Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[JA Tam 7]

*rolling* LOL LOL

I have picked up too...but the funny thing is that I can ONLY do it when I'm irritated about something. I can't do it just to do it. When I'm irritated it comes out loud and long....kikikikiki.

My fiance would laugh at my earnest attempts to do it on a whim...but the first couple of times it came out from irritation...im look pon mi and whispa unda im voyce..."B......C...... wan lang dutty kiss teet dat...whaa mek????" We would immediately fall out in fits of laughter because it took both of us by surprise. Now he knows that soon after there will be a small amount of patois immediately following if I am really irked. He tells me that he knows to sit up and pay attention if I start talking in patois...LOL. too funny.

I have also noticed that my diction is getting a little too lax because of my patois as a 2nd language training.

Jawi - you are cracking me up!!!

[jawi876 2]

I have been thinking about wedding ideas. I got married the first time at my mom's house because I just cannot manage a courthouse setting. Our plan was to do it small and intimate...then do a bigger one in Jamaica. Well of course life happened...I got married...and now we are divorcing. So, I never got to wear "the dress"...

Now, I don't want to plan around the prospect of two different ceremonies. I want to wear the dress and have a romantic and intimate ceremony with those people that really love us. I really wanted to get married in Jamaica, but I don't want to extend our time apart. We are both ready to start the rest of our lives together and we are not able to do so until my divorce is final. So, I have starting thinking about Key West Florida, Miami Florida and the USVI to have the beach wedding of my "reality". LOL

My question is...will he be able to travel to the USVI on his 90 day K1 visa being that it is still a US Territory...or would Customs give us a hard time and tell us that it is still international travel?

I also want my sis and my best friend (Jonesie) to be a part of my wedding, but I think about my sweetie not having his family or best friend at a US ceremony...and I feel really bad. I know that Jonesie's hubby can stand in for him...but that still doesn't make up for him not having the option of his brother and best friend there. How do we plan this so that we only have to plan a wedding once? I'm beginning to think that the only way to make this work is to get married in Jamaica and file the K3 instead of K1. *sigh* BTW...What is the average approval time for a K3 visa?

How many of you have actually done the second ceremony after the courthouse ceremony to comply with Bablyon's red tape?

We were planning that two ceremony thing; but so far, it hasn't worked out.

Andre and I married here in our living room with a rent-a-preacher surrounded by family and friends. It was initimate and beautiful and we had a great party in our yard after. We had intended to go back to JA in December of last year to renew our vows. Well, life took over, the bills piled up, and we still haven't made it back. At this point, we are struggling just to go back and visit. Not sure if the renew of vows thing will happen anytime soon or not. Probably looking at a 5 year or 10 year renewal now.

It was a good thought in theory; but didn't work out in reality.

Neither of us is really upset about it though. The important thing was the formality of the marriage certificate. The rest is just a show.

Money was not the reason my planned Jamaica wedding was put off...just other things like having a baby, trying to adjust and regular life situations. I think those of us that considered doing two different weddings, ended up facing reality and realized that it just didn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

If you are really honest about it, the entire process is just a show. The most important thing is your union with GOD as a couple...not any piece of paper from man. Without GOD in your union constantly....that piece of paper will not keep your relationship together regardless.

We don't want a huge elaborate affair...but I do want us to have the wedding of our dreams. My dream will be satisfied if I can wear the white gown and stand in a sandbox...as long as GOD is ordaining our union...and I am saying forever and always to my best friend.

We have both done divorce, and we don't want to do it again...ever. We have talked extensively about our passion to make this work no matter what obstacles may come. He has even forced me to finally admit to myself that I am a runner. He wants me to start fighting instead.

I agree about union with god but I also believe that if you want the second marriage to happen it will. If you both put your mind to it, it will happen. That is our plan to have something small here and have something later in JA. I know that what both want it really bad and its going to happen.

Well said, and I agree. I was just wondering aloud about how many of us have successfully managed the second wedding without delaying it further than the original planned date.

Hey! On another note, have any of your hubbies mentioned stage fright with having a huge ceremony? My sweetie is terrified of a huge crowd witnessing our wedding. I told him that I never wanted a big wedding anyway...but I wanted him to clarify what was huge...and he said 20 to 30 people. I told him baby...with 4 kids we have already exceeded his 6 people limit. LOL...LOL I said what about my sis...your brother...etc. He said "Oh GAWD...mi ago ded"...and let out a nervous chuckle.

[JA Tam 7]

Yes, it is really to bad that my parents are the way they are and "I" know I can never change them. Gave that up a loooong time ago. My son says it never ever bothers him, he just ignores it. He knows that it is their ignorance. I tell him all the time, if they ask "if Mommy has someone special in my life"....tell them about Craig, but in reality...they never ever will and haven't up to this point. My parents aren't really "involved" in my life, never have been. The only time I really see them is sometimes at my sons soccer games (once a wk) and then we don't even sit near each other. I drop him off at their house and sometimes I go in and mingle. I do their travel, they are my "clients". That's about it.

My son, during the summer, mows their lawn once a week, makes $20 a pop, saves his money and buys stuff (that I won't buy...expensive shoes, games, etc) and that's when my dad will take him. My dad and my son are close to a degree.....doesn't ever take him places, ever. I think they went to the movies 3-4 yrs ago??

But....hey everyone..........I am USED to how they treat me and trust me "I" HATE IT with a passion. It does make me angry because "I" have had to struggle my entire life and my brother n sister, have been given everything to them and have not had to struggle. I don't let it get to me and I don't express those feelings in front of my son. I do tell him that we will never have that type of relationship and that if he ever need to talk to me or turn to me for anything, I will always be there for him. I will love him no matter what. I am a strong person and my sons sees that I am a good and caring person, NOT fake and materialistic like my sister and brother!! I do my best *not* to expose my son to the ignorance (from my family) as MUCH as possible. My son feels loved, truly loved --a love that "I" never had from my parents....and a different kind of love from Craig (that's still a work in progress) that he's never had from a man in my life. I have tons of guys friends, so he's had lots of *positive* male role models around.

No worries.....I'm (we) are all good !!

Kelly

Kelly - more power to you. I wish you the best and since you and Craig have an understanding as to how his relationship with the in-laws may never be, then so be it. I am sure it's hard on you guys and I am happy that despite the doctrine that was in your home as a child, it didn't shadow who you have become.

I still hold out hope that your relationship will be a beacon for change from your parents. It's apparent that you are strong and continue fighting the good fight, no matter the reactions that you may encounter. Best of luck to you

[JA Tam 7]

Hey! On another note, have any of your hubbies mentioned stage fright with having a huge ceremony? My sweetie is terrified of a huge crowd witnessing our wedding. I told him that I never wanted a big wedding anyway...but I wanted him to clarify what was huge...and he said 20 to 30 people. I told him baby...with 4 kids we have already exceeded his 6 people limit. LOL...LOL I said what about my sis...your brother...etc. He said "Oh GAWD...mi ago ded"...and let out a nervous chuckle.

***I am laughing so much, wata come outta mi yeye*** That is too cute.

[jawi876 2]

*rolling* LOL LOL

I have picked up too...but the funny thing is that I can ONLY do it when I'm irritated about something. I can't do it just to do it. When I'm irritated it comes out loud and long....kikikikiki.

My fiance would laugh at my earnest attempts to do it on a whim...but the first couple of times it came out from irritation...im look pon mi and whispa unda im voyce..."B......C...... wan lang dutty kiss teet dat...whaa mek????" We would immediately fall out in fits of laughter because it took both of us by surprise. Now he knows that soon after there will be a small amount of patois immediately following if I am really irked. He tells me that he knows to sit up and pay attention if I start talking in patois...LOL. too funny.

I have also noticed that my diction is getting a little too lax because of my patois as a 2nd language training.

Jawi - you are cracking me up!!!

Mi ear nuff time sey mi sense of humor wicked tuh baxside...wait til mi really get comfortable wid oonu.

[JA Tam 7]

Mi ear nuff time sey mi sense of humor wicked tuh baxside...wait til mi really get comfortable wid oonu.

Lawd hav mercy...more to come

[luvtravlin 0]

Yes, it is really to bad that my parents are the way they are and "I" know I can never change them. Gave that up a loooong time ago. My son says it never ever bothers him, he just ignores it. He knows that it is their ignorance. I tell him all the time, if they ask "if Mommy has someone special in my life"....tell them about Craig, but in reality...they never ever will and haven't up to this point. My parents aren't really "involved" in my life, never have been. The only time I really see them is sometimes at my sons soccer games (once a wk) and then we don't even sit near each other. I drop him off at their house and sometimes I go in and mingle. I do their travel, they are my "clients". That's about it.

My son, during the summer, mows their lawn once a week, makes $20 a pop, saves his money and buys stuff (that I won't buy...expensive shoes, games, etc) and that's when my dad will take him. My dad and my son are close to a degree.....doesn't ever take him places, ever. I think they went to the movies 3-4 yrs ago??

But....hey everyone..........I am USED to how they treat me and trust me "I" HATE IT with a passion. It does make me angry because "I" have had to struggle my entire life and my brother n sister, have been given everything to them and have not had to struggle. I don't let it get to me and I don't express those feelings in front of my son. I do tell him that we will never have that type of relationship and that if he ever need to talk to me or turn to me for anything, I will always be there for him. I will love him no matter what. I am a strong person and my sons sees that I am a good and caring person, NOT fake and materialistic like my sister and brother!! I do my best *not* to expose my son to the ignorance (from my family) as MUCH as possible. My son feels loved, truly loved --a love that "I" never had from my parents....and a different kind of love from Craig (that's still a work in progress) that he's never had from a man in my life. I have tons of guys friends, so he's had lots of *positive* male role models around.

No worries.....I'm (we) are all good !!

Kelly

Kelly - more power to you. I wish you the best and since you and Craig have an understanding as to how his relationship with the in-laws may never be, then so be it. I am sure it's hard on you guys and I am happy that despite the doctrine that was in your home as a child, it didn't shadow who you have become.

I still hold out hope that your relationship will be a beacon for change from your parents. It's apparent that you are strong and continue fighting the good fight, no matter the reactions that you may encounter. Best of luck to you

Thank you....I appreciate it. I also truly believe that if I hadn't found VJ and met truly wonderful women/men on here, I KNOW I would have lost it long ago !!!

[Empress 0]

After all the talks, warnings and pre testing the child I happened to be married to failed the ganja test and of course is banned for three years. The situation from 7 years ago did come up but was irrelavent due to his positive test results. My husband doesn't expect me to sacrifice any more time with his dum a$$ and I've pretty much decided that he's not worth it and I should move on. If I wasn't worth it to him I don't see how he should be worth it to me especially after all this time of being separated.

Not sure yet if I'll file for divorce, but I'm definitely moving on. If three years goes by and I haven't found someone else I want to be married to then I will support him when he returns to the embassy but I can't see myself being in a relationship with someone so immature and selfish. I'll file for divorce then. For now I'm just focusing on me and my goals until I'm ready to start dating again maybe sometime next year.

I figured if I could be another example to deter a stubborn spouse I should do it. Unfortunately for me no matter how many stories I shared with him he could not take heed but rather learn the hard way.

Congratulations on all the new approvals and good luck for all the interviews coming up. I'm pulling for all of you.

[jawi876 2]

Yes, it is really to bad that my parents are the way they are and "I" know I can never change them. Gave that up a loooong time ago. My son says it never ever bothers him, he just ignores it. He knows that it is their ignorance. I tell him all the time, if they ask "if Mommy has someone special in my life"....tell them about Craig, but in reality...they never ever will and haven't up to this point. My parents aren't really "involved" in my life, never have been. The only time I really see them is sometimes at my sons soccer games (once a wk) and then we don't even sit near each other. I drop him off at their house and sometimes I go in and mingle. I do their travel, they are my "clients". That's about it.

My son, during the summer, mows their lawn once a week, makes $20 a pop, saves his money and buys stuff (that I won't buy...expensive shoes, games, etc) and that's when my dad will take him. My dad and my son are close to a degree.....doesn't ever take him places, ever. I think they went to the movies 3-4 yrs ago??

But....hey everyone..........I am USED to how they treat me and trust me "I" HATE IT with a passion. It does make me angry because "I" have had to struggle my entire life and my brother n sister, have been given everything to them and have not had to struggle. I don't let it get to me and I don't express those feelings in front of my son. I do tell him that we will never have that type of relationship and that if he ever need to talk to me or turn to me for anything, I will always be there for him. I will love him no matter what. I am a strong person and my sons sees that I am a good and caring person, NOT fake and materialistic like my sister and brother!! I do my best *not* to expose my son to the ignorance (from my family) as MUCH as possible. My son feels loved, truly loved --a love that "I" never had from my parents....and a different kind of love from Craig (that's still a work in progress) that he's never had from a man in my life. I have tons of guys friends, so he's had lots of *positive* male role models around.

No worries.....I'm (we) are all good !!

Kelly

Kelly - more power to you. I wish you the best and since you and Craig have an understanding as to how his relationship with the in-laws may never be, then so be it. I am sure it's hard on you guys and I am happy that despite the doctrine that was in your home as a child, it didn't shadow who you have become.

I still hold out hope that your relationship will be a beacon for change from your parents. It's apparent that you are strong and continue fighting the good fight, no matter the reactions that you may encounter. Best of luck to you

Big up Kelly fe tru...

mi gyal mi neva meant fe mek yuh like wan whale inna fish bowl zeen? Mi big up fe hangle nuff qwestians wid strengt...dignity and poise...many oomans woulda vex tuh rass. Nuff respect.

[JA Tam 7]

After all the talks, warnings and pre testing the child I happened to be married to failed the ganja test and of course is banned for three years. The situation from 7 years ago did come up but was irrelavent due to his positive test results. My husband doesn't expect me to sacrifice any more time with his dum a$$ and I've pretty much decided that he's not worth it and I should move on. If I wasn't worth it to him I don't see how he should be worth it to me especially after all this time of being separated.

Not sure yet if I'll file for divorce, but I'm definitely moving on. If three years goes by and I haven't found someone else I want to be married to then I will support him when he returns to the embassy but I can't see myself being in a relationship with someone so immature and selfish. I'll file for divorce then. For now I'm just focusing on me and my goals until I'm ready to start dating again maybe sometime next year.

I figured if I could be another example to deter a stubborn spouse I should do it. Unfortunately for me no matter how many stories I shared with him he could not take heed but rather learn the hard way.

Congratulations on all the new approvals and good luck for all the interviews coming up. I'm pulling for all of you.

Oh Empress, I am so sorry to hear that. I am so upset that he did that . WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING? Didn't he pass the test that he did prior to the medical? My dear, I am sure you are so upset, after all the work you have to go through, for this to be the end result - mi caan believe it!

[jawi876 2]

After all the talks, warnings and pre testing the child I happened to be married to failed the ganja test and of course is banned for three years. The situation from 7 years ago did come up but was irrelavent due to his positive test results. My husband doesn't expect me to sacrifice any more time with his dum a$$ and I've pretty much decided that he's not worth it and I should move on. If I wasn't worth it to him I don't see how he should be worth it to me especially after all this time of being separated.

Not sure yet if I'll file for divorce, but I'm definitely moving on. If three years goes by and I haven't found someone else I want to be married to then I will support him when he returns to the embassy but I can't see myself being in a relationship with someone so immature and selfish. I'll file for divorce then. For now I'm just focusing on me and my goals until I'm ready to start dating again maybe sometime next year.

I figured if I could be another example to deter a stubborn spouse I should do it. Unfortunately for me no matter how many stories I shared with him he could not take heed but rather learn the hard way.

Congratulations on all the new approvals and good luck for all the interviews coming up. I'm pulling for all of you.

(((((((((Empress))))))))))) No words will erase the pain you feel right now. I am so sorry to hear this happened to you. You have indeed been a trooper since 2003 with all of the stuff from INS...that he should have been able to sacrafice for you as well. I would never encourage you to leave your husband or your vows...but I understand completely if you felt compelled to do so. Dang. I am so truly sorry.

[Forever Young 1]

After all the talks, warnings and pre testing the child I happened to be married to failed the ganja test and of course is banned for three years. The situation from 7 years ago did come up but was irrelavent due to his positive test results. My husband doesn't expect me to sacrifice any more time with his dum a$$ and I've pretty much decided that he's not worth it and I should move on. If I wasn't worth it to him I don't see how he should be worth it to me especially after all this time of being separated.

Not sure yet if I'll file for divorce, but I'm definitely moving on. If three years goes by and I haven't found someone else I want to be married to then I will support him when he returns to the embassy but I can't see myself being in a relationship with someone so immature and selfish. I'll file for divorce then. For now I'm just focusing on me and my goals until I'm ready to start dating again maybe sometime next year.

I figured if I could be another example to deter a stubborn spouse I should do it. Unfortunately for me no matter how many stories I shared with him he could not take heed but rather learn the hard way.

Congratulations on all the new approvals and good luck for all the interviews coming up. I'm pulling for all of you.

Empress,

I am really sorry to hear that. You are absolutely right to MOVE ON!!! Give me a break...he has no excuse at all and it's not fair that you are left to now pick up the pieces of his selfishness.

Again, I am so sorry to hear and hope you find a man worthy of you in the VERY near future!

Blessings,

Gill

[SupportOAFJF 0]

No seriously Kimmy I won't buy much we are on a tight budget. My mom goes crazy over this stuff and will buy almost everything for me. She loves this second hand shop we have up here in Naperville clothes are around a buck a piece. She bought a lot for my niece but I think our baby will get more spoiled by her. The reasoning is my niece has 5 grandmas so my mother doesn't need to get a lot of items. Right now all I am thinking we need is a crib, a baby sling, 10 onesies, 7 sleepers, 5 pairs of socks, car seat, 5 bottles, 1 new born hat, digital thermometer, baby nail clipper, 5 blankets, gentle baby wash, disposable wipes, and lots of diapers. I guess my list is long but I think this is all we need for the start. My girlfriends later on want to hold a shower for me but I am so not into showers. We will see when the time comes. What do you think are the basics you need to have?

2 receiving blankets

stroller

baby bathtub

2 -3 4 oz bottles

burp cloths

changing mat

2 pacifiers (optional!)

3-4 hats

scratch mitts

5 baby vests

cotton wool

vaseline

baby bag with travel size changing mat, wipes

baby shampoo

swaddler (VERY good for soothing your newborn)

just make sure u wash ur second hand stuff...

Only 2 blankets... we'll see

I used A&D ointment for everything ...i mean everything

I liked the new mom survival kits

I tell yah..I never ever used a changing mat

if ur going to use a pacifier..get the soothies brand..love it..shaped like the bottle and it doesn't trap air..i was able to get my daughter off of it by 6mths

Baby sling I used quite often..more often than a stroller

Think about getting more onesies, more socks and hats..and plenty of wash cloths

It's also nice if u invest in a convertable crib

[SupportOAFJF 0]

Hey D,

U know how me feel pon dis aready. Him absolutely need some raass kick fi dat fi real. Girl I hope as time goes by the hurt will get less, but keep strong mi gyal mi deh yah fi u..zeen

Wha mek me so vex a seh a not even him past case dem deny him, a testing positive that's crazy..Mi love u long time..so mek him tan deh a grow up a likkle bit

yu girl

Kimmy

Edited September 10, 2007 by kimmykashi

[JA Tam 7]

Hey D,

U know how me feel pon dis aready. Him absolutely need some raass kick fi dat fi real. Girl I hope as time goes by the hurt will get less, but keep strong mi gyal mi deh yah fi u..zeen

Wha mek me so vex a seh a not even him past case dem deny him, a testing positive that's crazy..Mi love u long time..so mek him tan deh a grow up a likkle bit

yu girl

Kimmy

If it was even the prior ting, it woulda bad an nuh suh bad, but fi 'im fi guh tes' positive --- Man....mi caan believe it