Please HELP,BAD NEWS

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

1 hour ago, geowrian said:

If you need to test somebody, then you already don't trust them.

Yes, I agree that she can't be trusted since she lied about being married.

[rofel 5]

This is just my opinion.

She intentionally lied to you.

At young age she got pregnant by her boyfriend so they decided to marry. 

And the rest of excuses that she is telling you are just dramas. Dont be a fool. Move on.

Edited February 2, 2017 by rofel

[Lenchick 133]

4 hours ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

Thank you for your wise words.I feel like the only option now is just giving up and starting a new life.Im sure of it that the husband is no longer with her because he has a family of his own now,and also went there to see her multiple times.Anyways thank you for your concern and calling out my stupidity.I feel like I'm not even worthy of living anymore with how stupid I am to go through all of this for no reason.Maybe this happened for me to learn a really good lesson,one that I will never forget.

Hi! Please don't take it personally some people's bashing. You are worthy of everything beautiful and deserve the best. You have a wonderful heart! We all make mistakes and it is not the end of the world. No one could tell you what to do, leave her or stay, at the end you are the only one who has to make the decision. You can really take time and see where this relationship will be going. Will she be still communicating with you when you cancel the visa process? After all it is not your fault. You are young and have plenty of time for annulments and everything. Just take your time. Calm down yourself and your gf and tell her in the given situation we need time to do it properly. If she really loves you, she will be still there in two years as well, I am not talking about situations when men string women along promising to get married and never do anything about it. But there are situations that require time to make things work and this is exactly the situation you are in.

 

[ComeAndTakeM 4]

3 minutes ago, Lenchick said:

Hi! Please don't take it personally some people's bashing. You are worthy of everything beautiful and deserve the best. You have a wonderful heart! We all make mistakes and it is not the end of the world. No one could tell you what to do, leave her or stay, at the end you are the only one who has to make the decision. You can really take time and see where this relationship will be going. Will she be still communicating with you when you cancel the visa process? After all it is not your fault. You are young and have plenty of time for annulments and everything. Just take your time. Calm down yourself and your gf and tell her in the given situation we need time to do it properly. If she really loves you, she will be still there in two years as well, I am not talking about situations when men string women along promising to get married and never do anything about it. But there are situations that require time to make things work and this is exactly the situation you are in.

 

I'm still trying to calm down right now,she was crying so hard about all of this,I told her that I really love her no matter what but we both need to calm down to make the best decision possible.Shes asleep right now because it's night time there due to the time zone difference.I've seen her sacrifice alot to be with me so I don't think she had I'll intentions,and when I've visited her I felt like she was the best woman I've ever met.I know there are other women out there but it's like my heart only wants this one girl.Your advice has calmed me down alot,I still haven't made my final decision,but I definitely need more time to calm down.Thank you so much for not being a heartless person,and seeing it from both perspectives instead of just telling me to give up.Thats the problem most days anyways if people don't want to build there relationship,they'd rather just throw it all away and get something new,and I know sometimes that's the best thing to do,but sometimes it's not.

[gwapa-loves-gwapo 9]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I am from Philippines and I can tell you that what your fiancée told you was a lie. First of all you do not need a marriage license for her to process her son's birth certificate at the hospital unless she was married to the father. There are kids that are born out of wedlock in the Philippines and such paperworks are not necessary. I don't want to judge her because I know few women who really just want to start a new life and move on from previous relationship. But it is not an excuse for her to lie to you and wait until up to this point. It seemed like she try her way around this situation and just hope that things will go her way but it didn't worked out. I know that you spent a lot already for her but I think it's best to re-assess your relationship with her. It's not fair to you to be paying the annulment for her and plus she was not honest with you in the beggining. What makes you think she will not lie to you about other things? This is a difficult situation for you and I hope you will think hard about it before making any sudden decision. Sometimes we need to take a step back to see clearly. If you really love her and she loves you she will owned up her mistakes and won't rush you into making decision. You will recover the loss that you spent working for her visa but if you pursue into helping her with the annulment you will spend much more than you can possibly think. Philippines is not known for having a fast process of things. Even wealthy people takes years for them to have it finalize. goodluck and I hope you decide wisely. 

[caliliving 606]

This girl is straight up lying to you!!!!!! she got MARRIED AND DIDNT TELL U! why? who knows! but she LIED

and she LIED on a GOVERNMENT FORM!!!! she will need a waiver and it will take a really long time! 

 

you are 20! go out, have fun, get drunk and move on! lots of girls out there!!!!! you dont need to deal with this ! you met her what, ONCE???? sorry, but you need to hear the truth - this girl is LYING about being married and i am willing to bet she is LYING about other things as well!!!!!! 

you are looking at now an annulment - then a k1 (or pob a cr1) and THEN you need to do a waiver which could be 6k + and as u couldnt even do a k1 on . your own u wont be able to do a waiver on your own!

 

reagardless, the fact she got 'married' to this 'sperm donar' (for those people who dont know, when you get knocked up on a one night stand or by a guy who turns out to be a bad father women often refers to these men as sperm donar, it isnt to be taken literally but more specifically lots of american women who are young and pregnant and the guy takes off they refer to a sperm donar) anyways, the fact she married this sperm donar, makes me think that he is more then that! first 'oh, he signed a paper at the hospital' then 'oh, i signed something too' and now 'oh, it was like at a court house' 

 

she continues to LIE. please, you are 20.. enjoy life... call it a fun adventure! u got to see the phillapines and go have fun!!!! i would ignore her and drop her! this isnt worth it for you!!!! 

Edited February 3, 2017 by TBoneTX
to remove prohibited word

[caliliving 606]

3 hours ago, MsCompE said:

I would agree with this. I dont buy the story of "just signing the paperworks at the hospital" to make the processing of her kid's birth certificate easier. I am from Philippines and obtaining a marriage license in Philippines is not as easy and quick as compared in U.S. She is obviously married and she hid that fact from you. In Philippines, you cannot get a marriage license in just 2days. 

You have to attend a pre-wedding seminar. And if you are 25years old and below, you need parent's advice/consent. 

 

What I am trying to say is... Marriage in Philippines is a long complex process. One cannot simply say, I didnt know I was married. I signed something and I didn't know it's a marriage thing. Philippines is semi-conservative. Having a baby before marriage is not socially accepted on some parts of the country and so some rush into marriage knowing that there is a baby on the way. It's still planned marriage though. 

+++please re-read this from someone from the same country and realize that you are being scammed and lied to!!!!!

[DrEllaNJ 288]

42 minutes ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

Thats the problem most days anyways if people don't want to build there relationship,they'd rather just throw it all away and get something new,and I know sometimes that's the best thing to do,but sometimes it's not.

Sure, you can ride your high horse knowing you're not like "those people who just rather throw it all away". In the end it's your own choice. 

People like me who are recommending you reconsider aren't doing so because we're heartless. It's because we're older, have been around VJ for a little longer, and have seen lots of similar stories. To be heartless would be to pretend everything is dandy and fine, and let you spend upwards to 6k on filing for annulment, a new petition and potential rejection etc.

 

Good luck sorting it all out, and mending your broken heart, however you do it.

[Ervie and Rob 34]

6 hours ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

This is all true but I really love this girl.Ive spent so much time and effort to be with her and now this is happening.I think this was a misunderstanding on her part,that's what she is saying.She said she didn't ever fully go through with the marriage that she never even received a marriage certificate.She told me it was all rushed before the child was born so they could afford everything.Thats the reason it was civil through the mayor rather than a church or a municipal Court.I know I'm young and dumb for wanting to go through with this,but I really feel like she loves me and I love her.What if I can get this anulment done before she does the medical?The visa will expire in a year but she's already talked to a lawyer and they said we can get it done in 6 months if the father cooperates,which he will.So if we get this done before it expires and we get the medical and interview out the way,will it be noticed?Will it still have a chance to pass,or am I completely wasting my time?I just don't know anymore,this woman has been so good to me,like we talk so much everyday that I know that she really loves me.

How old is she when this happen. if she is 18 and no parental consent would make the marriage null and void. However if she is 21 then annulment is the only option but do step back and rethink everything. People talking with you everyday doesn't mean they love you it takes more than that. Marriage is a commitment built on trust love and respect. This is a major decision that can affect you for a long haul. Praying for wisdom and discernment for you. 

[ruby_7 45]

8 hours ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

Please can someone inform me on this.Ive already filed with rapid visa for a K1 VISA.Weve already provided so much information and I've paid rapid visa off.All  me and my fiance has left to do is the medical and the interview,but to do that she has to have particular paperwork ready to be presented when she comes there.One of them being a cenomar which proves she is not married.She went today to get the cenomar but was denied because on her son's birth certificate it shows that my fiance and her son's sperm donor have the same last name.The reason of that is when she had her son,the father signed a marriage contract at the hospital to make it cheaper for all the paperwork at the hospital.So basically it seems like they were married through a hospital,first of all is that even possible and if it is,it shouldn't even be valid, especially coming from a country that makes it almost impossible to annul unless your rich!Now there saying the only thing we can do now is anil,which isn't an option because it will easily cost over 100000 pesos which I do not have because I am a hard working 20 year old middle class American.Weve put so much effort into this relationship and we are so close and I've paid so much money just for us to be together and a technicality that happened at the birth of her son because of some idiot is preventing us from being together.Please tell me if there is a easier and cheaper solution because right now that's the only option there giving us,and they were never even married through a ceromny or anything!!!

She's legally married with that signature. And the proper way to do it is file an ANNULMENT. You can't shortcut the legality of it, whether you like it or not. Do it in a legal way.

[ruby_7 45]

6 hours ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

This is all true but I really love this girl.Ive spent so much time and effort to be with her and now this is happening.I think this was a misunderstanding on her part,that's what she is saying.She said she didn't ever fully go through with the marriage that she never even received a marriage certificate.She told me it was all rushed before the child was born so they could afford everything.Thats the reason it was civil through the mayor rather than a church or a municipal Court.I know I'm young and dumb for wanting to go through with this,but I really feel like she loves me and I love her.What if I can get this anulment done before she does the medical?The visa will expire in a year but she's already talked to a lawyer and they said we can get it done in 6 months if the father cooperates,which he will.So if we get this done before it expires and we get the medical and interview out the way,will it be noticed?Will it still have a chance to pass,or am I completely wasting my time?I just don't know anymore,this woman has been so good to me,like we talk so much everyday that I know that she really loves me.

So she "lied" in her Immigration application stated in the paperwork as "single" but now in her supporting documents it turned out she's "married".. Oh boy, tsk..tsk..tsk.., she'll get in trouble when the IO find this out, big possibility of denial on her application once it will go through examination of documents in US Embassy Manila. Your US gov't is very strict when it comes to "lying" on paperworks, that's one thing I noticed.  I feel for you, but if she could have been honest from the very start, her paperworks won't go through a lot of brain analysis & headaches on your part.  Just try to work this out in a legal way, regardless of the time it takes since you love her.

[DanniColes 13]

4 hours ago, MsCompE said:

I would agree with this. I dont buy the story of "just signing the paperworks at the hospital" to make the processing of her kid's birth certificate easier. I am from Philippines and obtaining a marriage license in Philippines is not as easy and quick as compared in U.S. She is obviously married and she hid that fact from you. In Philippines, you cannot get a marriage license in just 2days. 

You have to attend a pre-wedding seminar. And if you are 25years old and below, you need parent's advice/consent. 

 

What I am trying to say is... Marriage in Philippines is a long complex process. One cannot simply say, I didnt know I was married. I signed something and I didn't know it's a marriage thing. Philippines is semi-conservative. Having a baby before marriage is not socially accepted on some parts of the country and so some rush into marriage knowing that there is a baby on the way. It's still planned marriage though. 

So agree with you,it is a long process to get married,you cannot just show up at the mayors office to  have the ceremony,and in the Philippines, everyone weds with sponsors or witnesses.

She lied,I am sorry OP you are going through this ,but you have to move on from this girl,she led you on, thinking it would never come up..you are young and someday you will find someone who is going to make you happy.good luck

[Sukie 1,465]

And please, OP - even if you want to try to get through this, don't pay for her annulment.  Your lover got herself into the mess she is in, and you need to make sure SHE can get herself out of it.

 

Been there.  Done that.  And boy, was it NOT worth it.  I paid for someone's dissolution of marriage, but luckily realized I was being taken for a ride before I up and married that person.  Whew.

 

Time seems so precious when you are 20.  You are her immediate ticket out of an unfortunate situation.  Don't be that ticket.

 

Sukie in NY

[Jawaree 718]

5 hours ago, shaunanoona said:

can you please elaborate what a Sperm Donor means on her case ??? because in the philippines its not  a common thing ...

LOL...The father is a sperm donor not a stand up dad.

 

Really this young lad dont need that kind of baggage & stress

he should be out having fun with giirls his age free of baggage

looking at a future

[David & Diana R 1,005]

9 hours ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

I wasn't being literal with the sperm donor,he's just a sorry excuse for a father.She is 22 and had her child at 18 like most women these days.I really love this woman,I'm not like most of these men these days and just able to throw a woman to the side, especially one that I've flew across the world to see and all the effort we've both put in to be together.This is killing me.

I hate to say it but you are up schitt creek without a paddle.  Annulments can take years in the Philippines and the cost is insane and there is no guarantee she will ever get one.  There is no doubt she misled you.  You better cut your losses and run like hell.  There are thousands of Filipinas out there.  Many that won't lie to you.