Please HELP,BAD NEWS

[Georgia16 2,858]

Just now, ComeAndTakeM said:

This is all true but I really love this girl.Ive spent so much time and effort to be with her and now this is happening.I think this was a misunderstanding on her part,that's what she is saying.She said she didn't ever fully go through with the marriage that she never even received a marriage certificate.She told me it was all rushed before the child was born so they could afford everything.Thats the reason it was civil through the mayor rather than a church or a municipal Court.I know I'm young and dumb for wanting to go through with this,but I really feel like she loves me and I love her.What if I can get this anulment done before she does the medical?The visa will expire in a year but she's already talked to a lawyer and they said we can get it done in 6 months if the father cooperates,which he will.So if we get this done before it expires and we get the medical and interview out the way,will it be noticed?Will it still have a chance to pass,or am I completely wasting my time?I just don't know anymore,this woman has been so good to me,like we talk so much everyday that I know that she really loves me.

How can it be a misunderstanding when she has signed a paper saying she if free to marry you with in 90 days?

Also the G-325A .... At least she could have told you about it.

 

Other topic.

 

Are the child not doing a K-2? Remember the child needs own medical and interview fee. Also you might want to look at fee for AOS since you say you don't have that much money.

[Boiler 46,059]

I think he meant ex boyfriend rather than sperm donor in the true sense, however now turns out to be current husband.

[ComeAndTakeM 4]

Just now, DrEllaNJ said:

Add me to the skeptics. Not in the least because you say you're 20 years old. She had a child with a sperm donor - how old is she?

I mean, nothing against single women having children on their own, but usually women first like to find a husband to raise a child together. Having a child with a sperm donor on your own is usually not an option people consider until they're well in their thirties..

I wasn't being literal with the sperm donor,he's just a sorry excuse for a father.She is 22 and had her child at 18 like most women these days.I really love this woman,I'm not like most of these men these days and just able to throw a woman to the side, especially one that I've flew across the world to see and all the effort we've both put in to be together.This is killing me.

[geowrian 22,338]

Just now, ComeAndTakeM said:

This is all true but I really love this girl.Ive spent so much time and effort to be with her and now this is happening.I think this was a misunderstanding on her part,that's what she is saying.She said she didn't ever fully go through with the marriage that she never even received a marriage certificate.She told me it was all rushed before the child was born so they could afford everything.Thats the reason it was civil through the mayor rather than a church or a municipal Court.I know I'm young and dumb for wanting to go through with this,but I really feel like she loves me and I love her.What if I can get this anulment done before she does the medical?The visa will expire in a year but she's already talked to a lawyer and they said we can get it done in 6 months if the father cooperates,which he will.So if we get this done before it expires and we get the medical and interview out the way,will it be noticed?Will it still have a chance to pass,or am I completely wasting my time?I just don't know anymore,this woman has been so good to me,like we talk so much everyday that I know that she really loves me.

She must have been free to marry at the time you started the process. She does not qualify for a K-1 and therefore she will not be issued a K-1. You will need to start over once the annulment goes through.

 

That said, an annulment is not a simple process. It can be done in months, but it can also take years. It will be expensive. The misrepresentation will also delay the process by 6-12 months and add a decent amount more in legal costs. And it is not guaranteed. Just keep this in mind as you consider your options...you're likely looking at 2-3 years minimum before she can join you in the US.

[Boiler 46,059]

You are not the first and you will not be the last.

[geowrian 22,338]

2 minutes ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

I wasn't being literal with the sperm donor,he's just a sorry excuse for a father.

I suggest being more clear when speaking online asking for assistance. There's a significant difference between a sperm donor and a father. This also adds complexity as he has to sign off on allowing the child to immigrate.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Just now, geowrian said:

I suggest being more clear when speaking online asking for assistance. There's a significant difference between a sperm donor and a father. This also adds complexity as he has to sign off on allowing the child to immigrate.

Particularly since they were married at the birth 

[Chowking 20]

3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

You are not the first and you will not be the last.

this statement is TRUE, you guys are still young.... so many things will happen. Try to move on.

 

[ComeAndTakeM 4]

10 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I suggest being more clear when speaking online asking for assistance. There's a significant difference between a sperm donor and a father. This also adds complexity as he has to sign off on allowing the child to immigrate.

I'm sorry for that,I'm so stressed right now,I wasn't trying to get an attitude with you all,you people are helping me,were both in the phone right now crying.This just goes to show that love ###### hurts.Its the best feeling and the worst feeling in the world,I'm 20 years old and just now learning this.

[Chowking 20]

5 minutes ago, ComeAndTakeM said:

I'm sorry for that,I'm so stressed right now,I wasn't trying to get an attitude with you all,you people are helping me,were both in the phone right now crying.This just goes to show that love ###### hurts.Its the best feeling and the worst feeling in the world,I'm 20 years old and just now learning this.

Calm yourself, this is not the end of the world, I'm not giving you a false hope but maybe... maybe this is a test in your relationship. Try to rest, then make an assessment of your situation and finally outline your plan and at the same time  enumerate the pros and cons. Right now, both of you are hurt, there is no way you guys will come up with the right solution. Be realistic, try to weigh things that is beneficial on your current situation.

[Pinkrlion 2,724]

A marriage at the hospital is a legal marriage. Regardless of their intent for medical costs, she knew she married him and signed the paperwork. I do not believe u can annul since she had his child. She knew she was married and that is misrepresentation as she signed paperwork saying she was free to marry. 

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

You say that you are middle class, but can't afford 100k pesos?  My understanding is that this is about 2k usd, right?  

 

I agree with taking a step back right now.  First, if you can't even put 2k aside, you aren't ready to take on the responsibility of supporting an immigrant and her child. When that child comes here, it becomes your responsibility as a step parent, don't mess up that kid's life.

 

Secondly, as others have pointed out, she lied to you about being married.  That isn't a minor oversight at all.

[Unlockable 7,315]

If you were my son I would be slapping you on the back of your head (no disrespect).

 

If you were my brother I would be taking you out for a few drinks and telling you to move on.

 

But since I can only go by what you posted here I will say that I agree that you need to take a step back. There is nothing wrong with loving someone. But don't allow that love to blind you. In your first post you put all the blame on the "sperm donor". Now you are realizing that she is actually married. You are calling him a poor father. How do you know this if you are not there with her. He could be sitting in another room watching TV while you Skype with her. We have seen it before on VJ.

 

This was NOT, I repeat, NOT A MISUNDERSTANDING. She willingly withheld that vital information from you until there was no way but to admit it. Now you are unsure of other information that she may be not telling you. You are young so you have plenty of time to seek a life with someone who does not hide aspects of her life. This is not the end of the world. 

 

As for moving forward, as mentioned, an annulment is not going to be quick and easy ESPECIALLY with a legitimate child involved. You have to weigh the options whether investing time, money, and more emotion, for something that has a cloud of uncertainty over it.

[ComeAndTakeM 4]

Just now, N-o-l-a said:

You say that you are middle class, but can't afford 100k pesos?  My understanding is that this is about 2k usd, right?  

 

I agree with taking a step back right now.  First, if you can't even put 2k aside, you aren't ready to take on the responsibility of supporting an immigrant and her child. When that child comes here, it becomes your responsibility as a step parent, don't mess up that kid's life.

 

Secondly, as others have pointed out, she lied to you about being married.  That isn't a minor oversight at all.

I have money saved for bills and I'm definitely able to support a family,but not all middle class Americans has money just to throw out there pockets left from right.Even if media portrays Americans as filthy rich,that's not the case for a vast majority of them.

[ComeAndTakeM 4]

2 minutes ago, NuestraUnion said:

If you were my son I would be slapping you on the back of your head (no disrespect).

 

If you were my brother I would be taking you out for a few drinks and telling you to move on.

 

But since I can only go by what you posted here I will say that I agree that you need to take a step back. There is nothing wrong with loving someone. But don't allow that love to blind you. In your first post you put all the blame on the "sperm donor". Now you are realizing that she is actually married. You are calling him a poor father. How do you know this if you are not there with her. He could be sitting in another room watching TV while you Skype with her. We have seen it before on VJ.

 

This was NOT, I repeat, NOT A MISUNDERSTANDING. She willingly withheld that vital information from you until there was no way but to admit it. Now you are unsure of other information that she may be not telling you. You are young so you have plenty of time to seek a life with someone who does not hide aspects of her life. This is not the end of the world. 

 

As for moving forward, as mentioned, an annulment is not going to be quick and easy ESPECIALLY with a legitimate child involved. You have to weigh the options whether investing time, money, and more emotion, for something that has a cloud of uncertainty over it.

Thank you for your wise words.I feel like the only option now is just giving up and starting a new life.Im sure of it that the husband is no longer with her because he has a family of his own now,and also went there to see her multiple times.Anyways thank you for your concern and calling out my stupidity.I feel like I'm not even worthy of living anymore with how stupid I am to go through all of this for no reason.Maybe this happened for me to learn a really good lesson,one that I will never forget.