LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR RED FLAGS

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

[sara535 15]

Why the younger man is looking for an older American woman? I think Jenn's nailed it. I wouldn't call it "taking advantage of" in the non-harmful cases, but more like one thing the woman brings to the table is financial security. It's an asset that she has. We don't normally talk of relationships that way. Instead we let things like 'college educated' or 'from a good family' do all the class sorting for us and pretend that it's just coincidence that Harvard girls don't generally marry construction workers. But it's really the same thing. It is nothing to be offended over, any more than you'd be offended at someone saying the Yale-trained doctor was a good catch. And it's also not a good thing to say at the consulate, any more than you'd meet the doctor's family and exclaim that you loved him because he'd buy you a big house.

The trouble is, from a visa standpoint, is that a healthy relationship superficially resembles one where the guy is just using the older woman and doesn't care about her at all as long as she gets him the visa.

Frankly I think this is a lot of it and I think it can be recognized and acknowledged without automatically being seen as some kind of evidence of being taken advantage of or fraud or whatever. Marriage IS more than just flowers and candles and romantic evenings. We choose our partners based on many many criteria, in my case I didnt need to settle down with a man who was going to be able to take care of me so I could stay home and raise kids, so that changed the parameters of who I was looking for or at least open to finding.. (not sure if I am saying that how I want to, I am just thinking of some girlfriends of mine from high school and college who were definitely looking for 'husband material' so they could be housewives)... well I already had a good secure job and can take care of myself. I am sure that my position both geographically and economically sweetened the deal for my husband to marry me, an older woman out of his religion. However, I dont think that was his SOLE reason for being with me anymore than my reasoning was to have a cute boytoy. And either way, at least in OUR situation, things have worked out well. I love my husband and he is my best friend, as I am sure he would say about me. We have a great time together and when we are apart for travels or work or whatever we miss each other wildly. We are excited to be just days away now from having a baby together. SO regardless of whatever reasons brought us together in the first place, we are happy now

[Caladan 19]

Oh my goodness, at 37 weeks, you must feel like you're ready to pop. How are you holding up?

[sara535 15]

Oh my goodness, at 37 weeks, you must feel like you're ready to pop. How are you holding up?

I have frightening cankles. and I am counting the freaking days! I just want to be able to tie my own shoes again! or even see them, for that matter!

thanks for asking

[sarah and hicham 3]

Oh my goodness, at 37 weeks, you must feel like you're ready to pop. How are you holding up?

I have frightening cankles. and I am counting the freaking days! I just want to be able to tie my own shoes again! or even see them, for that matter!

thanks for asking

Cankles is my favorite word ever!

[SandyNJack 5]

We should not shut down a topic just because one person gets their nose out of joint. If there are no more questions or opions so be it but do not shut down because of one person.

You seem to have missed the point. No one has said to shut it down. It's unclear why you seem to believe that's what's being said, but as you acknowledged, you haven't been around long, so you don't know what's what. It's easy to make assumptions; best to ask.

Whether or not it was your intention that is exactly what happened. IMO only because you got your nose out of joint and the others did not want to upset you further. I do not have to be here a long time to see when someone tries to bully others with their intelligence. And if you do not appriciate the thread then move on and let the rest of us form our own relationships and opinions about others in this forum.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

This is my husband's theory as to why so many MENA men marry older women from the states: Older women generally have more patience and time on their hands to sit in front of the computer and deal with a man with broken English than younger women.

LOL

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[Imua 0]

Any of the 'age inappropriate' couples ever have trouble with people commenting on your age gap, saying he is out to use you, etc.? How do you deal with it? I had an incident this weekend which really threw me...

My friend and I went to the Indian section of town and friend ran into an acquaintance(an astrologer) who invited us into his office. He said it looked like I was troubled and asked what was up - I told him about the situation with G, getting the visa started, etc. Once he heard our age gap and saw G's photo he said, just like that "He's going to leave you in 5 years. Maybe you will be in love now but he will leave you whe he is 30-35 and he gets what he needs from you." Even after I told him that his family supported me, etc. he was certain - he didn't even run my chart or anything, so you can't say it was astrology...Just his outdated cultural prejudices. He said he could fix my male friend up with a younger Indian girl - at first he thought he was around 55(he is in fact 43) and said he can find a 38yo for him....So younger man/older woman, he is out to cheat, older man, younger woman, great!!!

Ultimately time will tell, but I believe G's love is genuine - like a VJ friend said to me, it's not like he was trolling the YM userlist looking for any American...I do have my doubts though sometimes, and sat there bawling in his office, at the time I took it at face value and now see it as money-grubbing - he kept saying he would find me 'a nice Indian guy your age', for a commission I am sure, as if G was my BF and not my HUSBAND!!! -wish I could have told him to take his 'astrology' and shove it, or better yet, have him meet with my FIL, who is also an astrologer...

How have you ladies dealt with this #######???

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Any of the 'age inappropriate' couples ever have trouble with people commenting on your age gap, saying he is out to use you, etc.? How do you deal with it? I had an incident this weekend which really threw me...

My friend and I went to the Indian section of town and friend ran into an acquaintance(an astrologer) who invited us into his office. He said it looked like I was troubled and asked what was up - I told him about the situation with G, getting the visa started, etc. Once he heard our age gap and saw G's photo he said, just like that "He's going to leave you in 5 years. Maybe you will be in love now but he will leave you whe he is 30-35 and he gets what he needs from you." Even after I told him that his family supported me, etc. he was certain - he didn't even run my chart or anything, so you can't say it was astrology...Just his outdated cultural prejudices. He said he could fix my male friend up with a younger Indian girl - at first he thought he was around 55(he is in fact 43) and said he can find a 38yo for him....So younger man/older woman, he is out to cheat, older man, younger woman, great!!!

Ultimately time will tell, but I believe G's love is genuine - like a VJ friend said to me, it's not like he was trolling the YM userlist looking for any American...I do have my doubts though sometimes, and sat there bawling in his office, at the time I took it at face value and now see it as money-grubbing - he kept saying he would find me 'a nice Indian guy your age', for a commission I am sure, as if G was my BF and not my HUSBAND!!! -wish I could have told him to take his 'astrology' and shove it, or better yet, have him meet with my FIL, who is also an astrologer...

How have you ladies dealt with this #######???

Can you still have children Patti?

[Caladan 19]

Oh my goodness, at 37 weeks, you must feel like you're ready to pop. How are you holding up?

I have frightening cankles. and I am counting the freaking days! I just want to be able to tie my own shoes again! or even see them, for that matter!

thanks for asking

I think one of my friends said it best when I inquired about the health of his wife who was counting the days like you: "She's just really sick of being pregnant."

--

Pattu Rani, can you laugh it off? When someone asks "what will you do in five years..?" with that knowing look, pretend to ponder it and say, "Hmm, he might be getting wrinkly... I might have to find a younger one with more stamina" and then explain or not explain as you feel like it? Also, pooh on the prejudices of an old astrologer.

[Imua 0]

Any of the 'age inappropriate' couples ever have trouble with people commenting on your age gap, saying he is out to use you, etc.? How do you deal with it? I had an incident this weekend which really threw me...

My friend and I went to the Indian section of town and friend ran into an acquaintance(an astrologer) who invited us into his office. He said it looked like I was troubled and asked what was up - I told him about the situation with G, getting the visa started, etc. Once he heard our age gap and saw G's photo he said, just like that "He's going to leave you in 5 years. Maybe you will be in love now but he will leave you whe he is 30-35 and he gets what he needs from you." Even after I told him that his family supported me, etc. he was certain - he didn't even run my chart or anything, so you can't say it was astrology...Just his outdated cultural prejudices. He said he could fix my male friend up with a younger Indian girl - at first he thought he was around 55(he is in fact 43) and said he can find a 38yo for him....So younger man/older woman, he is out to cheat, older man, younger woman, great!!!

Ultimately time will tell, but I believe G's love is genuine - like a VJ friend said to me, it's not like he was trolling the YM userlist looking for any American...I do have my doubts though sometimes, and sat there bawling in his office, at the time I took it at face value and now see it as money-grubbing - he kept saying he would find me 'a nice Indian guy your age', for a commission I am sure, as if G was my BF and not my HUSBAND!!! -wish I could have told him to take his 'astrology' and shove it, or better yet, have him meet with my FIL, who is also an astrologer...

How have you ladies dealt with this #######???

Can you still have children Patti?

I am 40, so technically yes, but maybe too late - once we get through the visa process, find an apartment(something I'm dreading even more than the visa journey) and G finds a job, I could be 42-43...Funny thing astrologer even said we would have 2 kids, but he'd still leave me...

[allousa 1]

Oh my goodness, at 37 weeks, you must feel like you're ready to pop. How are you holding up?

I have frightening cankles. and I am counting the freaking days! I just want to be able to tie my own shoes again! or even see them, for that matter!

thanks for asking

I remember the last two weeks of my pregnancy, the worst part was trying to get out of the bed. I thought I was going to have to call Greenpeace to come help the beached whale out of the bed. All I could do was roll from side to side until I got enough momentum to roll to one side and push myself up. AGH!!!!! I feel for ya girlie. Those last weeks just made me feel like a human pod!!!!!

[doodlebug 3]

Any of the 'age inappropriate' couples ever have trouble with people commenting on your age gap, saying he is out to use you, etc.? How do you deal with it? I had an incident this weekend which really threw me...

My friend and I went to the Indian section of town and friend ran into an acquaintance(an astrologer) who invited us into his office. He said it looked like I was troubled and asked what was up - I told him about the situation with G, getting the visa started, etc. Once he heard our age gap and saw G's photo he said, just like that "He's going to leave you in 5 years. Maybe you will be in love now but he will leave you whe he is 30-35 and he gets what he needs from you." Even after I told him that his family supported me, etc. he was certain - he didn't even run my chart or anything, so you can't say it was astrology...Just his outdated cultural prejudices. He said he could fix my male friend up with a younger Indian girl - at first he thought he was around 55(he is in fact 43) and said he can find a 38yo for him....So younger man/older woman, he is out to cheat, older man, younger woman, great!!!

Ultimately time will tell, but I believe G's love is genuine - like a VJ friend said to me, it's not like he was trolling the YM userlist looking for any American...I do have my doubts though sometimes, and sat there bawling in his office, at the time I took it at face value and now see it as money-grubbing - he kept saying he would find me 'a nice Indian guy your age', for a commission I am sure, as if G was my BF and not my HUSBAND!!! -wish I could have told him to take his 'astrology' and shove it, or better yet, have him meet with my FIL, who is also an astrologer...

How have you ladies dealt with this #######???

Can you still have children Patti?

I am 40, so technically yes, but maybe too late - once we get through the visa process, find an apartment(something I'm dreading even more than the visa journey) and G finds a job, I could be 42-43...Funny thing astrologer even said we would have 2 kids, but he'd still leave me...

Oh you're not too old. I'm 42 and my doc says I'm ok until I"m 45. I know women older than 45 even who have gotten pregnant, though that's my personal limit since I wouldn't have the energy.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Any of the 'age inappropriate' couples ever have trouble with people commenting on your age gap, saying he is out to use you, etc.? How do you deal with it? I had an incident this weekend which really threw me...

My friend and I went to the Indian section of town and friend ran into an acquaintance(an astrologer) who invited us into his office. He said it looked like I was troubled and asked what was up - I told him about the situation with G, getting the visa started, etc. Once he heard our age gap and saw G's photo he said, just like that "He's going to leave you in 5 years. Maybe you will be in love now but he will leave you whe he is 30-35 and he gets what he needs from you." Even after I told him that his family supported me, etc. he was certain - he didn't even run my chart or anything, so you can't say it was astrology...Just his outdated cultural prejudices. He said he could fix my male friend up with a younger Indian girl - at first he thought he was around 55(he is in fact 43) and said he can find a 38yo for him....So younger man/older woman, he is out to cheat, older man, younger woman, great!!!

Ultimately time will tell, but I believe G's love is genuine - like a VJ friend said to me, it's not like he was trolling the YM userlist looking for any American...I do have my doubts though sometimes, and sat there bawling in his office, at the time I took it at face value and now see it as money-grubbing - he kept saying he would find me 'a nice Indian guy your age', for a commission I am sure, as if G was my BF and not my HUSBAND!!! -wish I could have told him to take his 'astrology' and shove it, or better yet, have him meet with my FIL, who is also an astrologer...

How have you ladies dealt with this #######???

Can you still have children Patti?

I am 40, so technically yes, but maybe too late - once we get through the visa process, find an apartment(something I'm dreading even more than the visa journey) and G finds a job, I could be 42-43...Funny thing astrologer even said we would have 2 kids, but he'd still leave me...

First, your astrologer is a moron.

Second I can read tarot so if you want a reading I will do one for you. I do it for fun sometimes. If you are bored, get a deck and read for yourself. I always get the TOWER on my own reads but I seem to do pretty good with other people. hahahah. I don't believe in all that stuff but its still fun to do sometimes.

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A BABY........

Third , You need to try as fast as you can to get pregnant once he is here because your clock is ticking and you don't want to lose the chance to have a baby. What I would do now is go to the OB GYN and see if your insurance will cover some tests. You can also use an ovulation predictor and chart your cycles. As far as this astrologer, don't listen. No one would ever deliver knews like that.

Fourth

This is your journey. You cannot live your life waiting for people to leave. You need to follow the path and look all around you while you are on this journey. You talked about alot of disappointment. Fate was storing up adventures for you.. Go on them

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Any of the 'age inappropriate' couples ever have trouble with people commenting on your age gap, saying he is out to use you, etc.? How do you deal with it? I had an incident this weekend which really threw me...

My friend and I went to the Indian section of town and friend ran into an acquaintance(an astrologer) who invited us into his office. He said it looked like I was troubled and asked what was up - I told him about the situation with G, getting the visa started, etc. Once he heard our age gap and saw G's photo he said, just like that "He's going to leave you in 5 years. Maybe you will be in love now but he will leave you whe he is 30-35 and he gets what he needs from you." Even after I told him that his family supported me, etc. he was certain - he didn't even run my chart or anything, so you can't say it was astrology...Just his outdated cultural prejudices. He said he could fix my male friend up with a younger Indian girl - at first he thought he was around 55(he is in fact 43) and said he can find a 38yo for him....So younger man/older woman, he is out to cheat, older man, younger woman, great!!!

Ultimately time will tell, but I believe G's love is genuine - like a VJ friend said to me, it's not like he was trolling the YM userlist looking for any American...I do have my doubts though sometimes, and sat there bawling in his office, at the time I took it at face value and now see it as money-grubbing - he kept saying he would find me 'a nice Indian guy your age', for a commission I am sure, as if G was my BF and not my HUSBAND!!! -wish I could have told him to take his 'astrology' and shove it, or better yet, have him meet with my FIL, who is also an astrologer...

How have you ladies dealt with this #######???

Well I just did a spread on you with TAROT and this is what it came up with. Your read is actually very good with your card being the 3 of cups which shows you are actually doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing at this point in your life

Your advice is the WORLD CARD

Be serene in the knowledge that you are succeeding in your mutual goal with your love interest.

The card in the Advice position offers guidance regarding the relationship.

The World in this position may be giving you permission to do whatever you want. You and the person you are involved with (or the one you desire) are motivated to carry out divine will. Even if you make mistakes, it will be turned to the greater good. There is no need to stop and check yourself repeatedly. Nor do you need to interrupt your spontaneity with calculation. The achievement of your goal does not depend upon the group mind nor affirmation from outsiders. Between the two of you, you are clear about what it is you are doing. So simply dance the dance!

Express yourselves, react naturally and let the chips fall where they may. What matters is a divine intention that serves the good of all, not whether others approve. Stay in right relationship to spirit and the rest will work out fine.

Your main card 4 of cups

The situation contains romantic potential. You will need a strong, clear sense of direction in order to fulfill it.

The Situation position reflects the circumstances and social setting of the relationship.

When the Four of Cups is in this position, your romantic situation is brimming with possibilities not yet set into motion. Your relationship potential is languishing, dozing in the sun as it were. Something exciting, focusing or catalytic may be required before this changes.

The situation seems to ask for some new direction or sense of purpose. On the positive side, anything is possible. All the raw ingredients necessary for you to find sympathetic companionship are in place. On the other hand, without a bit of assertive risk-taking, not much is liable to happen. Meditate on whether to make the first move or simply to keep the door open and be patient.

The final outcome card is the 3 of coins

The read is actually very positive

The card in the Potential position gives a hint of the relationship's long-term possibilities. This is not cast in concrete. If indications are less than desirable, you can change directions by exercising skillful decision-making and good timing.

The Three of Coins in this position generally indicates that you may have the long-term potential to build up your relationship. Don't underestimate yourself or diminish the quality of what you have to offer to a relationship built on mutual respect and honor.

Give priority to nurturing and further developing your unique vision and skills. Only you can contribute your special gifts to what you and the one you care about share, which ultimately may develop into something amazing and masterful. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. At some point in the distant future, others might even want to know how you did