Abuse K1 Prior to AOS

[Venus 1]

16 hours ago, Ash.1101 said:

Yeah it's very good they did not marry. This will be a lot easier than if they had. 

It's best for her or him to get a ticket back home. You don't want him to try to roam around until he's illegal. You need to make sure someone gets him out of the country, I'm assuming she's not going to marry him at all and the marriage is off, so he has no path to the US that is legal. 

I'm pretty sure she could contact USCIS with the DV info and telling them what happened and that she is not going to marry him at all before the 90 days are up. 

Don't help him do ANYTHING. Don't help him with his social security card, Don't help him with a license. Separate him as far from yourself and your sister and her family ASAP. DO -NOT- HELP HIM. You are NOT obligated to in any way shape or form. The most help any of ya'll need to give him is help out of the country and healing for your sister and her family.


Also, try to help your sister understand he is an abuser. NO ONE should do that to anyone. NO ONE. Even if she loves this man with all her heart, she needs to leave him for the safety of herself and her child. If anyone touched my kid, I don't even know how I would respond, I know it would be angry and spiteful and not nice at all, but I would -never- bail them out, I'd most likely want them to rot in prison or be sent back to their home country. Which ever is worse.

I have tried.

 

He has been texting me all day the court put a restraining order on their own and he was allowed to go to NYC until his hearing on the 26th.  She is already making excuses as to why he may have done it blah blah....I see a weeding in her future.  I am staying out of it from now on. we are very upset.  the police told her if he is allowed home again they will contact child services.

[Venus 1]

15 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

She needs to keep him away. If she lets him back in the house she may lose custody of her child. Her ex already knows what happened, it would not take much for her to lose her daughter. No man is worth losing a child. 

I have told her.  my entire family has told her...she says she wont yet she makes excuses for him...idk what else to tell her.

14 hours ago, Ebunoluwa said:

Why on earth did she bail him out ?

What about him being a danger to her and her child ?

 

He is NOT going to change.

 

Change locks, file restraining order and move on is what she needs to do instead of settling to be his punching bag.
I just don't get why she bailed him out. That's crazy.

the court automatically sets a restraining order because the police was out she didn't have to go yet they keep talking.  I wish I can do it for her but she wont listen  im afraid for my niece...shes an adult but my niece is not.

 

[AlinaB 43]

26 minutes ago, Venus said:

I have told her.  my entire family has told her...she says she wont yet she makes excuses for him...idk what else to tell her.

the court automatically sets a restraining order because the police was out she didn't have to go yet they keep talking.  I wish I can do it for her but she wont listen  im afraid for my niece...shes an adult but my niece is not.

 

It sounds like she is displaying the classic, victim of domestic abuse tendencies. It's likely that the more you push against him, the more she will pull away from you. Look at this website and see if it can help give you some direction. 

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/support-a-friend-or-family-member-experiencing-domestic-violence.aspx

 

[Unlockable 7,315]

2 hours ago, Venus said:

I have tried.

 

He has been texting me all day the court put a restraining order on their own and he was allowed to go to NYC until his hearing on the 26th.  She is already making excuses as to why he may have done it blah blah....I see a weeding in her future.  I am staying out of it from now on. we are very upset.  the police told her if he is allowed home again they will contact child services.

Yep. A lot of states have incorporated this policy. Reason being is that in the past, victims would call upon police to save them from being abused and in only a few days later would allow the abuser back in. I now some states take it further. In Florida if there are repeated DV to a residence where the same people are involved then charges can be brought up on BOTH the abuser AND THE VICTIM.

 

As for the situation she is in. It is best for her to step back and reevaluate things. Here is the deal. Moving to a new country away from family and friends and culture and language is different than you are used to is about the biggest amount of stress and shock a person can experience. Many people cope and strive. What he has done is depend on alcohol. That is NOT a positive response to his situation. He is already here with no support system and no income. Now his difficulties to adapt and start a new life in the US are amplified because he has started a criminal record. That is going to make his stress even greater. Which will likely lead to more drinking. Are you seeing the pattern here?

 

I have personally experienced this type of behavior from your sister to the point to where we (family, friends, and I) had a long term friendship deteriorate to the point where we no longer have contact with her. We pooled all of our resources together to get her away from an abuser numerous times only to have her bring him back in later. The last straw (at least for me) was when she was living with him and he beat her and kicked her out of his house. The following two weeks my friends and I got together, took turns allowing her to stay at our places while we found an apartment for her and her son, pooled together money for the security deposit and first months rent and utilities (a sum of nearly $2500), furnished it with extra furniture and supplies we all had, and donated food. Not even two months of living in this place guess who she had sleeping over? When a couple of friends called her out on it she got defensive about it and told us to stay out of it. Stay out of it??? Ok, that is exactly what we did. She no longer had our help. That was more than 15 years ago and I can tell you that I haven't heard from or about her since.

 

P.S. She is also the reason I know about the police calling child services or bring charges to both parties of repeat offenders. We were with he after the upteen time the police were called to his house for DV. A female officer laid it down to her straight. She told her the officers are risking their lives when they respond to these calls and after a while of it happening over and over the guy feels like nothing will happen to them. After a number of times the victim has to start taking some responsibility and other people's life could be at stake.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Sad that mothers risk the life of their child for men like that.

[Venus 1]

The sad part is my niece.

If he returns ill bring her to my house. 

 

For now the restraining order is court ordered and i dk how they will get around that

[Villanelle 4,122]

There is another issue here that you should be aware of.

If or when they decide to file for AOS his arrests/convictions will need to be disclosed. Depending on the particulars he may not be approved for a GC.  If he has one charge for DV it can fall under the petty offense exception and he will be OK to adjust. But depending on the particulars it may not be considered 'petty offense exception'. If he has more then one charge then he can not get this and will not be able to adjust. There are many factors to consider and because the abuse involved a child it makes it more complicated. All Im saying is he may not be able to get the GC.

Also once he has the GC (if it goes that far) and he gets convicted for DV AGAIN (which is most likely to happen) he can have his status stripped and be deported. They do not mess around with immigrants convicted of DV.

 

However the best advice I can give you to protect your family is to REPORT him when he does violate the restraining order. Your sister may not be happy- but violating a restraining order will make him deportable. 

[Sandra G. 5,049]

If your sister insists to get married to the scumbag I would call DCF and tell them about the abuse  that your niece suffered, and probably DCF will take your niece away from your sister, she failed to protect her daughter and she  is putting her daughter in harm's way AGAIN. She should care about her child's safety and if she doesn't  care then be your niece's voice. Speak out against Domestic Violence!

[Venus 1]

He was charged with domestic violence simple assault.  Misdemeanor.  Supposly the judge told him she can have the case closed.????

 

this is a mess....

 

there not married ...I don't know if she will marry.

 

 

Edited January 14, 2017 by Ontarkie
Removed personal information.

[Ash.1101 1,756]

3 hours ago, sandranj said:

If your sister insists to get married to the scumbag I would call DCF and tell them about the abuse  that your niece suffered, and probably DCF will take your niece away from your sister, she failed to protect her daughter and she  is putting her daughter in harm's way AGAIN. She should care about her child's safety and if she doesn't  care then be your niece's voice. Speak out against Domestic Violence!

I agree with this.

At the end of the day your sister is a grown woman making awful choices, don't let her choices affect your niece. Get your niece out of there, your sister may hate you for it, but it's not about you or your sister, it's about the CHILD involved.

And if you do take your niece, you let her know that she is worth everything in the world and that you understand all kinds of things are happening right now, but her mom is not in her right mind and that you would never want someone like that dating her mother or ever dating even her in the future, both of them deserve better but her mother can't see it right now. Let her know this behavior is not right, by her mom bailing him out and potentially allowing him back in the home she is condoning this behavior and setting an AWFUL example for her daughter. Tell her that this is NOT acceptable, and she should NEVER have to live in a household like that and you want to make sure she doesn't.

Be the mother to your niece that your sister isn't willing to be right now.

[Ontarkie 14,265]

~~One post edited to removed personal information and another post removed for the same. Please do not post anything that contains personal information. I understand you are trying to provide as much information to get the best and most accurate help you can. You can post the charge and any other details that do not identify him.~~ 

 

Mod hat off

 

I would forward any and all information you have to ICE and the local USCIS office that your sister lives near. 

I would also give your nieces father a heads up if your sister insists on letting that man in her house again. He has as much responsibility to keep his child safe as her mother.