LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR RED FLAGS

[Ban Hammer 13,111]

It is clear to me that the ladies who also belong to the other board and here have not bashed Badr, but shown concern and honesty .

The only bashing I see is about Heather who sadly cannot defend herself.

Don't you think the story told is alittle unusual?

you can call it honesty if you wish. i see it in another light.

while the story is unusual, who am i - or anyone else - to judge?

that's the job of dos.

You're right Charles. We shouldn't judge. We should just sit back and watch someone who is about to marry a guy who

convinced someone to marry him while only being able to sing to her since neither understood each other's language,

who refused to let his wife leave Morocco once she became ill because it would look bad to immigration

who refused to give his wife good medical care and as a result she died

who, once the wife died, tried to gain access to the US by using the deceased's child

who, once he found out THAT route was a dead end, then formed a relationship with this woman who came to VJ

AND who is under investigation by the FBI relating to the cause of his wife's death.

Totally. Not red flags at all. We should just not give any advice at all.

Let me ask you something though, since you're so concerned about her....are YOU going to do anything when SHE becomes ill after moving to Morocco since he has a snowball's chance in heck of getting a visa? Are YOU going to explain to her parents how you sat back after knowing all this and did nothing when they find out that she is dying due to some unknown cause?

while i applaud your concern, unsolicited concern is often taken by the party involved as someone being a busybody. if she wants help or advice, i'm sure she'll ask for it. so far all i've seen come out of her trying to defend herself is more gas thrown on the fire and more attacks, accusations, and so forth.

if the relationship is fraudulent, i'm sure dos will catch it.

[deemabrouk 0]

It is clear to me that the ladies who also belong to the other board and here have not bashed Badr, but shown concern and honesty .

The only bashing I see is about Heather who sadly cannot defend herself.

Don't you think the story told is alittle unusual?

you can call it honesty if you wish. i see it in another light.

while the story is unusual, who am i - or anyone else - to judge?

that's the job of dos.

You're right Charles. We shouldn't judge. We should just sit back and watch someone who is about to marry a guy who

convinced someone to marry him while only being able to sing to her since neither understood each other's language,

who refused to let his wife leave Morocco once she became ill because it would look bad to immigration

who refused to give his wife good medical care and as a result she died

who, once the wife died, tried to gain access to the US by using the deceased's child

who, once he found out THAT route was a dead end, then formed a relationship with this woman who came to VJ

AND who is under investigation by the FBI relating to the cause of his wife's death.

Totally. Not red flags at all. We should just not give any advice at all.

Let me ask you something though, since you're so concerned about her....are YOU going to do anything when SHE becomes ill after moving to Morocco since he has a snowball's chance in heck of getting a visa? Are YOU going to explain to her parents how you sat back after knowing all this and did nothing when they find out that she is dying due to some unknown cause?

while i applaud your concern, unsolicited concern is often taken by the party involved as someone being a busybody. if she wants help or advice, i'm sure she'll ask for it. so far all i've seen come out of her trying to defend herself is more gas thrown on the fire and more attacks, accusations, and so forth.

if the relationship is fraudulent, i'm sure dos will catch it.

well I see this as a sticky situation.. Since several of the VJ members obviously had a bond with Heather. And I hate to say it.. But it seems this boy got Aimee before heather's body turned cold (sorry to put it like that.. but thats how I see it)

I can see why people are getting upset

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I have a life, so I don't know anything about this or the other board.

[tmma 467]

It is clear to me that the ladies who also belong to the other board and here have not bashed Badr, but shown concern and honesty .

The only bashing I see is about Heather who sadly cannot defend herself.

Don't you think the story told is alittle unusual?

you can call it honesty if you wish. i see it in another light.

while the story is unusual, who am i - or anyone else - to judge?

that's the job of dos.

You're right Charles. We shouldn't judge. We should just sit back and watch someone who is about to marry a guy who

convinced someone to marry him while only being able to sing to her since neither understood each other's language,

who refused to let his wife leave Morocco once she became ill because it would look bad to immigration

who refused to give his wife good medical care and as a result she died

who, once the wife died, tried to gain access to the US by using the deceased's child

who, once he found out THAT route was a dead end, then formed a relationship with this woman who came to VJ

AND who is under investigation by the FBI relating to the cause of his wife's death.

Totally. Not red flags at all. We should just not give any advice at all.

Let me ask you something though, since you're so concerned about her....are YOU going to do anything when SHE becomes ill after moving to Morocco since he has a snowball's chance in heck of getting a visa? Are YOU going to explain to her parents how you sat back after knowing all this and did nothing when they find out that she is dying due to some unknown cause?

while i applaud your concern, unsolicited concern is often taken by the party involved as someone being a busybody. if she wants help or advice, i'm sure she'll ask for it. so far all i've seen come out of her trying to defend herself is more gas thrown on the fire and more attacks, accusations, and so forth.

if the relationship is fraudulent, i'm sure dos will catch it.

One can only hope.....For more reasons than one.

Edited October 19, 2007 by tmma

[morocco4ever 63]

A huge majority of us spend an unmentionable amount of time defending ourselves and our choices on who we marry to people who have no idea about us and our relationships. We then come to this board to get and give support to each other when we repeatedly have to defend our choices, then what is the first thing we do to this person? Seriously now, are any of us qualified to judge this situation? The way I view it is that the day will come that I will die, and more than likely I will die before my husband does. How selfish would I be if I expected him to spend the rest of his life mourning me and never knowing happiness again????

I witnessed my Dad's last 5 months on this earth after my mother died. He was miserable beyond belief without her and spent every day of his life crying and wishing he would die. I NEVER want my husband to have to deal with this after my death because I love him beyond life itself.

That being said, I heard the story of this sweet women that died to be with her husband. What an incredible amount of love she must have had for him. Don't you think it is possible that she would want her husband to move on with life? And to find peace and happiness again? I am not saying forget her, that should never happen, just hold her dear to his heart for the rest of his life. If his love for her was real then his fiance has a memory of this love she has to compete with the rest of her life as well. Why bash her? She didn't have anything to do with her death.

I don't know this Badr, and I don't know his story, his deceased wife, nor his fiance. Nor do I want too. What I do know that it isn't my place to judge anyones situation unless I am okay with the world judging mine....which I am not.

The issue is that these 2 have a huge red flag, and the fight of a lifetime. Thats what this thread is about, not deciding who's relationships are real or not, but what are the red flags, so please keep on topic here. I am sure this women has thought the situation, and has made her decision about it, which is HER decision. If by chance it was the wrong decision it is her that has to live with it not us. So wouldn't it be better if we just talked about the implications of a previous denial brings to them in their process? I am sure that many of you have suspicions of this situation, and to be honest I can certainly see why, its not normal. But there comes a time when it is wiser to just keep it to yourself.

I doubt that one thing any of you have said is going to make this woman say "OMG, I must run for my life now". Instead it is making her defend him even more. Seriously what is being accomplished here?

[sarah and hicham 3]

The whole story is sick, whether or not I know all of the details. The fact that Aimee can insult Heather's family and then that she has her email account (that's ###### up) is just disturbing. I feel sick.

[Fandango 1,439]

A huge majority of us spend an unmentionable amount of time defending ourselves and our choices on who we marry to people who have no idea about us and our relationships. We then come to this board to get and give support to each other when we repeatedly have to defend our choices, then what is the first thing we do to this person? Seriously now, are any of us qualified to judge this situation? The way I view it is that the day will come that I will die, and more than likely I will die before my husband does. How selfish would I be if I expected him to spend the rest of his life mourning me and never knowing happiness again????

I witnessed my Dad's last 5 months on this earth after my mother died. He was miserable beyond belief without her and spent every day of his life crying and wishing he would die. I NEVER want my husband to have to deal with this after my death because I love him beyond life itself.

That being said, I heard the story of this sweet women that died to be with her husband. What an incredible amount of love she must have had for him. Don't you think it is possible that she would want her husband to move on with life? And to find peace and happiness again? I am not saying forget her, that should never happen, just hold her dear to his heart for the rest of his life. If his love for her was real then his fiance has a memory of this love she has to compete with the rest of her life as well. Why bash her? She didn't have anything to do with her death.

I don't know this Badr, and I don't know his story, his deceased wife, nor his fiance. Nor do I want too. What I do know that it isn't my place to judge anyones situation unless I am okay with the world judging mine....which I am not.

The issue is that these 2 have a huge red flag, and the fight of a lifetime. Thats what this thread is about, not deciding who's relationships are real or not, but what are the red flags, so please keep on topic here. I am sure this women has thought the situation, and has made her decision about it, which is HER decision. If by chance it was the wrong decision it is her that has to live with it not us. So wouldn't it be better if we just talked about the implications of a previous denial brings to them in their process? I am sure that many of you have suspicions of this situation, and to be honest I can certainly see why, its not normal. But there comes a time when it is wiser to just keep it to yourself. [then why aren't you????]

I doubt that one thing any of you have said is going to make this woman say "OMG, I must run for my life now". Instead it is making her defend him even more. Seriously what is being accomplished here?

size changed by me for emphasis & comment in red is mine.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Nice try, sis, but, you know how it goes . . .

A huge majority of us spend an unmentionable amount of time defending ourselves and our choices on who we marry to people who have no idea about us and our relationships. We then come to this board to get and give support to each other when we repeatedly have to defend our choices, then what is the first thing we do to this person? Seriously now, are any of us qualified to judge this situation? The way I view it is that the day will come that I will die, and more than likely I will die before my husband does. How selfish would I be if I expected him to spend the rest of his life mourning me and never knowing happiness again????

I witnessed my Dad's last 5 months on this earth after my mother died. He was miserable beyond belief without her and spent every day of his life crying and wishing he would die. I NEVER want my husband to have to deal with this after my death because I love him beyond life itself.

That being said, I heard the story of this sweet women that died to be with her husband. What an incredible amount of love she must have had for him. Don't you think it is possible that she would want her husband to move on with life? And to find peace and happiness again? I am not saying forget her, that should never happen, just hold her dear to his heart for the rest of his life. If his love for her was real then his fiance has a memory of this love she has to compete with the rest of her life as well. Why bash her? She didn't have anything to do with her death.

I don't know this Badr, and I don't know his story, his deceased wife, nor his fiance. Nor do I want too. What I do know that it isn't my place to judge anyones situation unless I am okay with the world judging mine....which I am not.

The issue is that these 2 have a huge red flag, and the fight of a lifetime. Thats what this thread is about, not deciding who's relationships are real or not, but what are the red flags, so please keep on topic here. I am sure this women has thought the situation, and has made her decision about it, which is HER decision. If by chance it was the wrong decision it is her that has to live with it not us. So wouldn't it be better if we just talked about the implications of a previous denial brings to them in their process? I am sure that many of you have suspicions of this situation, and to be honest I can certainly see why, its not normal. But there comes a time when it is wiser to just keep it to yourself.

I doubt that one thing any of you have said is going to make this woman say "OMG, I must run for my life now". Instead it is making her defend him even more. Seriously what is being accomplished here?

[HannahP 119]

Haha.

This probably makes me totally abnormal, but it freaks me out even more than someone would want to marry some guy (from another country!) that randomly IM'd her one day. If I were to put myself in the shoes of an interviewer -- yes, I can conceptualize of a couple meeting in a chatroom or on a message-board or on a dating site, but if someone actually told me that the love of his/her life randomly IM'd him/her one day...big red flag right there.

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

WHY?

Why would it bring up red flags? Because that is exactly how I met my husband. Pop! The IM window came up and he said hi, I said hi, and boom, there ya go! Apx 8 months later I made the trip to Jordan and we got married. He will be here on October 31, Trick or Treat! Not sure why anyone would be questioning IM's as a way of meeting someone. It could and does happen.

[~Jackie~ 30]

Yep, happens all the time.

J

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

The whole story is sick, whether or not I know all of the details. The fact that Aimee can insult Heather's family and then that she has her email account (that's ###### up) is just disturbing. I feel sick.

and my poem scared you

lol

lol

lol

lol

[doodlebug 3]

WHY?

Why would it bring up red flags? Because that is exactly how I met my husband. Pop! The IM window came up and he said hi, I said hi, and boom, there ya go! Apx 8 months later I made the trip to Jordan and we got married. He will be here on October 31, Trick or Treat! Not sure why anyone would be questioning IM's as a way of meeting someone. It could and does happen.

It's a red flag because people are known to hang out at internet cafe's searching for their ticket to the US. I don't deny that one bit. I'm sure that is why my case is under AP/AR. If I were a consular I would want to look more deeply into a relationship that started that way.

The thing is though, is that it's not like after ONE instant message we decided to get married. There were many of them coupled with phone calls, people checking him out, etc. etc. etc. To me it's really no different than a guy coming up to me in a bar or a restaurant and saying hi. Sure it would be absurd to marry him the next day but that doesn't happen. You get to know each other and go from there.

Anyways.......it's definitely a red flag and it should be due to the number of sleazy men who scout for women to use as US tickets. Unfortunately, the genuine ones get punished due to the bad apples but that's life I guess.

[Ban Hammer 13,111]

Haha.

This probably makes me totally abnormal, but it freaks me out even more than someone would want to marry some guy (from another country!) that randomly IM'd her one day. If I were to put myself in the shoes of an interviewer -- yes, I can conceptualize of a couple meeting in a chatroom or on a message-board or on a dating site, but if someone actually told me that the love of his/her life randomly IM'd him/her one day...big red flag right there.

fortunately for myself and many others, you're not an interviewer as you just described the way nessa and i met. i suppose we shoulda had a big flag waving over our head at the consulate interview too.

check out the polls and you'll find one click this link for one that gives you a pretty good idea of how many people on vj met online in pretty much the exact way you described above - all thru a random im. the percentage is quite significant.

[tmma 467]

Haha.

This probably makes me totally abnormal, but it freaks me out even more than someone would want to marry some guy (from another country!) that randomly IM'd her one day. If I were to put myself in the shoes of an interviewer -- yes, I can conceptualize of a couple meeting in a chatroom or on a message-board or on a dating site, but if someone actually told me that the love of his/her life randomly IM'd him/her one day...big red flag right there.

fortunately for myself and many others, you're not an interviewer as you just described the way nessa and i met. i suppose we shoulda had a big flag waving over our head at the consulate interview too.

check out the polls and you'll find one click this link for one that gives you a pretty good idea of how many people on vj met online in pretty much the exact way you described above - all thru a random im. the percentage is quite significant.

You met Nessa by sending her a random IM??

I thought you two met on a game site.....I think HannahP was refering not to couples who met in chatrooms/gamesites or the likes, but literally to a " random IM".......But hey- if it works, it works!

Not judging how anyone met, just was under the impression you and Nessa met on a game board, that's all.

edit-spelling.

Edited October 19, 2007 by tmma