Im confused about the VJ experience

[Chardon Ne' 71]

Im just curious to know how some members of VJ get away with being rude and condescending to people on this site, but as soon as you respond those same members have the power to suspend you or even have your comment removed from the forum. Call me crazy but this seems as if that is the very definition of conflict of interest. I mean we come to this site for support and its a little disheartening to know that people who come to this country for a better life can be so snobby about a website that was designed to provide support for people during a stressful process. Some people's first language may not be English so imagine how one might feel being told their question is dumb when they dont speak the language? I mean it is one thing to be honest, but another to be dismissive and condescending. Does anyone else have a similar experience to share.Do you agree or disagree.

[Unlockable 7,314]

Example, you have?

Edited November 22, 2016 by NuestraUnion

[Chardon Ne' 71]

Sometimes someone will ask a question. They may have an idea of what they can do based on their understanding. They may be looking for an answer from someone who had the same experience as they are having and you will have members who will decide the question was answered to their satisfaction and and close the forum. Sometimes ppl ask a question and they will say google it. Heaven forbid ur member staus is newbie on VJ because they assume they are the only game in town. Some ppl come from other sites as well. Not to mention the preconceived notions about which countries have high fraud lol. A whole lot of things I have seen here.

[Lemonslice 4,843]

You are right we all have preconceived ideas. We all have our own filters when reading.

That being said, I believe that providing support or answers shouldn't be done in an overly optimistic manner.

You'll be fine/ Your love is real, you'll get approved and other insipid statements can be reassuring... While being totally unhelpful by dismissing the real challenges coming ahead.

Edited November 23, 2016 by Lemonslice

[TBoneTX 45,303]

Thread is moved from Off Topic to Site Discussion.

[Thegirl 225]

Sometimes someone will ask a question. They may have an idea of what they can do based on their understanding. They may be looking for an answer from someone who had the same experience as they are having and you will have members who will decide the question was answered to their satisfaction and and close the forum. Sometimes ppl ask a question and they will say google it. Heaven forbid ur member staus is newbie on VJ because they assume they are the only game in town. Some ppl come from other sites as well. Not to mention the preconceived notions about which countries have high fraud lol. A whole lot of things I have seen here.

I've been here a little while and I am on a number of Facebook groups as well. As far as some people seeming rude and condescending, for example with your comment about Google, I can understand in some instances. People will come and ask what is the phone number for NVC or USCIS...really? those are things that are easily found with a Google search. It's frustrating to answer questions like those over and over especially when you the person trying to help is going to Google it to answer. Also, the guides are there so asking individuals to give you step by step instructions is also frustrating sometimes. Sometimes, for those who are on the site for a very long time they know who the "repeat offenders" are....people who constantly are unwilling to do anything to help themselves. Sometimes, as a "newbie" you see something but you dont know the history. Most people try to be helpful and nice and since everyone here is human we all, also have our bad days. It is a large and public forum, you will find all sorts of personalities and characters. You will find some meanies naturally. Best not to take any of it too personally since neither parties know each other anyways. Ignore the random chatter, get your information and do your thing.

[Chardon Ne' 71]

Oh without a doubt. Im fine. Almost done. I think you miss my point though. Just because you are a "newbie" on VJ it doesnt mean you have nothing to offer. If you understand the definition of condescending, you just did the same thing. You are addressing me as if Im an individual with a low emotional intelligence. I never said I took it personally, Im just making an observation. For I am equipped to handle any keyboard gangster lol. I take an anti-bully stance in any arena. Im guessing ppl expect to come here and find a positive experience but for many that is not the case. Ive been taught the only dumb question is the one that isnt asked. The ppl who need to relax are the ones who get annoyed by someone asking for a number lol. I agree that there are many personalitie including the type that might ask a question rather than doing the research. If you dont approach it like they are the VJ gods offering other information than that which they are familir with (such as a code 3 fingerprint for a minor and rfe for no G325A) they tend to be very dismissive of you. I handled it but o just want to add my experience. Or forget if you tell people to breathe and not worry if you are newbie status. I just notice a pattern that certain members actually semi stalk you. Lol they watch where you post and as soon as possible they do stuff like move your threads such as in above lol.

[JFH 12,190]

But this thread was moved to keep each sub-forum for its intended purpose. That's to help people find what they want in the right place, just as the grocery stores keep things together and label the aisles to help you find things. Moving a thread is not seen as an attack against that individual or chastising them, it's just housekeeping.

Nobody is paid to help others on this site. I totally get your point that some people can come across as a bit rude or abrupt but by the same token I have seen many a question from someone who simply cannot be bothered to read the guides and wants someone to take the time to list out in detail every form they need, every piece of evidence they should include, every fee they should pay, the address where to send it, and so on and then doesn't even say 'please' or 'thank you'. That can be very annoying. People have put a lot of time and effort - unpaid - into making the guides and wikis and running the forum and whilst most people are very courteous and appreciative, sadly there are some bad eggs in the mix.

[NikLR 13,227]

In my very honest opinion, keas gave you a well thought out, tactful, intelligent answer. Your reply made it obvious that you are defensive. You took it as a personal attack on your intelligence and ability when nothing of the sort was even implied in keas reponse.

Then you're annoyed the thread is moved appropriately but mention it very passive aggressively.

My suggestion is not to take everything so personally. Since "you" can mean "you personally" and "all you people in general" and nuance can be hard to interpret in forums, having a thick skin and the ability to let what seems like negative personal comments roll off your back, is a boon.

Moderation on this website is not done lightly. Generally is from reports from other members as mods do not read every thread.

On VJ we have an age old train of thought, we help if you are willing to help yourself. We also dont tend to answer if we dont know. I would rather not give someone the wrong information if I am not sure of the answer. I also am not going to spend my time googling answers for people either.

Edited November 23, 2016 by NikLR

[millefleur 5,046]

In my very honest opinion, keas gave you a well thought out, tactful, intelligent answer. Your reply made it obvious that you are defensive. You took it as a personal attack on your intelligence and ability when nothing of the sort was even implied in keas reponse.

Then you're annoyed the thread is moved appropriately but mention it very passive aggressively.

My suggestion is not to take everything so personally. Since "you" can mean "you personally" and "all you people in general" and nuance can be hard to interpret in forums, having a thick skin and the ability to let what seems like negative personal comments roll off your back, is a boon.

Moderation on this website is not done lightly. Generally is from reports from other members as mods do not read every thread.

This is a common problem in the English language, especially in writing. "You" doesn't always mean the 'personal you'....it's the 'impersonal you' as in "one" or "everyone." Other languages have attempted to fix this by adding a capital letter like "You" versus "you" but in English unfortunately it's just left open to the context of each sentence.

Some people on the site have a more abrupt style, it's probably because they're busy and just want to get to the point. If you find a member going through a similar process to you or who has already gone through your process, it might be better to PM them and talk to them personally for advice if you find that the forums aren't giving you all the answers you need.

[Ban Hammer 13,343]

If you find a member going through a similar process to you or who has already gone through your process, it might be better to PM them and talk to them personally for advice if you find that the forums aren't giving you all the answers you need.

the above is not recommended as it is not peer reviewed - one could wind up with bad advice that way. it is best to use the forums for advice instead of private message.

[millefleur 5,046]

the above is not recommended as it is not peer reviewed - one could wind up with bad advice that way. it is best to use the forums for advice instead of private message.

Oh sorry, see even I don't know how to use this site! I wish it were possible to go back and delete things later. That is one of my problems with this site, that the "edit" window is open for such a short period.

There were a few times when I posted questions on the forum and just got no response, probably because nobody knows or the right person didn't see it. If that happens I guess you're just up the creek without a paddle then.

Edited November 23, 2016 by millefleur

[Chardon Ne' 71]

Ok so you know me to make an assumption that something is "getting" to me. By your response it seems as if what i am saying is getting to you. To assumed that something being discussed is related to me taking anything personally. I find their tactics to be quite humorous. I did not say she attacked my intelligence notice i said emotional intelligence as there are different type. Why cant you just give your opinion without making psycho analyzations of ppls personality. Im not speaking of any one in particular Im speaking of the experience. A pm to say hey heads up im going to move your thread would also be be nice lol. This is a forum where just about anything can be discussed except the rudeness of senior VJ members. Notice I said VJ members. This is not life lol.If it doesnt apply....

What you never see is a senior VJ member suspending another VJ member for being rude...hmmmm.

[Chardon Ne' 71]

But this thread was moved to keep each sub-forum for its intended purpose. That's to help people find what they want in the right place, just as the grocery stores keep things together and label the aisles to help you find things. Moving a thread is not seen as an attack against that individual or chastising them, it's just housekeeping.

Nobody is paid to help others on this site. I totally get your point that some people can come across as a bit rude or abrupt but by the same token I have seen many a question from someone who simply cannot be bothered to read the guides and wants someone to take the time to list out in detail every form they need, every piece of evidence they should include, every fee they should pay, the address where to send it, and so on and then doesn't even say 'please' or 'thank you'. That can be very annoying. People have put a lot of time and effort - unpaid - into making the guides and wikis and running the forum and whilst most people are very courteous and appreciative, sadly there are some bad eggs in the mix.

[NikLR 13,227]

You definitely come across as a defensive person. Best of luck in life. DEUCES

Edited November 23, 2016 by NikLR