LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR RED FLAGS

[phila 0]

Thanks Sophia!

We ask each other questions everyday to prepare for the interview. They will indeed interview him in Turkish. I am hoping that we can schedule (reschedule) our interview for late June/early July- when I am there, so we can go together. If they see us together, they will see we communicate very well.

In terms of packet 3- I have no clue- what we send, what we bring. I get so much conflicting information- so I think we will send everything, and bring everything. (we wont send his originals though).

I just hope he passes security in a timely manner. I'll be so delighted when this is all over!

[ya falaha! 0]

Why should you feel guilty about having facials and what not? You worked hard for that money so why not spend it on what you see fit? It's not your fault that your husband was born in an impoverished country. Like you said, you'll most likely be supporting him for awhile when he gets here, worry about it then. I dunno, maybe it's the way I was raised or the fact that I never have had to support or even help out my ex husband that makes me feel that way.

[mybackpages 0]

And, one trip.....to me that is a bit of a red flag. However, they only "require" that you have met once within the last 2 years. Anyone have any trouble with this one?

The requirement of meeting once in the last 2 years is just to qualify for the petition. At the consulate level it is now the burden of the beneficiary to show the relationship is legitimate and he qualifies for the visa. Meeting one time may or may not be a problem. I suppose meeting many times and spending a lot of time together is always better, but its not necessarily a problem depending on the quality of evidence submitted.

One thing that some of us suspect about how Casa operates is that they see the original petition and evidence and made a judgement about the relationship based on that. During the interview the beneficiary is on the defensive to address any questions or suspicions the CO has abotu the relationship.

Meeting once might make the CO go into the inteview with a different mind set than had there been mulitple visits documents in the original petition.

[mybackpages 0]

If I were a guy I wouldn't think twice about sending money to him to even out the score as much as one can while their other half lives in a third world country, but for some reason because I'm a woman I feel strange about it. Obviously when he's here I'll be supporting him until he gets his work authority thingie and even after that for a couple of years I know I'll certainly be making more than him, so why just because he's living apart from me should I not help him out? (I don't know the answer to that question btw)

I wonder if sending money is viewed differently for spouses and fiances. I mean isn't it normal for a husband and wife to interminge their finaces? Doodle- have you considered opening an account in Egypt that you would both have access to? I think it would be normal for spouses living apart to spend thier funds in both countries- married couples are after all sustaining two households. Whereas fiances are not legally.

[Henia 11]

We didn't have any of the red flags listed above, but our red flags were a difference in education and also that I sent him money. We were both living and working in Europe, and he went back to Morocco when I came back to the U.S. so we could do the petition. I guess he could have worked during the waiting period so as to reduce any suspicion by the consulate, but we just hoped that things would go quickly and that it would be better for him to spend the time with his family (he hadn't seen them in over 6 years!). Turns out it wasn't brought up at all at the interview - his being unemployed or my sending him money. And we were really lucky to have a speedy process so that he was in Morocco for less than six months.

Must be nice not to work and get money sent to you. A vacation that last for months.

Nice try, but I think we're trying to keep this discussion civil.

Yes nice try...but no! Jenn according to her timeline had lived with her SO already...had the relationship... I assume confidant with him...so she is and cannot be included in what I meant.I meant those ppl who met, talk abit online or met casually once...then suddenly one is sending the other a monthly allowance, since the SO is sooooo poor and broke, etc. I am sorry but when I lived in the US I was poor and broke too! My husband never asked me once how I pay my bills. It was assumed I could and do. Just cos th standard of iving is higher in the US does not mean people are living it up. I have found people here in Algerie live way better then I ever did in the US. (and I might add I had a professional job...I was not making min wage at McDs)... and here there is much stronger support system. If someone is not working here, they have their family to lean on. Much more so then I ever saw in the US.

So I am sorry, but I abid by the "if he cannot do for himself there, then ####### is he going to do here (and for me, our family) when he gets here?" esp if there is language barrier.

And Browneyed okigirl said...it is all about the work ethnic...

Not sure if you all remember but i once heard of women here who SO had her send a monthly 1500$ (not sure if this number is correct...i pray not subhanALlah) to him and his *poor* family... #######! This is the kind of stuff I am talking...not helping out your SO. Helping out is a given!

[Henia 11]

Well we have a mutual friend who translates our 'deeper' emails daily. (Over 300 e-mails thus far)

LOL does this person get paid by the word or hour? LOL cute!

[Jenn! 918]

Not sure if you all remember but i once heard of women here who SO had her send a monthly 1500$

Crikies! $1500 goes a really long way over there....

[Henia 11]

). I've never sent him money, he's never asked. He doesn't ask if I have enough money to get by so why should I worry about him getting by? Maybe that sounds selfish but that's how I feel. He's a grown man who is very capable. If he can't find a job closer to home that's not my problem. He does find the occasional odd job here and there. It's not much but at least it's enough for cigarettes or whatever. It's not my responsibility to support a grown, healthy, capable man.

Yuuuuuuuuuup! Moody you hit the nail on it...you summed up all I wanted to say!

[ya falaha! 0]

That would be ok if both spouses were contributing fairly equally to the account. If you think about it, we that are living apart from our spouses waiting out the visa process are really married in name only. We don't do the things that "normal" spouses do. I don't feel it's necessary to have a joint account at this point. Both parties should be doing their part. In my case, I paid for my ticket to visit him, I paid for the petitions...he should pay for his visa stuff there, he should pay for his ticket here. I pay for my household expenses here...he should pay for his expenses there.

If I were a guy I wouldn't think twice about sending money to him to even out the score as much as one can while their other half lives in a third world country, but for some reason because I'm a woman I feel strange about it. Obviously when he's here I'll be supporting him until he gets his work authority thingie and even after that for a couple of years I know I'll certainly be making more than him, so why just because he's living apart from me should I not help him out? (I don't know the answer to that question btw)

I wonder if sending money is viewed differently for spouses and fiances. I mean isn't it normal for a husband and wife to interminge their finaces? Doodle- have you considered opening an account in Egypt that you would both have access to? I think it would be normal for spouses living apart to spend thier funds in both countries- married couples are after all sustaining two households. Whereas fiances are not legally.

[Henia 11]

I didn't have any of the reg flags mentioned. He's a few years older than me, neither one of us had been married before, we met in person and had a 5 year relationship and lived in the same city for 1 of those years. The only thing I can think of that might have caused a raised eyebrow is that I didn't visit Algeria prior to our marriage. Oh, and I'm Christian, and he's Muslim, so I thought that maybe that could be considered a "red flag."

I wasn't taking any chances when preparing our application, and I prepared for any questions that the CO might have re: the validity of our relationship. I included a letter detailing our relationship, with a list of the people who had seen us together. I also encluded a TON of photos throughout our 5 years together. The receipt for my engagement ring, print outs of e-mails, phone calls, etc. I also included an affidavit from my mother, who was there the day he proposed, and who knew him very well at that point. We had sent each other lots of postcards and letters over the years, so I sent all of those to him for the interview, as well as a scrapbook I had made him. I sent photos of us with all of my family members and friends who had met him over the years. Amed brought all of this with him to the interview.

In the end, it didn't really matter, as the CO only looked at a couple of photos and didn't ask any questions. I know we got really lucky, but I like to think that our application was very thorough. I can't imagine what some of you are going through, or have gone through, just to get your SO here. I'm glad that the CO's address red flags, as it does help to lessen visa fraud, but I wish they would all do it in such a way as to let the petitioners respond appropriately, instead of just automatically sending the petitions back to the U.S. You can't help who you fall in love with, red flags or no red flags, so those people who do have issues should at least get the chance to address them before their petition is flat-out denied.

MHandMB : Having different religion is not reason for denial. Esp if you are using Alger consulate. Alger is so easy! MAchAllah!

[Henia 11]

But when the man does not have a job, and makes NO attempt to even look for one (ie: he is online all the day) then I feel it is major red flag. I understand the ecomonically hardships of various countries, but come on --> even a shitty little job selling tea or ice creme on the corner can make you little money (and more importantly make you humble and show you are TRYING) I think a good man with serious intentions would be out there trying his best to put a little something away for the next time he sees you or to buy that fon card to call you or for when you both are together. Amount of money he makes really is not the issue...it is that fact he is trying.

I don't know, I have mixed feelings about this, really. Maybe it just didn't really apply to our situation since we were already living together and had mixed finances well before his time in Morocco. I didn't see the need for him to be selling ice cream on the corner when it was not that big of a deal just to send a bit of money. I can't imagine him making me do something like that just to prove a point about work ethic.

It makes me kind of sad to think of a man who is planning his future life in America with a woman who perhaps is not all that strapped for cash selling tea on the corner. Is it just me, or does it seem a little sad? I have a hard time seeing how the need for him to get a job, any job, is much more than gender roles at work.

I suppose one must just make the distinction between someone who is temporarily unemployed and one who makes a living off of mooching....

I don't see why this is sad at all. I know of no guy that has come here and immediately gotten a wonderful job. My husband has 3 degrees from American universities and delivered pizza and worked a couple nights in a hotels for a couple months during the interview (for a new job after grad school) process. Is that sad? He certainly could have sat at home, we didn't need the money, but he wasn't about to do that. He wanted money for movies, and gas for his car, and car insurance, and I could have paid for it all, but that wasn't something he was willing to accept.

I don't think any work is sad, and frankly the thought offends me and probably many here with husbands who don't have jobs they necessarily would want to have forever.

It has nothing to do with gender roles or even work ethic necessarily, it has to do with contributing. If he doesn't need to contribute to the relationship while he's waiting on a visa, then why not contribute to his mother, sisiter, nieces, nephews? Why not save his money to contribute to immigration fees when he gets here? Contribute to buying his own computer when he gets here?

Everyone makes their choices about how to go through the waiting time for a visa, but to say someone is sad (and a woman is sad for "allowing" her husband to work this sad job) who makes an effort to contribute to his relationship or family is mindblowing to me. The truth is, most Moroccans have humble jobs. Most foreigners that come here get humble jobs, at least to start. Nothing sad about that. If it were, that means no guy should get a humble job here if his wife makes more money.

Again nicely stated...I agree with all your points! Even a *humble* job is better then no job!

[mybackpages 0]

Alger is so easy! MAchAllah!

Henia don't rub it in!

[doodlebug 3]

Why should you feel guilty about having facials and what not? You worked hard for that money so why not spend it on what you see fit? It's not your fault that your husband was born in an impoverished country. Like you said, you'll most likely be supporting him for awhile when he gets here, worry about it then. I dunno, maybe it's the way I was raised or the fact that I never have had to support or even help out my ex husband that makes me feel that way.

I dunno. I just don't know. I have not sent anything yet, though when I was there I did buy this or that, though he was mad about it. I also bought my tickets for that trip and for the next one.

He does not want me to give him money but I just feel that since we are married now, what is the big deal. And don't tell anyone but I really don't work THAT hard for my money! I mean I sit here and sure I do my work but it's not like I"m breakin' a sweat!!! I was fortunate enough to have gotten a good education, have my CPA and make a very good salary but I certainly don't break my back daily to earn what I earn, you know? On the other hand, there is my husband who does literally break his back carting the goods back and forth to the stores that he sells to and at the end of the day he goes to his flat and sleeps on the floor 'cause he can't afford a new bed right now so he lets his sisters sleep on the one new bed that he could afford when they moved.

Yeah I feel guilty about that. I still don't know why I can't just hand him the $100 or so that will give him the nice bed that he needs. I mean that's over $500 pounds over there so what's the big deal? I blow more than that in a week on take out. Why is it that just because I'm the woman I can't help out?

[Jenn! 918]

I totally get what you're saying, doodle. If it were me I would probably insist that I help him buy a bed if I could afford it, or else I'd be sleeping on the floor myself, too. 'Cuz I know he would do the same for me if the situations were reversed.

[phila 0]

Well we have a mutual friend who translates our 'deeper' emails daily. (Over 300 e-mails thus far)

LOL does this person get paid by the word or hour? LOL cute!

Actually, neither.

We've spent about $400USD thus far. He doesn't ask for translation money, we just send it to compensate. If you look at translation rates, it would have cost us thousands by now.

We feel very fortunate.