Please HELP,BAD NEWS

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

15 minutes ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

I have money saved for bills and I'm definitely able to support a family,but not all middle class Americans has money just to throw out there pockets left from right.Even if media portrays Americans as filthy rich,that's not the case for a vast majority of them.

 

That wasn't really my point.  My point is that you are young and marrying an immigrant or a woman with children comes with financial responsibilities.  I'd call our little family working class, but we spent more than 2k on just my daughter's braces this year.  That is the kind of expenses that come with children or marrying foreigners.  It isn't for everyone.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

I would want to just say that if for some reason you do go on with this girl, you need to make sure she is 100% divorced/annulled and you need to explain to her the consequences of lying to the government. They could easily ask her at her interview why she said she wasn't married, and why she said she was free to marry. Even if she gives the truth, she still admits to lying to them.

I'd be very careful. This is one of the potential pitfalls to dating someone long distance. Not to be a skeptic, but it's not that hard to hide a life for a week or two when you have someone coming into the country. Some people treat their foreign fiances or USC fiances coming in to visit like a vacation, and don't really go about their normal routine which can hide a lot of things if they want.

I made it a point of having my then fiance (now husband) tag a long on all my adventures with my daughter, taking her to school, picking her up, going to therapy, etc. So he could experience the REAL life here, not the yay-yay vacation time my boyfriends here to see me time.


Have you met the child? Was the child not going to come with her? If so, why not?

[Scandi 4,180]

Sorry to hear this, you were clearly lied to by the woman you love. Whatever story she's telling you about this will most likely not be true, but at least she came clean about being married to another guy when she realized it wasn't possible to lie anymore. She never thought you'd find out, obviously she doesn't know the K-1 process very well.

 

I know you probably love her but she lied to you, don't be foolish enough to stay around for more lies. You're young, you will find someone much better.

[RhineMaiden 23]

I hate to say this .... But turn around ...... and RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! 

 

[soulstriker 274]

well time to jump ship and learn from this , better now then later 

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

The two things I learned in this process is that international relationships necessarily take time to develop and cost a lot of extra money. In fact, time and money are the two constants throughout the process to immigrate/marry/etc.

 

Sounds like you have a decent job and you're only 20. That means time and money are on your side.

 

She, as a single mother, needing a divorce to move on with her life, has less time and money.

 

As others have said, she needs to obtain and pay for a divorce/annulment. If she needs to take on further employment to do this, so be it. Her actions in the coming weeks, months, years, will tell you all you need to know about how much she loves you and her commitment and respect for you. If she's asking you for money and pressing you to hurry the immigration, then you have your answer. For what it's worth, it took me and my wife 9.75 years to go from first date to her arrival in the USA. And that was with very few red flags, clean criminal histories, etc. Part of it is that we were cautious. Again, you have time. Just start communicating clearly what you want from her.

[Jawaree 718]

2 hours ago, NigeriaorBust said:

  The second time will be harder ,  she has misrepresented to you and the government about her marital status to seek a visa.  She may never get a visa. 

yup!

[Eric-Pris 1,607]

OP,

I think you are getting scammed.  I know it seems like she's the only girl in the world, and you will never find anybody else, the reality is that there are plenty of women for you. 

 

I would consider forgetting to tell me that she was married as a deal breaker, i.e. IMMEDIATE TEMINATION. 

 

Try testing her.  Tell her that you are looking for a new job that can transfer you to her country.  Forget moving to the US, and see what she says.  At first, she may act all cool about it, but keep it going for a while (make up interviews, etc) and I'll bet that eventually she'll show her true colors. 

Edited February 2, 2017 by Eric-Pris

[neilsqueen 433]

I'm very heartbroken for you!  I have a 22 year old son and would guide him in the way of looking at this situation with his head and not his heart.  It is so easy to allow our hearts to make us see things with rose colored glasses...been there done that.  You are not the first person to fall in love with who potentially is not right for you.  Please do not be hard on yourself.  You are still relatively young and just learning what life is like.  You seem to have a beautiful heart and one day will be blessed with Mrs. Right whom will love you just as equally as you love her.

 

That being said, please take a step back and ask yourself some sobering questions.  Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who truly did lie to you?  She knew she was married.  Do you want to live a life questioning everything that comes out of her mouth?  You will be doubting everything she says wondering if she is trying to pull the wool over your eyes.  Are you ready to take on a child at your young age?  Raising children is really as difficult job. 

 

I wish you all the happiness in the world.  Please just put your heart to the side and use your head!

[MsCompE 50]

54 minutes ago, Scandi said:

Sorry to hear this, you were clearly lied to by the woman you love. Whatever story she's telling you about this will most likely not be true, but at least she came clean about being married to another guy when she realized it wasn't possible to lie anymore. She never thought you'd find out, obviously she doesn't know the K-1 process very well.

 

I know you probably love her but she lied to you, don't be foolish enough to stay around for more lies. You're young, you will find someone much better.

I would agree with this. I dont buy the story of "just signing the paperworks at the hospital" to make the processing of her kid's birth certificate easier. I am from Philippines and obtaining a marriage license in Philippines is not as easy and quick as compared in U.S. She is obviously married and she hid that fact from you. In Philippines, you cannot get a marriage license in just 2days. 

You have to attend a pre-wedding seminar. And if you are 25years old and below, you need parent's advice/consent. 

 

What I am trying to say is... Marriage in Philippines is a long complex process. One cannot simply say, I didnt know I was married. I signed something and I didn't know it's a marriage thing. Philippines is semi-conservative. Having a baby before marriage is not socially accepted on some parts of the country and so some rush into marriage knowing that there is a baby on the way. It's still planned marriage though. 

[shaunanoona 0]

can you please elaborate what a Sperm Donor means on her case ??? because in the philippines its not  a common thing ...

[geowrian 22,338]

45 minutes ago, Eric-Pris said:

Try testing her.  Tell her that you are looking for a new job that can transfer you to her country.  Forget moving to the US, and see what she says.  At first, she may act all cool about it, but keep it going for a while (make up interviews, etc) and I'll bet that eventually she'll show her true colors. 

I completely disagree with this. Lies do not require more lies. If I was in her position and my fiance did that to me, I would be heartbroken and drop him immediately. If you need to test somebody, then you already don't trust them.

[DrEllaNJ 288]

so she 1) hid the truth about her kid's father 2) told you she was free to marry you 3) when presented with the evidence (her name/the kid's father's name being the same), she made up a story about him signing paperwork at the hospital

Only when you confronted her/pressed for more details, she confessed she actually was involved in the "going to the mayor" thing. As you can read in other comments, there's probably a whole lot more involved in that, too - so if you keep pressing, there may be other things she's not telling.

 

I'm sorry, man. It's a hard lesson to learn, and I appreciate you wanting to be faithful and following through, but these lies are HUUGE red flags. Contrary to what you seem to think, not every woman "these days" has a baby at 18.

 

You are still young. It'll be a major heartbreak, but you WILL survive. Take it from someone who didn't find true love until age 33, it's well worth the wait. 

[Rc123rc 528]

I'm sorry about your situation. It sucks on many levels. First of all, you're not stupid. You were lied to and deceived from the very beginning until she was no longer able to hide the lies. Definitely lesson learned. If she was willing to lie to you on such an important thing and for so long then chances are your long term prospects with this woman are not good. Personally, I would never trust her again. If I couldn't trust her then what's the point of continuing the relationship. Trust is a key element of any relationship. Many people have talked about how difficult and expensive it would be to fix this if it is even possible. Give yourself a 48 hour break from her and the forum and really think hard about what is ahead for you. Make your decision with a calm head. No one can make the decision for you but they can certainly point out what the future may hold for you on multiple paths. Good Luck.

[Ontarkie 14,445]

~~Moved to Effects of Major Life Changes, from K1 P&P - As as a more appropriate forum.~~