LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR RED FLAGS

[Nasturtium 500]

No matter how confident you are that you are a legitimate couple, you can get denied.

And that? Is exactly why every time I hear about something new, I try to get through it. Maybe they will never ask for letters.. but.. if they do, I'd want to have them.

So far I have 4 takers Still working down the list.

[Henia 11]

No matter how confident you are that you are a legitimate couple, you can get denied.

I agree with you on that anyone can get denied, but then there are just countries out there that are just red flagged by the goverment as "high fraud" areas. Real or not real couples get the shaft here!

And not to step on anyone's toes but Maroc, Egypt, Peru, Mexico, India, Pakistan are high on the list. I mean have you all not heard the stories of the marriage agencies in India and Pakistan... most times you get a random IM it is from some person in ether Pakistan Egypt or Maroc. They say hi, how are you? then I love you...marry me! LOL ... also I know of several Euro based chat areas filled up Morroccans who seem to be online all day...literally. I guess it does sometimes pay to be online all day, find a wife eventually then actually getting a real job. (again sorry if this offends anyone.... but I am going off my own experience here)

[mybackpages 0]

No matter how confident you are that you are a legitimate couple, you can get denied.

I agree with you on that anyone can get denied, but then there are just countries out there that are just red flagged by the goverment as "high fraud" areas. Real or not real couples get the shaft here!

And not to step on anyone's toes but Maroc, Egypt, Peru, Mexico, India, Pakistan are high on the list. I mean have you all not heard the stories of the marriage agencies in India and Pakistan... most times you get a random IM it is from some person in ether Pakistan Egypt or Maroc. They say hi, how are you? then I love you...marry me! LOL ... also I know of several Euro based chat areas filled up Morroccans who seem to be online all day...literally. I guess it does sometimes pay to be online all day, find a wife eventually then actually getting a real job. (again sorry if this offends anyone.... but I am going off my own experience here)

What you say is the truth and I hope no one gets offended because just because it is true doesnt mean it is happening to the person reading your post. But is is happening. The COs see hundreds of couples in these countries. The red flags and their experience seeing what happens on a daily basis is what they base their decision on. The burden of proof that you are legitimate is on your shoulders. Perhaps a case of guilty until proven otherwise.

[Nasturtium 500]

I guess it does sometimes pay to be online all day, find a wife eventually then actually getting a real job. (again sorry if this offends anyone.... but I am going off my own experience here)

I hope everyone here knows and fully comprehends that this DOES happen! For real! So I hope they are not offended because really! And in a way, I completely understand it. You live in an impoverished area, your future looks like #######, and you have heard of a way out-- meeting a woman and making her happy for a while, she trades you a greencard and it's all good. Then you can move on. No big deal. But I can imagine the actual and real desperation of people who are in these countries for a better life. My husband is that way.. but his choice is through his education and research. Most people have a plan as to how to better themselves. It's just that maybe ours doesn't involve a marriage and immigration.

PS-- does anyone know if it really helps alleviate some of the red flags by the SO showing up to the interview? Just curious. It seems to me like it would completely depend on the interviewer.

[mybackpages 0]

I guess it does sometimes pay to be online all day, find a wife eventually then actually getting a real job. (again sorry if this offends anyone.... but I am going off my own experience here)

I hope everyone here knows and fully comprehends that this DOES happen! For real! So I hope they are not offended because really! And in a way, I completely understand it. You live in an impoverished area, your future looks like #######, and you have heard of a way out-- meeting a woman and making her happy for a while, she trades you a greencard and it's all good. Then you can move on. No big deal. But I can imagine the actual and real desperation of people who are in these countries for a better life. My husband is that way.. but his choice is through his education and research. Most people have a plan as to how to better themselves. It's just that maybe ours doesn't involve a marriage and immigration.

I would just add that some of these men are quite willing to stick out the marriage even if the intention starts with the desire to get to the US or Europe. Marriage has its own cultural interpretations for ME/NA men that are far different than western expectations. Sometimes the marriages work out and sometimes they don't. It's not as simple as beign duped for a green card. I think too many American woman go into these marriages with MENA men and have HUGE expectations on what love and marriage from a US POV and can find themselves in a situation they couldnt predict when it was all love and romance in the beginning.

[Nasturtium 500]

I would just add that some of these men are quite willing to stick out the marriage even if the intention starts with the desire to get to the US or Europe. Marriage has its own cultural interpretations for ME/NA men that are far different than western expectations. Sometimes the marriages work out and sometimes they don't. It's not as simple as beign duped for a green card. I think too many American woman go into these marriages with MENA men and have HUGE expectations on what love and marriage from a US POV and can find themselves in a situation they couldnt predict when it was all love and romance in the beginning.

Sometimes it can be an asset-- your citizenship I mean. In a marriage that is based on politics and family and religion, what you bring to the table is really a valid thing. You may have citizenship, he may be a pious muslim witha good education who can support you in the right conditions. Whatever. You're right-- there can me many views of what marriage is and why to do it, and also just because citizenship may be on the table doesn't mean he will bail. I was offended the first time my husband said he didn't marry me for love, but for my qualities. He said he did love me, but that he felt love was too weak to base a marriage on, and he needed more. I at first was like what?! Not for love?! but later I thought about it and realized he was 100% right in his thinking. One day i'll be a wrinkley old shrew but I'll probably be the same person inside. He was looking further into the future and into reality. I saw and knew reality, but I still liked the rainbows and unicorns of it all.

[mybackpages 0]

I would just add that some of these men are quite willing to stick out the marriage even if the intention starts with the desire to get to the US or Europe. Marriage has its own cultural interpretations for ME/NA men that are far different than western expectations. Sometimes the marriages work out and sometimes they don't. It's not as simple as beign duped for a green card. I think too many American woman go into these marriages with MENA men and have HUGE expectations on what love and marriage from a US POV and can find themselves in a situation they couldnt predict when it was all love and romance in the beginning.

Sometimes it can be an asset-- your citizenship I mean. In a marriage that is based on politics and family and religion, what you bring to the table is really a valid thing. You may have citizenship, he may be a pious muslim witha good education who can support you in the right conditions. Whatever. You're right-- there can me many views of what marriage is and why to do it, and also just because citizenship may be on the table doesn't mean he will bail. I was offended the first time my husband said he didn't marry me for love, but for my qualities. He said he did love me, but that he felt love was too weak to base a marriage on, and he needed more. I at first was like what?! Not for love?! but later I thought about it and realized he was 100% right in his thinking. One day i'll be a wrinkley old shrew but I'll probably be the same person inside. He was looking further into the future and into reality. I saw and knew reality, but I still liked the rainbows and unicorns of it all.

Beautifully stated!

Besides I DID marry my husband because of his citizenship- well it was one of many things he brought to the table

[Henia 11]

First I want to clarify ( QUOTE(Henia @ Apr 2 2007, 07:17 PM)

I guess it does sometimes pay to be online all day, find a wife eventually then actually getting a real job. (again sorry if this offends anyone.... but I am going off my own experience here) ... I mean I am going off of my own experiences and hearing stories. LOL I used to back in day before I was married have a whole pack of online friends(you know what i am tlaking about..not real friends, just "friends online")...talking to anyone and everyone...after a time i noticed ceertain ppl were online 24/7 no life offline... finally dawned on me after a friend told me seeing a cybercafe in Maroc that advertised on their door how many marriages they hooked up...) Rereading my post it sounded like my experience as in with my husband LOL! SubhanAllah....

But as Julianna continued there are people men and women who sit online all day "looking" searching until they find that one certain somebody who will marry them and send them little allowances...which in dollars is not equal to much...but when converted to their money quals much more then they would be getting at a real job.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

We have 2, 9, an education gap, and a large age difference, but I'm not worried. We have more things in common and a strong understanding of each other. Henia and I have mentioned before that our hubbies aren't even all that keen to come here anyway. By the time our process is over, if he gets a visa, I'll be dragging him kicking and screaming here, he's so sick and tired of the whole thing and more than ready for me to just come back there for good!

[deemabrouk 0]

I think before I wrote down 3/4 red flags for me.. but i think it is just 3.

the First being that we did get married relatively soon after we first started talking.. My husband knew about me Months before I knew about him.. My friend thinks she is SUCH the match maker So he(and his family) already felt like he "knew" me before we even started talking.. (pictures and everything!!!) The both of us being 30's.. and knowing we still had a long road ahead of us(visa, inshallah).. And wanted to Keep things as Halal as possible.. We deceided to get married.

the Second being that we got married 3 days after I was there.. but Alhamdulillah.. I was sick of always being chaperoned.. We always had a third person there.. even when we were IM'ing/ webcaming.. my H is modern BUT very religious. It wasnt until our wedding nite that we were ever alone..

the Third being Long gaps of time from when we see each other.. Given that I have alot of responsibilities here.. Family, Work, bills... etc It is expensive coughing up the dough (even more from his end - due to the economy in Egypt) Getting the time off from my Job... well.. I'm sure everyone here knows the drill..

so thats about it...

In the end.. i still stick to that I married Him for him... not for what the embassy finds desirable.. AND if push comes to Shove.. and the Embassy denies us.. I would move over there. Him coming here would make things easier for ME for now.. But Just being with him is the most important thing

[deemabrouk 0]

I would just add that some of these men are quite willing to stick out the marriage even if the intention starts with the desire to get to the US or Europe. Marriage has its own cultural interpretations for ME/NA men that are far different than western expectations. Sometimes the marriages work out and sometimes they don't. It's not as simple as beign duped for a green card. I think too many American woman go into these marriages with MENA men and have HUGE expectations on what love and marriage from a US POV and can find themselves in a situation they couldnt predict when it was all love and romance in the beginning.

Sometimes it can be an asset-- your citizenship I mean. In a marriage that is based on politics and family and religion, what you bring to the table is really a valid thing. You may have citizenship, he may be a pious muslim witha good education who can support you in the right conditions. Whatever. You're right-- there can me many views of what marriage is and why to do it, and also just because citizenship may be on the table doesn't mean he will bail. I was offended the first time my husband said he didn't marry me for love, but for my qualities. He said he did love me, but that he felt love was too weak to base a marriage on, and he needed more. I at first was like what?! Not for love?! but later I thought about it and realized he was 100% right in his thinking. One day i'll be a wrinkley old shrew but I'll probably be the same person inside. He was looking further into the future and into reality. I saw and knew reality, but I still liked the rainbows and unicorns of it all.

Beautifully stated!

Besides I DID marry my husband because of his citizenship- well it was one of many things he brought to the table

I agree too, beautifully stated !

and I agree with the other comment too... My husband would much rather move anywhere but here.. He is hanging on by a thread with this whole visa thing.. I am the one pushing this of now.. cause I want a Nice Nest Egg saved up before I move back to Egypt with him (or another country)

[chiquita 0]

Who's laughing at red flags?

Hi to all that have replied. I've read every single one. Some of you have said maybe I've been scared away. Quite the contrary....I've been enjoying every reply that has been made. I've been in groups about other topics before so I know how some people can be. And I have to say that I've never been this entertained ever. For you men who have replied or have just been reading....I'm sure you're probably saying the same thing I've been saying...."just look at all the hens coming out of the wood work....cackle cackle cluck cluck"

To those of you who were intelligent enough to understsand my post and have actually replied to my requests of learning sources, I say truly and sincerely, between laughs and giggles, thank you. I've checked out all the learning aids mentioned. I think some of them will be very helpful.

Thanks again to all of you and please keep the replies coming. Laughter is the best medicine and right now I've never been more healthy.

Connie

P.S. Can't wait to share this with Tarek.

[lion_lioness 0]

I have a couple red flags too. First, my ex husband is from MENA and two the time between my divorce and our engagment is less than 6 months. However, we have know each other now over a year. We were best friends (long story). We have 6 years age difference but 'look' same age. I did address both red flags 1 and 2 in my original filing, however, my fiance is pretty comfortable explaining the situation if need be. We are going through Amman, so I'll keep everyone posted. I haven't seen anyone from VJ get their petitions sent back via Amman, but you never know and I don't want to be the first!

[mybackpages 0]

the First being that we did get married relatively soon after we first started talking.. My husband knew about me Months before I knew about him.. My friend thinks she is SUCH the match maker So he(and his family) already felt like he "knew" me before we even started talking.. (pictures and everything!!!) The both of us being 30's.. and knowing we still had a long road ahead of us(visa, inshallah).. And wanted to Keep things as Halal as possible.. We deceided to get married.

I do not want to read too much into your personal story because this may not apply to you at all BUT it reminds me of another red flag. Meeting your fiance/husband through family or friends. This can raise suspicion in the mind of a CO. For most of it it makes so much sense- that two people are introduced by a common friend/relative. who would know beeter that a couple would be a perfect match. It sounds liek it should be proof for a legitimate relationship, but it often can be a double edged sword. It raises the question of the family/friend trying to match a woman for marriage to bring that familymember or friend over to the US.

Edited April 3, 2007 by mybackpages

[Nasturtium 500]

I agree too, beautifully stated !

and I agree with the other comment too... My husband would much rather move anywhere but here.. He is hanging on by a thread with this whole visa thing.. I am the one pushing this of now.. cause I want a Nice Nest Egg saved up before I move back to Egypt with him (or another country)

Heee! Yeah, mine never wanted to go to the US and is only going because he can finish his PhD here. he actually was lined up to go to Canada or germany and had scholarships to both! Sigh. Anyway, because I am doing my degree here he decided to come and do his here too. i totally screwed up all of his plans! And now we're really hoping to buy this house in his village and cut out of ehre after the PhDs, so we hope to be gone in about 5 years. My work and his work are both in Jordan, but I need the PhD credentials to co-direct excavations with him and be first or second author in papers. Now if only I could get him to feel the awesomeness in the late Byzantine instead of his Late Roman/Early Byzantine stuff, we'd be perfect