LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR RED FLAGS

[Ban Hammer 13,275]

Haha.

This probably makes me totally abnormal, but it freaks me out even more than someone would want to marry some guy (from another country!) that randomly IM'd her one day. If I were to put myself in the shoes of an interviewer -- yes, I can conceptualize of a couple meeting in a chatroom or on a message-board or on a dating site, but if someone actually told me that the love of his/her life randomly IM'd him/her one day...big red flag right there.

fortunately for myself and many others, you're not an interviewer as you just described the way nessa and i met. i suppose we shoulda had a big flag waving over our head at the consulate interview too.

check out the polls and you'll find one click this link for one that gives you a pretty good idea of how many people on vj met online in pretty much the exact way you described above - all thru a random im. the percentage is quite significant.

You met Nessa by sending her a random IM??

I thought you two met on a game site.....I think HannahP was refering not to couples who met in chatrooms/gamesites or the likes, but literally to a " random IM".......But hey- if it works, it works!

Not judging how anyone met, just was under the impression you and Nessa met on a game board, that's all.

edit-spelling.

news flash for ya.......game sites do have an im feature.

[tmma 467]

Haha.

This probably makes me totally abnormal, but it freaks me out even more than someone would want to marry some guy (from another country!) that randomly IM'd her one day. If I were to put myself in the shoes of an interviewer -- yes, I can conceptualize of a couple meeting in a chatroom or on a message-board or on a dating site, but if someone actually told me that the love of his/her life randomly IM'd him/her one day...big red flag right there.

fortunately for myself and many others, you're not an interviewer as you just described the way nessa and i met. i suppose we shoulda had a big flag waving over our head at the consulate interview too.

check out the polls and you'll find one click this link for one that gives you a pretty good idea of how many people on vj met online in pretty much the exact way you described above - all thru a random im. the percentage is quite significant.

You met Nessa by sending her a random IM??

I thought you two met on a game site.....I think HannahP was refering not to couples who met in chatrooms/gamesites or the likes, but literally to a " random IM".......But hey- if it works, it works!

Not judging how anyone met, just was under the impression you and Nessa met on a game board, that's all.

edit-spelling.

news flash for ya.......game sites do have an im feature.

So you just randomly IM? Like how? Just spot a name and send an IM-randomly?

[Ban Hammer 13,275]

Haha.

This probably makes me totally abnormal, but it freaks me out even more than someone would want to marry some guy (from another country!) that randomly IM'd her one day. If I were to put myself in the shoes of an interviewer -- yes, I can conceptualize of a couple meeting in a chatroom or on a message-board or on a dating site, but if someone actually told me that the love of his/her life randomly IM'd him/her one day...big red flag right there.

fortunately for myself and many others, you're not an interviewer as you just described the way nessa and i met. i suppose we shoulda had a big flag waving over our head at the consulate interview too.

check out the polls and you'll find one click this link for one that gives you a pretty good idea of how many people on vj met online in pretty much the exact way you described above - all thru a random im. the percentage is quite significant.

You met Nessa by sending her a random IM??

I thought you two met on a game site.....I think HannahP was refering not to couples who met in chatrooms/gamesites or the likes, but literally to a " random IM".......But hey- if it works, it works!

Not judging how anyone met, just was under the impression you and Nessa met on a game board, that's all.

edit-spelling.

news flash for ya.......game sites do have an im feature.

So you just randomly IM? Like how? Just spot a name and send an IM-randomly?

anyways, back to topic.

[doodlebug 3]

Actually many online games do have im capabilities. I don't really play a lot with other people online but I used to be into literati on yahoo and I would talk to whoever I was playing at the time using the message thingie on the bottom of the screen. I actually know someone who met their husband on a game site. It's not uncommon and at least they both have a hobby that they both like.

[tmma 467]

Actually many online games do have im capabilities. I don't really play a lot with other people online but I used to be into literati on yahoo and I would talk to whoever I was playing at the time using the message thingie on the bottom of the screen. I actually know someone who met their husband on a game site. It's not uncommon and at least they both have a hobby that they both like.

I agree, Doodlebug [ and anyone]...Please don't misunderstand me-I am not "judging" or "commenting" on anything about how anyone met...Hell, it's weird how we met-he's from Holland, I am in the US and we met in the UK. A large part of our relationship has been either flying [lots-thank goodness for airmiles] for visits, phone, e-mail or msgr....Part and parcel of an LDR, and I agree on the shared hobby thing.

I was just confused with the "random" part as I haven't been online gaming too much either.

[Caladan 19]

From Hannah's post where she excludes chatroom and game sites and boards, I took randomly IMing to mean being online, and having someone who just happened to get your screenname pop up and start spouting love epithets. Which is a little bit weirder than deciding to IM someone you were playing a game with.

[sarah and hicham 3]

WHY?

Why would it bring up red flags? Because that is exactly how I met my husband. Pop! The IM window came up and he said hi, I said hi, and boom, there ya go! Apx 8 months later I made the trip to Jordan and we got married. He will be here on October 31, Trick or Treat! Not sure why anyone would be questioning IM's as a way of meeting someone. It could and does happen.

Easy there. Just because that's how you met your husband doesn't mean it's not a red flag.

[mybackpages 0]

Haha.

This probably makes me totally abnormal, but it freaks me out even more than someone would want to marry some guy (from another country!) that randomly IM'd her one day. If I were to put myself in the shoes of an interviewer -- yes, I can conceptualize of a couple meeting in a chatroom or on a message-board or on a dating site, but if someone actually told me that the love of his/her life randomly IM'd him/her one day...big red flag right there.

fortunately for myself and many others, you're not an interviewer as you just described the way nessa and i met. i suppose we shoulda had a big flag waving over our head at the consulate interview too.

check out the polls and you'll find one click this link for one that gives you a pretty good idea of how many people on vj met online in pretty much the exact way you described above - all thru a random im. the percentage is quite significant.

You met Nessa by sending her a random IM??

I thought you two met on a game site.....I think HannahP was refering not to couples who met in chatrooms/gamesites or the likes, but literally to a " random IM".......But hey- if it works, it works!

Not judging how anyone met, just was under the impression you and Nessa met on a game board, that's all.

edit-spelling.

news flash for ya.......game sites do have an im feature.

So you just randomly IM? Like how? Just spot a name and send an IM-randomly?

Don't worry tmma...I understand exactly what you are saying

[allousa 1]

Online games sites and chatrooms is today's "bar". I know more people that have met dates/partners online rather than the "old fashioned" way of out in public. Hicham and I happened to meet at a mutual friends house that was throwing a party. Even though I purposely walked by Hicham at least 4 times, he reached out and grabbed my hand to introduce himself. I think that is the same as an IM, you just don't meet face to face at the same time.

I will say that I think people tend to say alot more things online than they would when meeting face to face for the first time. But I also know that people do tend to misrepresent themselves as well.

I certainly understand though, how online relationships are a red flag. One might think they know a person very well after conversing online say, for many months or a year....but you never really know a person until you live with them! IMO....BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

[Caladan 19]

WHY?

Why would it bring up red flags? Because that is exactly how I met my husband. Pop! The IM window came up and he said hi, I said hi, and boom, there ya go! Apx 8 months later I made the trip to Jordan and we got married. He will be here on October 31, Trick or Treat! Not sure why anyone would be questioning IM's as a way of meeting someone. It could and does happen.

Easy there. Just because that's how you met your husband doesn't mean it's not a red flag.

I do not know if it is as red flag or not. But some women here have reported the experience of having random guys pop up and within in a couple of lines of conversation propose marriage, and they've recognized those guys as fraudsters trying to get to the U.S., in one case I recall here the entire conversation going 'u r american?!? i love u, will u marry me?'

And of course, something being a red flag doesn't entail fraud. A red flag is just something that a case has in common with a fraudulent case and that is a useful sorter for the CO.

[Caladan 19]

Not the same religon. I know that officials in Morocco, for example, are not keen on mixed marriages because, however moderate the country is, there is a growing belief that the west is a corrupting influence on Muslims. I'm also seeing that belief transferring over to many in the populace.

Not the same ethnicity and/or culture. Consulates do consider the compatibility of couples in thise terms and look for signs of westernization in the applicant.

Were the populace of Morocco in the business of granting visas, your first statement might be relevant, but here it only serves dramatic purpose. In fact I don't think for these small number of marriages/engagements thru Morocco, I don't see anyone giving two craps. Clearly the families don't mind, how many hundreds of engagement/wedding/henna party pics have we all seen in the last few years?

As for your second point, obviously most of the visas we are discussing in this forum are between bi-national couples, so this again is totally irrelevant other than to potentially compound with other more glaring issues such as religion (clearly has been an issue with couples), language (often has been an issue with couples), and age differences (also has been noted on NOID/r).

We will have to agree to disagree. I wouldn't bring it up if it wasn't relevent.

I think I have to agree with peezey. It wouldn't surprise me if some Arab-American/Arab couples faced overall less scrutiny, especially if we imagine the situation as being a man who secured an H1-B, became a permanent resident, and then married and sponsored a woman from back home, or someone who had American citizenship but was raised largely overseas.

But what's doing the bulk of the heavy lifting in those cases would be an easier proof of relationship and familiarity with culture, not just national origin. I'd need to know the percentages of non-Arab-Americans petitioning for Moroccans, but on the assumption that it's not small minority, the fact of someone's being American isn't going to be a red flag, even if most fraudulent cases involve non-Arab-Americans, because it doesn't help the CO sort the wheat from the chaff. The red flag has to be relatively unique to fraudulent cases. (All women who use American men for green cards have American men in common, but that doesn't make American men a red flag.)

[Alhamdulillah 0]

I met my husband online as well and I know several people who have met their spouses the exact same way. I have a happy marriage and everyone I know who's met the same way has as well. That doesn't mean it wasn't a red flag from an immigration standpoint! My husband got grilled about meeting me online and why he wasn't marrying someone from his own country during the interview. He took numerous chat records along with our phone records and letters we'd written during the time we were engaged just to prove that we have a real marriage and not a case of GC fraud.

I think when reading threads like this one has to keep in mind that others are not necessarily saying the way you met your SO should be a red flag to you but it is a red flag that we, who have been through this process already, have noticed from immigration.

In most cases (not all and I don't deny that there aren't some poo-slingers and troublemakers here who don't just like to cause problems) but most of the time we're just trying to advise newbies of the best ways to prepare themselves for the worst possible situation so they don't get a denial and then have to spend a lot of time and money fighting it.

[mybackpages 0]

I certainly understand though, how online relationships are a red flag. One might think they know a person very well after conversing online say, for many months or a year....but you never really know a person until you live with them! IMO....BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

Meeting on holiday in Morocco is not much different than meeting online.In terms of maybe raising a question about the legitimacy of the relationship. We met while i was traveling. I was in the country 2 weeks before we met an in that time I fended off all sorts of men interesting in "random" chats. I even got a couple of marriage invitations

Poor Idir- he had a hard time getting me to talk to him at all in the begining- I had learned very quickly to ignore the men just like the local women. He finally got a foot in the door when he was part of some group activites where there were proper "chaperones" and we could talk "appropriately"

So anyway I guess my point is meeting online with random chats is not much different than random meetings in djma el fna

[sarah and hicham 3]

I certainly understand though, how online relationships are a red flag. One might think they know a person very well after conversing online say, for many months or a year....but you never really know a person until you live with them! IMO....BIG DIFFERENCE!!!

Meeting on holiday in Morocco is not much different than meeting online.In terms of maybe raising a question about the legitimacy of the relationship. We met while i was traveling. I was in the country 2 weeks before we met an in that time I fended off all sorts of men interesting in "random" chats. I even got a couple of marriage invitations

Poor Idir- he had a hard time getting me to talk to him at all in the begining- I had learned very quickly to ignore the men just like the local women. He finally got a foot in the door when he was part of some group activites where there were proper "chaperones" and we could talk "appropriately"

So anyway I guess my point is meeting online with random chats is not much different than random meetings in djma el fna

Thanks God you two were supervised!

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I met my husband online as well and I know several people who have met their spouses the exact same way. I have a happy marriage and everyone I know who's met the same way has as well. That doesn't mean it wasn't a red flag from an immigration standpoint! My husband got grilled about meeting me online and why he wasn't marrying someone from his own country during the interview. He took numerous chat records along with our phone records and letters we'd written during the time we were engaged just to prove that we have a real marriage and not a case of GC fraud.

I think when reading threads like this one has to keep in mind that others are not necessarily saying the way you met your SO should be a red flag to you but it is a red flag that we, who have been through this process already, have noticed from immigration.

In most cases (not all and I don't deny that there aren't some poo-slingers and troublemakers here who don't just like to cause problems) but most of the time we're just trying to advise newbies of the best ways to prepare themselves for the worst possible situation so they don't get a denial and then have to spend a lot of time and money fighting it.

Very well put