talk about it.

I've been there too and I can see why she is hesitant at times and treading lightly.

[jawi876 2]

I'm sorry to...but trust me, I'll be okay. I thank god EVERYday that I have my friends that I met with on VJ that support me and are there for me everyday....and you know who you guys are !!!!! If not, than I would have jumped off the nearest bridge long ago !!

Unfortunately, "I" don't have many options at this point.... I can't get a separation because he LIVES here. In Maryland you have to be legally separated for a yr before you can file for divorce. Hence, I can't MAKE him leave.

Number 2, in regards to a protection order, I haven't looked into the filing a separation 1st....but I do know that I have to show proof that he's been abusive, or whatever else.... we've been there done that, bought the T-shirt (2 1/2 months ag)....he CHANGED (for the better) for a month and now back to square one. I told him last night (in one of his rages) IF he were to even TRY to even get physical again, remember that "I" was REEEEEAL nice the 1st time !!!! and there are absolutely NO 2nd chances !!!

Also, since I've been supporting all of us financially from day one (although he's been working nonstop since July of LAST year) "I" don't have ANY extra money to pay for him to leave, nor do I feel "I" need to pay for him to leave. He throws that "you are responsible for me" in my face (his cousin tells him that) and I tell him.........um, ya betta watch what you say with that because "I" could soooo show proof that this was fraud, so you may want to think of something else !!!

He threatens ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL of the time that he is going to leave, but he needs money. I do NOT UNDERSTAND why he just won't go and stay with that good ole family in Philly !!! His brother knows everything and how he's been treating me, etc etc and I told him that he NEEDS to get out of here. Not quite sure they take me seriously.

I say to him all the time, wow you REALLY put up quite an act for being such a wonderful person BEFORE you got here.......seriously, have you ever really and truly thought about an acting career ?? He says, I wasn't acting.... yeah, okay !!!

He's immature, plain and simple..... he'll grow up someday, but "I" won't be around to see that happen. I said that "I" am training him to be a better person for the next one !!

I find it difficult to believe that you REALLY want to him leave.....why would you pick him up, drop him off anywhere? Or pick up the phone when he called from the wedding?

Or speak to his relatives?

If you think there's a chance, then you need to work on that, if there is NO chance and you REALLY want to get rid of him, it's easy enough.

Don't speak to him, don't cook for him, don't answer the phone to him, don't go anywhere with him....While it's not my business, from I've seen, you SAY you want him out, but put up with him being there.

That's why I asked the questions earlier. I know me...and I am crazy too. He would come home to an empty refrigerator and cabinets. I would eat before I got home. I would not carry cash or anything that he could get his hands on my money. I would pull the distributor cap out of the car at night when I parked and hide it.

I would make his life pure hell in my home too. He would wake up to a wet a** because I would pee the bed every night he decided to climb in next to me. I would let him "view" that time of the month still floating in the toilet. I would be a nasty FILTHY HOHO to get him to leave.

Ah joke mi mek...but yuhseemi same wey. LOL LOL

[rhondapayter 0]

You can't go into these relationships (JA/USA) thinking you are his savior and he should be happy that you rescued him from his life of squalor and filth. Third World country does not mean low class man. I hear alot of women and men equate more money to being better. Sad way to look at things.

So true. Not all Jamaicans WANT to come a farrin. Some are perfectly happy with their lives. This is a big misconception too. Tony originally did not want to move here. We talked about me moving there, but decided the job opportunities are better here for right now. Your marriage is not going to work if you feel as if you rescued him or saved him or gave him this great opportunity He came here so you could be TOGETHER. Thats it.

[Shemmy 4]

That's why I asked the questions earlier. I know me...and I am crazy too. He would come home to an empty refrigerator and cabinets. I would eat before I got home. I would not carry cash or anything that he could get his hands on my money. I would pull the distributor cap out of the car at night when I parked and hide it.

I would make his life pure hell in my home too. He would wake up to a wet a** because I would pee the bed every night he decided to climb in next to me. I would let him "view" that time of the month still floating in the toilet. I would be a nasty FILTHY HOHO to get him to leave.

Ah joke mi mek...but yuhseemi same wey. LOL LOL

You are wild

[jawi876 2]

That's why I asked the questions earlier. I know me...and I am crazy too. He would come home to an empty refrigerator and cabinets. I would eat before I got home. I would not carry cash or anything that he could get his hands on my money. I would pull the distributor cap out of the car at night when I parked and hide it.

I would make his life pure hell in my home too. He would wake up to a wet a** because I would pee the bed every night he decided to climb in next to me. I would let him "view" that time of the month still floating in the toilet. I would be a nasty FILTHY HOHO to get him to leave.

Ah joke mi mek...but yuhseemi same wey. LOL LOL

You are wild

Deseparate times call for deseparate measures! wwwwwwwaaaaaaaiiiiiiieeeeee mi nuh heasy atall.

[rhondapayter 0]

.........but, I've always felt like I would see my husband as a possession if I said I could/would send him back. We have always looked at each other together as a married partnership. I have no rights to even think I could just ship him off and be done with any problems. And, he looks as that sentiment as him running away from any problems. That one sentence that bugs me so many times has been/is never spoken in our house.

It should never be said. You're right. I used it in the past to hurt him during an argument or fight.

We have talked though and he agreed that if something were to happen and we split up, he'd probably move back to JA anyhow. That's where his family and friends are - it's still his "home". I wouldn't blame him at all. I'd do the same if the situation were reversed.