Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[MSNELLY 0]

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also.

Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

I know one of the "issues" my friend had when they had their baby was that he wanted to pierce her ears immediately after baby was born and she was totally against the idea. I guess it's very typical for little babies to get ears pierced in JA right away. Well, it was a big argument and they didn't do it. Now the baby is over 2 yrs. old and she wishes she would have gotten them done when she was a baby! Now she's at the age where she'll play with them or pull them out etc..

What do you ladies think? Since I'm having a girl, I'm sure this is going to come up soon in my house!

I GOT MY DAUGHTER DONE WHEN SHE WAS 1 MONTH, I THINK THE YOUNGER THEY ARE THE BETTER.

[*JG* 2]

I saw a question that I thought would be a good one to ask here in this particular forum.

How would you feel about your SO viewing a gay porn website?

My Jamaican man balks at anything that involves the word "gay". It would never be an issue in our house.

[Jonesie 1]

Hello everyone!

First off...Marie I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle

Hope all my Yardie family is doing well

So as for the recent topic...

Andre was 27 when he got here and is 29 now. He has changed a lot since he first got here...I am sure I changed a lot as well. I think the biggest thing was going from a "vacation/no worries attitude" to a "real life/work/responsibility attitude". Andre has a hard time realizing that what people have didn't happen overnight and it won't happen overnight for him. I don't know how many times I have had to explain that they have ______ fill in the blank because they have worked hard for YEARS to obtain that and it is crazy to expect to have the same things in only a matter of months.

We also had a hard time with what I call the "kid in a candy shop" syndrome. There was just so many "new" things here to do and with the money he was making he liked to go out and buy tons of stuff and spend it on "wants" instead of "needs". He got caught up with the wrong crowd and reverted back to the "bachelor" life forgetting he was now a married man.

The adjustment for us has been brutal. It is still something we deal with almost daily 25 months later. I think each person adjust differently and each person will go through struggles...some more severe than others. All in all it takes a boatload of patience and understanding and sometimes some good couples therapy if you can get them there

Just my $0.02

This is a great post.

Seems the common thread is all of them is if the man gets caught up in the wrong crowd. I seem to see that over and over again. How do you ensure your SO doesn't get caught up in the wrong crowd? And, how do you tell them that even if they do, they are grown men and have to take responsibility for their actions?

How I see it, there is not way you can ensure your man/woman doesn't get caught up with the wrong people. You can voice your opinion and let him/her know how you feel but it's up to them to decide if they are going to re-evaluate the acquaintance or just ignore you and keep on.

I tell it straight, whether he likes it or not. And if your spouse chooses not to listen then they will feel the brunt of that action one way or another.

[Sonshyne 2]

the problem i forsee with mr jengles is how much money he wants to send down to JA, my man said he wanted to send down $150.00 a week, so i calmly informed how much daycare will cost for our little bundle of joy, and stated that we need a bigger house. After that he did wig out a little bit wondering if he could get a job that would pay him enough so that he could meet his "personal responsibilities" as he put it. So that is where I said this is why u are getting your GED and will go to school for your CDL. The only thing he's asked for since he's been here is a pair of sneakers and I told him I don't buy footwear for men and kept it moving.

Yah, that is a problem. The money home thing. Good luck with that. Gets especially hard when they start putting more pressure on him.

The shoes things cracks me up. Been there on that one.

I've been noticing that his mother is calling him a lot, she has three other working sons right there with her, so why not call them and I won't get into dealing with his children's grandmother about how one of the daughters didn't get any clothes.

She's calling him cause he is the rich one now that he lives in America. Did you know the trees in the back yard sprout money? (Sigh) me either.

Those calls will get on your nerves so bad you will want to mash up the phone.

My husbands mother called the other day to check and see how we were doing and to let us know that she added a room onto her house.... She then started telling him that she needed money and that she needed help to buy a door for the room she added on to her house.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also.

Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

I know one of the "issues" my friend had when they had their baby was that he wanted to pierce her ears immediately after baby was born and she was totally against the idea. I guess it's very typical for little babies to get ears pierced in JA right away. Well, it was a big argument and they didn't do it. Now the baby is over 2 yrs. old and she wishes she would have gotten them done when she was a baby! Now she's at the age where she'll play with them or pull them out etc..

What do you ladies think? Since I'm having a girl, I'm sure this is going to come up soon in my house!

I GOT MY DAUGHTER DONE WHEN SHE WAS 1 MONTH, I THINK THE YOUNGER THEY ARE THE BETTER.

I agree.

[*JG* 2]

Hello everyone!

First off...Marie I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle

Hope all my Yardie family is doing well

So as for the recent topic...

Andre was 27 when he got here and is 29 now. He has changed a lot since he first got here...I am sure I changed a lot as well. I think the biggest thing was going from a "vacation/no worries attitude" to a "real life/work/responsibility attitude". Andre has a hard time realizing that what people have didn't happen overnight and it won't happen overnight for him. I don't know how many times I have had to explain that they have ______ fill in the blank because they have worked hard for YEARS to obtain that and it is crazy to expect to have the same things in only a matter of months.

We also had a hard time with what I call the "kid in a candy shop" syndrome. There was just so many "new" things here to do and with the money he was making he liked to go out and buy tons of stuff and spend it on "wants" instead of "needs". He got caught up with the wrong crowd and reverted back to the "bachelor" life forgetting he was now a married man.

The adjustment for us has been brutal. It is still something we deal with almost daily 25 months later. I think each person adjust differently and each person will go through struggles...some more severe than others. All in all it takes a boatload of patience and understanding and sometimes some good couples therapy if you can get them there

Just my $0.02

This is a great post.

Seems the common thread is all of them is if the man gets caught up in the wrong crowd. I seem to see that over and over again. How do you ensure your SO doesn't get caught up in the wrong crowd? And, how do you tell them that even if they do, they are grown men and have to take responsibility for their actions?

How I see it, there is not way you can ensure your man/woman doesn't get caught up with the wrong people. You can voice your opinion and let him/her know how you feel but it's up to them to decide if they are going to re-evaluate the acquaintance or just ignore you and keep on.

I tell it straight, whether he likes it or not. And if your spouse chooses not to listen then they will feel the brunt of that action one way or another.

I honestly do not have this problem. But, I think it is an important issue to discuss on here. I hear a lot of stories that involve the SO having negative outside influences that effect the home life.

Anyone else?

[*JG* 2]

the problem i forsee with mr jengles is how much money he wants to send down to JA, my man said he wanted to send down $150.00 a week, so i calmly informed how much daycare will cost for our little bundle of joy, and stated that we need a bigger house. After that he did wig out a little bit wondering if he could get a job that would pay him enough so that he could meet his "personal responsibilities" as he put it. So that is where I said this is why u are getting your GED and will go to school for your CDL. The only thing he's asked for since he's been here is a pair of sneakers and I told him I don't buy footwear for men and kept it moving.

Yah, that is a problem. The money home thing. Good luck with that. Gets especially hard when they start putting more pressure on him.

The shoes things cracks me up. Been there on that one.

I've been noticing that his mother is calling him a lot, she has three other working sons right there with her, so why not call them and I won't get into dealing with his children's grandmother about how one of the daughters didn't get any clothes.

She's calling him cause he is the rich one now that he lives in America. Did you know the trees in the back yard sprout money? (Sigh) me either.

Those calls will get on your nerves so bad you will want to mash up the phone.

My husbands mother called the other day to check and see how we were doing and to let us know that she added a room onto her house.... She then started telling him that she needed money and that she needed help to buy a door for the room she added on to her house.

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also.

Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

I know one of the "issues" my friend had when they had their baby was that he wanted to pierce her ears immediately after baby was born and she was totally against the idea. I guess it's very typical for little babies to get ears pierced in JA right away. Well, it was a big argument and they didn't do it. Now the baby is over 2 yrs. old and she wishes she would have gotten them done when she was a baby! Now she's at the age where she'll play with them or pull them out etc..

What do you ladies think? Since I'm having a girl, I'm sure this is going to come up soon in my house!

I GOT MY DAUGHTER DONE WHEN SHE WAS 1 MONTH, I THINK THE YOUNGER THEY ARE THE BETTER.

I agree.

I have found the stories get longer and more outrageous as time goes on. Sometimes, even if I am furious with her, I ask to hear the story cause if nothing else the excuse itself makes me crack up.

[Jonesie 1]

I saw a question that I thought would be a good one to ask here in this particular forum.

How would you feel about your SO viewing a gay porn website?

His bags would be packed and we'd be filing for divorce. I don't buy that "curious" "I was just looking" "this is nothing" excuse...to me that is a big sign and he'd be out the door.

Hello everyone!

First off...Marie I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle

Hope all my Yardie family is doing well

So as for the recent topic...

Andre was 27 when he got here and is 29 now. He has changed a lot since he first got here...I am sure I changed a lot as well. I think the biggest thing was going from a "vacation/no worries attitude" to a "real life/work/responsibility attitude". Andre has a hard time realizing that what people have didn't happen overnight and it won't happen overnight for him. I don't know how many times I have had to explain that they have ______ fill in the blank because they have worked hard for YEARS to obtain that and it is crazy to expect to have the same things in only a matter of months.

We also had a hard time with what I call the "kid in a candy shop" syndrome. There was just so many "new" things here to do and with the money he was making he liked to go out and buy tons of stuff and spend it on "wants" instead of "needs". He got caught up with the wrong crowd and reverted back to the "bachelor" life forgetting he was now a married man.

The adjustment for us has been brutal. It is still something we deal with almost daily 25 months later. I think each person adjust differently and each person will go through struggles...some more severe than others. All in all it takes a boatload of patience and understanding and sometimes some good couples therapy if you can get them there

Just my $0.02

This is a great post.

Seems the common thread is all of them is if the man gets caught up in the wrong crowd. I seem to see that over and over again. How do you ensure your SO doesn't get caught up in the wrong crowd? And, how do you tell them that even if they do, they are grown men and have to take responsibility for their actions?

How I see it, there is not way you can ensure your man/woman doesn't get caught up with the wrong people. You can voice your opinion and let him/her know how you feel but it's up to them to decide if they are going to re-evaluate the acquaintance or just ignore you and keep on.

I tell it straight, whether he likes it or not. And if your spouse chooses not to listen then they will feel the brunt of that action one way or another.

I honestly do not have this problem. But, I think it is an important issue to discuss on here. I hear a lot of stories that involve the SO having negative outside influences that effect the home life.

Anyone else?

I don't either (and I am so thankful for that) but running with the wrong crowd can be disastrous to a marriage, especially if the people your SO is hanging with don't have their sh*t together, are jealous of him/her, etc.

[jawi876 2]

Hello everyone!

First off...Marie I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle

Hope all my Yardie family is doing well

So as for the recent topic...

Andre was 27 when he got here and is 29 now. He has changed a lot since he first got here...I am sure I changed a lot as well. I think the biggest thing was going from a "vacation/no worries attitude" to a "real life/work/responsibility attitude". Andre has a hard time realizing that what people have didn't happen overnight and it won't happen overnight for him. I don't know how many times I have had to explain that they have ______ fill in the blank because they have worked hard for YEARS to obtain that and it is crazy to expect to have the same things in only a matter of months.

We also had a hard time with what I call the "kid in a candy shop" syndrome. There was just so many "new" things here to do and with the money he was making he liked to go out and buy tons of stuff and spend it on "wants" instead of "needs". He got caught up with the wrong crowd and reverted back to the "bachelor" life forgetting he was now a married man.

The adjustment for us has been brutal. It is still something we deal with almost daily 25 months later. I think each person adjust differently and each person will go through struggles...some more severe than others. All in all it takes a boatload of patience and understanding and sometimes some good couples therapy if you can get them there

Just my $0.02

This is a great post.

Seems the common thread is all of them is if the man gets caught up in the wrong crowd. I seem to see that over and over again. How do you ensure your SO doesn't get caught up in the wrong crowd? And, how do you tell them that even if they do, they are grown men and have to take responsibility for their actions?

How I see it, there is not way you can ensure your man/woman doesn't get caught up with the wrong people. You can voice your opinion and let him/her know how you feel but it's up to them to decide if they are going to re-evaluate the acquaintance or just ignore you and keep on.

I tell it straight, whether he likes it or not. And if your spouse chooses not to listen then they will feel the brunt of that action one way or another.

I honestly do not have this problem. But, I think it is an important issue to discuss on here. I hear a lot of stories that involve the SO having negative outside influences that effect the home life.

Anyone else?

It was a HUGE problem for my first marriage. He was so homesick. He didn't like America...and openly stated his disgust with everything American (but insisted that I was different )...so when he found a new Jamaican "friend", he clung to those men like his life depended on it. I mentioned it before that he listened to them like they were speaking the Gospel...and then when they successfully ruined my impression of him, they came to let me know that they were checking me. He has been through so much with his own Jamaican people here in the States, from hitting on me to being cheated/not paid for his heating/ac services. He installed an entire heating/ac duct system on a new house for a Jamaican woman, and the woman never paid him a dime. He paid for all of the supplies out of his own pocket under the impression that she would settle up when the work was completed. By law, he could not repossess the supplies once the inspector okayed the installation. So, he would have to take her to court...and he didn't want to do that. So, he let his family suffer. Cha. Don't even get me started on this issue.

Honestly, outside influences will not impact your SO if they know themselves. My sweetie is so NOT a follower. He is not going to just go along with someone elses program. He is a loner for the most part, and doesn't call alot of people "friend".

[Jengles 0]

the problem i forsee with mr jengles is how much money he wants to send down to JA, my man said he wanted to send down $150.00 a week, so i calmly informed how much daycare will cost for our little bundle of joy, and stated that we need a bigger house. After that he did wig out a little bit wondering if he could get a job that would pay him enough so that he could meet his "personal responsibilities" as he put it. So that is where I said this is why u are getting your GED and will go to school for your CDL. The only thing he's asked for since he's been here is a pair of sneakers and I told him I don't buy footwear for men and kept it moving.

Yah, that is a problem. The money home thing. Good luck with that. Gets especially hard when they start putting more pressure on him.

The shoes things cracks me up. Been there on that one.

I've been noticing that his mother is calling him a lot, she has three other working sons right there with her, so why not call them and I won't get into dealing with his children's grandmother about how one of the daughters didn't get any clothes.

She's calling him cause he is the rich one now that he lives in America. Did you know the trees in the back yard sprout money? (Sigh) me either.

Those calls will get on your nerves so bad you will want to mash up the phone.

she's calling because he was the rich one while in jamaica and he left a taxi there that was supposed to help everyone including us...but so far we haven't seen a penny because people call and he has his brother give them money ...he's used to doing without so his kids and mother have, but he now he is understanding that its not him doing without anymore, its us. Well said taxi got in an accident yesterday and now he says he's going to sell it. I don't have a problem with him supporting his mother or his kids, but he has needs also. i.e he will have a need for a winter coat soon... ya feel me!!

[Jonesie 1]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI! Edited October 19, 2007 by Jonesie

[*JG* 2]

the problem i forsee with mr jengles is how much money he wants to send down to JA, my man said he wanted to send down $150.00 a week, so i calmly informed how much daycare will cost for our little bundle of joy, and stated that we need a bigger house. After that he did wig out a little bit wondering if he could get a job that would pay him enough so that he could meet his "personal responsibilities" as he put it. So that is where I said this is why u are getting your GED and will go to school for your CDL. The only thing he's asked for since he's been here is a pair of sneakers and I told him I don't buy footwear for men and kept it moving.

Yah, that is a problem. The money home thing. Good luck with that. Gets especially hard when they start putting more pressure on him.

The shoes things cracks me up. Been there on that one.

I've been noticing that his mother is calling him a lot, she has three other working sons right there with her, so why not call them and I won't get into dealing with his children's grandmother about how one of the daughters didn't get any clothes.

She's calling him cause he is the rich one now that he lives in America. Did you know the trees in the back yard sprout money? (Sigh) me either.

Those calls will get on your nerves so bad you will want to mash up the phone.

she's calling because he was the rich one while in jamaica and he left a taxi there that was supposed to help everyone including us...but so far we haven't seen a penny because people call and he has his brother give them money ...he's used to doing without so his kids and mother have, but he now he is understanding that its not him doing without anymore, its us. Well said taxi got in an accident yesterday and now he says he's going to sell it. I don't have a problem with him supporting his mother or his kids, but he has needs also. i.e he will have a need for a winter coat soon... ya feel me!!

I've been very vocal on this issue......so, you know I truely do feel you here.

I used to say that stuff too....I don't have a problem helping this one for this or this one for that....Andre left behind his mother and 8 brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews. I just got burned with the idea that no matter how much you help, it is never enough. They always want more and more and more. Most times they don't do what they promised they were going to do with the money. And, it is literally a thankless situation.

We've helped before, sometimes against my better judgement. I have plans for later this month and some Christmas money. After that, I am quitting my second job and they will be SOL.

[jawi876 2]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

[Sonshyne 2]

Our AOS was approved yesturday and Neil finally got his CA drivers license!! I am so glad to be done with immigrations for awhile and now he can drive himself around

[Jonesie 1]

HAPPY EARTHDAY JAWI!

Tonks mi gyal! I'm trying to figure out right now how to trip my odometer reading back...say about 6 years or so...

lol! Well buss a wine fi mi if you go out tonite

Our AOS was approved yesturday and Neil finally got his CA drivers license!! I am so glad to be done with immigrations for awhile and now he can drive himself around

Congrats!

[jawi876 2]

Our AOS was approved yesturday and Neil finally got his CA drivers license!! I am so glad to be done with immigrations for awhile and now he can drive himself around

yeahie!!!!! Congrats!!!