Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[luvtravlin 0]

I've met Craig's brother...last May when I went down for the interview and hung out with him for 48 hours.....but still.....invitation in writing ???!!!!! What trying to save flippin 41 cents ???!! TOTAL FLIPPIN BS !!!

True but why didn't Craig tell you?? I'm sure he didn't find out 2 weeks ago that he was the best man. I would be more angry with Craig than his family.

Oh trust me Shemanya I'm totally pissed off at Craig although he has absolutely "no idea" as to why!!! When I brought the whole wedding thing up or tried to discuss it, it was truly like talking to a 10 yr old!!! I don't know this and I'm not sure of that.... and I'm like whatever !!!!

Of course "I" look like the bad guy for not being there and not picking him up. "I" could really and truly care less!!

Asking his brother questions, where are you getting married?.....answer: in a church. What area? answer: here, near to our home....where is that ? Ardmore, where is that ? couldn't answer ... (he's been here over a year)...one worded answers. What time is the rehearsal dinner? no answer, Where is the rehearsal dinner? no answer....What time is the wedding? ...answer: in the afternoon ...I asked, exactly what time? didn't answer. I didn't have the extra funds available for a hotel stay and trust me, for the weekend in that area, nothing was less than $150/night!! I asked if there was a hotel that they set up for out of town guests, he's said, I don't know. That's when I said (nicely--cause I like his brother, he was nice to me) .............sorry I won't be able to make it. I could tell that I was not really "wanted" there, which was absolutely fine with me. It was a weekend ALL TO MYSELF (my son was still here) !!!!! Which ....was very very nice !!! and no arguing and bickering about STUPID ####### !!!!!!

I was just gonna say it was obvious that they didnt want you there and for a specific reason but it seems that you finally figured it out. Things are not always so complicated sometimes the answer is right in front of you. This may sound harsh but we gotta keep it real sometimes and quit dancing around a situation in order to conclude it and solve the problem. I think you know what the issue here is, and now its on to solving it.

I guess I should have been a Bee-atch to "auntie" and said, the real reason??? Ask your nephew, it was so obvious that I was not wanted there ...... but seriously, I truly had NO desire in going. YES YES YES, I'm pissed at Craig....but what else is new. Solution to this entire problem........is that "I" have NO IDEA why he even bothered to flippin come back!!!! I told him ...please stay there !!!

From anyone that knows me and my relationship with Craig, it has been downhill since the 3rd week of him getting here. We'll have some good moments, but most of it isn't good. "I" do NOT want to continue with my relationship and I would reeeeeeally like for him to get his you know what together and get out, he knows that and we've talked about it till the cows come home....................but...................he will NOT leave and as said in the past, since we are "married" I canNOT kick him out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I want to proceed with divorce, in Maryland, you have to be "legally" separated for a year.......but.........again, he won't flippin leave, says (and threatens that he will), but never does!!! He says he loves me "to death" and wants to work it out, but he doesn't do SQUAT for me to even go there. For instance, last night in one of our conversations, he asked why I'm so upset with him, I told him (again) --he laughs, thinks it's ridiculous and I said....ya know you just need to kiss my a&& a little when you get home (I was joking, but being for real) and he said, you know THAT will never happen!!!!

Craig has been the type (since he got here), that if we have any argument or disagreement......he will NOT apologize "first" or come to me to TRY to solve the issue. "I" have to be the one to smooth things out, start the conversation first.........and ya know after 15 months of him being here, I'm now exhausted with trying anymore.

He's immature and irresponsible (still doesn't pitch in for bills, food, etc) and LISTENS (still) to others --ie cousin, brother, guy/gal off the street of how his life SHOULD be, etc etc.

I am one of those on here that TELL my story, for real and don't BS the truth as to what happens in these types of relationships. Do NOT jump all over me about this doesn't happen in ALL relationships.......I know that, but ......in most that I have met on the yardie thread, it does. I'm am totally envious of those that are on here that have men that know what their priorities and responsibilities are, unfortunately mine has totally lost sight of that !!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY MONDAY

yup.....

well kelly i think craig new that you weren't wanted....he should have been man enough to stand up to them and say if she isn't wanted then i am not coming....

Yeah, but you know Craig........balls??? He doesn't have any !! That would mean that "I" have control and not him !!!

Hope everyone had a nice weekend ! We've gone right from summer to winter !!! This weather is just sooo darn crazy !!

[nannygirl82 0]

I've met Craig's brother...last May when I went down for the interview and hung out with him for 48 hours.....but still.....invitation in writing ???!!!!! What trying to save flippin 41 cents ???!! TOTAL FLIPPIN BS !!!

True but why didn't Craig tell you?? I'm sure he didn't find out 2 weeks ago that he was the best man. I would be more angry with Craig than his family.

Oh trust me Shemanya I'm totally pissed off at Craig although he has absolutely "no idea" as to why!!! When I brought the whole wedding thing up or tried to discuss it, it was truly like talking to a 10 yr old!!! I don't know this and I'm not sure of that.... and I'm like whatever !!!!

Of course "I" look like the bad guy for not being there and not picking him up. "I" could really and truly care less!!

Asking his brother questions, where are you getting married?.....answer: in a church. What area? answer: here, near to our home....where is that ? Ardmore, where is that ? couldn't answer ... (he's been here over a year)...one worded answers. What time is the rehearsal dinner? no answer, Where is the rehearsal dinner? no answer....What time is the wedding? ...answer: in the afternoon ...I asked, exactly what time? didn't answer. I didn't have the extra funds available for a hotel stay and trust me, for the weekend in that area, nothing was less than $150/night!! I asked if there was a hotel that they set up for out of town guests, he's said, I don't know. That's when I said (nicely--cause I like his brother, he was nice to me) .............sorry I won't be able to make it. I could tell that I was not really "wanted" there, which was absolutely fine with me. It was a weekend ALL TO MYSELF (my son was still here) !!!!! Which ....was very very nice !!! and no arguing and bickering about STUPID ####### !!!!!!

I was just gonna say it was obvious that they didnt want you there and for a specific reason but it seems that you finally figured it out. Things are not always so complicated sometimes the answer is right in front of you. This may sound harsh but we gotta keep it real sometimes and quit dancing around a situation in order to conclude it and solve the problem. I think you know what the issue here is, and now its on to solving it.

I guess I should have been a Bee-atch to "auntie" and said, the real reason??? Ask your nephew, it was so obvious that I was not wanted there ...... but seriously, I truly had NO desire in going. YES YES YES, I'm pissed at Craig....but what else is new. Solution to this entire problem........is that "I" have NO IDEA why he even bothered to flippin come back!!!! I told him ...please stay there !!!

From anyone that knows me and my relationship with Craig, it has been downhill since the 3rd week of him getting here. We'll have some good moments, but most of it isn't good. "I" do NOT want to continue with my relationship and I would reeeeeeally like for him to get his you know what together and get out, he knows that and we've talked about it till the cows come home....................but...................he will NOT leave and as said in the past, since we are "married" I canNOT kick him out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I want to proceed with divorce, in Maryland, you have to be "legally" separated for a year.......but.........again, he won't flippin leave, says (and threatens that he will), but never does!!! He says he loves me "to death" and wants to work it out, but he doesn't do SQUAT for me to even go there. For instance, last night in one of our conversations, he asked why I'm so upset with him, I told him (again) --he laughs, thinks it's ridiculous and I said....ya know you just need to kiss my a&& a little when you get home (I was joking, but being for real) and he said, you know THAT will never happen!!!!

Craig has been the type (since he got here), that if we have any argument or disagreement......he will NOT apologize "first" or come to me to TRY to solve the issue. "I" have to be the one to smooth things out, start the conversation first.........and ya know after 15 months of him being here, I'm now exhausted with trying anymore.

He's immature and irresponsible (still doesn't pitch in for bills, food, etc) and LISTENS (still) to others --ie cousin, brother, guy/gal off the street of how his life SHOULD be, etc etc.

I am one of those on here that TELL my story, for real and don't BS the truth as to what happens in these types of relationships. Do NOT jump all over me about this doesn't happen in ALL relationships.......I know that, but ......in most that I have met on the yardie thread, it does. I'm am totally envious of those that are on here that have men that know what their priorities and responsibilities are, unfortunately mine has totally lost sight of that !!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY MONDAY

yup.....

well kelly i think craig new that you weren't wanted....he should have been man enough to stand up to them and say if she isn't wanted then i am not coming....

Yeah, but you know Craig........balls???

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[nannygirl82 0]

Had my blood taken today.....yuck....first time i ever had it done......

[*JG* 2]

Vex if yu want, but mi know sey nuff a yu mother-in-law wouldn't luv yu if yu did live a Jamaica, dem only want if know seh dem pickney a get a buss and dem a benefit, when dem si unnu dem start show teeth an want hug up an boast pon dem neighbor bout dem daughter in law from America. Mi have sister to and mi nuh want si nobody tek her fi a ride.

Some of this ..I'm late but this is sooo true!!! My husbands mother did not even raise him, dumped him off on his fathers mother to raise, Now she calls monthly telling my husband he should be a ashamed B/C cause him nah tek care him mudda now him a gone a farrin? We ever we go visit she's "like I love U this and I love your wife dat." Thank you fa tek cara D? and bring him to America? Wha? Come on get real. You don't even know me Then she cries (actual tears) saying my husband was the one she shoulda taken care of, and I'm thinking why now? ...Cause she knows he can file for her to come to the states?? She has her other son call pressuring him to file papers for him mudda.

Aren't some MIL's a real treat? Andre's is a piece of work. She treated him like dirt.....let others treat him like dirt....and now feels like he owe's her everything. It's BS. A constant struggle. I now how you feel brownnskinn.

Hi everyone! How do you guys deal with having your man so far away? I'm missing mine so much. (And I've only been away from him for 6 days, lol.) Just looking for ideas that maybe I haven't tried yet.

Keep busy. I worked two jobs and made cards and scrapbooks. Only thing that kept my sanity.

Good luck to you.

Vex if yu want, but mi know sey nuff a yu mother-in-law wouldn't luv yu if yu did live a Jamaica, dem only want if know seh dem pickney a get a buss and dem a benefit, when dem si unnu dem start show teeth an want hug up an boast pon dem neighbor bout dem daughter in law from America. Mi have sister to and mi nuh want si nobody tek her fi a ride.

Some of this ..I'm late but this is sooo true!!! My husbands mother did not even raise him, dumped him off on his fathers mother to raise, Now she calls monthly telling my husband he should be a ashamed B/C cause him nah tek care him mudda now him a gone a farrin? We ever we go visit she's "like I love U this and I love your wife dat." Thank you fa tek cara D? and bring him to America? Wha? Come on get real. You don't even know me Then she cries (actual tears) saying my husband was the one she shoulda taken care of, and I'm thinking why now? ...Cause she knows he can file for her to come to the states?? She has her other son call pressuring him to file papers for him mudda.

Brownnskin this is so true. Its quite sad how many people in JA view the life here in the US as this wonderful green pastures care free lifestyle and actually "thank you" for taking their child there like you are doing some sort of charity case. Its definitley a cultural thing for Jamaicans to think this was about farrin. But we who have lived here know its not like that for most people living in the States. Granted much more opportunities exist here but many exist to screw you up also.

My husband has already informed me of how he will have to take care of his family when he gets here. He says its just what many people expect when a family member goes a farrin'....that that member has "made it", and will now try to help out all the rest who are still left behind. Its sad...but in many ways it is needed to help out cus lets face it....it is a harder life in JA....I mean we all been there and seen the ridiculous prices on things.

So I have no problem with helping out....I understood that need before I married him and I married into it knowningly, but I also think its my duty to educate the relatives back home as to how its not as "easy" as they think it is, and money dont grow on trees so for them to be dependant on my finances would be ignorant of them.

All I am going to say this this is GOOD LUCK. Whatever you send will never be enough. And, as soon as word gets out, 1/2 of Jamaica will be calling with their hands out.

[luvtravlin 0]

TOO FUNNY !!! well, sortof...

My little cat (he's 4) is running around the apartment trying to catch this fly that's driving him crazy madness !!!! He's jumping in the air, jumping on tables, walls, etc.... the big cat, laying around looking at him like he's nuts !!!

I'm trying to work ....ugh !

[nannygirl82 0]

Vex if yu want, but mi know sey nuff a yu mother-in-law wouldn't luv yu if yu did live a Jamaica, dem only want if know seh dem pickney a get a buss and dem a benefit, when dem si unnu dem start show teeth an want hug up an boast pon dem neighbor bout dem daughter in law from America. Mi have sister to and mi nuh want si nobody tek her fi a ride.

Some of this ..I'm late but this is sooo true!!! My husbands mother did not even raise him, dumped him off on his fathers mother to raise, Now she calls monthly telling my husband he should be a ashamed B/C cause him nah tek care him mudda now him a gone a farrin? We ever we go visit she's "like I love U this and I love your wife dat." Thank you fa tek cara D? and bring him to America? Wha? Come on get real. You don't even know me Then she cries (actual tears) saying my husband was the one she shoulda taken care of, and I'm thinking why now? ...Cause she knows he can file for her to come to the states?? She has her other son call pressuring him to file papers for him mudda.

Aren't some MIL's a real treat? Andre's is a piece of work. She treated him like dirt.....let others treat him like dirt....and now feels like he owe's her everything. It's BS. A constant struggle. I now how you feel brownnskinn.

Hi everyone! How do you guys deal with having your man so far away? I'm missing mine so much. (And I've only been away from him for 6 days, lol.) Just looking for ideas that maybe I haven't tried yet.

Keep busy. I worked two jobs and made cards and scrapbooks. Only thing that kept my sanity.

Good luck to you.

Vex if yu want, but mi know sey nuff a yu mother-in-law wouldn't luv yu if yu did live a Jamaica, dem only want if know seh dem pickney a get a buss and dem a benefit, when dem si unnu dem start show teeth an want hug up an boast pon dem neighbor bout dem daughter in law from America. Mi have sister to and mi nuh want si nobody tek her fi a ride.

Some of this ..I'm late but this is sooo true!!! My husbands mother did not even raise him, dumped him off on his fathers mother to raise, Now she calls monthly telling my husband he should be a ashamed B/C cause him nah tek care him mudda now him a gone a farrin? We ever we go visit she's "like I love U this and I love your wife dat." Thank you fa tek cara D? and bring him to America? Wha? Come on get real. You don't even know me Then she cries (actual tears) saying my husband was the one she shoulda taken care of, and I'm thinking why now? ...Cause she knows he can file for her to come to the states?? She has her other son call pressuring him to file papers for him mudda.

Brownnskin this is so true. Its quite sad how many people in JA view the life here in the US as this wonderful green pastures care free lifestyle and actually "thank you" for taking their child there like you are doing some sort of charity case. Its definitley a cultural thing for Jamaicans to think this was about farrin. But we who have lived here know its not like that for most people living in the States. Granted much more opportunities exist here but many exist to screw you up also.

My husband has already informed me of how he will have to take care of his family when he gets here. He says its just what many people expect when a family member goes a farrin'....that that member has "made it", and will now try to help out all the rest who are still left behind. Its sad...but in many ways it is needed to help out cus lets face it....it is a harder life in JA....I mean we all been there and seen the ridiculous prices on things.

So I have no problem with helping out....I understood that need before I married him and I married into it knowningly, but I also think its my duty to educate the relatives back home as to how its not as "easy" as they think it is, and money dont grow on trees so for them to be dependant on my finances would be ignorant of them.

All I am going to say this this is GOOD LUCK. Whatever you send will never be enough. And, as soon as word gets out, 1/2 of Jamaica will be calling with their hands out.

lots of luck with that....i've been trying to do that for years.....

this is so true...people who mike never talked to just went to school with have been calling for things....and he just told him his mom he would get her some things and his brothers something.....everyone had been calling with there sizes what they want....it has gotten out of hand....

Edited October 15, 2007 by nannygirl82

[*JG* 2]

Hi everybody! thanks for your well wishes and encouragement it means alot to me im just gettin myself together today im gonna go in town have a good day the rain has cleared it was sunny today and yesterday. The day i get here Chris decides to say that hes not ready to get married. Im like when did u plan on sayin this.

IM prayin that everyone get their interview dates soon!!! have a blessed day everyone

He was very brave to tell you that. And, his honestly is refreshing.

Hugs to you.

[Forever Young 1]

Had my blood taken today.....yuck....first time i ever had it done......

Baby Girl,

Hate to tell you...it won't be the last... ! Hang in there, it's a good thing, they just want to make sure that all is well! Just keep saying ..."End result is worth it...End result is worth it!" That's how I got through!

Blessed,

Gill

[*JG* 2]

**OFF TOPIC** (but gosh what isn't?)

VENTING and question for you guys ....

Craig's brother got married (in the *real* ceremony to an american woman) this weekend in Philly. I didn't know anything about it until about 2 weeks ago. We never received an actual invitation. Craig was his brothers best man. His brother, over the phone last week Wed asked me if I was coming. I asked him....when, where, what time, I would need to find a sitter for my son (didn't sound like my sound was invited...at least his brother didn't say...bring him) just a bunch of questions....and he could not (or chose not) to answer any of them......sorry, but I wasn't going to be able to make it...

SO, I get a call from Craig's father today....TELLING me that Craig was going to stay late and when "I" would need to pick him up at the bus station. I said, sorry sir, but that is not an option ...Craig and I discussed that the 8:20pm bus would be the latest for me to go DOWNTOWN Baltimore to get him. Then he asked me if "I" knew his name and then said that they were at a "family" function ....and I said, okaaay??? His father is "controlling" and has NEVER been in Craig's life. Craig is the product of an affair that his father had. He's been living in Philly for a year and **now** just calls me (and he's never once called Craig since he's been here)???? Anyway, "daddy" asks if Craig could come home tomorrow and I said, it doesn't matter to me when he comes home as long as he has a ride from the bus station since I'll be working and then I need to pick up my son from soccer practice. So then he asks if I could speak to his Auntie...........not wanting to............I said, sure. So she gets on the phone and says (rudely) WHY AREN'T YOU AT THE WEDDING ??!! I wanted to go off, but nicely I said, I didn't know anything about it until 2 weeks ago, my son has obligations on the weekend, we don't have anyone that could watch our cats..... she could have CARED less what I said.... I was pretty ticked....

Anyway, question that I have is..... should we have been sent a wedding invitation? I mean 150 people were coming to the wedding!! Craig had no clue what his brothers wife's name is.

My question is why wasn't craig calling you to discuss this??? You shouldn't have to go through family to discuss your and craig's plans.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight !!!! I'm not quit sure why they ALL think that "our" business is supposed to be a group discussion !!! It's absolutely and totally Bulls*** and his brother called me last night.... 1st ???

Kel.....I think this is Craig's problem. Whenever they try to bring me into family arguments, Andre knows better then to hand me the phone. I am prone to telling them what I actually think. He handles all of it. If we need to decide something, we do that part together. Otherwise, I have no time for the family BS.

[*JG* 2]

Hello All,

The answer to how not to miss your man so much is to work your but off. You are going to need the money anyways. Money for USCIS, Visa, travel and don't forget the wedding. But even with all of this you still miss them something terible. I miss mine everyday and count down the weeks until i see him again. When we started this journey we thought it would only be a couple months. Not so on seven months and counting.

That is some good advice. I will tell you, it takes a long time to dig yourself out of the visa money pit sometimes.

[nannygirl82 0]

Had my blood taken today.....yuck....first time i ever had it done......

Baby Girl,

Hate to tell you...it won't be the last... ! Hang in there, it's a good thing, they just want to make sure that all is well! Just keep saying ..."End result is worth it...End result is worth it!" That's how I got through!

Blessed,

Gill

i know i know.....the lady taking the blood said well having the baby hurts much worse....i was thinking gee thanks....

[Forever Young 1]

Hi everybody! thanks for your well wishes and encouragement it means alot to me im just gettin myself together today im gonna go in town have a good day the rain has cleared it was sunny today and yesterday. The day i get here Chris decides to say that hes not ready to get married. Im like when did u plan on sayin this.

IM prayin that everyone get their interview dates soon!!! have a blessed day everyone

He was very brave to tell you that. And, his honestly is refreshing.

Hugs to you.

I agree Jomo...but it would have been even more valuable and refreshing if he would have spoken up BEFORE she dragged herself down there, of course with a ishload of 'things' for him and his family! If he knew it so soon after she got there, in my mind he dyam well knew that he didn't want to get married BEFORE she got there!

, Gill

[*JG* 2]

KEVIN IS ALIVE AND NOT IN JAIL EITHER...........But once I see him......HE WILL BE!!! I have to go now but will be back on later with the details. Not completely sure how I am going to handle the situation...but just know he has been found!!!!

I think I want to say, I'm so sorry.

[nannygirl82 0]

KEVIN IS ALIVE AND NOT IN JAIL EITHER...........But once I see him......HE WILL BE!!! I have to go now but will be back on later with the details. Not completely sure how I am going to handle the situation...but just know he has been found!!!!

I think I want to say, I'm so sorry.

not sure what to say....just know we are here for you

[*JG* 2]

Sorry,

I am new to this and seemed to have posted this in the wrong place. It is customary to send invatations 6 weeks prior to the wedding. However from what i have seen time is different for the US and Jamaica. Jamaican time is more lax not definate.

If your husband is anything like Corey arguing is not going to get you anywhere. Men on average hate conflict. I know I am surrounded by them at work on a daily bases.

This I think is kindof BS. Please don't take that too personally. I just believe if there is conflict to be had, I am charging at it head on. I'm not going to keep quiet because I am afraid he doesn't like conflict. He hears my piece every time. I want no one to tell me THEY DIDN'T KNOW. If I tell you, you know. End of my story.