Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[brownnskinn 0]

quote]

3 Months???? Just out of curiosity, how was it almost a problem? Was he able to do something to clear it up?

Well, to be honest and only a few knew the real truth about this, but heck....why not tell everyone now....to try to help others....Craig WAS going to denied. I'll really never ever know the *exact* truth because of the many maaaaany lies I've been told by him. When I went down for my interview "I" personally just KNEW that he was going to be denied because I just knew he could never stop. He "stopped" about 2 weeks prior. When we went for the interview his medical wasn't at the Embassy yet.....so before we left Kingston we went over to the medical place to find out what was going on. Craig "said" he spoke to the Lab supervisor...she said his file had already gone to the Embassy....Embassy said they didn't have it....so she asked for his number and said she'll research and call him as soon as possible. We were hanging out at Sandals Whitehouse getting TOTALLY drunk and he received a phone call from her telling her that his test came back positive and for a "price" she could "make it go away"!!!! I was SOOOO PISSED OFF it was not even funny. "I" was NOT going to pay....so Craig had to come up with $330 US dollars. I ended up giving him $100 but after I got back to the states and had to reeeeally think 'bout it. STUPID ME !!!!!!!!!

Oh wow. On one hand, I can understand your anger over it. On the other, I could see how you or me or any one of us would be relieved that he had not been denied.

At times I think it would have been a TOTAL blessing to have him denied to have gone through all that I've gone through ...and still some BS to this date.

We still have NOT filed for our AOS because of **stuff** !!!

Yall might think I'm crazy but....I went to a religious conference the year before I started this process. I remember once being on my knees praying crying about the descision I had made and was asking God to send me a sign that I was making the right choice, You know the next day a Bynium spoke and she was talking about choices, so she stands up and states. You need to leave that man in Jamacia!!!! You cannot not image everything that was going through my mind. The next day another Lady who was speaking, just about said the same thing I was really confused then. Is he trying to tell me something here I thought????? Is it a couicedence(sp)?? that I had obstaciles with this process no!! I think not! I think GOD sends us signals when someting is not right. We are too busy acting on our feelings to realize what is going on. I think if we ask for direction he sends he signals, but we are usually not in tune to when he speaks to us. Now I get on my knees and pray and ask for forgiveness for not paying attention to him and to please turn my mess into a miricle, and if this person is not meant for me please remove him from my life. EVERY thing happens for a reason. My situation isn't perfect. this has not been all bad by any means. This has truely been a learning experience for me, not just about men, or Ja men but about myself, about truely loving youself and knowing that GOD loves me and that he will provide others, including a husband who will as well, if not now in his good timing Stay strong One

[Sonshyne 2]

Yall might think I'm crazy but....I went to a religious conference the year before I started this process. I remember once being on my knees praying crying about the descision I had made and was asking God to send me a sign that I was making the right choice, You know the next day a Bynium spoke and she was talking about choices, so she stands up and states. You need to leave that man in Jamacia!!!! You cannot not image everything that was going through my mind. The next day another Lady who was speaking, just about said the same thing I was really confused then. Is he trying to tell me something here I thought????? Is it a couicedence(sp)?? that I had obstaciles with this process no!! I think not! I think GOD sends us signals when someting is not right. We are too busy acting on our feelings to realize what is going on. I think if we ask for direction he sends he signals, but we are usually not in tune to when he speaks to us. Now I get on my knees and pray and ask for forgiveness for not paying attention to him and to please turn my mess into a miricle, and if this person is not meant for me please remove him from my life. EVERY thing happens for a reason. My situation isn't perfect. this has not been all bad by any means. This has truely been a learning experience for me, not just about men, or Ja men but about myself, about truely loving youself and knowing that GOD loves me and that he will provide others, including a husband who will as well, if not now in his good timing Stay strong One

Very well said

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Yall might think I'm crazy but....I went to a religious conference the year before I started this process. I remember once being on my knees praying crying about the descision I had made and was asking God to send me a sign that I was making the right choice, You know the next day a Bynium spoke and she was talking about choices, so she stands up and states. You need to leave that man in Jamacia!!!! You cannot not image everything that was going through my mind. The next day another Lady who was speaking, just about said the same thing I was really confused then. Is he trying to tell me something here I thought????? Is it a couicedence(sp)?? that I had obstaciles with this process no!! I think not! I think GOD sends us signals when someting is not right. We are too busy acting on our feelings to realize what is going on. I think if we ask for direction he sends he signals, but we are usually not in tune to when he speaks to us. Now I get on my knees and pray and ask for forgiveness for not paying attention to him and to please turn my mess into a miricle, and if this person is not meant for me please remove him from my life. EVERY thing happens for a reason. My situation isn't perfect. this has not been all bad by any means. This has truely been a learning experience for me, not just about men, or Ja men but about myself, about truely loving youself and knowing that GOD loves me and that he will provide others, including a husband who will as well, if not now in his good timing Stay strong One

I think in almost every situation, hindsight is 20/20. You look back and can see the signs that you shouldn't have done something a MILE off, but when you were being sent them, you refused to see and acknowledge them for what they were.....But at the end of the day, there will come a time when the situation must end, one way or another, and when that time comes, there will be no doubt.....But at least, even if you took the 'wrong path', you will have learned from it, realized that signs should not be ignored....And you will also have the satisfaction of knowing you did everything in your power to do what you thought was right.....

[rhondapayter 0]

...i asked him about it and he said they were friends....when i said ok lets call...he admitted they were girls he met..

Oh my Gosh!!! I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is my worst fear too Did he say WHY he felt compelled to talk to other women??? What are you gonna do next?

Good luck with everything

[rhondapayter 0]

I even delivered him two sets of those pills that help clear out your system - he took one before each test.

Hmm. Might need some of these. Where would I get them?

I got them at a local store near me. You could probably check online for stores in your area.

[rhondapayter 0]

New list with Sarah's name on it

Jax

Jonesie

Elizabeth

Lurissa

Rhonda

Sarah

Mindy

Shemanya

Squitto

Shauna

Anna

Dee

Hey, wait a minute!! I think someone changed the order around a bit

So true

Disclaimer: Of course by "they" I mean only the men that I know personally and have heard about personally via friends, relatives or media outlets. In no way do I imply ALL men of a certain ethnic origin, religious background or any other "group".

Couldn't resist

Jamie, that's why I love you

[rhondapayter 0]

You would ***think*** that if he WANTED to be here in the good ole opportunity USofA he'd be a complete a** kisser !!!!

He knows that he could be sent back at ANY time

I really don't think him kissing your butt is the solution to your problems!!! Is he supposed to be eternally grateful to you for bringing him here? You guys were/are supposed to be in LOVE. Isn't the whole reason he's here is so you two can be together? If you expect him to feel "indebted" to you for giving him this "wonderful opportunity" that could explain why your relationship isn't working. Also, constantly holding it over his head that he he can be deported at any time that you get the notion to do so.

I'm not saying any of this to be mean. I went through some of the same things with Tony when he first came here. Many, many times I felt he should feel grateful to me for everything I've done for him, but it doesn't work that way It has to be a 2 way street. He has to feel needed and appreciated too or it won't work. Not like you did him some giant favor by bringing him here. He had to leave his family, friends, home, job - everything he knew and loved - to come here. He made a big sacrifice too. I remind myself of this often

Edited April 13, 2007 by rhondapayter

[nannygirl82 0]

...i asked him about it and he said they were friends....when i said ok lets call...he admitted they were girls he met..

Oh my Gosh!!! I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is my worst fear too Did he say WHY he felt compelled to talk to other women??? What are you gonna do next?

Good luck with everything

First off....i want to thank EVERYONE for their kind words to me....it has reallt helped me a lot!!! it is so great to know that even though a lot of you live far away...i still have a great support team!!!

I did ask mike why....and he offered me a couple of things...none of which made me feel any better...

first he said watching the music videos and the celebs...like ummm beyonce', paris hilton ect....put thoughts into his head...also he said when he was walking past the girls and they were looking at him...for whatever reason he had to talk to them....because he wanted a "friend" and when i explained to him what i heard a friend was in Jamaica..(through in Jamie's disclamier) he agreed w/ me....so maybe it was out of anger towards me because i work a lot....or he wanted dutty wine....i don't know...just that he told all of them the same song and dance about how he was w/ his aunt and he was single...

and he did say last night...the JA girl...said well i know we can't be together(b/f,g/f) but at least we could be "friends"....

i don't know what i am going to do...a friend said wait a month to get your head on and figure it ot...which i think is a good idea...because he has been SSSSOO nice...calling me everytime he goes somewhere so...i need to see how long the mr. good guy thing last and if he goes back to the old way...

[Sonshyne 2]

...i asked him about it and he said they were friends....when i said ok lets call...he admitted they were girls he met..

Oh my Gosh!!! I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is my worst fear too Did he say WHY he felt compelled to talk to other women??? What are you gonna do next?

Good luck with everything

First off....i want to thank EVERYONE for their kind words to me....it has reallt helped me a lot!!! it is so great to know that even though a lot of you live far away...i still have a great support team!!!

I did ask mike why....and he offered me a couple of things...none of which made me feel any better...

first he said watching the music videos and the celebs...like ummm beyonce', paris hilton ect....put thoughts into his head...also he said when he was walking past the girls and they were looking at him...for whatever reason he had to talk to them....because he wanted a "friend" and when i explained to him what i heard a friend was in Jamaica..(through in Jamie's disclamier) he agreed w/ me....so maybe it was out of anger towards me because i work a lot....or he wanted dutty wine....i don't know...just that he told all of them the same song and dance about how he was w/ his aunt and he was single...

and he did say last night...the JA girl...said well i know we can't be together(b/f,g/f) but at least we could be "friends"....

i don't know what i am going to do...a friend said wait a month to get your head on and figure it ot...which i think is a good idea...because he has been SSSSOO nice...calling me everytime he goes somewhere so...i need to see how long the mr. good guy thing last and if he goes back to the old way...

Good morning,

I am glad that the support you have here has helped you. I know this isn't easy to deal with, but hang in there.

Edited April 13, 2007 by Sonshyne

[jlvr 1]

I even delivered him two sets of those pills that help clear out your system - he took one before each test.

Hmm. Might need some of these. Where would I get them?

I got them at a local store near me. You could probably check online for stores in your area.

Okay, thanks. But what kind of store, health food store, drug store? How would I know what they are? (I'm sure they don't advertise this use. ) I know that some use golden seal tea. I think there's also a golden seal pill, is that what you're talking about?

Edited April 13, 2007 by jlvr

[jlvr 1]

...i asked him about it and he said they were friends....when i said ok lets call...he admitted they were girls he met..

Oh my Gosh!!! I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is my worst fear too Did he say WHY he felt compelled to talk to other women??? What are you gonna do next?

Good luck with everything

First off....i want to thank EVERYONE for their kind words to me....it has reallt helped me a lot!!! it is so great to know that even though a lot of you live far away...i still have a great support team!!!

I did ask mike why....and he offered me a couple of things...none of which made me feel any better...

first he said watching the music videos and the celebs...like ummm beyonce', paris hilton ect....put thoughts into his head...also he said when he was walking past the girls and they were looking at him...for whatever reason he had to talk to them....because he wanted a "friend" and when i explained to him what i heard a friend was in Jamaica..(through in Jamie's disclamier) he agreed w/ me....so maybe it was out of anger towards me because i work a lot....or he wanted dutty wine....i don't know...just that he told all of them the same song and dance about how he was w/ his aunt and he was single...

and he did say last night...the JA girl...said well i know we can't be together(b/f,g/f) but at least we could be "friends"....

i don't know what i am going to do...a friend said wait a month to get your head on and figure it ot...which i think is a good idea...because he has been SSSSOO nice...calling me everytime he goes somewhere so...i need to see how long the mr. good guy thing last and if he goes back to the old way...

Yeah, you don't want to do anything immediately. Take some time to think and step back from it a little. Evaluate your relationship and decide whether you feel you would be able to trust him again. And evaluate his willingness to continue the relationship without doing anything like that again. And if you do decide to go on, let him know that there won't be a 3rd chance.

[luvtravlin 0]

You would ***think*** that if he WANTED to be here in the good ole opportunity USofA he'd be a complete a** kisser !!!!

He knows that he could be sent back at ANY time

I really don't think him kissing your butt is the solution to your problems!!! Is he supposed to be eternally grateful to you for bringing him here? You guys were/are supposed to be in LOVE. Isn't the whole reason he's here is so you two can be together? If you expect him to feel "indebted" to you for giving him this "wonderful opportunity" that could explain why your relationship isn't working. Also, constantly holding it over his head that he he can be deported at any time that you get the notion to do so.

I'm not saying any of this to be mean. I went through some of the same things with Tony when he first came here. Many, many times I felt he should feel grateful to me for everything I've done for him, but it doesn't work that way It has to be a 2 way street. He has to feel needed and appreciated too or it won't work. Not like you did him some giant favor by bringing him here. He had to leave his family, friends, home, job - everything he knew and loved - to come here. He made a big sacrifice too. I remind myself of this often

Well, if you ONLY knew half of our story!!! I NEVER EVER throw in his face or hold it over his head that he can be deported EVER!!! Yes, he DOES need to kiss MY a** and I think you know what I mean!!! I bend over backwards, work 2 full-time jobs, transporting everyone everywhere, doing laundry, making all the meals, cleaning, constantly making HIM feel comfortable, constantly making HIM feel needed AND appreciated ALL OF THE TIME, making sure that HE is "taken care of", making sure that "HE" is happy.....etc etc......okay, so where is MY appreciation?, making ME feel comfortable?, etc etc etc ............the CONSTANT "promises" I had waaaaay before he got here and the way things are here and the CONSTANT battle between my love (and attention) for my son and then the love for Craig......ONLY those that have children (not by our husband) truly KNOW what I'm talking about!!! You're constantly being pulled in EVERY direction and where is "my" time?????

Craig wasn't working when he came here, his closest friends and cousins are here in the states (New York and Philly), his family was ONLY his mother and she ONLY calls when she needs money. I KNOW that he made a sacrifice, but "I" have sacrificed ALOT !!!!

Trust me, those that know my very very well ...and the great friends that I've made on this site just know, that "I" have put up ALOT of #######. Yes, I would absoLUTELY LOVE for this relationship to work out. I do love Craig, but not like it was since the 1st month of him being here. "I" do NOT deserve to be treated the way I am. I do have thick skin and do not let most of his BS get to me. Sometimes I take out the frustration on my son, which is NOT good. I'm ONLY HUMAN !!! Craig's bags have been packed for over a month, he says ALLLLLL of the time he's leaving. He wants ME to pay for him to leave and at one point I was going to. He will NOT go and stay with his family and friends................NO CLUE WHY??? He's EXTREEEMELY jealous of my friendships (mostly because they are men), he's EXTREEEMELY insecure with my relationship with my son !!

When my son wasn't here over spring break, we had a WONDERFUL time together, getting back to the way it was the 1st month that he got here.....an hour before my son came home he TOTALLY TOTALLY CHANGED **BACK** to jerk-off Craig !!!!

At this point, if he leaves.....say-la-ve.....if he stays he KNOWS he has to change alot of the ways he "acts" (which he NEVER EVER acted that way for the yr 1/2 that I knew him before he came here).

I know that Craig loves me. I'm his 1st **real** relationship and on top of that with a child. He KNEW my son and spent ALOT of time with him before he came here. HE throws in MY face ALLLLL of the time, well, if your son needed shoes you'd go and buy them for him, if your son needed this and that, you would go and buy them for him. He canNOT see that my son is a CHILD (even though he's 13), he's still a child who solely depends on ONLY me. His father is not and has never been in the picture. I really don't **think** that "I" shound need to defend myself EVERYtime in regards to my son??!!!

This flippin relationship is unlike any I've ever been in. I've never had to be torn between 2 people I love the most!!! As Shauna said, it's another day...........but..........getting through each day, touch and it's NOT supposed to be THIS TOUGH !!!

Oh.....and for the person that said "I'm whining"........okay, maybe right now I am.......yes, I did have some red flags. Asked God to show me this and/or that.....and yeah, I DO kick my butt for NOT "listening" to those signs, but things do happen for a reason and we sometimes will never know what exactly those reasons are....

[nannygirl82 0]

You would ***think*** that if he WANTED to be here in the good ole opportunity USofA he'd be a complete a** kisser !!!!

He knows that he could be sent back at ANY time

I really don't think him kissing your butt is the solution to your problems!!! Is he supposed to be eternally grateful to you for bringing him here? You guys were/are supposed to be in LOVE. Isn't the whole reason he's here is so you two can be together? If you expect him to feel "indebted" to you for giving him this "wonderful opportunity" that could explain why your relationship isn't working. Also, constantly holding it over his head that he he can be deported at any time that you get the notion to do so.

I'm not saying any of this to be mean. I went through some of the same things with Tony when he first came here. Many, many times I felt he should feel grateful to me for everything I've done for him, but it doesn't work that way It has to be a 2 way street. He has to feel needed and appreciated too or it won't work. Not like you did him some giant favor by bringing him here. He had to leave his family, friends, home, job - everything he knew and loved - to come here. He made a big sacrifice too. I remind myself of this often

i agree to disagre.....yes he did give up a lot to be here this is true...not going to take that away from him...BUT!!!!!! i have and a lot of other vj'rs have as well made sacraficed for the SO to come here.. like you said it is a 2 way street...i'm not going to continue to bend of backwards for him and try to make him feel needed and comfortable when being treated the way that i have been and am being treated....i'm sorry just not fair..

Edited April 13, 2007 by nannygirl82

[darlene 0]

Kelly!

One word of advice from me. DO NOT jepordize your relationship with your son. You have only one son but can have many men in your life. I went through a horrible relationship with my second husband. and it was a great relationship for the first few years. He had a daughter and I had my son. It was a constant battle. His daughter did no wrong, my son did no right. My son bore the brunt of it although he was is still is no angle. (28 years old now) I would NEVER do that again. My son still bears the scars of our constant bickering.... Think about it. If the tables were turned would you want to be in you son's position?

[luvtravlin 0]

Kelly!

One word of advice from me. DO NOT jepordize your relationship with your son. You have only one son but can have many men in your life. I went through a horrible relationship with my second husband. and it was a great relationship for the first few years. He had a daughter and I had my son. It was a constant battle. His daughter did no wrong, my son did no right. My son bore the brunt of it although he was is still is no angle. (28 years old now) I would NEVER do that again. My son still bears the scars of our constant bickering.... Think about it. If the tables were turned would you want to be in you son's position?

Thanks Darlene,

Oh but trust me.....Craig would be WAY gone if this really and truly affected my relationship with my son. I do make a point to spend quality time with my son. We have really good talks in the car to and from soccer practice/games/tournaments. My son tells me more stuff than "I" need to know (which is a good thing he does, cause to this day, I still can't tell my parents stuff). I apologized to my son for taking out my frustrations on him last night and assured him that it was NOT him and that "I" promise to do better. My son acts WAY more mature than Craig...most times. Craig and Austin get along GREAT. They sat and played a baseball video game last night and were laaaaaughin and having such a great time....then I got a call from a friend (female) and the switch went on and Craig stopped playing and said that "he" needed to make a call and then the battle was on. No yelling and screaming, I am mostly calm -which makes Craig even more upset ....and then he left. My son also *tries* to do the things that Craig does.....learned behavior....slurp his food, not put the laundry in the basket, not put dishes away, clean up after himself etc etc...."I" can tell my son to do this n that, but I'm not going to tell Craig that and I CONSTANTLY hear ....well, Craig doesn't have to do that. I say, well I'm NOT Craig's mom and I'm yours so YOU will do what I ask you to do. Then Craig will say, well you pick up your sons stuff......and then I'm like, here we go again !!!

"I" NEEEEED a vacation !!!!!!!!!!!! I neeeed to send ME away !!! We women should get together and go to a spa somewhere !!!!!