Need to learn english and arabic

[deemabrouk 0]

well I have deceided to chim in.. and Honestly I think people were alittle harsh when this girl posted her question..

I grew up with a part of my family Not speaking english.. My grandparent Only spoke Italian( a few english words) and when we were together there were alot of cherades.. pointing.. Broken language sentences.. half english half italian.. Sometimes having to say 3 or 4 different words for them to understand one word.. And then of course having some one else in the family translate what they are trying to tell me.. My grand father would just talk to me in Italian... Fully knowing I was NOT fluent.. but he knew some how I'd "get" what he was saying ( which is JUST like me and my mother in law now... ) And when everyone was together.. dinner.. sitting or whatever... and they were just Yapping away in Italian.. I learned to tune everyone out.. OR Listen Very hard and figure out a few words here and there - and Crack the code of what they were talking about

So maybe this was just second nature for me..

I too have a husband who's english is not 100%.. but we never had a issue talking about Everything we wanted in life.. morals.. values.. and etc.. - even if it took some extra time to do so.. I am already used to listening to heavy accents..

I married for Allah and for LOVE - i fell inlove with him right away.. I know some arabic BUT i too need lessons very badly... and in the end this is a part of us growing together..

So i dont know...

[peezey 0]

well I have deceided to chim in.. and Honestly I think people were alittle harsh when this girl posted her question..

I grew up with a part of my family Not speaking english.. My grandparent Only spoke Italian( a few english words) and when we were together there were alot of cherades.. pointing.. Broken language sentences.. half english half italian.. Sometimes having to say 3 or 4 different words for them to understand one word.. And then of course having some one else in the family translate what they are trying to tell me.. My grand father would just talk to me in Italian... Fully knowing I was NOT fluent.. but he knew some how I'd "get" what he was saying ( which is JUST like me and my mother in law now... ) And when everyone was together.. dinner.. sitting or whatever... and they were just Yapping away in Italian.. I learned to tune everyone out.. OR Listen Very hard and figure out a few words here and there - and Crack the code of what they were talking about

So maybe this was just second nature for me..

I too have a husband who's english is not 100%.. but we never had a issue talking about Everything we wanted in life.. morals.. values.. and etc.. - even if it took some extra time to do so.. I am already used to listening to heavy accents..

I married for Allah and for LOVE - i fell inlove with him right away.. I know some arabic BUT i too need lessons very badly... and in the end this is a part of us growing together..

So i dont know...

First of all, this poster is not a girl, she is 51.

Second, you don't choose your grandparents, but you do choose your life partner.

I'm not the only one who has mentioned this. I'm not going to be a cheerleader for a couple who can't communicate and has a 25 year age difference. If it raises suspicion for all of us, how will it look at the consulate? And if they or anyone else can't deal with what is said here, by people with years of experience, chances are they won't be able to convince the consulate, nor deal with how tough this kind of relationship is once he is here.

Check out the list of questions GEG has posted a number of times. Not once is it listed that the CO will ask if you are marrying for LOVE or Allah.

Everyone on this board talks offline and there are so many times it's been said about many people here "my husband said he will leave her", etc etc etc, and the women keep their mouths shut and it makes me sick. On the front everyone makes like they support each other in these relationships and in reality there is so much b.s behind the scenes. I'm not going to play that game and pretend all this woman has to do is "be positive" and soon her man will have a visa.

Edited April 2, 2007 by peezey

[LaL 418]

hasn't the the subject of warning her been more than represented here in this topic? I think the point has been made.

[Sofiyya 1,687]

I have to say that when peezy raised the issue the first time, she was saying what I was thinking, although, yes, a bit harshly. I can't say in good conscious that I could ignore the language barrier as an element of giving advice either. I wasn't even aware of the age difference, but as most of you know, I'm in my 50s and my husband is 21 years younger, so that is also a consideration for us. A large age difference, different cultures, a language barrier, an inefficient communication system, meeting in an untraditional way, not spending much time together IRL, and the attempt to obtain a visa from a MENA country is not a good formula for success. If we were going to be honest about her situation, based on what we know, someone had to say it.

Edited April 2, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[jade2004 0]

Hey honey...just wanted to wish you the best of luck in your journeys. Life is hard, relationships are hard, the world is hard....I believe their are "barriers" with most relationships and it is whether or not we can tackle them--this will decide our outcome our fait...Love is a major part, but it does take more than that...dedication also....i give u thumbs up on trying to find a solution to your problem stay dedicated and you will work it out if it is meant to be. If you guys are truly in love then it is worth the fight. Stay strong and good luck

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Well, peezy, we are not enablers. Such is our lot.

Edited April 2, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[deemabrouk 0]

well in the end dont we marry our Husbands for Who They are.. Not for how eligible they are to the embassy??

[Sofiyya 1,687]

How do you know who they are if you can barely understand them?

Everyone on this board talks offline and there are so many times it's been said about many people here "my husband said he will leave her", etc etc etc, and the women keep their mouths shut and it makes me sick. On the front everyone makes like they support each other in these relationships and in reality there is so much b.s behind the scenes. I'm not going to play that game and pretend all this woman has to do is "be positive" and soon her man will have a visa.

I appreciate your honesty about this, peezy.

Edited April 2, 2007 by Green-eyed girl

[Marry American 0]

[peezey 0]

There is quite a lot of information in this forum provided by Sarah T and others about what to expect in Casa, then quite a bit more about the very important matters of culture and religion provided by GEG, Henia, and others. People here obviously care enough to take the time to do this, but that doesn't mean we have to pretend there aren't red flags, especially when someone asks specifically if they are going to have problems.

Again, I'm tired of the "my husband said...." stuff. If we truly care about each other as women, if not individually at least as a group of human beings in similar situations, then we'll voice these concerns rather than continue the status quo of covering up. When the chips fall (as we've seen countless times in these relationships), who is standing for you and who has fled?

[peezey 0]

How do you know who they are if you can barely understand them?

Everyone on this board talks offline and there are so many times it's been said about many people here "my husband said he will leave her", etc etc etc, and the women keep their mouths shut and it makes me sick. On the front everyone makes like they support each other in these relationships and in reality there is so much b.s behind the scenes. I'm not going to play that game and pretend all this woman has to do is "be positive" and soon her man will have a visa.

I appreciate your honesty about this, peezy.

We are all different and have different opinions about a lot of things, but one thing I cannot tolerate is a woman being duped, and everyone knowing about it or at the very least suspecting it, especially when the people who know about it and talk about it are other women who could potentially be in that very same situation at some point. I can't take it anymore and I will continue to be honest about it.

[Marry American 0]

How do you know who they are if you can barely understand them?

Everyone on this board talks offline and there are so many times it's been said about many people here "my husband said he will leave her", etc etc etc, and the women keep their mouths shut and it makes me sick. On the front everyone makes like they support each other in these relationships and in reality there is so much b.s behind the scenes. I'm not going to play that game and pretend all this woman has to do is "be positive" and soon her man will have a visa.

I appreciate your honesty about this, peezy.

We are all different and have different opinions about a lot of things, but one thing I cannot tolerate is a woman being duped, and everyone knowing about it or at the very least suspecting it, especially when the people who know about it and talk about it are other women who could potentially be in that very same situation at some point. I can't take it anymore and I will continue to be honest about it.

What makes you the savior of women that are being "duped"? How do you know that being closer in age or having a common language means not being "duped"? How do you know you are not being "duped"?

[deemabrouk 0]

We are all different and have different opinions about a lot of things, but one thing I cannot tolerate is a woman being duped, and everyone knowing about it or at the very least suspecting it, especially when the people who know about it and talk about it are other women who could potentially be in that very same situation at some point. I can't take it anymore and I will continue to be honest about it.

I'm right there with you on that one.. And I would be the first to say something too.. I am always the one pointing out some one has something between their teeth.. OR when a woman is just plain Clueless to the situation at hand..

I just felt the need to say something because everyone came down on ... "how can you know your husband if you cant speak the same language"... There are SOO many different situations out there.. And this Dunya has become a whole melting pot.. Age.. Culture.. religion.. etc.

[ya falaha! 0]

Thank you.

I, also, cannot stand the whole cheering ppl on whilst knowing full well the situation isn't right. Some ppl need tough love. That is not being mean, it's being honest. I'd rather have a friend who will tell me how it is then one who sits by and lets me make a fool of myself.

How do you know who they are if you can barely understand them?

Everyone on this board talks offline and there are so many times it's been said about many people here "my husband said he will leave her", etc etc etc, and the women keep their mouths shut and it makes me sick. On the front everyone makes like they support each other in these relationships and in reality there is so much b.s behind the scenes. I'm not going to play that game and pretend all this woman has to do is "be positive" and soon her man will have a visa.

I appreciate your honesty about this, peezy.

We are all different and have different opinions about a lot of things, but one thing I cannot tolerate is a woman being duped, and everyone knowing about it or at the very least suspecting it, especially when the people who know about it and talk about it are other women who could potentially be in that very same situation at some point. I can't take it anymore and I will continue to be honest about it.

[doodlebug 3]

I'm not going to be a cheerleader for a couple who can't communicate and has a 25 year age difference.

She never posted here about the age difference did she? Do you all know her from someplace else or something?