LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR RED FLAGS

[Jenn! 918]

I've been working on a precise formula to calculate one's chances at success through Casablanca. The inputs include ages of petitioner/beneficiary, current incomes of petitioner/beneficiary, number of visits, amount of time spent in person, length of relationship, method of meeting, number of children of petitioner/beneficiary, number of divorces of petitioner/beneficiary.

I'll get back to you all after I've finished my calculations.

Unfortunately I will not be able to accept your data/statistics until you have passed every single one of your actuary exams.

LOL. Ok, my formula will be coming in 2010 then. (hopefully!)

[Sofiyya 1,687]

We should not shut down a topic just because one person gets their nose out of joint. If there are no more questions or opions so be it but do not shut down because of one person.

You seem to have missed the point. No one has said to shut it down. It's unclear why you seem to believe that's what's being said, but as you acknowledged, you haven't been around long, so you don't know what's what. It's easy to make assumptions; best to ask.

[mybackpages 0]

Unfortunately I will not be able to accept your data/statistics until you have passed every single one of your actuary exams.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Dismiss the responses as as personal if you like. After all this time, it's no longer personal for me, just a red flag when Sarah brings it up repeatedly. There are those of us don't believe Sarah wants to discuss older women with younger men for "educational" reasons anymore, even if she is curious about it. She not very tactful about it, that we know from experience.

Maybe SandyNJack aren't aware of it, but you know that we have talked about it and talked about it. It's not like it's anything new here, that it's been a taboo subject, or that no one can talk about it here, so don't try to give anyone the impression that it is. And if it's all over popular culture in Morocco, and lots of folks are talking about it, there's no reason to keep poking a stick at us for answers you haven't gotten the whole time you've been here. There are apparently other reasources.

Why someone is with someone varies with each couple. There is no one answer as to why there are so many older women with younger men in MENA, there just are, and mayb why you are still wondering.

I love cookies! Thank you!

[morocco4ever 63]

What is funny is I am assuming there is a red flag because of the 13 year age difference but they did not even question my SO about this during his interview.

It would be unlawful to deny the visa sole on the basis of an age difference. Couples who have been denied AND have a large often suggest, it did play a factor in their interview. I'm not convinced. Seeing couples go through Casa, the visas which have been denied also seem to have other issues.

We have an age gap too. My then fiance was never questioned aout it. There was a bt of a hiccup at the interview time regarding pictures and communication evidence, but it was resolved and we were approvevd. What you will find is that more couples with an age gap are approved than denied. This tells me its not the age gap that gets them.

Just my opinion, Im sure someone will come along with another opinion soon

I believe that if you have an age difference they work extra hard to find some reason to deny it. I was one that was denied. I believe that the age difference is what made them scrutinize our case more, but in reality the reason they sent it back to the USCIS was because he had relatives here, and they chose to send it back on an assumption that I was paid to bring him here. They had absolutely no proof of this, but it was like they took the 2 situations and made their decision based on that.

For those that don't know, we won our case and my husband has been here for 10 glorious months now. Word to the wise.....make sure you address all of your red flags before it gets to the consulate if that is at all possible at the stage you are at.

I am personally not offended by Sarah's curiosity. She is young, and perhaps when she gets a little older then she will have a different view, perhaps not. I do believe she enjoys the drama a bit, but that is certainly no reason to take offense. Just get a good chuckle out of our "gross and abnormal" relationships....lol

Green eyed girl, what is the latest on your case? It has been forever since I have heard anything.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Dismiss the responses as as personal if you like. After all this time, it's no longer personal for me, just a red flag when Sarah brings it up repeatedly. There are those of us don't believe Sarah wants to discuss older women with younger men for "educational" reasons anymore, even if she is curious about it. She not very tactful about it, that we know from experience.

Maybe SandyNJack aren't aware of it, but you know that we have talked about it and talked about it. It's not like it's anything new here, that it's been a taboo subject, or that no one can talk about it here, so don't try to give anyone the impression that it is. And if it's all over popular culture in Morocco, and lots of folks are talking about it, there's no reason to keep poking a stick at us for answers you haven't gotten the whole time you've been here. There are apparently other reasources.

Why someone is with someone varies with each couple. There is no one answer as to why there are so many older women with younger men in MENA, there just are, and mayb why you are still wondering.

I love cookies! Thank you!

green i personally know 28 year old married with a 40 year old that has 2 kids ( 0lder girl) and are really in love and making it and I know 2 same age couples early 30s who as soon as he got his papers he jetted.... Dont let the age thing be a hang up.. Love is where you find it.. I know this guy who married a girl 5 years younger and she was a hottie and as soon as he got his papers bye bye... Love is what keeps people together.. similarity in age is not a gimme...

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Several statements have been made about me as to why I objected to Sarah's "curiousity", so I suppose I should once again comment for myself. I said before, I and others do not believe that Sarah is sincere about wanting to learn about why there are so many couples composed of older women and younger men. She has made many comments that indicate clearly that she is offended by such couples and has even declared that their age difference is the reason why any such couple has been denied. She has shown very little empathy for them and has engaged often in titilation in order to restart the subject so she can enjoy the drama she creates. This has been going on for over a year. Perhaps it is her youth that makes her so insensitive, but I doubt seriously that she applies any real depth to bring about an understanding of it on her part. That is what I have seen repeatedly in her comments.

I don't have any issues with my own relationship and am not offended by a rational and realistic discussion of older women, younger men. I will, however, speak out when I believe that the subject is once again being raised for the entertainment of one person here who has gained a reputation for doing just such a thing.

Edited October 16, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I hope I have made myself clear so no one has to again speak for me or my motives for commenting.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Several statements have been made about me as to why I objected to Sarah's "curiousity", so I suppose I should once again comment for myself. I said before, I and others do not believe that Sarah is sincere about wanting to learn about why there are so many couples composed of older women and younger men. She has made many comments that indicate clearly that she is offended by such couples and has even declared that their age difference is the reason why any such couple has been denied. She has shown very little empathy for them and has engaged often in titilation in order to restart the subject so she can enjoy the drama she creates. This has been going on for over a year. Perhaps it is her youth that makes her so insensitive, but I doubt seriously that she applies any real depth to bring about an understanding of it on her part. That is what I have seen repeatedly in her comments.

I don't have any issues with my own relationship and am not offended by a rational and realistic discussion of older women, younger men. I will, however, speak out when I believe that the subject is once again being raised for the entertainment of one person here who has gained a reputation for doing just such a thing.

I actually agree with you...I want you to read what I wrote.. I personally know girls the same age as their MENA husbands tossed aside when they get their papers.. and the girls were PRETTY and their age. Age has a bearing on some things but not everything..... and its really up to each person. I have spent years around North Africans and I have seen all kinds of situations.... some where you would swear up and down the guy will ditch her and he stays and then some near age matches where the guy ditches her and married a moroccan.... Until the guy has adjusted status and has his citizenship, there is no way to tell. When he gets the citizenship is the real kicker cause until then he cannot bring someone from back home over... so rest assured, someone acting self rightous might be the girl crying in her dinner in 3 years. I always tell my friends, when he gets his citizenship NOT GREENCARD is the determining factor. I have seen guys hang on in loveless marraiges waiting for that passport because a greencard will not get the girl from back home over here.. you gotta have a passport... I would not pay very much attention to much of what anyone says because the reality is the love you have between the couple... most women played for papers know its going on.. they just do not want to face it....

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Thx, wahrania. I got what you were saying. I know of many age difference couples doing fine; most of my aunts are older than their husbands, and we're Arab. So the belief that MENA men don't marry older women except to exploit them is a myth to me. If you start with the presumption that all MENA men prefer younger women, then, you will be intrigued by those who don't and tend to attribute sinister motives to them because they dare to break a taboo.

If you start with the presumption that older women are undesireable, then you will be curious about why someone younger would desire them, perhaps only to take advantage of their desparation. So, it only makes sense to assume that older women are targets for younger men, since the womens' desirability, due the difference in age, makes her inherently less appealing than he is, in society's terms. However, since younger women can also be targets, all should be aware of their own vulnerabilty, and that's why there are several red flags, rather than just age gaps.

Edited October 16, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[mybackpages 0]

She has made many comments that indicate clearly that she is offended by such couples and has even declared that their age difference is the reason why any such couple has been denied.

I am such a couple and she is not offended by my relationship. I am not the only couple with an age gap she is not offended by. This rift goes deeper. People have taken it personally. Sarah has apologized for taking her comments too far and yet how many have come back and accepted that apology? Those that have - have made peace with Sarah. The others just come back and bring up this over and over and over again.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Thx, wahrania. I got what you were saying. I know of many age difference couples doing fine; most of my aunts are older than their husbands, and we're Arab. So the belief that MENA men don't marry older women except to exploit them is a myth to me. If you start with the presumption that all MENA men prefer younger women, then, you will be intrigued by those who don't and tend to attribute sinister motives to them because they dare to break a taboo.

If you start with the presumption that older women are undesireable, then you will be curious about why someone younger would desire them, perhaps only to take advantage of their desparation. So, it only makes sense to assume that older women are targets for younger men, since the womens' desirability, due the difference in age, makes her inherently less appealing than he is, in society's terms. However, since younger women can also be targets, all should be aware of their own vulnerabilty, and that's why there are several red flags, rather than just age gaps.

funny you should mention family. My Grandmother was 41 and she married a 27 year old in 1911. They had 3 kids, one at 41 43 and the last at 45. The husband and the baby died in 1918 in the flu epidemic in NYC. Baby number one from this AGE INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP was my grandmother and my Aunt was baby number 2 ( hahahahhahaahahhhaahhahahahaha)

my 27 year old grandfather is the guy on the lower left , his older wife is next to him and the baby is my grandmother... SCANDALOUS

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Thx, wahrania. I got what you were saying. I know of many age difference couples doing fine; most of my aunts are older than their husbands, and we're Arab. So the belief that MENA men don't marry older women except to exploit them is a myth to me. If you start with the presumption that all MENA men prefer younger women, then, you will be intrigued by those who don't and tend to attribute sinister motives to them because they dare to break a taboo.

If you start with the presumption that older women are undesireable, then you will be curious about why someone younger would desire them, perhaps only to take advantage of their desparation. So, it only makes sense to assume that older women are targets for younger men, since the womens' desirability, due the difference in age, makes her inherently less appealing than he is, in society's terms. However, since younger women can also be targets, all should be aware of their own vulnerabilty, and that's why there are several red flags, rather than just age gaps.

funny you should mention family. My Grandmother was 41 and she married a 27 year old in 1911. They had 3 kids, one at 41 43 and the last at 45. The husband and the baby died in 1918 in the flu epidemic in NYC. Baby number one from this AGE INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP was my grandmother and my Aunt was baby number 2 ( hahahahhahaahahhhaahhahahahaha)

my 27 year old grandfather is the guy on the lower left , his older wife is next to him and the baby is my grandmother... SCANDALOUS

By the way she was the youngest of 5 sisters all Irish and all spinsters. And she ran away on a boat and went to NYC because she got sick of their whining and met him on a boat and eloped. Everyone made her feel like ####### about being older and him being younger and she lived her life... Some people want so much to live everyone elses life.... They don't allow for differences... for some younger men,,, an older woman is the best thing that could happen to him... because she is able to understand him and love him...its a shock for some younger women ( it was me when i was younger) that they may not be the one he chooses. Whats really shocking is when a younger woman gets left for an older...Love is not a number, even in MENA world. And the more that I learn about this crazy life, the more I learn that we better not judge.... cause you never know what people will do..

[Sofiyya 1,687]

She has made many comments that indicate clearly that she is offended by such couples and has even declared that their age difference is the reason why any such couple has been denied.

I am such a couple and she is not offended by my relationship. I am not the only couple with an age gap she is not offended by. This rift goes deeper. People have taken it personally. Sarah has apologized for taking her comments too far and yet how many have come back and accepted that apology? Those that have - have made peace with Sarah. The others just come back and bring up this over and over and over again.

That's the way you see it, MBP, but you also have a propensity to defend Sarah every time someone points out her tactlessness in any situation, and to see assertiveness on the part of others toward her as unwarranted aggression. You have your reasons for that, I'm sure. They are beyond me, no doubt, yet it doesn't make you the standard bearer for her behavior, nor for how everyone must respond to it.

What your or others do or accept about her is doesn't obligate me to do the lay down; I feel no need to enable her nor to become an apologist for her. Unlike you, I haven't experienced her "cntrition", so when I see her attempting to start somethng, I'll call her out. Characterise it in any way that suits you; I know what I'm doing. Your view of Sarah as a victim in need of a second is not shared by me, and probably will never be. Any other view I accept will have to be earned, not bartered.

Edited October 16, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[Ban Hammer 13,340]

She has made many comments that indicate clearly that she is offended by such couples and has even declared that their age difference is the reason why any such couple has been denied.

I am such a couple and she is not offended by my relationship. I am not the only couple with an age gap she is not offended by. This rift goes deeper. People have taken it personally. Sarah has apologized for taking her comments too far and yet how many have come back and accepted that apology? Those that have - have made peace with Sarah. The others just come back and bring up this over and over and over again.

and just how was it meant to be taken?