Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Hey ladies...I want to post something that I read back in 2003. It is purely fictional...and I didn't write it. The author stated that she is fine with others using it. So here is goes:

New Diary of a Gigolo...

DISCLAIMER - The following in not meant to be a slur on any gigolos or is it trying to say Jamaican men are all like this...

Day 1

Wake up to alarm clack a ring.

Cho man, if mi neva know seh mi haffi gwaan like mi ago miss dis fool fool gyal, mi woulda neva a wake up dem ungodly hours jus fi go a airport fi mek sure diss fool fool gyal send mi some money afta shi gaan...An mi cyaa tek di false crying ting...

Haffi put an mi best suit a close, mi waa har fi memba mi ina dis bess light...

Cho, mek mi run go ova Miss Myrtle yaad fi tief coupla har rose dem, mek mi gie di gyaal..

'Mass Charlie, draap mi outa airport nuh man, mi nuh have nuh money fi pay yuh now, but juss wait outside, a she gaan mi come pay yuh.'

At the aiport

'Dawlin, we may have been together for just a few nights, but you have touched my soul' Lawd gad, mi hope lightning nuh strike mi dung

Her-'Oh Romeo darling, I really don't to go, I want to stay here, I don't care if we don't have money, I just want to be with you'.

Me -'Darling, you know I feel that way too...please stay..' But kiss mi behine, a waa di xxxxx du dis chupid gyal, a mad shi muss mad..hurry up gwaan back goh fine mi some dallas, afta mi nuh mad

Her-'Baby, you know I have to go...'

Me -'If that's what you have to do, I can't stop you, I will count the days until you return.' Gyal, GWAAN NUH MAN

Cho, is why mi wear mi nice white shirt dowe...look how dis gyaal a dutty it up wid har cow bawlin...

Her - 'Darling, here's all my leftover money..'

Me - 'Baby, how many times do I have to tell you I don't want anything from you..'A hope dis gyal nuh spend aff har money an nuh lef none fi mi, is how it look so likkle bit, cho man

Her - 'Darling, I insist, you don't have to prove anything to me.'

Me - 'Baby, you know I love you'. tekking di money, bwaay a dis alone she a come gie big man....she a diss...but is alright, as she reach she haffi guh sen more...

Bwaay mi tink di fool fool gyal neva dida badda go home...mek mi juss walk go rouna arrivals likkle, neva know mi luck...

Rahtid, is how mi so lucky si waan gyal deh, fresh affa di plane...mek mi si a who shi come wid...lawd, it look like a juss shi...my time noe fi rope een..

Me- 'Welcome to Jamaica, beautiful.' mi nuh really like when dem fat so, but at least shi nuh big lakka some mi si

Her-'Um thank you.' oooh he's not bad looking, I wonder if it's true what they say about these Jamaican men

Me -'I was just here sending off my younger sister to the States, and it was as if God told me not to go so soon.' Dis ya lyrics wicked, muss ketch har

Her-'I don't know what to say.' Looks like I've pulled, but maybe he's just after my money or just wants sex...

Me -'Where are you staying, I might be able to give you a ride..' mi hope a Negril she a go, if shi seh yes, ar mi goose cook, shi naah go come man, shi ago fraid..

Her-'My hotel has arranged a ride, I'm fine.I'll be staying in Negril.' Wasn't that sweet of him to offer, but no way would I go with someone I just met..

Me -'It's very hot in here, can I buy you a drink...I'm sure you'd enjoy a cold Red Stripe..' Is how dis gyaal a sweat like hag....mi fraid she faint wey pan mi...

Her-'Yes please, I'd love one, here's the money..' Let's see what happens, if he takes it, he's after money..

Me -'Here in Jamaica, if we offer you a drink, we pay for it, I'll get it now..don't you go away...' Da US money deh woulda du mi good ya nung, but mi haffi play di game, nuh worry, mi wi soon tek yuh money

Her-'Oh I'm sorry, oh no, I have to go, there's my bus now...' Hope he asks me if he can see me again...

Me -'Can I meet up with you real soon, I can't let you just walk away..' Dis gyaal is just ripe fi mi, afta shi cyaan ramp wid mi

Her-'I'm staying at the Beach hotel.' oooh he wants to meet up with me....yessssss

Me -'Shall I come and pick you up at 5, then I can take you out for dinner.' Mi hope seh anno nuff shi nyaam ar a bruk she ago bruk mi

Her-'Ok..' He's offering to buy me dinner, he MUST be ok then...

TO BE CONTINUED...............

Jawi...dat did wickid!!! Thanks for sharing.

Hey ladies...I want to post something that I read back in 2003. It is purely fictional...and I didn't write it. The author stated that she is fine with others using it. So here is goes:

New Diary of a Gigolo...

Yes, I've read that one too. It's actually a really good story w/ a very surprising ending. Great author The crazy thing is that these guys DO exist. I think every single woman travelling to JA should have to read this story on the plane ride down!

I'm going to post it in a separate thread...because I agree that every woman traveling abroad should read it. Rhonda...I think you should pierce early too. I got mine at about 7 or 8 and I was traumatized. I never wanted to pierce another thing. I have seen mothers holding their babies at Walmart to get the piercing done. The baby girl is nursing from her bottle...then lets out this loud shrill...then it's over.

I agree pierce early..I did my daughter when she turned 2mths..her pediatrician does piercings...love him

[jawi876 2]

I met Beenie Man on my way to JA last week and took a picture with him and got his autograph for my daughter. Big UP

That's awesome. I want to see the pic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me too. I'm so jealous! *sigh*

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

I should have known with that pretty little baby. WOW! Why yuh nuh answa mi PM pon Ja.com? Mi love dis story tuh baxside...but ie nuh go ova tuh well here...LOL.

a di alias yuh send di email tuh lol....mi nuh even memba a which email again!

[Forever Young 1]

I saw a question that I thought would be a good one to ask here in this particular forum.

How would you feel about your SO viewing a gay porn website?

hhhmmm interesting topic......well not to really go into it...but he has viewed porn sites....it really bothers me a lot....even more so know cause i am preggo and you know things are changing....but a gay porn site.....i think i would stick me head in the oven....

Nanny your too funny!

[jawi876 2]

I should have known with that pretty little baby. WOW! Why yuh nuh answa mi PM pon Ja.com? Mi love dis story tuh baxside...but ie nuh go ova tuh well here...LOL.

a di alias yuh send di email tuh lol....mi nuh even memba a which email again!

kikiki...mi find out dat mi PM nuh wuk pon ja.com unless somebody sends de PM tuh mi first. Mi can copy ie and link yuh inna PM here.

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also.

Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

I know one of the "issues" my friend had when they had their baby was that he wanted to pierce her ears immediately after baby was born and she was totally against the idea. I guess it's very typical for little babies to get ears pierced in JA right away. Well, it was a big argument and they didn't do it. Now the baby is over 2 yrs. old and she wishes she would have gotten them done when she was a baby! Now she's at the age where she'll play with them or pull them out etc..

What do you ladies think? Since I'm having a girl, I'm sure this is going to come up soon in my house!

Have the hospital do them before you leave....I had something similar with my older son`s circumcision. He ended up having it done later - wished I`d insisted on him having it done as a newborn.

[Jonesie 1]

JA ENGLISH - YOUR SON, OMG HE IS SOOOOOOOOOO PRECIOUS!!

Edited October 19, 2007 by Jonesie

[Forever Young 1]

*********FRIDAY CHUCKLE**********

WOOHOO...WE MADE IT!!!! HAPPY HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!

Enjoy ,

Gill

*************************************************************************

CIA Agent

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews and testing were

done there were three finalists: An American man,an English man and a Jamaican man.

For the final test, the CIA agents took the American man to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

The American said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife" The Agent replies," Then you're

not the right man for this job."

The English man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet

for about five minutes. Then the English man came out with tears in his eyes "I tried blokes, but I can't

kill my wife," The Agent replies, "You don't have what it takes, take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the Jamaican's turn, he took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot

after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Jamaican. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said

"Unnuh neva tell mi di bloodclaat gun was loaded wid blanks!!", " A beat mi haffi beat har pussyclaat to death

wid di rass chair!!"

[*JG* 2]

the problem i forsee with mr jengles is how much money he wants to send down to JA, my man said he wanted to send down $150.00 a week, so i calmly informed how much daycare will cost for our little bundle of joy, and stated that we need a bigger house. After that he did wig out a little bit wondering if he could get a job that would pay him enough so that he could meet his "personal responsibilities" as he put it. So that is where I said this is why u are getting your GED and will go to school for your CDL. The only thing he's asked for since he's been here is a pair of sneakers and I told him I don't buy footwear for men and kept it moving.

Yah, that is a problem. The money home thing. Good luck with that. Gets especially hard when they start putting more pressure on him.

The shoes things cracks me up. Been there on that one.

I've been noticing that his mother is calling him a lot, she has three other working sons right there with her, so why not call them and I won't get into dealing with his children's grandmother about how one of the daughters didn't get any clothes.

She's calling him cause he is the rich one now that he lives in America. Did you know the trees in the back yard sprout money? (Sigh) me either.

Those calls will get on your nerves so bad you will want to mash up the phone.

[*JG* 2]

Hello everyone!

First off...Marie I am so sorry for the loss of your uncle

Hope all my Yardie family is doing well

So as for the recent topic...

Andre was 27 when he got here and is 29 now. He has changed a lot since he first got here...I am sure I changed a lot as well. I think the biggest thing was going from a "vacation/no worries attitude" to a "real life/work/responsibility attitude". Andre has a hard time realizing that what people have didn't happen overnight and it won't happen overnight for him. I don't know how many times I have had to explain that they have ______ fill in the blank because they have worked hard for YEARS to obtain that and it is crazy to expect to have the same things in only a matter of months.

We also had a hard time with what I call the "kid in a candy shop" syndrome. There was just so many "new" things here to do and with the money he was making he liked to go out and buy tons of stuff and spend it on "wants" instead of "needs". He got caught up with the wrong crowd and reverted back to the "bachelor" life forgetting he was now a married man.

The adjustment for us has been brutal. It is still something we deal with almost daily 25 months later. I think each person adjust differently and each person will go through struggles...some more severe than others. All in all it takes a boatload of patience and understanding and sometimes some good couples therapy if you can get them there

Just my $0.02

This is a great post.

Seems the common thread is all of them is if the man gets caught up in the wrong crowd. I seem to see that over and over again. How do you ensure your SO doesn't get caught up in the wrong crowd? And, how do you tell them that even if they do, they are grown men and have to take responsibility for their actions?

[Jonesie 1]

*********FRIDAY CHUCKLE**********

WOOHOO...WE MADE IT!!!! HAPPY HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!

Enjoy ,

Gill

*************************************************************************

CIA Agent

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews and testing were

done there were three finalists: An American man,an English man and a Jamaican man.

For the final test, the CIA agents took the American man to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

The American said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife" The Agent replies," Then you're

not the right man for this job."

The English man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet

for about five minutes. Then the English man came out with tears in his eyes "I tried blokes, but I can't

kill my wife," The Agent replies, "You don't have what it takes, take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the Jamaican's turn, he took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot

after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Jamaican. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said

"Unnuh neva tell mi di bloodclaat gun was loaded wid blanks!!", " A beat mi haffi beat har pussyclaat to death

wid di rass chair!!"

laaawwwdddd LOL LOL LOL

[*JG* 2]

the problem i forsee with mr jengles is how much money he wants to send down to JA, my man said he wanted to send down $150.00 a week, so i calmly informed how much daycare will cost for our little bundle of joy, and stated that we need a bigger house. After that he did wig out a little bit wondering if he could get a job that would pay him enough so that he could meet his "personal responsibilities" as he put it. So that is where I said this is why u are getting your GED and will go to school for your CDL. The only thing he's asked for since he's been here is a pair of sneakers and I told him I don't buy footwear for men and kept it moving.

Yah, that is a problem. The money home thing. Good luck with that. Gets especially hard when they start putting more pressure on him.

The shoes things cracks me up. Been there on that one.

AND the big one........is when family/friends in JA find out he's working !!!! Than expect those calls to come in like crazy !!!! Craig's mother called every Thursday night at 10:30pm (knowing he gets paid every Friday) !!!!

That is what I can't figure out.......who told Andre's mom when we get paid. Neither of us remembers doing that. She calls every other Friday beginning at 7 a.m. and then at half hour intervals until I suppose the phone card runs out. They, she will call every day after that, at least 4 times a day. We just turn off the phone now.

[Sonshyne 2]

*********FRIDAY CHUCKLE**********

WOOHOO...WE MADE IT!!!! HAPPY HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!

Enjoy ,

Gill

*************************************************************************

CIA Agent

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews and testing were

done there were three finalists: An American man,an English man and a Jamaican man.

For the final test, the CIA agents took the American man to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

The American said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife" The Agent replies," Then you're

not the right man for this job."

The English man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet

for about five minutes. Then the English man came out with tears in his eyes "I tried blokes, but I can't

kill my wife," The Agent replies, "You don't have what it takes, take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the Jamaican's turn, he took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot

after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Jamaican. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said

"Unnuh neva tell mi di bloodclaat gun was loaded wid blanks!!", " A beat mi haffi beat har pussyclaat to death

wid di rass chair!!"

OMG!!! That was too funny! I just laughed out loud soooo hard, the people in my office are looking at me like I'm crazy

[*JG* 2]

So as far as how you would like to raise your kids, you may just have to compromise and in some ways raise them the way he would like also.

Its all about respect and understanding of one anothers culture in the end.

I know one of the "issues" my friend had when they had their baby was that he wanted to pierce her ears immediately after baby was born and she was totally against the idea. I guess it's very typical for little babies to get ears pierced in JA right away. Well, it was a big argument and they didn't do it. Now the baby is over 2 yrs. old and she wishes she would have gotten them done when she was a baby! Now she's at the age where she'll play with them or pull them out etc..

What do you ladies think? Since I'm having a girl, I'm sure this is going to come up soon in my house!

I had my daughter's done at 2 weeks.

[jawi876 2]

*********FRIDAY CHUCKLE**********

WOOHOO...WE MADE IT!!!! HAPPY HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!

Enjoy ,

Gill

*************************************************************************

CIA Agent

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews and testing were

done there were three finalists: An American man,an English man and a Jamaican man.

For the final test, the CIA agents took the American man to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

The American said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife" The Agent replies," Then you're

not the right man for this job."

The English man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet

for about five minutes. Then the English man came out with tears in his eyes "I tried blokes, but I can't

kill my wife," The Agent replies, "You don't have what it takes, take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the Jamaican's turn, he took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot

after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the Jamaican. He wiped the sweat from his brow and said

"Unnuh neva tell mi di bloodclaat gun was loaded wid blanks!!", " A beat mi haffi beat har pussyclaat to death

wid di rass chair!!"

WWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwoooooooooiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! LMAO LMAO ROTFDWL!!!!!