adjusting

[overandout 0]

We haven't gotten our visa yet so maybe we're getting a little ahead of ourselves, but we're hoping to have it all sorted out soon. I'm a little worried about how my husband will adjust to life in the US. Right now we both live in the UK (I'm a student from NJ) so we'll be moving in with my dad when we move to the states. This seems like it will be weird enough for him on top of everything else - the house and yard are a nice size but my childhood bedroom definitely was not built for two adults to live in so it will be cramped, but I think he'll feel uncomfortable in the more 'communal' areas like the living room or kitchen with my family who he's only met a couple of times before and never spent a long amount of time with. I'm wondering what will be best for Paul - should he take some time to get himself situated, visit places, have a little vacation, or should he dive right in and get into a routine? Just wanted to know what other people's experiences have been and what works best. I want to make everything as easy as possible for him because I know it will be difficult and stressful living in someone else's home in a new country knowing that you're there for the rest of your life. (well, not at my dad's for the rest of our lives I certainly hope, but I just mean in the US).

Of course it will all just take time and patience but I'm running short on both of those as the moment so could use some encouraging advice.

[Reba 2]

best thing to do IMO would be to just dive right in as soon as he's able. Take a quick break to get used to the house, the neighbourhood, maybe learn to drive on the correct side of the road and then go out job hunting.

Sitting around the house indefinitely is probably the most frustrating thing to have to do, so he's lucky he'll be eligible to work shortly after arriving.

[ChristinaM 0]

I agree with Reba. It will be nice for him to have a chance to settle, but routine will help tremendously with that. Also, the sooner he is working, the sooner you guys can move into your own place which will ease your concern about where your hubby feels comfortable in the house.

It's never too early to think about the adjusting - some who leave it till they get here are finding it much harder than they expected.

[rejane 1]

When i arrived in the US i couldn t work and had tostay homeall day...

As soon i got a job i felt much better as i started meeting new people...

As soon your fiance will have a job the betterforhimhe will be.

Think of activites you can do both together when you have some free times.

Good luck onadjusting here in the US

[Ephesia 0]

yellow,

I fully admire your spirit to think ahead and your desire to help your soon-to-be husband adjust to a new life in a totally new environment.

Although there is really no best way to help him adjust because everyone adjusts differently, one thing I can think of right now is to communicate a lot with him about these things. Explain to him clearly where you both will be living. Ask him what his concerns are. More importantly, ask him what he thinks you can do to help his adjustment. And share your expectations with each other.

If there are specific things or activities your husband likes very much and are relatively easy to access in the US, see if you can make those available to him once he is here. I have read some threads here where the US wives subscribed to sports channels and/or radio stations for their hubbies to enjoy.

At the end of the day, remember to give him a lot of time. Marriage in itself already requires a lot of work and discipline, on top of love and commitment. Adjusting to marriage in a new country is a different and more complex ball game altogether.

I sincerely and wholeheartedly wish you and your darling all the very best in your new life together.

[Cassie 8]

One of the things that we did when i first arrived that helped quite a bit was to find "important" stuff: the closest library, grocery store, mall, crafts store, etc etc. so I could get used to the area. We also took some weekends and went exploring towns and aurrounding areas so I could get used to Oklahoma as a whole.

Be aware that everything is going to be different and he might talk a lot about those differences -- it's not a criticism of you personally, it's just wrapping one's mind around the fact that he's in a completely new place and things will not be the same. this is where patience comes in for the USC.

[j&js 0]

Great advice from everyone so far, just wanted to add my two cents about living with the parents.

James and I are currently living in the basement of my parent's house. Our situation is a little different then yours. I had already moved out of my childhood bedroom and into a basement apartment that really does have a decent amount of privacy by the time James got here(has a bathroom, bedroom and tv room). Also, he knew my parents by the time the K1 came through because he had 'lived' here on the VWP last summer. I do feel a bit weird about being married and in my parents house still sometimes, but we almost never have akward moments.

One thing that I think has been really great is that James and my dad get along really well, he has a good relationship with my mom too, but I wouldn't call them particularly close or anything. I am assuming that your dad is pretty accepting if you are able to move in there together, so maybe this can help you guys out too. They got to know each other first of all just because my dad is really outgoing and interested in others, but then they did a couple of household projects together, and now they chat all the time. I think it really helped James adjust, having someone other then me around to talk to. The adjustment is not over by any means, he's waiting on the EAD so still stuck in the house, but its going really well. I actually came home from a girls night out a couple weeks ago to find my dad and James in the tv room (our basement one, not the family one) just hanging out. I would say encouraging Paul and your family to build relationships would be very important.

Good luck with everything!

[kc456 0]

The least time he'll spend around the house, the better. If you plan on moving out, then it could get a timeframe -- we'll start looking in such and such month, and then move out in 4 wks. So you have a concrete timeframe you can look forward to, so it will be easier to deal with the living situation.