LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR RED FLAGS

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

WHY?

Why would it bring up red flags? Because that is exactly how I met my husband. Pop! The IM window came up and he said hi, I said hi, and boom, there ya go! Apx 8 months later I made the trip to Jordan and we got married. He will be here on October 31, Trick or Treat! Not sure why anyone would be questioning IM's as a way of meeting someone. It could and does happen.

It's a red flag because people are known to hang out at internet cafe's searching for their ticket to the US. I don't deny that one bit. I'm sure that is why my case is under AP/AR. If I were a consular I would want to look more deeply into a relationship that started that way.

The thing is though, is that it's not like after ONE instant message we decided to get married. There were many of them coupled with phone calls, people checking him out, etc. etc. etc. To me it's really no different than a guy coming up to me in a bar or a restaurant and saying hi. Sure it would be absurd to marry him the next day but that doesn't happen. You get to know each other and go from there.

Anyways.......it's definitely a red flag and it should be due to the number of sleazy men who scout for women to use as US tickets. Unfortunately, the genuine ones get punished due to the bad apples but that's life I guess.

Ding ding ding exactly !!!

[allousa 1]

I certainly understand though, how online relationships are a red flag. One might think they know a person very well after conversing online say, for many months or a year....but you never really know a person until you live with them! IMO....BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

Meeting on holiday in Morocco is not much different than meeting online.In terms of maybe raising a question about the legitimacy of the relationship. We met while i was traveling. I was in the country 2 weeks before we met an in that time I fended off all sorts of men interesting in "random" chats. I even got a couple of marriage invitations

Poor Idir- he had a hard time getting me to talk to him at all in the begining- I had learned very quickly to ignore the men just like the local women. He finally got a foot in the door when he was part of some group activites where there were proper "chaperones" and we could talk "appropriately"

So anyway I guess my point is meeting online with random chats is not much different than random meetings in djma el fna

Thanks God you two were supervised!

Hicham and I weren't! Not gonna go there!!!!!

[mybackpages 0]

I certainly understand though, how online relationships are a red flag. One might think they know a person very well after conversing online say, for many months or a year....but you never really know a person until you live with them! IMO....BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

Meeting on holiday in Morocco is not much different than meeting online.In terms of maybe raising a question about the legitimacy of the relationship. We met while i was traveling. I was in the country 2 weeks before we met an in that time I fended off all sorts of men interesting in "random" chats. I even got a couple of marriage invitations

Poor Idir- he had a hard time getting me to talk to him at all in the begining- I had learned very quickly to ignore the men just like the local women. He finally got a foot in the door when he was part of some group activites where there were proper "chaperones" and we could talk "appropriately"

So anyway I guess my point is meeting online with random chats is not much different than random meetings in djma el fna

Thanks God you two were supervised!

Hicham and I weren't! Not gonna go there!!!!!

well well well , we know what the Moroccan neighbors would be saying abotu the two of you

I certainly understand though, how online relationships are a red flag. One might think they know a person very well after conversing online say, for many months or a year....but you never really know a person until you live with them! IMO....BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

Meeting on holiday in Morocco is not much different than meeting online.In terms of maybe raising a question about the legitimacy of the relationship. We met while i was traveling. I was in the country 2 weeks before we met an in that time I fended off all sorts of men interesting in "random" chats. I even got a couple of marriage invitations

Poor Idir- he had a hard time getting me to talk to him at all in the begining- I had learned very quickly to ignore the men just like the local women. He finally got a foot in the door when he was part of some group activites where there were proper "chaperones" and we could talk "appropriately"

So anyway I guess my point is meeting online with random chats is not much different than random meetings in djma el fna

Thanks God you two were supervised!

[allousa 1]

I certainly understand though, how online relationships are a red flag. One might think they know a person very well after conversing online say, for many months or a year....but you never really know a person until you live with them! IMO....BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

Meeting on holiday in Morocco is not much different than meeting online.In terms of maybe raising a question about the legitimacy of the relationship. We met while i was traveling. I was in the country 2 weeks before we met an in that time I fended off all sorts of men interesting in "random" chats. I even got a couple of marriage invitations

Poor Idir- he had a hard time getting me to talk to him at all in the begining- I had learned very quickly to ignore the men just like the local women. He finally got a foot in the door when he was part of some group activites where there were proper "chaperones" and we could talk "appropriately"

So anyway I guess my point is meeting online with random chats is not much different than random meetings in djma el fna

Thanks God you two were supervised!

Hicham and I weren't! Not gonna go there!!!!!

well well well , we know what the Moroccan neighbors would be saying abotu the two of you

Actually, it was while we were here in the States BEFORE we were married. I can't tell you what Hicham's neighbor would tell HIM!!!!!!

[caybee 21]

I met my husband online as well and I know several people who have met their spouses the exact same way. I have a happy marriage and everyone I know who's met the same way has as well. That doesn't mean it wasn't a red flag from an immigration standpoint! My husband got grilled about meeting me online and why he wasn't marrying someone from his own country during the interview. He took numerous chat records along with our phone records and letters we'd written during the time we were engaged just to prove that we have a real marriage and not a case of GC fraud.

I think when reading threads like this one has to keep in mind that others are not necessarily saying the way you met your SO should be a red flag to you but it is a red flag that we, who have been through this process already, have noticed from immigration.

In most cases (not all and I don't deny that there aren't some poo-slingers and troublemakers here who don't just like to cause problems) but most of the time we're just trying to advise newbies of the best ways to prepare themselves for the worst possible situation so they don't get a denial and then have to spend a lot of time and money fighting it.

Very well put

My sis was a ruthless critic during our courtship, mostly because we met online and I went to Morocco alone, and now she's one of our biggest supporters, along with my parents. The first time I had to leave my then-fiancé at home to go to work after his arrival, my sis "kidnapped" him without telling me, took him to lunch, and grilled the living heck out of him about his intentions. She can be merciless, especially where her family is concerned. He held up. Now she likes to say I fell a**-backwards into a good thing because I certainly wasn't using my brain during our courtship. Okay, whatever. I don't like to think that I could have been taken in, and I really do think I was using my brain throughout, but nobody likes to believe they're missing something. I do consider our situation to have had at least two red flags, and that's not even counting the cross-cultural differences that most VJers have. I'm grateful he got his visa without much trouble, but the flags were definitely there, as they should have been.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

Welllllll, that's what I was getting at, to me meeting online is not that much different than meeting someone in a bar, a coffee house, a restaraunt. You still have to take the time to get to know this person. I don't know about anyone else, but to me, ANY relationship has it's risks.

Yeah, I could see the red flags if it could be proved that something fishy was going on, or if the conversations and contacts were very few and far between. Or if the proposal for marriage came soon after the two people started talking. For sure something could be fishy.

It just seems to me, that for the most part people have the opinion that because we met our SO's online, it means that we are all silly, love starved, overweight, unwanted woman. That we are so desperate for love and affection we take it any way we get it. That we don't use our brains to think about the pros and cons of the relationship before we jump into it. That is so not true. I questioned everything about my relationship with my husband. Religion, culture, age difference, distance. I questioned if I would have the time and patience to continue an online relationship on a long term basis. So, not something I just jumped into and say "YAY, I have known you for ten minutes, I love you, You love me, let's get married!" I mean, come on, we are all smarter than this, right? Not to say that none of us can be duped, it can and does happen everyday.

[sara535 15]

Welllllll, that's what I was getting at, to me meeting online is not that much different than meeting someone in a bar, a coffee house, a restaraunt. You still have to take the time to get to know this person. I don't know about anyone else, but to me, ANY relationship has it's risks.

Yeah, I could see the red flags if it could be proved that something fishy was going on, or if the conversations and contacts were very few and far between. Or if the proposal for marriage came soon after the two people started talking. For sure something could be fishy.

It just seems to me, that for the most part people have the opinion that because we met our SO's online, it means that we are all silly, love starved, overweight, unwanted woman. That we are so desperate for love and affection we take it any way we get it. That we don't use our brains to think about the pros and cons of the relationship before we jump into it. That is so not true. I questioned everything about my relationship with my husband. Religion, culture, age difference, distance. I questioned if I would have the time and patience to continue an online relationship on a long term basis. So, not something I just jumped into and say "YAY, I have known you for ten minutes, I love you, You love me, let's get married!" I mean, come on, we are all smarter than this, right? Not to say that none of us can be duped, it can and does happen everyday.

I kinda agree but at the same time, we are talking about red flags from an immigration standpoint. Its not a question of what perception 'people' have, but what formulas, statistics, perceptions and possibly biases any given CO or consulate has......

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I would like to add that IF I hadn't been informed about possible red flags on this very site then my husband would have gone unprepared to his interview, the initial evidence we submitted would have been lacking and I wouldn't have known which issues to address in my cover letter when filing the petition.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I would like to add that IF I hadn't been informed about possible red flags on this very site then my husband would have gone unprepared to his interview, the initial evidence we submitted would have been lacking and I wouldn't have known which issues to address in my cover letter when filing the petition.

and I really believe that being prepared by the people here is one of the contributing factors to our case being processed so smoothly so far (especially considering my husband is from a country with no US embassy, has been on the US's list of terrorist countries for like 30 years and only had sanctions lifted a couple of years ago! With all of that he only spent one month in name check hell before getting his visa! )

[doodlebug 3]

I would like to add that IF I hadn't been informed about possible red flags on this very site then my husband would have gone unprepared to his interview, the initial evidence we submitted would have been lacking and I wouldn't have known which issues to address in my cover letter when filing the petition.

and I really believe that being prepared by the people here is one of the contributing factors to our case being processed so smoothly so far (especially considering my husband is from a country with no US embassy, has been on the US's list of terrorist countries for like 30 years and only had sanctions lifted a couple of years ago! With all of that he only spent one month in name check hell before getting his visa! )

Did he go through the Cairo embassy?

See I think it depends on where you go but being prepared can't hurt for sure. I did all of that preparation but the CO could have given two hoots about it. Pretty much refused to look at any evidence and totally didn't look in our casefile to see that my husband had the photos in it.

[Alhamdulillah 0]

Did he go through the Cairo embassy?

See I think it depends on where you go but being prepared can't hurt for sure. I did all of that preparation but the CO could have given two hoots about it. Pretty much refused to look at any evidence and totally didn't look in our casefile to see that my husband had the photos in it.

No, he went through Tunis and I think you're correct in that the embassy you go through is another contributing factor in how quickly or slowly your case can be processed. I imagine Cairo to be much busier as there appears to be more people in Egypt filing petitions than those in Libya or Tunisia.

There are many factors at play in this process and it's impossible to predict the outcome of any case based on one factor alone, which is why all the factors have to be examined and addressed promptly and properly.

Of course the MAIN factor I thank for the ease of this process so far is God, without Whom nothing is possible.... hence the screen name

[morocco4ever 63]

A huge majority of us spend an unmentionable amount of time defending ourselves and our choices on who we marry to people who have no idea about us and our relationships. We then come to this board to get and give support to each other when we repeatedly have to defend our choices, then what is the first thing we do to this person? Seriously now, are any of us qualified to judge this situation? The way I view it is that the day will come that I will die, and more than likely I will die before my husband does. How selfish would I be if I expected him to spend the rest of his life mourning me and never knowing happiness again????

I witnessed my Dad's last 5 months on this earth after my mother died. He was miserable beyond belief without her and spent every day of his life crying and wishing he would die. I NEVER want my husband to have to deal with this after my death because I love him beyond life itself.

That being said, I heard the story of this sweet women that died to be with her husband. What an incredible amount of love she must have had for him. Don't you think it is possible that she would want her husband to move on with life? And to find peace and happiness again? I am not saying forget her, that should never happen, just hold her dear to his heart for the rest of his life. If his love for her was real then his fiance has a memory of this love she has to compete with the rest of her life as well. Why bash her? She didn't have anything to do with her death.

I don't know this Badr, and I don't know his story, his deceased wife, nor his fiance. Nor do I want too. What I do know that it isn't my place to judge anyones situation unless I am okay with the world judging mine....which I am not.

The issue is that these 2 have a huge red flag, and the fight of a lifetime. Thats what this thread is about, not deciding who's relationships are real or not, but what are the red flags, so please keep on topic here. I am sure this women has thought the situation, and has made her decision about it, which is HER decision. If by chance it was the wrong decision it is her that has to live with it not us. So wouldn't it be better if we just talked about the implications of a previous denial brings to them in their process? I am sure that many of you have suspicions of this situation, and to be honest I can certainly see why, its not normal. But there comes a time when it is wiser to just keep it to yourself. [then why aren't you????]

I doubt that one thing any of you have said is going to make this woman say "OMG, I must run for my life now". Instead it is making her defend him even more. Seriously what is being accomplished here?

size changed by me for emphasis & comment in red is mine.

Funny how you view my comment as the same as the verbal bashing that goes on here.

Another thing I find funny is that I never see you in any threads that are giving good solid advice to people that are needing guidance on their visa process, rather I see you only on the threads with drama. Am I missing something here?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

A huge majority of us spend an unmentionable amount of time defending ourselves and our choices on who we marry to people who have no idea about us and our relationships. We then come to this board to get and give support to each other when we repeatedly have to defend our choices, then what is the first thing we do to this person? Seriously now, are any of us qualified to judge this situation? The way I view it is that the day will come that I will die, and more than likely I will die before my husband does. How selfish would I be if I expected him to spend the rest of his life mourning me and never knowing happiness again????

I witnessed my Dad's last 5 months on this earth after my mother died. He was miserable beyond belief without her and spent every day of his life crying and wishing he would die. I NEVER want my husband to have to deal with this after my death because I love him beyond life itself.

That being said, I heard the story of this sweet women that died to be with her husband. What an incredible amount of love she must have had for him. Don't you think it is possible that she would want her husband to move on with life? And to find peace and happiness again? I am not saying forget her, that should never happen, just hold her dear to his heart for the rest of his life. If his love for her was real then his fiance has a memory of this love she has to compete with the rest of her life as well. Why bash her? She didn't have anything to do with her death.

I don't know this Badr, and I don't know his story, his deceased wife, nor his fiance. Nor do I want too. What I do know that it isn't my place to judge anyones situation unless I am okay with the world judging mine....which I am not.

The issue is that these 2 have a huge red flag, and the fight of a lifetime. Thats what this thread is about, not deciding who's relationships are real or not, but what are the red flags, so please keep on topic here. I am sure this women has thought the situation, and has made her decision about it, which is HER decision. If by chance it was the wrong decision it is her that has to live with it not us. So wouldn't it be better if we just talked about the implications of a previous denial brings to them in their process? I am sure that many of you have suspicions of this situation, and to be honest I can certainly see why, its not normal. But there comes a time when it is wiser to just keep it to yourself. [then why aren't you????]

I doubt that one thing any of you have said is going to make this woman say "OMG, I must run for my life now". Instead it is making her defend him even more. Seriously what is being accomplished here?

size changed by me for emphasis & comment in red is mine.

Funny how you view my comment as the same as the verbal bashing that goes on here.

Another thing I find funny is that I never see you in any threads that are giving good solid advice to people that are needing guidance on their visa process, rather I see you only on the threads with drama. Am I missing something here?

Why is she in MENA anyway?

[Mags 112]

Why is she in MENA anyway?

Any member of VJ is allowed to post in any area of VJ. Let's not get all picky over whom is from where. Thanks.

Edited October 21, 2007 by Mags

[Fandango 1,439]

oooh, gotta love the 'why is she in mena anyway?' quezzie. But to answer your quezzie, W...the answer is 'because I felt like it'.

Visa in Hand....first of all, check any drama thread and you will see it grabs people's attn. This is why flame threads and drama threads have zillions of hits, and the others don't. To assume that they are all created equal is ignoring the basic facts of any message board.

I was just pointing out to you a flaw in your logic....while you're ironically judging ppl for their judging people...you also then go on to judge the situation as abnormal....while you're telling everyone how pointless and unsupportive it is to judge.

??? Confusing, isn't it!

Furthermore....let's all be honest...we judge things/people all the time. It's a judgement...an opinion...surely we're not sitting here having no opinion whatsoever. While it's great to say 'don't judge'...at the end of the day, everyone does.

Just like you've judged me...or not, right?

Edited October 21, 2007 by LisaD