Unexpected situation

[Unlockable 7,314]

I have seen this first hand with one of my cousins. Didn't accept a bigger job/salary in another state because of fear of problems with child custody.

 

Tough situation. 

 

It will all come down to whats important to you. Your wife does have a point in your family being first priority. Do you not think you will eventually be able to find the same opportunities in your current city?

[amul 229]

8 hours ago, Patient said:

Your plan should be:

Take the job but speak to your boss about:Relocation - paying for a small 1 bed apartment for 3 months to help you move without stress. they have budget from take-over.

 

For your wife: 

• Tell her to grow up - you lived in another country, came to the USA, Boston to Vermont is 3hrs ---- yes it is city to countryside but I have family up in Vermont who do not lock doors at night  (no they are not remote in the woods farmers either!) ..... would you do that in Boston area or anywhere in MA?
• As others have posted, not unusual to work Mon-Fri away from home, or back in the week as others have suggested.
• Ask for a contractual in your contract regular "deal" to work the contracted hours but to be released from the company offices at 12 noon on Friday, plus with holiday days, yours and national, there are all sorts of things to be worked through. So you work extra hours Mon-Fri ...what else will you do?
• Technology - company VPN and other tools remote worker mean you can cover absence.
• Wife job - she has one and afraid to give it up? Hence solution above. talk it through ready for Monday AM and return to work.
• New car, free then to pop down to visit old friends and family.
• Tell her they have broadband, Wi-Fi and a lot of services in Vermont, the roads are better than MA IMHO.  From Montpelier go shopping in Florida, go to Canada - mix it up a bit, move off the Boston island. 

 

Why?

1. You "own" the biggest account relationship so will have opportunities in the new bigger organisation.
2. You will learn new practices and policies from the new company and MAY have to move again as part of your development if working in SCM or Logistics related positions. 
3. She can also sue for child support from Vermont, if her mother and family are applying pressure, definitely ask them to replace your salary and benefits package to stay ...directly to their faces and watch them reverse.
4. If she is a Bostonian, it could be a marriage crash but so many have moved to NH or even Maine as the living costs in MA for families are going up year on year.

If you do not go, your life will be a "what if" and the fact you are getting senior management support means it has already been "cleared" internally except for a few details.

 

Good luck with your decision.

 

 

 

This exactly! 

When my husband comes and starts working, we might run into the same issue and we will sit and discuss everything and find a middle ground. I can't be happy when he is unhappy and vise versa. I am not sure why she would use the word divorce so quickly. 

 

I understand your predicament -- finding and moving up in a career is important for many of us. It might not define us wholly, but is one of the building blocks of how we feel about our lives, not to mention how well we are able to live financially. Standing in one's way of happiness might have an immediate "I got what I want" kind of reward, but the aftermath is detrimental for all parties. Resentment has a silent way of working its magic and once it starts it can wreck havoc on all partnerships, including marriages.

 

I am for you considering this job opportunity. I would and I also would be behind my husband should we be in the same predicament. 

 

Best of luck to you...

 

 

 

 

[caliliving 606]

I couldnt read most of the OP post:/

 

However, i will say this.

 

US work experience is very valuable.  Whether its volunteer/internship or very low pay.  

It does not matter.  If people want to inbox me i can explain more:)

 

On an open forum i will say this.  Work hard, acclimate yourself in the American culture. I hear stories every day about people who have a GC but can not get a job!  

[caliliving 606]

16 hours ago, banhoff said:

Hi everyone, I hope I am posting in the right forum.

 

I am in a very bad situation, I came here 2 years ago and I already filed the I-751 but my question is not regarding that. When I came here I started working in peeling potatoes in a restaurant, then delivering news paper and magazines at 3 in the morning for minimum wage. After that I found a job in a warehouse where I was in so much pain in my feet and body from lifting boxes and heavy labor, after few months I was promoted to a supervisor and I got a good pay. I was making good money and everyone was happy with my work. Recently we had a meeting at work and the owner said the company is now acquired by another company and will be closing next month, the new company is the biggest in the East Coast. Once the meeting was over the new CEO and VP called me for their office and asked me if I am interested in going with them, they are moving to Vermont, and their location is three hours away from my house, and that's in a perfect weather. I didn't know what to tell the CEO and VP so I said I will think about it. I told my wife about what happened when I went home and I said I don't mind driving, she told me that she doesn't want me to take the job and if I do then she will file for divorce. Next day I talked to the VP and I said that I can't take the job, he took that as a maneuver from my side, so he offered me a pay raise, a promotion to higher position with an office and to keep my seniority in the company. The reason they want me is this bad is that they took the old company with tons of work and contracts and I am the one who was managing their biggest client daily work flow. They even offered to pay me few thousands of dollars if I am willing to move to VT to help with housing and everything. My wife can't move there because of her kids, she have joint custody with her ex husband and they need to live in 50 mile radius from each other. She told me that I can get any job here and that Dunkin Donuts is always hiring. I don't want to work in such jobs, I really worked hard and made my way up and if I wasn't doing good job I wouldn't be offered such position. My wife said it's either our marriage or the job, I don't see why she is doing that. She said if I really love her then I would take any job even at McDonald's. I don't know what to do, I really love her and tried to talk to her a lot, all pointless. I want to build my career life and make more money instead of going backwards, and that's for both of our sake, not just me as a person. Anyone here was in such situation before?

This was too much to read

 

I will say, unauthorized work IS FORGIVEN when married to a USC! just like overstay is forgiven.  

 

[Bostorican 17]

17 hours ago, Transborderwife said:

What's your immigration question?

This is one of the reasons I sometimes want out of this board.  You didnt need to say anything if it was not to your liking.

[caliliving 606]

49 minutes ago, Bostorican said:

This is one of the reasons I sometimes want out of this board.  You didnt need to say anything if it was not to your liking.

agree haha that is why i posted what i did above <3

[joevegas 67]

18 hours ago, banhoff said:

Hi everyone, I hope I am posting in the right forum.

 

I am in a very bad situation, I came here 2 years ago and I already filed the I-751 but my question is not regarding that. When I came here I started working in peeling potatoes in a restaurant, then delivering news paper and magazines at 3 in the morning for minimum wage. After that I found a job in a warehouse where I was in so much pain in my feet and body from lifting boxes and heavy labor, after few months I was promoted to a supervisor and I got a good pay. I was making good money and everyone was happy with my work. Recently we had a meeting at work and the owner said the company is now acquired by another company and will be closing next month, the new company is the biggest in the East Coast. Once the meeting was over the new CEO and VP called me for their office and asked me if I am interested in going with them, they are moving to Vermont, and their location is three hours away from my house, and that's in a perfect weather. I didn't know what to tell the CEO and VP so I said I will think about it. I told my wife about what happened when I went home and I said I don't mind driving, she told me that she doesn't want me to take the job and if I do then she will file for divorce. Next day I talked to the VP and I said that I can't take the job, he took that as a maneuver from my side, so he offered me a pay raise, a promotion to higher position with an office and to keep my seniority in the company. The reason they want me is this bad is that they took the old company with tons of work and contracts and I am the one who was managing their biggest client daily work flow. They even offered to pay me few thousands of dollars if I am willing to move to VT to help with housing and everything. My wife can't move there because of her kids, she have joint custody with her ex husband and they need to live in 50 mile radius from each other. She told me that I can get any job here and that Dunkin Donuts is always hiring. I don't want to work in such jobs, I really worked hard and made my way up and if I wasn't doing good job I wouldn't be offered such position. My wife said it's either our marriage or the job, I don't see why she is doing that. She said if I really love her then I would take any job even at McDonald's. I don't know what to do, I really love her and tried to talk to her a lot, all pointless. I want to build my career life and make more money instead of going backwards, and that's for both of our sake, not just me as a person. Anyone here was in such situation before?

 

[joevegas 67]

18 hours ago, banhoff said:

Hi everyone, I hope I am posting in the right forum.

 

I am in a very bad situation, I came here 2 years ago and I already filed the I-751 but my question is not regarding that. When I came here I started working in peeling potatoes in a restaurant, then delivering news paper and magazines at 3 in the morning for minimum wage. After that I found a job in a warehouse where I was in so much pain in my feet and body from lifting boxes and heavy labor, after few months I was promoted to a supervisor and I got a good pay. I was making good money and everyone was happy with my work. Recently we had a meeting at work and the owner said the company is now acquired by another company and will be closing next month, the new company is the biggest in the East Coast. Once the meeting was over the new CEO and VP called me for their office and asked me if I am interested in going with them, they are moving to Vermont, and their location is three hours away from my house, and that's in a perfect weather. I didn't know what to tell the CEO and VP so I said I will think about it. I told my wife about what happened when I went home and I said I don't mind driving, she told me that she doesn't want me to take the job and if I do then she will file for divorce. Next day I talked to the VP and I said that I can't take the job, he took that as a maneuver from my side, so he offered me a pay raise, a promotion to higher position with an office and to keep my seniority in the company. The reason they want me is this bad is that they took the old company with tons of work and contracts and I am the one who was managing their biggest client daily work flow. They even offered to pay me few thousands of dollars if I am willing to move to VT to help with housing and everything. My wife can't move there because of her kids, she have joint custody with her ex husband and they need to live in 50 mile radius from each other. She told me that I can get any job here and that Dunkin Donuts is always hiring. I don't want to work in such jobs, I really worked hard and made my way up and if I wasn't doing good job I wouldn't be offered such position. My wife said it's either our marriage or the job, I don't see why she is doing that. She said if I really love her then I would take any job even at McDonald's. I don't know what to do, I really love her and tried to talk to her a lot, all pointless. I want to build my career life and make more money instead of going backwards, and that's for both of our sake, not just me as a person. Anyone here was in such situation before?

Can your wife discuss new arrangements with the ex where you can move a little closer to Vermont like an hour and a half closer?.....I think she is being selfish.

[minions2 24]

In my opinion, i would take the promotion. Its a career advancement that she would also benefit, more money 

[wheresmykoala 52]

I'll add my two cents in just incase it helps you out in making a decision. I've seen a lot of good posts on this forum about your situation, and I understand why it is such a difficult choice to make.

 

The one thing that REALLY stands out to me is the fact that your wife was so ready to use divorce as an ultimatum against you if you take this job, without even giving your needs any thought. I understand she is stuck in that radius due to her ex with the kids, so she cannot move with you (if you decided to move to VT). However, I think it's really ridiculous that she - the person who doesn't have to drive 3 hours to work and back, and who would still get to see you home at night as if you were working nearby - instantly refuses to let you work a job that you are clearly proud of and passionate for. I think it's rude for her to respond to you with-  "McDonald's is always hiring!" 

 

It's unfair for her to belittle your accomplishments and have you settle for a minimum wage job just because she doesn't want you commuting a few extra hours to work. I think the commute would get very tiring after a while though- I commute an hour and a half 3-4x a week there and back, and it gets exhausting. I've seen people post alternatives, such as staying at a hotel, or renting an apartment. 

 

What it comes down to is your wife needs to listen to your needs, just as much as you are listening to hers. It is totally unfair if she expects you to be unhappy, (i.e. working McDonalds/Dunkin Donuts) just so as she can have her way. I don't understand why she is so opposed to your lengthy commute? You both need to meet in the middle, which she is not doing for you. You can always look for jobs nearby since you have the qualifications, however, I think it's important to talk with your wife about why she was so ready to throw divorce in your face over work. I understand family is very important, but as a family they should be celebrating your accomplishments and looking for a way to make it work, rather than making it an issue that could lead to divorce. I would really discuss this with your wife, because it seems like a great job that would really support everyone, and make you happy. It is unfair for either side to be miserable, and I can tell that if you don't take the job, you will be unhappy working at the alternatives your wife has given you. Good luck and I hope you are able to reach a fair agreement between the two of you!

[dawning 212]

5 hours ago, caliliving said:

This was too much to read

 

I will say, unauthorized work IS FORGIVEN when married to a USC! just like overstay is forgiven.  

 

Perhaps it's better not to comment if you don't have the patience to understand what he's talking about.  He didn't say anything about unauthorized work.  He is talking about being offered a promotion that would involve a long commute or moving, and his wife not being supportive.

[Villanelle 4,122]

16 hours ago, MickAmy said:

Actually, this board is for anyone who is going through immigration and has anything they want to talk about. We are all here to support one another in every step of this, even if it's after immigrating and settling in. This is not simply a board for people to get information on the immigration itself. Many people find comfort in getting advice on their daily lives from others who have had similar situations occur. This is exactly why this post is in the forum for change in family dynamics. 

 

 

Transborderswifes question was legitimate. Yes the boards allow for non immigration issues- however this is not the correct sub-forum. This is Effects of Major Changes (on/re immigration matters). The OP does not have an immigration concern at this time (as per his follow up posting). So this thread is in the wrong section. (reporting for it to be moved). It has nothing to do with not having a heart- but keeping the forums organized. 

[Transborderwife 4,666]

14 minutes ago, Damara said:

Transborderswifes question was legitimate. Yes the boards allow for non immigration issues- however this is not the correct sub-forum. This is Effects of Major Changes (on/re immigration matters). The OP does not have an immigration concern at this time (as per his follow up posting). So this thread is in the wrong section. (reporting for it to be moved). It has nothing to do with not having a heart- but keeping the forums organized. 

Thank you Damara and others for getting it.

[caliliving 606]

4 hours ago, wheresmykoala said:

I'll add my two cents in just incase it helps you out in making a decision. I've seen a lot of good posts on this forum about your situation, and I understand why it is such a difficult choice to make.

 

The one thing that REALLY stands out to me is the fact that your wife was so ready to use divorce as an ultimatum against you if you take this job, without even giving your needs any thought. I understand she is stuck in that radius due to her ex with the kids, so she cannot move with you (if you decided to move to VT). However, I think it's really ridiculous that she - the person who doesn't have to drive 3 hours to work and back, and who would still get to see you home at night as if you were working nearby - instantly refuses to let you work a job that you are clearly proud of and passionate for. I think it's rude for her to respond to you with-  "McDonald's is always hiring!" 

 

It's unfair for her to belittle your accomplishments and have you settle for a minimum wage job just because she doesn't want you commuting a few extra hours to work. I think the commute would get very tiring after a while though- I commute an hour and a half 3-4x a week there and back, and it gets exhausting. I've seen people post alternatives, such as staying at a hotel, or renting an apartment. 

 

What it comes down to is your wife needs to listen to your needs, just as much as you are listening to hers. It is totally unfair if she expects you to be unhappy, (i.e. working McDonalds/Dunkin Donuts) just so as she can have her way. I don't understand why she is so opposed to your lengthy commute? You both need to meet in the middle, which she is not doing for you. You can always look for jobs nearby since you have the qualifications, however, I think it's important to talk with your wife about why she was so ready to throw divorce in your face over work. I understand family is very important, but as a family they should be celebrating your accomplishments and looking for a way to make it work, rather than making it an issue that could lead to divorce. I would really discuss this with your wife, because it seems like a great job that would really support everyone, and make you happy. It is unfair for either side to be miserable, and I can tell that if you don't take the job, you will be unhappy working at the alternatives your wife has given you. Good luck and I hope you are able to reach a fair agreement between the two of you!

I agree.

however, when she tells u get a job at dunkin donuts/mcdonalds.. its a threat! she knows u dont want to work there!! u have a greencard, u can work anywhere.. get your things together and apply for good careers... if not u will be flipping burgers;)

[Amiss5572 2]

So you can leave everything for her but she can't try to make arrangements for you? Should be a discussion not giving you an ultimatum. Completely unfair to you. How will you feel going to work everday at dunkin donuts? She obviously dosnt care. I'd take the job