LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR RED FLAGS

[Caladan 19]

Oh, for crying out loud, people.

But why you're wondering why she's wondering why you're wondering why she's wondering why he's wondering why the CO is wondering why the blah blah blah let's dance around the elephant in the room taunting it with innuendo. We all know the elephant is there. Can we quit poking it? Can we quit pretending we have no idea why anyone is worried about age gaps, culture gaps, language gaps, meeting once gaps?

[/rant induced by a total lack of EAD]

Wow Caladan. I thought you had it all together. I haven't seen this behavior in you before. Seriously though, I hope you get your EAD soon. I would imagine it's difficult to have a bored spouse at home.

Just a little. I mean, it's great having him here, but it's annoying as hell that every day they ####### around is literally money out of our pocket. It's any day now but his employer has been calling him for a month.

[morocco4ever 63]

I believe that I have the right to wonder what I posted about, just as everyone has the right to discuss the matter here as we were doing. I posted that it seems common since it is known that a lot of women here are older than their fiance's/husbands. I thought it was a good discussion, but ok. I am not looking for a magic "answer" to my question, nor did I mention fraud. I just think it's interesting.

Relax.

I have the right to tell you this:

You've been "wondering" out loud about older women with younger men on this forum for at least a couple of years, Sarah. It's not like the subject hasn't been addressed ad nauseum. If you haven't gotten anywhere with it in all this time, who cares anymore? Seriously, it's not like you haven't taken the opportunity to bring it up and discuss it before, poorly and rationally. The fact is, you harp on it a lot, and it's gotten old. Get over it, move on already.

I agree, it does get brought up alot. For what purpose? I can't find a valid reason. I view myself as a smart woman, not easily manipulated nor am I easily won over by any man. I put my husband through the wringer before I even gave him a chance.

On the other hand we all know that there are a lot of users that are looking for a green card. To close our eyes to this fact would be stupid. It is not any ones responsiblity to point out that it is possible we are being used if there is no solid proof. We are already well aware of that fact, as well is just about everyone on this forum. We own soul responsibilty to be aware of this and to find out for sure. If by chance the signs were there, and we chose to ignore them, and it turns out we were wrong about our relationships then so be it. We suffer our own consequences. If the signs weren't there then shame be on the user.

My husbands "friend" has a woman flying out today in fact to go marry him. Both my husband and I are really suspicious about this marriage since we have seen that he still goes to the dating sites. Not only that, she has told us how much money she has sent him for various bills of his. We know for a fact that he told her an exaggerated amount. What could we do? As bad as this is we did inform her that he still goes into this dating site. She asked our opinion on what she should do. We gave her some good solid advice to find out if his intentions are honorable. Well rather than listen to our advice she chose to confront him on it. I don't know what he told her to convince her that he is innocent, but she is still going out to marry him.

That being said, I think that if we have some proof that something is shady it is our responsibilty to point it out. After that she is responsible to make her own decisions. I will no longer bring it up or nag her about it. She is an adult.

[SandyNJack 5]

We should not take things so personally on here. It is very normal for someone to wonder about something they have not expericanced, as long as they are not trying on purpose to hurt others. And remember some of us have not been on VJ as long as others so the same topics might come up again. I would hate for someone to be intimidated about asking a question because of some of the heated responses I have seen here with people taking the question too personally. Remember we are here for each other for support and information.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

We should not take things so personally on here. It is very normal for someone to wonder about something they have not expericanced, as long as they are not trying on purpose to hurt others. And remember some of us have not been on VJ as long as others so the same topics might come up again. I would hate for someone to be intimidated about asking a question because of some of the heated responses I have seen here with people taking the question too personally. Remember we are here for each other for support and information.

You're right, you haven't been here very long, so you're not aware of the history and rancor re the issue of older women and younger men on this board, so your criticism is misplaced. Those of us who have been here a long time do know what's up, so we respond in the context of what's gone before. Listen and learn, that's the best advice I can give you.

Hey, bgurl, chuck. I'm just streatched a bit thin for time right now. Cya all around later, insha'allah!

Edited October 13, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[mybackpages 0]

I for one am quite curious about the whole situation. it's not just Sarah. I think its many of us. It's quite the social phenomenon and I am very curious about the whys and hows of such a thing happening. It's all over in the popular culture in Morocco - commedians, tv and newspapers, stories heard in the hammans etc......we are not the only ones talking about it.

I think SandyNJack pinpointed it quite well. Why take it personally? I'm older than my husband. I'm part of the equation and yet think sarah asks good questions.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Dismiss the responses as as personal if you like. After all this time, it's no longer personal for me, just a red flag when Sarah brings it up repeatedly. There are those of us don't believe Sarah wants to discuss older women with younger men for "educational" reasons anymore, even if she is curious about it. She not very tactful about it, that we know from experience.

Maybe SandyNJack aren't aware of it, but you know that we have talked about it and talked about it. It's not like it's anything new here, that it's been a taboo subject, or that no one can talk about it here, so don't try to give anyone the impression that it is. And if it's all over popular culture in Morocco, and lots of folks are talking about it, there's no reason to keep poking a stick at us for answers you haven't gotten the whole time you've been here. There are apparently other reasources.

Why someone is with someone varies with each couple. There is no one answer as to why there are so many older women with younger men in MENA, there just are, and mayb why you are still wondering.

[JeanneVictoria 55]

Dismiss the responses as as personal if you like. After all this time, it's no longer personal for me, just a red flag when Sarah brings it up repeatedly. There are those of us don't believe Sarah wants to discuss older women with younger men for "educational" reasons anymore, even if she is curious about it. She not very tactful about it, that we know from experience.

Maybe SandyNJack aren't aware of it, but you know that we have talked about it and talked about it. It's not like it's anything new here, that it's been a taboo subject, or that no one can talk about it here, so don't try to give anyone the impression that it is. And if it's all over popular culture in Morocco, and lots of folks are talking about it, there's no reason to keep poking a stick at us for answers you haven't gotten the whole time you've been here. There are apparently other reasources.

Why someone is with someone varies with each couple. There is no one answer as to why there are so many older women with younger men in MENA, there just are, and mayb why you are still wondering.

[SandyNJack 5]

We should not shut down a topic just because one person gets their nose out of joint. If there are no more questions or opions so be it but do not shut down because of one person.

Edited October 15, 2007 by SandyNJack

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Large age gaps (woman older/man younger) must be the most explosive subject on VJ, at least in ME/NA. Some people become so offended at any mention of the issue, taking every comment in such a negative and personal manner, even becoming so defensive that they sometimes try to shut down the discussion.

But the fact is -- the ME/NA forum has a high percentage of woman older/man younger relationships -- much higher than the average. And the consulates in ME/NA are well aware of the phenomenon. More importantly to these couples, the consulates (most obviously Casablanca, but also some of the others) have determined such large age gaps to be a common denominator in fraudulent cases. Of course this does not mean that this one single factor is "evidence" of fraud. But it *is* considered a "red flag" -- which means the consulate will scrutinize this kind of case closely to see if other red flags are present. We know for a fact that many SOs have been questioned extensively about this issue in their visa interviews.

This means that couples with a large age gap need to face the facts. Forewarned is forearmed. Instead of lashing out at anyone who brings up the subject, couples should be concentrating on how to answer the CO's questions with a thoughtful, reasoned response.

I strongly recommend this excellent example of how one VJer met the age-gap challenge in an extremely pro-active way:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...p;#entry1239006

-MK

[SandyNJack 5]

What is funny is I am assuming there is a red flag because of the 13 year age difference but they did not even question my SO about this during his interview.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

What is funny is I am assuming there is a red flag because of the 13 year age difference but they did not even question my SO about this during his interview.

That's not uncommon -- some members with significant age gaps are never questioned about it, or questioned only a little.

However, I'm pretty certain the CO *noticed* your age gap, and scrutinized your case for any additional red flags. Maybe he/she was satisfied with the rest of your evidence, and didn't feel the subject of the age gap needed to be probed.

Hope your AR is finished very soon !

-MK

[mybackpages 0]

What is funny is I am assuming there is a red flag because of the 13 year age difference but they did not even question my SO about this during his interview.

It would be unlawful to deny the visa sole on the basis of an age difference. Couples who have been denied AND have a large often suggest, it did play a factor in their interview. I'm not convinced. Seeing couples go through Casa, the visas which have been denied also seem to have other issues.

We have an age gap too. My then fiance was never questioned aout it. There was a bt of a hiccup at the interview time regarding pictures and communication evidence, but it was resolved and we were approvevd. What you will find is that more couples with an age gap are approved than denied. This tells me its not the age gap that gets them.

Just my opinion, Im sure someone will come along with another opinion soon

[Jenn! 918]

I've been working on a precise formula to calculate one's chances at success through Casablanca. The inputs include ages of petitioner/beneficiary, current incomes of petitioner/beneficiary, number of visits, amount of time spent in person, length of relationship, method of meeting, number of children of petitioner/beneficiary, number of divorces of petitioner/beneficiary.

I'll get back to you all after I've finished my calculations.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I've been working on a precise formula to calculate one's chances at success through Casablanca. The inputs include ages of petitioner/beneficiary, current incomes of petitioner/beneficiary, number of visits, amount of time spent in person, length of relationship, method of meeting, number of children of petitioner/beneficiary, number of divorces of petitioner/beneficiary.

I'll get back to you all after I've finished my calculations.

Unfortunately I will not be able to accept your data/statistics until you have passed every single one of your actuary exams.

[mybackpages 0]

I've been working on a precise formula to calculate one's chances at success through Casablanca. The inputs include ages of petitioner/beneficiary, current incomes of petitioner/beneficiary, number of visits, amount of time spent in person, length of relationship, method of meeting, number of children of petitioner/beneficiary, number of divorces of petitioner/beneficiary.

I'll get back to you all after I've finished my calculations.

You actually had me until the last line