Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[Jonesie 1]

Agreed - very well said. It just bothers me that in situation like this people tend to blame one of the women involved, when they are both victims. I was hoping it wouldn't get ugly in this thread but looks like the war is already starting...

I also agree...they are both victims. We need to stop turning on each other and the victims. I also hope we can have this discussion without it turning into a war...the last thing the yardie thread needs is another all out war.

Who is blaming the women involved? (And I did not say that in a yelling manner at all). I must've just missed it.

Some jumped on Lilly for her words. Words, I think she deserves to express. And she is not jumping on Nicky. She is pretty much publically pleading with Nicky to stop, think, and listen. That's all. Something, I again agree with.

By blaming I mean not being encouraged to post here - I could see if Lilly knew of the relationship and was out to purposely sabotage them (ex: stalking Nicky) but she's posting from her side of this triangle, and getting some heat for doing so. She's not telling any of Nicky's business but posting about the hurt she's experiencing from this ordeal and she has all right to do so because up until recently he was her "man". We don't all have to hold hands and sing kumbaya (sp) but women need to learn to unite and support one another, especially in trying situations like LDRs.

JG ~ I was just saying we need to be supportive of all involved and not be tearing each other down and arguing...just show some care and compassion (not speaking directly to you but to everyone in general). I agree...Lilly and all can express their feelings/words. Just please do so all in a nice manner so this discussion can stay civil and constructive.

[jamerican 2]

I think the situation is being address by some of the members "harshly" not b/c they don't want to hear the negatives about relationships but rather the manner it was said. Everyone needs to deal with their own personal issues unless they want to share it. Lilly can say whatever she wants it's her right and she was a victim in this situation, but did she have to call out Nikky the way she did? does Nikky know she was going to mention her name when she posted ? I am not blaming any of these women but the NASTY boy cause he's no man that has been playing with their emotions and future. If this were me I would not feel the need to involve Nikky in my comments unless I wanted to pour salt on the wound..IN MY OPINION ! Who's place is it to try and convince Nikky to get out of the relationship ? She's gonna do what she wants and by the grace of God she will do what is right for her. God doesn't like ugly and he (the boy) will get what is coming to him

Well, I think if I were involved, I would see it as my place to convince her otherwise. He's lying and she's listening. If he were saying, I made a mistake and I'm sorry, can we get past this, I would be more inclined not to take a stand with Nicky. But, for him to say, Lilly is lying.......well, I would argue my point to her too. Then, if she chose not to listen, then, at least my conscience would be clear.

Lets get one thing straight. YOU nor anyone else can "CONVINCE" another grown azz person to do ANYTHING. All we can do is provide info and let the person make their own decisions. I think we are all taking this a bit too personal if our "conscience" is involved over people we hardly know. Yes, we have formed an friendship...some stronger than others but some are just a common thread that links us all together. Lets not start beleiving that we are all best buddies with life long friendships. Even in those cases I would never try and force my opinion upon someone else to make them do what I BELIEVE is right.

Another thing....what makes me more angry than anything that is said is when people voice thier opinion about any topic we have and if it differs from the "NORM" then we are automatically labled as a WAR. #######??? That just is like a slap in the face because isn't that what we are here for? I haven't seen anyone attack another person on here. This is a very sensitive issue and we all have some sort of emotional tie to it either because it has happened before or we hope it won't happen SO that being said....it will become heated but that doesn't mean we are at WAR. That goes back to the old stereotype that anytime a woman of color has an opinion we are viewed as aggressive or angry. THAT IS BULLSH##. If you are that sensitive to peoples views on issues than maybe this isn't the right venue for you. (I mean YOU as anyone who the shoe fits)

[lillywight 0]

I think the situation is being address by some of the members "harshly" not b/c they don't want to hear the negatives about relationships but rather the manner it was said. Everyone needs to deal with their own personal issues unless they want to share it. Lilly can say whatever she wants it's her right and she was a victim in this situation, but did she have to call out Nikky the way she did? does Nikky know she was going to mention her name when she posted ? I am not blaming any of these women but the NASTY boy cause he's no man that has been playing with their emotions and future. If this were me I would not feel the need to involve Nikky in my comments unless I wanted to pour salt on the wound..IN MY OPINION ! Who's place is it to try and convince Nikky to get out of the relationship ? She's gonna do what she wants and by the grace of God she will do what is right for her. God doesn't like ugly and he (the boy) will get what is coming to him

I agree. I wonder if Nikky knows her business is out there....

I see what you are saying. Should she have called out Nicky? Probably not but I don't think it was done maliciously...more of a cry for help from those who know Nicky to help her through this time. She could have got her point across without naming names...but I don't think it was to hurt Nicky in anyway or "pour salt on the wound". Just my take on the situation.

Please. This was not a "pour salt on the wound" thing against Nicky. I spoke with her several times and Corey has her so messed up she doesn't know which end is up. Would you? She wants to believe him. She loves him. I know he's lying and I have proof of it. He's STILL lying!!!!

My intention was to obtain support for Nicky . . . guidance . . . a presence for her so that she could make the decisions she needs to make -- and that she would know that all of you would be there for her. Cripes! I'll even be there for her is she does actually decide to marry him. I will always be willing to talk to her and help her through her trials and tribulations with him. Not because I care about him . . . but because I care about WOMEN . . . and I feel that we should have a sisterhood of love, respect, and caring.

I'm leaving work to go home and get my thoughts and emotions in check. I need to get my head right. Peace and blessings . . .

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

What you are not understanding is that Nicky is still torn. The fact that the visa is almost through and that she's paid for the wedding and sent out invitations is making her lean towards forgiving him much too easily. This is Lilly's way of trying to get it through her head what he's truly done.

Money and pride should not be the leading factors in thinking this through.

It's a last ditch effort. If I were in Lilly's shoes, I would do the exact same thing........whatever I could to get this person to really think it through. I could not live with myself if I just let it fade away without trying.

Again, this man is now going to be FIGHTING for his chance at a visa. He will be doing and saying EVERYTHING to make her believe that Lily is lying, she's just jealous, wants to break you up etc etc...

However, I believe, in her heart of hearts, Nicky knows it isn't a lie.

[Jonesie 1]

Another thing....what makes me more angry than anything that is said is when people voice thier opinion about any topic we have and if it differs from the "NORM" then we are automatically labled as a WAR. #######??? That just is like a slap in the face because isn't that what we are here for? I haven't seen anyone attack another person on here. This is a very sensitive issue and we all have some sort of emotional tie to it either because it has happened before or we hope it won't happen SO that being said....it will become heated but that doesn't mean we are at WAR. That goes back to the old stereotype that anytime a woman of color has an opinion we are viewed as aggressive or angry. THAT IS BULLSH##. If you are that sensitive to peoples views on issues than maybe this isn't the right venue for you. (I mean YOU as anyone who the shoe fits)

There have been attacks here in the past - not sure if you were a member at that time. Those of us that mention a war were here to witness them and we hope that this posting does not turn into one.

[Yaads 0]

Another thing....what makes me more angry than anything that is said is when people voice thier opinion about any topic we have and if it differs from the "NORM" then we are automatically labled as a WAR. #######??? That just is like a slap in the face because isn't that what we are here for? I haven't seen anyone attack another person on here. This is a very sensitive issue and we all have some sort of emotional tie to it either because it has happened before or we hope it won't happen SO that being said....it will become heated but that doesn't mean we are at WAR. That goes back to the old stereotype that anytime a woman of color has an opinion we are viewed as aggressive or angry. THAT IS BULLSH##. If you are that sensitive to peoples views on issues than maybe this isn't the right venue for you. (I mean YOU as anyone who the shoe fits)

There have been attacks here in the past - not sure if you were a member at that time. Those of us that mention a war were here to witness them and we hope that this posting does not turn into one.

Exactly...no one called this discussion a war. It was just a reminder to keep things civil and attack free as there have been all out wars in the past. It was merely a plea for this discussion to continue to stay on a good track. Sensitive issues with raw emotions and feelings and a difference of opinions are how they usually start...we just don't want to see that happen here today.

[brownnskinn 0]

Lets get one thing straight. YOU nor anyone else can "CONVINCE" another grown azz person to do ANYTHING. All we can do is provide info and let the person make their own decisions. I think we are all taking this a bit too personal if our "conscience" is involved over people we hardly know. Yes, we have formed an friendship...some stronger than others but some are just a common thread that links us all together. Lets not start beleiving that we are all best buddies with life long friendships. Even in those cases I would never try and force my opinion upon someone else to make them do what I BELIEVE is right.

True. I don't think one can be "CONVINCED" of anything. Nikki has already made her descision....that's my opinion and my experience. BUT is sure helps to have support in what ever descision she makes.

[waynegeraldine 0]

What you are not understanding is that Nicky is still torn. The fact that the visa is almost through and that she's paid for the wedding and sent out invitations is making her lean towards forgiving him much too easily. This is Lilly's way of trying to get it through her head what he's truly done.

Money and pride should not be the leading factors in thinking this through.

It's a last ditch effort. If I were in Lilly's shoes, I would do the exact same thing........whatever I could to get this person to really think it through. I could not live with myself if I just let it fade away without trying.

Again, this man is now going to be FIGHTING for his chance at a visa. He will be doing and saying EVERYTHING to make her believe that Lily is lying, she's just jealous, wants to break you up etc etc...

However, I believe, in her heart of hearts, Nicky knows it isn't a lie.

If I screwed up like this and I have screwed up to the extent that after ten years of separation, I still would run and hide if my ex-wife found out what I did.

I would just come clean and say, look I messed up and if I genuinely want to be with the woman I beg forgiveness, if not I let her know the truth and move on. I wonder if this man has that in him, I hope he does. Just be honest, that can go a long way. I really feel bad for these two women, especially Nicky, you did nothing to be ashamed Nicky, I wish you all the best with your decision.

I hope this dude gets his act together. People are not there to be used by anyone.

[brownnskinn 0]

I'm leaving work to go home and get my thoughts and emotions in check. I need to get my head right. Peace and blessings . . .

Well I wish you the best....and this is just my opinion but ..I think you should give her time to think....to allow her be in her quiet place so she can make the best descision for her or to find comfort in what ever descision she HAS made. You seem to be the stronger woman in the situation. If you are done be done and let it go, Karma is A MTFER!! and he will get what is coming to him.

[Shemmy 4]

It's not like these women knew each other from a whole in the wall...Why do I need to proove anything to Nikky..all I would say is "ur man is cheating with me, just to let u know" and move on...Lilly can cut her ties has she stated she has done and move on from..no more convincing needed...

That's just my 2cents and I AM NOT SIDING W/ANY OF THE LADIES !!!

For real.

[Yaads 0]

I'm leaving work to go home and get my thoughts and emotions in check. I need to get my head right. Peace and blessings . . .

Well I wish you the best....and this is just my opinion but ..I think you should give her time to think....to allow her be in her quiet place so she can make the best descision for her or to find comfort in what ever descision she HAS made. You seem to be the stronger woman in the situation. If you are done be done and let it go, Karma is A MTFER!! and he will get what is coming to him.

Very good advice

Wish I could help him get a bit of what is coming to him...we all gotta help karma sometimes

[brownnskinn 0]

Wish I could help him get a bit of what is coming to him...we all gotta help karma sometimes

Youra mess

[jamerican 2]

OK now....

Can we get a Thursday Chuckle today??? I think we all need a little something to lighten the mood. In no way is it sweeping it under the rug BUT.... I think this issue/situation has beed tackled from all angles and now it is time to let the parties involved deal with their pain. I have no doubt that they are both aware that EVERYONE on this board is there for support and if need be .... can be addressed again one on one.... but...we have many people who are at different stages of journey's and would like to get back to status's or questions about other issues. If I am wrong please forgive my assumptions but I am ready to move on to another topic.

[Forever Young 1]

OK now....

Can we get a Thursday Chuckle today??? I think we all need a little something to lighten the mood. In no way is it sweeping it under the rug BUT.... I think this issue/situation has beed tackled from all angles and now it is time to let the parties involved deal with their pain. I have no doubt that they are both aware that EVERYONE on this board is there for support and if need be .... can be addressed again one on one.... but...we have many people who are at different stages of journey's and would like to get back to status's or questions about other issues. If I am wrong please forgive my assumptions but I am ready to move on to another topic.

Yes Ma'am ...right away!!!

Be right back!

,

Gill

[Jonesie 1]

Kimmy I hear you - I'm not siding either

Good luck to both ladies