best way to proceed? (edited title)

[aaron2020 11,651]

3 hours ago, Cruise77 said:

Another huge red flag is the fact you are not married and you have credit together.  You bought a phone for him, and then you want to put him on your bank account??  Those are things that married couples do not fiancees.  It smells of desperation rather than a genuine relationship.  And even more so given the age gap, country of origin and previous visa denials.

Getting a US phone and adding him to a US bank account when he has not been able to get to the US is not very helpful.  Neither act is helpful in showing a relationship.

[Kastrs 723]

17 hours ago, Barbsway said:

I am a older American lady that has been dating a younger Egyptian man for 2 years.  I am 58 and he is 27. I know it sounds bad but it is not at all how it sounds. He is so much more mature than his age. I got some advise about fiancé visa verses a marriage visa and was told to go for a fiancé visa so we can also just get married if it didn't work out. I have been reading some discussions on your site about denials for age. My fiancé and I have 3 credit. Adds together, his name is on my phone bill as he has a phone purchased from Verizon for him. I am in the process of adding him to my checking account as I have a power of attorney for him good in the US. I have spent 2 weeks with him in Egypt. We have many things to prove our relationship. Now I am finding out we have a better chance to get this if we would have married. I just got back from Egypt and can't go back for awhile. He has had prior denials 2 for B2 and 2 for F1. They said he did not prove enough ties or convince the consular he would return. Now I don't know what to do. Can you please help me? 

The phone and adding him to your bank account or any other US account is a waste of time/potentially money if it is something for which you are paying. Co mingled finances are NOT required for K1 finance visas.

 

What is required is proving a real bonafide relationship. The best way to do this is by having lots of facetime, which will be particularly important considering your age gap. Also, if you are of different religions this will be a red flag.

 

Please consider at least one additional visit before filing the K1 and as many as possible after filing. It would be helpful to include tons of evidence in your petition including visit information, chat log information, and although it is secondary evidence, pictures with his family would be very helpful.

[Ortolan 381]

The immigration process is costly on both your wallet and your head, and a lot of work, and that can blind you to what's coming at the end of this long road.

Please don't go into this process with this man until you have a long talk about it with someone you really trust. It does sound like he's been trying to get into the US for a long time with no success, and it might be that this is another one of those attempts, using you as the vehicle. 

[Auds 223]

The visa officers will see this as one of two

1. Egyptian well off paying for his green card to a much older disabled lady
2. Egyptian and family scamming older disabled American Citizen

From my experience of reading 10s if not 100s of cases, the K1 will surely get denied.  A spouse application will take much longer even if it eventually comes through, we are talking about 2-3 years (you know a denial first time round then possibly getting accepted).

I do know that culturally men from that culture would never see a long term future with a much older woman who is disabled.  I have known the culture for decades now.  If your's happens to be the one in 10 million genuine case convincing the visa officers will be next to impossible.

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

Living there would also allow you to get to know this man. If, God forbid, he's trying to scam you, you'd have a much better chance finding this out if you lived with him.

[Ahmed & Amy 291]

I've been married almost 8 years to an Egyptian and have lived in Egypt for the entire duration. Living in Egypt all this time I've met some truly great, honest, and caring people, but I've also met scammers, thieves, and downright just plain devilish people. Most Egyptians are extremely family oriented and involved with with one another. I would be cautious about adding him to your bank account as you are not married.

I hate to say it as I've seen it done; but just because you met his family once, does not mean in any shape or form that they would truly accept their 27 year old son to marry a women in your age. ( I mean this in no offense to you personally, I've just known this to actually happen and the women like yourself was left devastated and embarrassed in the end. )

 

If you truly believe your relationship is genuine, then like the advice given to you before, go and live with him for some time in Egypt. Marry him in Egypt and have your wedding party there with his family & friends. Stay in Egypt for a few months and begin the CR-1 process, and then you can return back to the US. If you say that you can not live in Egypt for a long period of time due to your disability, then make a trip that last's for a few months at least. 

 

Please be cautious.

[Boiler 45,570]

I agree, look at moving to Egypt.

[Kofi_Adjoa 5]

First of all I will say if both of you are truly in love and it’s for a genuine purpose, do not worry, because the Lord will be on your side. Age difference will not be the reason you should be deprived happiness in life.

But for security reasons, just make sure you have more than enough evidence to prove the relationship is real. Get friends and family both in the US and Egypt to swear affidavit for both of you, with pictures and phone records. You can always export all your IM (WhatsApp, Viber, Tango . . . etc) into MS word/excel and print them out. Remember too much documentation will not hurt you.

And most of all when he goes to the interview, he needs to be 100% honest with the CO. If the love he has for you is truly genuine he will get the visa.

Do not be discourage you will win this battle.

[Cathi 5,757]

He cannot be denied based on the age difference alone, but you have several red flags and the biggest is his many past visa denials.

 

I am 21 years older than my husband, we are a different religion(I'm Catholic, he's Muslim) and he had no problem getting his visa(cr-1). But and this is a BIG but, we spent a lot of time together in real life both before I applied for him and after(months and months), you have met for a mere 2 weeks. It's clear to us(but obviously not to you) that he's only looking for a way to get to the US. You need to take a step back and look at it from the outside. I never discourage anyone from trying, but he has about zero chance of being approved, whether or not you marry. I'm just being honest and trust me, I know all there is to know about his culture. I've been to the Middle East many times, to Egypt once and I know many Egyptian couples who had a hard time getting approved even with no red flags, one being one of my best friends. Her husband just received his ir1 visa from Egypt after five and a half years, their only red flag was difference in religion, they have an age difference of 1 year-he's older.

[Cathi 5,757]

1 hour ago, Ahmed & Amy said:

I've been married almost 8 years to an Egyptian and have lived in Egypt for the entire duration. Living in Egypt all this time I've met some truly great, honest, and caring people, but I've also met scammers, thieves, and downright just plain devilish people. Most Egyptians are extremely family oriented and involved with with one another. I would be cautious about adding him to your bank account as you are not married.

I hate to say it as I've seen it done; but just because you met his family once, does not mean in any shape or form that they would truly accept their 27 year old son to marry a women in your age. ( I mean this in no offense to you personally, I've just known this to actually happen and the women like yourself was left devastated and embarrassed in the end. )

 

If you truly believe your relationship is genuine, then like the advice given to you before, go and live with him for some time in Egypt. Marry him in Egypt and have your wedding party there with his family & friends. Stay in Egypt for a few months and begin the CR-1 process, and then you can return back to the US. If you say that you can not live in Egypt for a long period of time due to your disability, then make a trip that last's for a few months at least. 

 

Please be cautious.

This is very good advice and very true. I do not know of any middle eastern mother who would  approve of her son marrying someone 31 years his senior. Their culture is VERY different and family approval(especially the mom) is first and foremost. I know you've been to Egypt, but 2 weeks is not long enough to fully understand the culture and importance of family approval.

[KierenHby 899]

15 hours ago, Barbsway said:

Thanks KierenHby. I know this man very well and am a very cautious person. I trust this man with my life. I know his entire family and have been to where he works as an attorney and have met his best of friends. This is not someone I don't know. But I really appreciate the warning as I am sure it would be warranted for some. 

Most Middle Eastern and Asian cultures generally believe in marrying off a son to a younger child-bearing wife who takes care of husband's family and household chores. I'm not sure you fit that mold.  

 

His family will be all lovey dovey till they get what they're after.. a ticket to the US. Trying many-fold for a US visa, then pretending to fall in love with someone they have nothing in common with.. are tell-tale signs of scammers some Egyptian men, among others, prey on. 

 

Love is blind, and you have every right to be with someone you love. But.. take a step back and maybe take a listen to the advice being offered. 

[kareelina 42]

On 1/3/2017 at 6:46 AM, Barbsway said:

Thank you EM_Vanaveer. You have to be in the US to apply for a spousal visa so I could not apply for it while in Egypt. 

As long as you are not a resident in Egypt and you don't have a residency stamp in your passport  then you can not apply for a spousal visa , you need to apply for it from your homeland . I know that you are in love with your fiance , and any advice won't help . I've been living in Egypt all my life and I know how Egyptian men think , your fiance would never ever marry elder Egyptian woman not even one year older than him , this is the Egyptian mentality . Even if you decide to get married in Egypt the Egyptian law never allow that age gap maximum 22 years . So give it a try and tell your fiance that you decide to relocate in Egypt and never go back to America and see what he will do . 

[KierenHby 899]

1 hour ago, kareelina said:

I know how Egyptian men think , your fiance would never ever marry elder Egyptian woman not even one year older than him , this is the Egyptian mentality . Even if you decide to get married in Egypt the Egyptian law never allow that age gap maximum 22 years . So give it a try and tell your fiance that you decide to relocate in Egypt and never go back to America and see what he will do . 

+1

[caliliving 606]

5 hours ago, KierenHby said:

+1

i concur.. and his family is defintely in on this to get him to america and a better life.. no way he is marrying a woman 28 years older.  next time you are there look around and see if you can find any men from egypt with an older woman. chances are, he wont marry you in a traditional egyptian marriage from there either. if you get married in america it doesnt count for him in a traditional sense and he can divorce u and find his muslim, younger, child bearing wife and marry her in a traditional, religious, wedding (get his citizenship and bring her to america).  

you should check out loverats.com it will give you lots of good insignt. 

[JFH 12,190]

I agree that one way to know if it's true love on his part is to announce that you have decided to move to Egypt permanently to be with him. His response will tell you all you need to know.