Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[Yaads 0]

Wow this place died quick

Have a great weekend everyone! Wish me luck as I apartment hunt I hope to find "the one" tonight so keep your fingers crossed!

[jlvr 1]

Me -- NO WAY!!! But -- that being said -- I also believe that life is too short to not take chances. You are only given one opportunity here -- what you do with that opportunity is all up to you.

[/color]

This was the conclusion that I finally came to after doubting for a long time. Nothing is 100%. Even if I met and married someone from the US, even if I knew him for five years before getting married, there is nothing that says that we wouldn't have problems, nothing that says he wouldn't suddenly change and certainly nothing that says that he would not cheat on me.

No second-guessing. Life's too short. Live it, learn from it and keep moving.

[jlvr 1]

.the laundry sat in the washing machine for 5 days....got that nice smelly smell to them, so I did them before I went to work today and MOST of them were his clothes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girl, you're crazy. I would have dumped the pile on the floor in front of the washing machine and left them there.

[marias 0]

Heeeeelllll NO, NOT "NEW" female friends !!!!!

quote name='luvtravlin' date='Apr 13 2007, 03:38 PM' post='836884']

he cant have friends.

so do you have male friends or is that out to. is there a trust issue between the two of you. at this stage in your life you should be able to have a better understanding that you cant control a person. if he tells you that when you meet someone you cant be friends with them. then how r u feeling. maybe he is hiding it from you because you have such a issue about him having a female friend. if you meet a man do you always want to have a relation with him other than friends. im not trying to side with him on anything but only to look at it objectively and see why you may be having this problem. if you try to keep him controlled dont you think you will push him away. if you make him feel like he is a child. if he is looking for another woman then thats another thing. thats something you wont be able to control either.

all the best to you and i hope you work things out with your husband. i know you are feeling unappreciated but hang in there.

[Minfay 0]

I think I am going to try and put a disclaimer at the end of every post I am really enjoying it

Hey....it's not a bad idea!!! Good luck!!!

[Jamaicagyaldat 1]

Well no wife wants to be a mommy to their husband forsure! However, depending on the immigrant some do not have the tools they need to make a succesful life here without their wifes help. There is a difference between teaching them so they can be independent and being a mommy. What I meant in my previous post is that you do have to give a lot the first 2 years so they can build their resources and learn how to make a life in the US. Just as if I moved to Jamaica we would need certain tools to build a life in their culture. If the men that immigrate here already have a knowledge of how to adapt then by all means....treat them like there are no cultural differences. But if they dont....everyone including us wives have a lot to learn about each other.

Kelli~~If Craig is just sitting around feeling sorry for himself and thinking he can do whatever he wants without regard to your life, son, or current financial situation he has another thing coming. Although he cant financially support you he has an obligation to emotionally support you by helping with the cleaning, dishes, your son etc. When my husband couldn't work we joked and called him a house husband. He said my job is to keep the house clean, do the laundry, unthaw the food(the boy cant cook), make the bed, and make suer the house is tidy. I said exactly. Now when he went to work we both pitched in too do those things. When he got layed off temporarily for seasonal transition he said time to be a house husband again! : ) Point is he better step it up because he does have responsibilites. AND guess what if he does choose to take on another woman...the ###### is gonna be exactly the same and he is going to learn that he has duties no matter what woman he is with.

And I can 100% tell any woman married to a Jamaican that no matter what they say they absolutly "talked" to other women while dating you. Be honest with yourself...It is a real thing and I know alot of real good Jamaicans as well as bad. And even the real gooddddddddddd gooood ones have other friends. Like someone said the immigration process does not let you get to know a person under normal circumstances,...the result is some crazy stuff. And think about this..how many tourists come to Jamaica to visit and how many women are hooking up with Jamaican men...what about the cruise ship tourists...absolutly...one day fling and on their way...it happens girls and it will continue too. Its just reality. Once here like I said you better straighten up or move on back to the place you can do those things...cuz its not with me and its no on my time honey!! : )

[Marlita 0]

You ladies are very strong and I applaud you for your strength. It's just not something I could do. If I thought my SO, whether BF, fiance, or spouse and whether in JA or USA was cheating, I would not be as nice as you all are being.

Here Here to that! I thought it was just me that was thinking the 'let it slide' comments were a little bit weird! Why would I want to marry someone that was cheating on me from the BEGINNING of our relationship. Do I think I can't get any better? Do I not deserve any better? Do I allow it just cause he's in another country?

I don't understand this logic. I know that people cheat in relationships all the time, but I have never known of som many people who are turning a blind eye on it so easily. What is that all about? No wonder the men get to the US and see all these hot ladies and think its OK to "have friends", you were letting him do it to you before you were even married to one another. SO basically you married a scoundrel of a man, and you knew it, and then you get upset that he's still a scoundrel after you've paid all this money and dedicated all this time to get him here in the US with you.

Does anyone else not see a problem with this here! As a person looking in from the inside, I can see so many red flags in some of these relationships, it absolutely ridiculous.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but some of these comments were just sooo shocking to me. They just blew my mind! WOW!!

[Jonesie 1]

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration, but be of good cheer:meaning be confident, cerain,undaunted! For I have overcome the world. I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you......(John 16:33 and J. Myers

One thing that I constantly have to tell myself is that marriage isn't expendable, like dating. Of course everyone has their own limits, but we said our vows before the Lord and I'm doing my best to be a wife in His image (which I need help with daily ). No one is perfect and we all fall short. I feel that the key is praying, listening to what the Lord tells you, and finding ways to communicate during those hard times. I'm not directing this to anyone specifically, but sharing what I feel. I haven't been in the shoes of some of our Yardie posters, but at the same time hubby and I have had our own share of trials. Coming together and trusting that the Lord has a purpose in us being together, as well as me loving him, is what I hold on to.

Marriage isn't something that one can adjust to overnight, after a week, or even after the first year. As people we are constantly changing, learning and growing. Our spouses have to figure out how to hang in there with us, and still do their part - and vice versa.

A lot of people say "well if it were me, I'd _____" or "leave him, I would never stand for that" but until you are in that situation, you really don't know how to react, especially when you're truly in love.

For those of you going through hard times, hang in there

Edited April 14, 2007 by Jonesie

[Jonesie 1]

Me -- NO WAY!!! But -- that being said -- I also believe that life is too short to not take chances. You are only given one opportunity here -- what you do with that opportunity is all up to you.

[/color]

Even if I met and married someone from the US, even if I knew him for five years before getting married, there is nothing that says that we wouldn't have problems, nothing that says he wouldn't suddenly change and certainly nothing that says that he would not cheat on me.

Ain't that the truth...

[BelwinMills 0]

Anways I just had to get because reading a lot of these post were making me sad in away.

I just saw this online and thought it was a great positive quiz. Take if you like.

The Question is Are you Satisfied with life? Some seem so happy here and some seem not so satisfied .

Score each one from number 1 through 7. 1 being the least satisfied and 7 being the most satisfied.

1. In most ways, my life is close to ideal.

2. The conditions of my life are excellent.

3. I am satisfied with my life.

4. So far I have gotten the important things I want

5. If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.

If you scored 15 or under, you are dissatisfied with your life. If you scored 31 or higher, you are extremely satisfied with your life.

If you scored somewhere in the middle, happiness expert Dr. Robert Holden has some advice on how to live a more satisfying life. Dr. Holden says the key to being happy is overcoming "destination addiction," which he defines as "living in the not-now."

"It's always about tomorrow, so you're chasing 'more,' 'next' and 'there,'" he says. "You promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy. And I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for."

Instead, Dr. Holden says if you are unhappy with your life or looking to improve your score, there are two things you can do. "We have to learn to let go of our past, we have to give up all hopes for a perfect past. Let the past go, it's gone." After that, he says, "Take a vow of kindness. Be kinder to yourself and to others.

"It's never too late to be happy," he says.

I scored a 32

[BelwinMills 0]

Wow this place died quick

Have a great weekend everyone! Wish me luck as I apartment hunt I hope to find "the one" tonight so keep your fingers crossed!

Best wishes with your apartment hunting! Let us know how it goes? Crossing my fingers for a good apartment.

.the laundry sat in the washing machine for 5 days....got that nice smelly smell to them, so I did them before I went to work today and MOST of them were his clothes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girl, you're crazy. I would have dumped the pile on the floor in front of the washing machine and left them there.

Ditto

I think I am going to try and put a disclaimer at the end of every post I am really enjoying it

Hey....it's not a bad idea!!! Good luck!!!

Great Idea Love it!

You ladies are very strong and I applaud you for your strength. It's just not something I could do. If I thought my SO, whether BF, fiance, or spouse and whether in JA or USA was cheating, I would not be as nice as you all are being.

Here Here to that! I thought it was just me that was thinking the 'let it slide' comments were a little bit weird! Why would I want to marry someone that was cheating on me from the BEGINNING of our relationship. Do I think I can't get any better? Do I not deserve any better? Do I allow it just cause he's in another country?

I don't understand this logic. I know that people cheat in relationships all the time, but I have never known of som many people who are turning a blind eye on it so easily. What is that all about? No wonder the men get to the US and see all these hot ladies and think its OK to "have friends", you were letting him do it to you before you were even married to one another. SO basically you married a scoundrel of a man, and you knew it, and then you get upset that he's still a scoundrel after you've paid all this money and dedicated all this time to get him here in the US with you.

Does anyone else not see a problem with this here! As a person looking in from the inside, I can see so many red flags in some of these relationships, it absolutely ridiculous.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but some of these comments were just sooo shocking to me. They just blew my mind! WOW!!

I am with you ladies. That is why I learned who my husband was and I know he would never do this. I have to many other JA friends that would tell me to. My JA friends always told me my hubbt and I would get married I was like right and we did. I wouldn't be with my hubby if he disrespected me and cheated on me at all in JA or here. That is just me I believe in respect.

Who ever said feeling like their husbands mother at first when they come. I know I have said this before but I took care of 5 all at once. So just my hubby should be no problem I know what I have to sacrfice and still to this day all of the boys who I took care of treat me like a princes when I am down and always take me out.

[BelwinMills 0]

Hey Maria, how are you??? Good to see you.

hi how u been? im in florida. so hows my hometown?

Maria how is FL? How have u been? It is great hearing from you.

Wow...I'm sure he was glad he took care of it. He was lucky b/c I know another person that tried the same thing but was denied.

I know 3 other people who paid "hush money"...one of them were still denied.

I spoke to a consular officer who used to work in Kingston and she told me it is the consular officer's decision how long it will be before they can come back....she used to tell people to come back in six months while others were told 10 years

WOW!! This is crazy.

..sorry for the double post....

Sure or are you really working on that third heart

[cambutler 0]

Hello..

I know that it has been a while since I've posted anything... My husband got his visa this tuesday. I am not as lucky as many other posters, it seems once everyone else's spouse get their visas, they're already on di plane... but my hubby is uneasy about coming... He has ends to tie, he says.. I respect that, isn't there a time frame on which you can travel with the CR visa? I told him two months and he says he will come in almost two months, but I want to be sure..

He wants to come, but he says it makes him feel like he's going to a new school and he doesn't know anyone.. which I guess is true, he knows my family only, I can't think of any ways to ease his nervousness, so I'm going to be patient and understanding, i'm trying.

But is that true with the visa? I know k1 visas have 3 months.. what about CR1 visas?

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

You ladies are very strong and I applaud you for your strength. It's just not something I could do. If I thought my SO, whether BF, fiance, or spouse and whether in JA or USA was cheating, I would not be as nice as you all are being.

Here Here to that! I thought it was just me that was thinking the 'let it slide' comments were a little bit weird! Why would I want to marry someone that was cheating on me from the BEGINNING of our relationship. Do I think I can't get any better? Do I not deserve any better? Do I allow it just cause he's in another country?

I don't understand this logic. I know that people cheat in relationships all the time, but I have never known of som many people who are turning a blind eye on it so easily. What is that all about? No wonder the men get to the US and see all these hot ladies and think its OK to "have friends", you were letting him do it to you before you were even married to one another. SO basically you married a scoundrel of a man, and you knew it, and then you get upset that he's still a scoundrel after you've paid all this money and dedicated all this time to get him here in the US with you.

Does anyone else not see a problem with this here! As a person looking in from the inside, I can see so many red flags in some of these relationships, it absolutely ridiculous.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but some of these comments were just sooo shocking to me. They just blew my mind! WOW!!

I totally agree......I don't believe for ONE second any of my ex boyfriends or current SO were talking to ther women while dating me.

I have been looking at some of the comments and gone like 'WOW' too.......

[nyseness 0]

Hello..

I know that it has been a while since I've posted anything... My husband got his visa this tuesday. I am not as lucky as many other posters, it seems once everyone else's spouse get their visas, they're already on di plane... but my hubby is uneasy about coming... He has ends to tie, he says.. I respect that, isn't there a time frame on which you can travel with the CR visa? I told him two months and he says he will come in almost two months, but I want to be sure..

He wants to come, but he says it makes him feel like he's going to a new school and he doesn't know anyone.. which I guess is true, he knows my family only, I can't think of any ways to ease his nervousness, so I'm going to be patient and understanding, i'm trying.

But is that true with the visa? I know k1 visas have 3 months.. what about CR1 visas?

Actually the CR-1 and K1 is valid for 6 months.