Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[rhondapayter 0]

my fiance hates dogs (he prefers cats) and he says that when he moves in the dog is moving out.

Oh NO! What are you going to do if he can't/won't adjust to the dog being inside? I told Tony way before he came here that the dog is my baby and he's not going anywhere! He was there first anyhow! Tony's ok with it now - the only thing he doesn't like is all the dog hair.

[jamerican 2]

Donna gave me the DHL tracking number last night. The Part 1 was delivered the same day to the embassy. I have the name of the person who signed for it. I do not think this information will help when I call Monday. May we both get early interview dates.

DHL I have found is very good about knowing where the package is at all times....now the embassy...that is another issue..... Good luck!

Speaking of DHL..... With all of the varied experiences on this board...when sending a package which would you prefer? DHL, FedX or USPS? I know there are pro's and con's to each one... The last package I send went via DHL and the pro was that it was there in 2 days...but the duties accessed on it were more than the shipping costs. I was thinking this time of sending via USPS but I understand it is a ####### shoot as far as to when it will arrive and if. Am I correct? What is the odd thing is that prior DHL packages never had any duties accessed so I was totally caught off guard.

We use USPS Global Priority and express. It has cost us anywhere from the size of the package from 50 US to 9 US. Express gets there in 1-3 days and Priority 3-5 days. I have used USPS for the past 10 years. I tried FEDX once and it was super expensive.

I had always heard horror stories about using USPS to Jamaica because of theft....so I am glad to know it is an option and a much cheaper one!

[rhondapayter 0]

I do thank you for your response and its ashame that we as adults cannot discuss "reality" in a mature state of mind with one another without getting nasty and upset. I apologize if I have pissed anyone off but as I did state in my initial topic " I had not joined at that time" so I cannot vouch for anything that happened before in this thread. I'm glad that you were able to stand the mean things but I still hear them everyday and its upseting! My personal feeling is that the thought is relevant and unlike many others, I did choose to speak on it and its unfortunate that the topic is so "touchy" for many that it is ignored

I'll discuss it with you I don't ignore anything! Especially at 2:30 in the morning when I'm work and there's nothing better than a new topic to keep me busy!! There was a bit of drama going on here a while back. Some people came on and asked for advice but some of the advice they got was not very nice and a bit too personal. I personally believe that we should discuss anything and everything - especially the negative things. This is reality - not everything is going to be perfect when your significant other comes here and if you think it is you are only fooling yourself.

Many of us had issues with family and friends regarding our relationships. Many are still dealing with it even after their man has come here. I am white and my husband is black so not only did I have to deal with comments and worries about mixing cultures and such, but also the whole inter-racial dating issue. I had dated black men before but never really serious enough to introduce them to my parents. So they were totally freaking out on me when I told them my plans. Most of my friends were ok with it, but I still got the occasional rude comments about him using me for a green-card and such. I really learned who my friends were when I went through this whole process.

Luckily, my parents came around eventually. My sister was cool with it and my mom came around as soon as Tony moved here. It took my dad awhile, but now they really like each other. But the fact that he was a different color/race, different nationality, from a different country, different culture, different education background, etc..etc... I can understand why my parents were flipping out. But once they got to know him and see how we were together and that we were really in love and he wasn't just using me - everything turned out ok.

Is there any way any of your family could go with you to Jamaica to meet him? It's worked out well for a few people here on VJ who did it. My parents couldn't/wouldn't go when I asked them but it's worth a try. They were in denial - I don't think they realized how serious we actually were until Tony moved here and moved in with me!!

[rhondapayter 0]

My experience prior to this relationship is that I did run into a Gigolo in Jamaica at margaritaville by the name of Tony

When I first saw the name Tony my mouth dropped open for a split second No one wants to see their husbands name in the same sentence as the word Gigolo!!

I actually think I know of the guy that you're talking about. Is it the Margaritaville in Ocho Rios??

[rhondapayter 0]

Yes I'm grown but their opinions do matter to me. And get this, all of my family members and friendsare Jamaican. Their mindset is that they will not provided the opportunity for someone to come up off of them. Now me personally, I can't just assume that everyone is the same.

You say all your family and friends are Jamaican. Were you born in Jamaica or the U.S.? Did they all immigrate here? I'm confused

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

I do thank you for your response and its ashame that we as adults cannot discuss "reality" in a mature state of mind with one another without getting nasty and upset. I apologize if I have pissed anyone off but as I did state in my initial topic " I had not joined at that time" so I cannot vouch for anything that happened before in this thread. I'm glad that you were able to stand the mean things but I still hear them everyday and its upseting! My personal feeling is that the thought is relevant and unlike many others, I did choose to speak on it and its unfortunate that the topic is so "touchy" for many that it is ignored

My mother is white university educated, my father was black Jamaican, 17 years older and semi literate....My grandparents went crazy when my mother started going out with him, they never really came round.

I love my grandmother to bits, but she has said stuff like 'I hope you'll end up dating a nice Jewish boy' or she'll make disparaging remarks about Jamaica.

I am not for holding my tongue, so I always set her straight....

It was almost comical the way she tried to find out whether my fiance now was white or black (since he was born in the US)...

Problem is that a lot of non-Jamaicans hear all the negative stereotypes of Jamaicans and tend to pre-judge the relationship without even giving them a chance...

What is important to remember is that 9 times or 10, they are just trying to 'protect' you from a perceived danger...

Some will come around, some simply cannot.

My experience prior to this relationship is that I did run into a Gigolo in Jamaica at margaritaville by the name of Tony

When I first saw the name Tony my mouth dropped open for a split second No one wants to see their husbands name in the same sentence as the word Gigolo!!

I actually think I know of the guy that you're talking about. Is it the Margaritaville in Ocho Rios??

Will share a story I wrote with both of you, it may offend some so will not post on the board lol....

[rhondapayter 0]

Will share a story I wrote with both of you, it may offend some so will not post on the board lol....

Thanks You helped my night go by faster! I would love to read more if you have any.

I just realized you're gonna be in the U.S. at the end of this week!!! Are you all packed? Are you excited? scared? nervous? Have a safe trip!

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Will share a story I wrote with both of you, it may offend some so will not post on the board lol....

Thanks You helped my night go by faster! I would love to read more if you have any.

I just realized you're gonna be in the U.S. at the end of this week!!! Are you all packed? Are you excited? scared? nervous? Have a safe trip!

Glad you liked it

I'm all packed apart from one suitcase with the clothes I can fit into NOW lol....

I'm excited, but not scared...Did it when I came back here from Jamaica, then I was only 20 and had no idea what England was like....I've been to the States many times, have a fair idea

Again, I feel I have so much more control now, I have my own money coming in for at least 18 months, not such a daunting prospect at all....

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

[quote name='rhondapayter' post='1006140' date='Jun 25 2007, 09:17 AM'Thanks You helped my night go by faster! I would love to read more if you have any.

Here's another, this was actually published by the Observer in Jamaica a few months back

The Return

My earliest memories of her are faint. She smelt lovely, like oranges, nutmeg and mint all mixed up. She used to sing to me before I went to sleep and she would be there making my tea for me in the morning.

That was before she went ‘a foreign’. Then, I went to live with Aunt Pearl. She hates me Aunt Pearl does. I get a beating for coming in too late, for singing too loudly, for eating out the Milo, for walking too slow when she sends me to the shop…..

I wonder what my mother is like.

In Aunt Pearl’s dim front room beside the cabinet full of fragile plates and crystal glasses that we only use when Pastor Blake comes round, there are framed pictures of a light skinned woman, plump but nicely plump.

I don’t think I remember that face.

She has never called but every month the postman comes by on his bicycle and gives Aunt Pearl a blue and white envelope with foreign stamps on it. Aunt Pearl never tells me what’s in those letters, but she goes to market the day after she gets them, so my mother must send money. I know it’s my mother as once Aunt Pearl was in the bathroom and she tells me harshly to go collect the letter,. I turn it over and my mother’s name is on it. I say nothing to Aunt Pearl, as I don’t want a beating that day, she is not in a good mood, I can see by the way she snatches it from me.

I asked her once, after leaving a few weeks what was in it. Her face went dark as a thundercloud and she reaches for the strap.

“Is what a way dis dutty pickney fass doh?”

“Is nat enough seh mi feed yu an clothes yu outa di kindness a mi heart, but yu waa come fass ina mi business too??”

Later that night as I toss and turn, the places where the belt has bitten into my skin, I wipe the tears off my face.

I dream of the day when my mother will come back for me and take me to her foreign land. Whenever the children at school taunt me saying ‘Yu madda run gaan lef yu”, I reply, “Mi madda soon come fi me.” They laugh, but I hold onto the hope, after all what do I have to look forward to if not that.

Maybe she has left me for good I think. Why does she never send me clothes or toys like the mothers of other girls do?

She must know that I only have one pair of shoes, and those are for school. And only one blouse and skirt which I wash every evening when I come in from school and rise early and press before making Aunt Pearl’s breakfast in the mornings.

Maybe what Aunt Pearl says is true. My mother never wanted me, so when she got the chance to go to foreign, she jumped at it. Aunt Pearl says she was going to leave me on the roadside, but she as a Christian took me in.

That’s why I must be grateful for the things Aunt Pearl buys me. I must be happy that I sleep inside even if it is on an old mattress on the floor. I must be happy as I clean and polish the floor every Saturday and wash Aunt Pearl’s clothes. After all, I am almost a woman at twelve.

Aunt Pearl says my mother will never come back for me. She was just happy someone took me off her hands.

I shut my eyes, I have to sleep I need to be up at 6am to press my uniform and make Aunt Pearl’s breakfast before I go to school. I need to leave for school by 7am even though it doesn’t start until 8am, it is a long way and Aunt Pearl says there is no money for me to take the bus, a little walking never killed no-one.

I wake up. My limbs are stiff and sore, I must put some Vaseline on my skin, it makes it better. I hope Aunt Pearl won’t notice that I took some out, I am only allowed a little when I wash my hair.

I push the cloth hanging at my door aside and I unbolt the back door softly, if I wake Aunt Pearl, I will get a beating when I get in from school. I go into the outside shower and begin to bathe. The icy-cold water hits me and I hold my breath to lessen the shock. I lather my rag with my little piece of carbolic soap, Aunt Pearl says it must last me, she has no money to waste on pickney.

I long dreamily about one day when I will get to bathe in the creamy white bath inside with hot water like Aunt Pearl. But if I had a daughter, I would help her draw the water for the bath, not just let her carry the heavy zinc pan like Aunt Pearl makes me do.

I realise with a start that I have spent too long, I need to hurry if I am going to leave on time, Aunt Pearl is having saltfish, fried dumplings and plantain for breakfast. My mouth waters. Maybe if I’m careful, I can take a little bit for myself, I am tired of the cornmeal porridge that I must eat every morning. If Aunt Pearl realises I have taken any, there will be no school for me today.

I finish the breakfast and go to wake Aunt Pearl.

She lies there like a massive cow, snoring heavily. Her large oily face seeming out of place on her frilly pillow.

“Aunt Pearl, yu breakfass ready.” I say.

She snorts and blearily opens an eye.

“Mi a come. Mek sure seh mi tea dep pan di table an it well hat”.

“Yes, Aunt Pearl”, I say.

I go back to the kitchen to get her coffee. As I stir in the milk, I see a car coming down the road. I look curiously, who could be coming to see someone in our village so early?

The car slows and stops at our gate.

I can’t decide whether to go call Aunt Pearl or wait and see what happens.

A woman in a white dress and white slippers gets out. Her face looks familiar…..

My heart thumps in excitement, it is the woman in the picture, MY MOTHER!!

I drop the cup of tea and unlock the door, ignoring Aunt Pearl’s enraged bellow as she hears the mug shatter.

I run out to the gate, which the woman is trying to open.

“Mama?”, I say.

She looks at me, in my torn dirty nightie that was once Aunt Pearl’s and is hanging off my thin body and looks back at my face horrified.

My heart sinks, and I lower my eyes, Aunt Pearl was right, she doesn’t want me, she never did.

I hang my head down.

I feel her arms around me, squeezing my breath out of my body holding me so tight I can hardly breathe. She holds me close, I feel her warm tears of my neck, she is sobbing.

“My baby, oh my baby”, she says.

She rubs my back, and I flinch where she has touched a fresh bruise.

Slowly she holds me away from her and looks at me, her eyes take in my thinness, the shadows under my eyes.She lifts my nightie, I go to push away her hand but she continues, and gasps as she sees the welts and the scars of welts.

I hear a loud gasp, Aunt Pearl is standing at the door, the hated strap drops from her fingers as she stands rooted to the spot.

My mother turns to her with fire in her eyes.

“How could you do dis to mi pickney?”, she screams.

“Mi lef mi one gyaal pickney wid yu and send money every mont fi har an yu have har ya a beat an a starve like dutty dawg??”

Aunt Pearl says, “Myrna, calm dung, mi wi explain.”

My mother is past calming down. “Yu seh yu is a Christian, LOOK PAN MI PICKNEY!!”

She lifts my nightie and I am embarrassed as my underwear are old and discoloured and a crowd of people have begun to gather.

Aunt Pearl begins to sob loudly, and covers her face with her hands.

My mother is shaking with rage. The driver of the car gets out and calls my mother to come away and leave her to God.

Without a backward glance, my mothers pulls me into the car and begins to sob, covering my face with kisses.

Over the next hours, the story unfolds.

She had been given the opportunity to go abroad and being a single mother with no options available, she had had to go, even though she hated the thought of leaving me behind. She used to lie in her bed at night and cry, missing me and wondering if I remembered her. She religiously sent £100 a month to Aunt Pearl who told her how happy I was and how well I was doing in school.

She had planned this trip as a surprise, to see me and to thank her dear friend Aunt Pearl who was doing such a wonderful job of looking after me, while she was making a better life for us in London.

Things will be different she promises, I am coming back to London with her to live, we will never be parted again, no matter what….She holds me close and I inhale her wonderful smell, she smells like oranges, nutmeg and mint all mixed….She sings to me as she used to….I close my eyes, I am in heaven……..

[12/11/2006 0]

I do thank you for your response and its ashame that we as adults cannot discuss "reality" in a mature state of mind with one another without getting nasty and upset. I apologize if I have pissed anyone off but as I did state in my initial topic " I had not joined at that time" so I cannot vouch for anything that happened before in this thread. I'm glad that you were able to stand the mean things but I still hear them everyday and its upseting! My personal feeling is that the thought is relevant and unlike many others, I did choose to speak on it and its unfortunate that the topic is so "touchy" for many that it is ignored

I'll discuss it with you I don't ignore anything! Especially at 2:30 in the morning when I'm work and there's nothing better than a new topic to keep me busy!! There was a bit of drama going on here a while back. Some people came on and asked for advice but some of the advice they got was not very nice and a bit too personal. I personally believe that we should discuss anything and everything - especially the negative things. This is reality - not everything is going to be perfect when your significant other comes here and if you think it is you are only fooling yourself.

Many of us had issues with family and friends regarding our relationships. Many are still dealing with it even after their man has come here. I am white and my husband is black so not only did I have to deal with comments and worries about mixing cultures and such, but also the whole inter-racial dating issue. I had dated black men before but never really serious enough to introduce them to my parents. So they were totally freaking out on me when I told them my plans. Most of my friends were ok with it, but I still got the occasional rude comments about him using me for a green-card and such. I really learned who my friends were when I went through this whole process.

Luckily, my parents came around eventually. My sister was cool with it and my mom came around as soon as Tony moved here. It took my dad awhile, but now they really like each other. But the fact that he was a different color/race, different nationality, from a different country, different culture, different education background, etc..etc... I can understand why my parents were flipping out. But once they got to know him and see how we were together and that we were really in love and he wasn't just using me - everything turned out ok.

Is there any way any of your family could go with you to Jamaica to meet him? It's worked out well for a few people here on VJ who did it. My parents couldn't/wouldn't go when I asked them but it's worth a try. They were in denial - I don't think they realized how serious we actually were until Tony moved here and moved in with me!!

I agree. I lost some of my closet friends and I feel like I can't share my life and experiences with my new friends. Its not like I'm hiding him from anyone because everyone knows but I don't dicuss anything thats going on because I am afraid to hear the comments. My family talks to him on the phone all of the time and they have seen pictures of each other but its nothing like meeting him. I just know that there is tention from my mother and especially my Brother (wow). My brother and I don 't even talk about it and he knows that I go to Jamaica every 3-4 months. But anyway I truy appreciate your response. It means a lot to me. Thanks

[12/11/2006 0]

I do thank you for your response and its ashame that we as adults cannot discuss "reality" in a mature state of mind with one another without getting nasty and upset. I apologize if I have pissed anyone off but as I did state in my initial topic " I had not joined at that time" so I cannot vouch for anything that happened before in this thread. I'm glad that you were able to stand the mean things but I still hear them everyday and its upseting! My personal feeling is that the thought is relevant and unlike many others, I did choose to speak on it and its unfortunate that the topic is so "touchy" for many that it is ignored

My mother is white university educated, my father was black Jamaican, 17 years older and semi literate....My grandparents went crazy when my mother started going out with him, they never really came round.

I love my grandmother to bits, but she has said stuff like 'I hope you'll end up dating a nice Jewish boy' or she'll make disparaging remarks about Jamaica.

I am not for holding my tongue, so I always set her straight....

It was almost comical the way she tried to find out whether my fiance now was white or black (since he was born in the US)...

Problem is that a lot of non-Jamaicans hear all the negative stereotypes of Jamaicans and tend to pre-judge the relationship without even giving them a chance...

What is important to remember is that 9 times or 10, they are just trying to 'protect' you from a perceived danger...

Some will come around, some simply cannot.

My experience prior to this relationship is that I did run into a Gigolo in Jamaica at margaritaville by the name of Tony

When I first saw the name Tony my mouth dropped open for a split second No one wants to see their husbands name in the same sentence as the word Gigolo!!

I actually think I know of the guy that you're talking about. Is it the Margaritaville in Ocho Rios??

Will share a story I wrote with both of you, it may offend some so will not post on the board lol....

LMAO. Lol too funny. Yeah he works both Margaritaville, Montego Bay and Ochio Rios. I wish I could put a picture of him on this board just so that many are warned. No I hear he is now married to someone from London but that doesn't mean he isn't still doing his thing. LOL...its crazy

[12/11/2006 0]

Yes I'm grown but their opinions do matter to me. And get this, all of my family members and friendsare Jamaican. Their mindset is that they will not provided the opportunity for someone to come up off of them. Now me personally, I can't just assume that everyone is the same.

You say all your family and friends are Jamaican. Were you born in Jamaica or the U.S.? Did they all immigrate here? I'm confused

Yes they are all from there. I still have a lot of family there whom I visit when I go there. Many of my aunts (grand) came and brought their families when they immigrated here and that started the generation here. I had one Aunt that sent for one and they just kept the cycle going. Once again thanks for sharing your thoughts I do truly appreciated. Who better to hear their thoughts and get ideas other than you all because you may have gone through it or is still going through and I was just asking for some advice. Thanks again

AlienUKgirl Thanks for sharing.

[rhondapayter 0]

Yes they are all from there. I still have a lot of family there whom I visit when I go there. Many of my aunts (grand) came and brought their families when they immigrated here and that started the generation here. I had one Aunt that sent for one and they just kept the cycle going. Once again thanks for sharing your thoughts I do truly appreciated. Who better to hear their thoughts and get ideas other than you all because you may have gone through it or is still going through and I was just asking for some advice. Thanks again

No problem Hey, what's your name? I don't want to call you 12/11/06 By the way, that's our wedding anniversary!! Where are you guys at in the process?

[Shemmy 4]

Good morning VJ family.

The DC Caribbean Carnival was this past weekend. My bellydancing class danced in it...it was a true experience. They know how to party...my body is still aching.

[Shemmy 4]

I personally believe that we should discuss anything and everything - especially the negative things. This is reality - not everything is going to be perfect when your significant other comes here and if you think it is you are only fooling yourself.

I agree with Rhonda...this is reality. I've heard soooooooo many horror stories from my Jamaican and American friends before I met Damien. I was hesitant to start a relationship with him but I knew in my heart that we had to be together. I went into this relationship acknowledging the good and the bad. I've met 4 other couples during this visa journey and none of them are still together. In these cases the woman were "used". No one wants to hear negative things but it does happen.

My family supported us from the beginning so we didn't have any issues with them. I thought some of my friends supported us but now I'm finding out otherwise. Damien has done well since he's been here....he is a wonderful stepfather to my daughter, a hard worker, financially stable and loves me to pieces...people are "hating" on that. I think they expected him to get here to do the total opposite. He proved them wrong. People will always find something negative to say.

At the end of the day...I love being home with my husband and daughter...they make me so happy and proud.