Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[doodle 0]

Jamie and others. From experience, we moved from Massachusettes to the Raleigh/Durham area and we are very glad we did. Yeah, you don't make as much money as up north, but we were able to buy a home in a nice neighborhood, the weather is great and we haven't had any difficulties with racial tension. Some of the people I work with will say things sometimes, not about me, but about blacks. I just ignore it. I'm not here to fight their battles. I just go about my business. I have my life. My husband is safe, I am safe, we go places, out and everyhting and we are safe. Life is good. Send me a message if you want to know more. We've been here for 8 months now and the area is booming. Lots of growth in development, job growth, everything. We are the opposite of the rest of the country.

[*JG* 2]

Does anyone know of or have any experience living in Nashville, TN? Just wondering if the stereotypes of "The South" are true...and what the racial atmosphere is like. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

I visited and loved it. But, I wasn't particularly sensitive to the stereotypes you are speaking of, at the time.

There were many African Americans that I saw. I have to admit, too, I have heard horror stories.

There is a girl on here TracyTN or something like that. You might ask her as I am assuming she lives in TN.

[jawi876 2]

Hi everyone. I guess I made it through. I'm still very groggy, and still experiencing some pain.

I was so saddened by what happened to Nicky and Lily, and the resulting "discussions" here. Both women are hurting and coping with their "life changing" ordeal in their own way. Each person goes through the grieving process at their own speed and in no particular order. It doesn't make one person right or wrong. Nor does it make Lily smarter or Nicky crazy. Nicky is probably in between the stages of bargaining and denial. Lilly is closer to anger and acceptance. Each of them will probably make several trips through the grieving process before they truly move on, this is human and totally normal. I pray God's favor and mercy on you both during this transition.

If any advice needs to be given, it should be that there is no way to know a man well enough to marry or plan a future together in a month or two months. Even a year or two may not be enough time. If the relationship is all rays of sunlight and welcoming arms from his entire family and all his friends, I would be wary. There is no WAY possible two people with different cultural views, upbringing, etc will know each other well enough to make a decision of forever. Both people are putting their best foot forward in the early stages, and this is much easier to accomplish in LDRs. Phone calls very rarely touch on the bad things because the time is so precious and short. I have heard people saying that you should stay at his home, meet his mom and get to see him in his natural enviroment. I agree that those are important, but by no means do that mean he is being forthright in his interactions with you. You need to see how he handles traumatic events. How he reacts in anger and sorrow. You need to see how he manages whatever money he has. You should listen to his views on politics, on America on the world in general. In other words get to know him as a person, not the man you love.

I personally run a mile from a man in Jamaica pursuing me, he can be Beenie Man himself and I would loose all interest. I do NOT want to meet your mother three days after I meet you. I do not want to hear that you love me at the end of my week long vacation, and I just met you on that trip. I don't believe that he was alone and waiting for his soul mate until he met me. Why are you alone? Why are you not currently in a relationship? What did you notice in me that made me the one? I asked a man that was in heavy pursuit of me what made me special. He answered about my looks, that my vibes were nice, that I smelled sweet like a rose. When I told him thank you, but go deeper than the superficial aspects of me, he was at a lost for words. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I had AIDS after I let him have sex with me. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I stabbed my last boyfriend, or I like to pick pocket people. He was speechless. I said now tell me again what makes me so appealing? He chuckled uneasily and told me that I was deep. Trust me, you can be the most beautiful woman on the face of this Earth, but in those early stages you are only special because of the opportunity you represent. It doesn't have to be an opportunity of a greencard or financial gain. But, we all represent an opportunity in the beginning stages of any relationship even outside of an LDR.

I approached A after watching his interactions with people in Jamaica, and mainly tourists in Jamaica. A stayed to himself ALL the time, and he was aloof an totally disinterested in tourist women. Jonesie and I thought he was rude and mean at first. But, realized that he had the mentality of a Jamaican woman...he didn't beg a friend. In other words, he didn't pursue friendships loosely. He still does not have an interest in being friends with everyone. He is very particular about who he calls a friend. He did not know that I had interest in him at all until about a year in a half of us talking occasionally. When I started conversing with him, it was on a purely platonic level (at least he thought so ). It gave us time to get to know the other without the complications of lust and sex. We could be frank and honest with each other because we weren't auditioning for the leading role in the other's life. A and I are having difficulties right now because he is a loner, he is grieving for his daughter's heart condition, and trying to solve it on his own. He is still not comfortable leaning on someone else, including me, and he is pushing me away. I'm sure it's not on purpose, but it hurts nonetheless. He doesn't want me to take on his burdens, he is a man, and he has to take of this as a man (his words).

One "opportunist" I talked to on a regular basis told me that he will take women to his home and he introduces the woman he rents a room from as his mother or aunt depending on the situation. He told me that he regularly tells the women that he has no desire to come to the States, that he loves Jamaica. He also said that he knows that women are afraid of being used, so he doesn't ask for money or gifts. He said if he can talk enough good game, the gifts and money usually come with little to no persuasion on his part. Trust me, most of the things we consider as red flags, they know that we consider them red flags, and they know how to circumvent them.

Be careful ladies. Love with your entire heart, but keep your eyes and ears open and your mind sharp. Don't be afraid to stop the process just because you have invested time and money. Don't be afraid to make him explain himself until you are satisfied with his answers. Don't be afraid to trust and love. Time will reveal all things. Trust me time is definitely your friend in these relationships.

I will continue my fictional story soon to all my waiting "fans". LOVE YOU ALL!

[Jonesie 1]

Does anyone know of or have any experience living in Nashville, TN? Just wondering if the stereotypes of "The South" are true...and what the racial atmosphere is like. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Like Kelly, I only visited (also spent some time in Memphis). I liked it, and did not experience any outright racial issues, but could not see myself living there. But that's just me.

I like North Carolina, though, and would move to the Charlotte area or Raliegh if I could.

Congrats!! First me, then Jonesie, then Jax, then Nanny, and now YOU Who's next? I nominate Mindy

RHONDA -- I'm gonna come up there and kick your A#@

Bring it on!!!

I got you covered Mindy, I nominate myself - I AM NEXT! - since nothing else seems to be working. I will rub the RhondaJonesieJaxNanny mojo on my belly!

Mooma Squitto preggers too - add her to that mojo list

**Baby dust**

Lawdamercy! But she did a pop BC pills like skittles." Ah wah kina madness ah gwan??? What unuh put in a unuh wata???

Mi naah inna dem tings my girl but a breed she a breed too

[Yaads 0]

Thanks for all the replies. I got back in touch recently with a HS friend who has since moved to TN. She actually went with me on my first missionary trip to JA. Anyways we have been emailing back and forth and she mentioned us coming out to Nashville for a visit...which got me thinking about the whole racial thing and the south. Where we live (PNW) we haven't had to deal with ANYTHING racial...nothing. Andre says he dealt with more racial stuff in JA than here...which suprised me. So thanks for all the info...I have heard so many horror stories about the south but didn't know if it was exaggerated or still the case today.

Darah~ Thanks for the info. I have heard great things about NC. Glad you like it there.

[*JG* 2]

Thanks for all the replies. I got back in touch recently with a HS friend who has since moved to TN. She actually went with me on my first missionary trip to JA. Anyways we have been emailing back and forth and she mentioned us coming out to Nashville for a visit...which got me thinking about the whole racial thing and the south. Where we live (PNW) we haven't had to deal with ANYTHING racial...nothing. Andre says he dealt with more racial stuff in JA than here...which suprised me. So thanks for all the info...I have heard so many horror stories about the south but didn't know if it was exaggerated or still the case today.

Darah~ Thanks for the info. I have heard great things about NC. Glad you like it there.

That's kind of ironic cause my Andre said he dealt with more issues in JA then here too.

[*JG* 2]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

[Yaads 0]

Thanks for all the replies. I got back in touch recently with a HS friend who has since moved to TN. She actually went with me on my first missionary trip to JA. Anyways we have been emailing back and forth and she mentioned us coming out to Nashville for a visit...which got me thinking about the whole racial thing and the south. Where we live (PNW) we haven't had to deal with ANYTHING racial...nothing. Andre says he dealt with more racial stuff in JA than here...which suprised me. So thanks for all the info...I have heard so many horror stories about the south but didn't know if it was exaggerated or still the case today.

Darah~ Thanks for the info. I have heard great things about NC. Glad you like it there.

That's kind of ironic cause my Andre said he dealt with more issues in JA then here too.

That is interesting. Andre has said it more than once. I was really shocked by it at first but it makes sense. In JA in May Pen when we would go places we were always getting looks and comments and some rude people would confront him about being with a "browning". No one has ever bothered us here.

He also said there was a lot of tension in JA between the dark black and light black people and then of course with the "coolies". People were always bringing up race stuff in JA but he hasn't heard anything about it here except what he sees on the news.

Edited October 26, 2007 by Yardiewife

[nannygirl82 0]

Okay, I've been checking (for sh&ts & giggles) the uscis website, once a day ....and this morning there was...

Application Type: I485, APPLICATION TO REGISTER PERMANENT RESIDENCE OR TO ADJUST STATUS

Current Status: This case has been sent to another office for processing.

On October 25, 2007, we transferred this I485 APPLICATION TO REGISTER PERMANENT RESIDENCE OR TO ADJUST STATUS to our CALIFORNIA SERVICE CENTER location for processing and sent you a notice explaining this action. Please follow any instructions on this notice. You will be notified by mail when a decision is made, or if the office needs something from you. If you move while this case is pending, call customer service. We process cases in the order we receive them. You can use our processing dates to estimate when this case will be done. This case has been sent to our CALIFORNIA SERVICE CENTER location. Follow the link below to check processing dates. You can also receive automatic e-mail updates as we process your case. Just follow the link below to register.

Question though.... he's had his bio and hasn't received his EAD card. I would have thought that would have come before this ???

Bizarre but sooooooooooooooooooooooo happy no interview !!!! Now sit and sit and sit in California ....

good luck with that...we are still waiting......

[*JG* 2]

Thanks for all the replies. I got back in touch recently with a HS friend who has since moved to TN. She actually went with me on my first missionary trip to JA. Anyways we have been emailing back and forth and she mentioned us coming out to Nashville for a visit...which got me thinking about the whole racial thing and the south. Where we live (PNW) we haven't had to deal with ANYTHING racial...nothing. Andre says he dealt with more racial stuff in JA than here...which suprised me. So thanks for all the info...I have heard so many horror stories about the south but didn't know if it was exaggerated or still the case today.

Darah~ Thanks for the info. I have heard great things about NC. Glad you like it there.

That's kind of ironic cause my Andre said he dealt with more issues in JA then here too.

That is interesting. Andre has said it more than once. I was really shocked by it at first but it makes sense. In JA in May Pen when we would go places we were always getting looks and comments and some rude people would confront him about being with a "browning". No one has ever bothered us here.

He also said there was a lot of tension in JA between the dark black and light black people and then of course with the "coolies". People were always bringing up race stuff in JA but he hasn't heard anything about it here except what he sees on the news.

Yes, he's said all of that. His was Montego Bay. He also commented on how Jamaicans treat other Jamaians poorly in Jamaica. That, I find truly sad.

We have been through Miami, all over the St. Louis metro area, to Chicago, and Washington, D.C. No issues.

[Jonesie 1]

Hi everyone. I guess I made it through. I'm still very groggy, and still experiencing some pain.

Hey sis - glad you're ok

gonna call you in 15 min

[jawi876 2]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

Of course I'm not implying that my opinion or theories are true for everyone. I posted his story only to point out that meeting "family" is not nearly enough proof that he loves you. My point was that you shouldn't take everything he tells you as the absolute truth and gospel. Challenge him and force him to delve deeper in his professions of love.

Jomo from what you post here, you definitely keep your husband on his toes at all times. I like that you stay true to yourself first and foremost. I am the same way, in that, I have to stay true to myself first. If I can manage that, then I don't have any regrets. But, I refuse to deny my truth to help a man fool me just because I want to feel love.

The gigolos don't know how to deal with a woman that truly loves herself IMHO.

[*JG* 2]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

Of course I'm not implying that my opinion or theories are true for everyone. I posted his story only to point out that meeting "family" is not nearly enough proof that he loves you. My point was that you shouldn't take everything he tells you as the absolute truth and gospel. Challenge him and force him to delve deeper in his professions of love.

Jomo from what you post here, you definitely keep your husband on his toes at all times. I like that you stay true to yourself first and foremost. I am the same way, in that, I have to stay true to myself first. If I can manage that, then I don't have any regrets. But, I refuse to deny my truth to help a man fool me just because I want to feel love.

The gigolos don't know how to deal with a woman that truly loves herself IMHO.

Jawi....I was not arguing with you in any way shape or form. If I came across that way, at all, I am sorry.

You have no idea how many people have told me I'm not easy. I know it. And, like I always say, I am what I am...and one thing I am is a person who respects herself. I do keep my husband on his toes. He's used to it and he actually respects that he can't walk all over me. While he's calmer then me, he's just as pig-headed. We make a good match.

I just told Mindy that one of my main things is I do not accept cheating. If I found out my husband was cheating on me or HAD EVER cheated on me in the past, no matter where we were in our relationship, he would be gone. There are too many men out there and too many communicable diseases.....and I respect myself. It's my one non-negotiable point. Everything else you can work through.

[12/11/2006 0]

Jawi....you just made me chuckle a little. I wonder if my husband would be smart enough to hire two ladies to pretend to be his crazy mother and sister and 9 little kids to run around the yard, just to fool me. Knowing them, I know the devil spawned all of them. Otherwise, it would've been a good trick.

Not knocking you.......Good points, though. And, I agree with most.

When I met my husband, I was involved with someone else. I got to know him in a friendly manner and I, too, watched how he interacted with others. We were platonic for a very long time. And, when I was in the process of deciding to break up with my BF, I told him I didn't know if I would or could. It was never about him. One of the first things I told him was that I would not have any more children either. I gave him some tough words from the start. He handled them like a trooper.

The thing is there are no clear cut "red flags" to look for. If it all came with some sort of set rule-book, this LDR life would be so much easier. But, there are things that happen, that if they make you pause, need to be heeded. Sometimes they slap you so hard in the face, you have to pay attention.

Of course I'm not implying that my opinion or theories are true for everyone. I posted his story only to point out that meeting "family" is not nearly enough proof that he loves you. My point was that you shouldn't take everything he tells you as the absolute truth and gospel. Challenge him and force him to delve deeper in his professions of love.

Jomo from what you post here, you definitely keep your husband on his toes at all times. I like that you stay true to yourself first and foremost. I am the same way, in that, I have to stay true to myself first. If I can manage that, then I don't have any regrets. But, I refuse to deny my truth to help a man fool me just because I want to feel love.

The gigolos don't know how to deal with a woman that truly loves herself IMHO.

Jawi....I was not arguing with you in any way shape or form. If I came across that way, at all, I am sorry.

You have no idea how many people have told me I'm not easy. I know it. And, like I always say, I am what I am...and one thing I am is a person who respects herself. I do keep my husband on his toes. He's used to it and he actually respects that he can't walk all over me. While he's calmer then me, he's just as pig-headed. We make a good match.

I just told Mindy that one of my main things is I do not accept cheating. If I found out my husband was cheating on me or HAD EVER cheated on me in the past, no matter where we were in our relationship, he would be gone. There are too many men out there and too many communicable diseases.....and I respect myself. It's my one non-negotiable point. Everything else you can work through.

Absolutely!!! That to is my breaking point. I cannot and will not tolerate it in no way shape form or fashion. Its just not acceptable because I know I won't do it to him and for sure don't want him to do it to me. My SO is really good looking but sh"t so am I. As quickly as he could get someone else so could I and that is something he is reminded of regularly (not over the top with it though). LOL!

[luvtravlin 0]

Okay, I've been checking (for sh&ts & giggles) the uscis website, once a day ....and this morning there was...

Application Type: I485, APPLICATION TO REGISTER PERMANENT RESIDENCE OR TO ADJUST STATUS

Current Status: This case has been sent to another office for processing.

On October 25, 2007, we transferred this I485 APPLICATION TO REGISTER PERMANENT RESIDENCE OR TO ADJUST STATUS to our CALIFORNIA SERVICE CENTER location for processing and sent you a notice explaining this action. Please follow any instructions on this notice. You will be notified by mail when a decision is made, or if the office needs something from you. If you move while this case is pending, call customer service. We process cases in the order we receive them. You can use our processing dates to estimate when this case will be done. This case has been sent to our CALIFORNIA SERVICE CENTER location. Follow the link below to check processing dates. You can also receive automatic e-mail updates as we process your case. Just follow the link below to register.

Question though.... he's had his bio and hasn't received his EAD card. I would have thought that would have come before this ???

Bizarre but sooooooooooooooooooooooo happy no interview !!!! Now sit and sit and sit in California ....

good luck with that...we are still waiting......

yeah, yeah....i know....