Scam?

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

Hello and welcome to VJ,

I've been married to a MENA man for several years, and I can tell you that whenever I see a woman posting on VisaJourney (or even knowing that it exists) before meeting a MENA man is person, I automatically think it's a scam.

There are far too many stories of women conned by MENA men, and I think that anyone researching visas this early in a relationship is being played.

Also, don't give this line too much thought. MENA men often ask for the American women to live in their country. Why?

1) They already know that very few American women have the desire to do so.

2) They can fall back on it later and say "Of course I'm not using you for a green card! I never even wanted to move to America. I wanted you to move with me to Egypt"

I can almost guarantee you that this man already knows more about the visa process than you do.

I wish you the best of luck, but please proceed with caution.

Thank you for the advice.

Just for reference, how did you meet your MENA husband? And how did your relationship progress? That might be helpful for myself and others to see. Thanks!

[2far 185]

Anyways, I have been well aware that romance scams DO happen (I've heard about them, seen the show 90 Day Fiance, etc.). But I didn't really see any red flags in my relationship, so I didn't worry about it. And he seemed like a really honest man to me, but apparently many women have been fooled by this.

I also wanted to add that most of the scammers are nowhere near as obvious as what we've seen on 90 Day Fiance.

Most of them appear to be loving genuine relationships that have real staying power... until the scammers has obtained the green card, or even citizenship.

[2far 185]

Thank you for the advice.

Just for reference, how did you meet your MENA husband? And how did your relationship progress? That might be helpful for myself and others to see. Thanks!

I met my husband while my family and I were travelling through his country.

Our relationship progressed slowly over time with me traveling to his country and the two of us traveling to third countries.

[Ihavequestions 419]

Well from your backstory, it seems you would definitely be able to give me some helpful advice! So thank you for your comment.

he is from Cairo. He said he has a degree in electric, I didn't get information about where from.... I don't know much about that, but it seems like that would have been more of a trade school type thing?

The reason his friend wanted him to speak with me was because I am a native speaker with an American accent. Friend was helping him with English and thought it would be helpful to talk to a native speaker.

He owns a business. I don't know how much money he makes exactly, but he seemed to have no qualms about buying me a plane ticket and stay in Egypt.

These are all things you should be asking about. Here's why. If he went to an Egyptian home to talk to a family about the possibility of an engagement with their daughter, he would walk in the door knowing he would have to provide answers to those questions. There's no reason he shouldn't give you specific, credible answers, too. FYI, there's no such thing as a "degree in electric" or a "trade school" here. His passport should say what his profession is in the bottom left corner. Look at it and see what it says.

I'm going to go on the wild assumption your guy isn't scammy and you aren't his escape plan, and give you my bits of advice. Take it or leave it, but know it comes from the heart.

Plan a vacation of a lifetime and come to Egypt. Yes, alone. There is nothing - and I do mean nothing - to be afraid of as long as one follows sensible tourist advice that would apply anywhere (don't waive stacks of dollars in the air, etc.). You can either book into a quite decent hotel or rent a fully furnished apartment for less than $10/USD a night. A hotel/apartment will give you some autonomy and independence. Meet this guy and see if you mesh in person. If there's a spark, that's great. If not, hey, you got the vacation of a lifetime. If you have concerns while you're here, there are plenty of foreign women here, so plenty of feet on the ground, to comfort and advise you.

One further note. I see that you said you've always been a bit on the conservative side. In my opinion, the foreign woman/Egyptian man relationships that have been durable and lasting are the relationships with a liberal foreign woman, just because those are the women who let their husbands be themselves. Aside from the 50-year-old-woman/22-year-old-Egyptian obvious train wrecks, the real disasters are the western converts who marry and proceed to take him to school about how he's got his religion all wrong. Egyptians as a whole (yes, this is a wide brush) are much more than their religion. They are also thousands of years of culture, tradition, and family/tribe loyalty/affiliations. If you're considering a long-term relationship, his religion is only one part of a very large parcel.

Good luck and let me know when you're coming!

[USAMorocco 143]

Biggest tips I can give are:

1- definitely understand his culture and understand his religious beliefs. Even if you share the same religion, you can find some large differences in interpretation.

2-spend time with his family. You will get the true sense for how the treat each other and you can see how they treat you.

I will say personally I do not find it as a red flag at all that you have already been discussing marriage. That is not culturally strange for him.

I agree about culture. Many Arab men still are hooked up with wives they never met through family. Go meet him. See how it goes. Love online is much different than meeting in person. Good luck!

[MouadsWife 161]

Hello and welcome to VJ,

I've been married to a MENA man for several years, and I can tell you that whenever I see a woman posting on VisaJourney (or even knowing that it exists) before meeting a MENA man is person, I automatically think it's a scam.

There are far too many stories of women conned by MENA men, and I think that anyone researching visas this early in a relationship is being played.

Also, don't give this line too much thought. MENA men often ask for the American women to live in their country. Why?

1) They already know that very few American women have the desire to do so.

2) They can fall back on it later and say "Of course I'm not using you for a green card! I never even wanted to move to America. I wanted you to move with me to Egypt"

I can almost guarantee you that this man already knows more about the visa process than you do.

I wish you the best of luck, but please proceed with caution.

When I met my now husband online in 2008, after the discussion of possible marriage, I did some posts and research, and some on VisaJourney. Why not? It was something new to me, I was not sure if it was even possible. So I sought out information on VJ. How could that possibly make our relationship a scam? We have been together ever since, although VJ viewed our relationship with having 'red flags'. I think it is smart to research BEFORE meeting someone in person. To know what you can and can't do, to know what your limits are, before you get emotionally tied up, before you get finally spent flying back and fourth only to find out your unable to achieve what you started out to do. That, do not make it a scam. As one poster wrote, proposing marriage early on is in their culture. Do all relationships end in rainbows? No. Are their a lot of success stories? Yes! But be smart in the beginning and do your homework.

Edited November 30, 2016 by MouadsWife

[USAMorocco 143]

He shouldn't just offer for your plane ticket, he should pay for it. I know that might sound a little medieval to us American women, but trust me, it means he's serious. And from more traditional cultures, it's just outright odd for the woman to be expected to pay, if you ask me.

Definitely have him apply for the B-1. His chances might be low, but it'll be a sign he's serious, as I mentioned above. Also, he would have to disclose his financial situation in detail....not a bad thing to get out in the open. His financial situation will be a huge part of the visa process later if you do decide to get married, so nothing wrong with getting it out there sooner.

It's good that he wasn't pushy. No reason to end it all out of paranoid and worry, just continue forward with caution. I hope everything ends up well for you, but don't lose sight of yourself. Going slowly and being cautious certainly never harmed anyone. Just as you will learn more about his culture and have to adapt to it, he will do the same for you...it's the two-way street of inter-cultural relationships.

Just because he doesn't pay for the plane ticket doesn't mean he isn't serious. It's not like many people just have $1000 to give away.

OP I wouldn't make him waste money on a tourist visa. Chances are he will not get it and he just wasted $165. Wasting money and time doesn't prove he is serious for you.

'My fiancé is from Morocco. He proposed early and didn't pay for my plane ticket any time I went to see him. He did however pay for everything while I was there. I would never have made him try to apply for a B1 visa because it would have just wasted $165 of money he worked hard for. Once you visit and are in person you will get a much better feel for him.

[Comment 8]

Take your time to get to know him. Then make your decision. Worrying too much whether it is a scam or not might affect your decision about this person. Just trust your heart and brain and you will know if he is the right person or not. Regardless of how you met or how long you have known each other always remember you can marry your next door neighbor that you have grown up with and the marriage can collapse in a year. It is just life and there is never a guarantee.

I met my wife in a silly online game. One year later she visited me in Egypt in May and we married in her next visit in August. Here we are after nine years of a successful marriage, even after her family and friends tried to convince her it was a scam and I will leave her as soon as I get my first green card. When it did not happen, they made a bet I would leave after my permanent green card. As you can tell, I am an american citizen and we are still togther. I love my wife and family.

Yes, there are scams and cheating but we should not let our fear get the best of us. Best luck to you.

[Mounat 74]

The litmus test is an obsession, no matter how subtle, with America or the West. Any talk of what he plans to do there if he ever left Egypt and constant references to how bad life is in Egypt and what he's willing to do to escape it.

No matter how smooth or experienced he is, the subconscious cannot be suppressed for too long.

Also, since you know his name, age and family/friends (from Facebook), run a background check on him. I'm sure there's at least one PI in that country of a 100 million.

And most of all, trust your instincts!

Good luck.

[meggy91224 1]

I was scammed. I do not get in visa journey much anymore but if anyone has any questions they are free to (PM me)

Edited April 5, 2017 by Ontarkie
Personal Information removed.

[Shoot Em Straight 385]

 

Welcome to VJ.  Stick around the MENA forum and learn more. You did yourself well joining.

 

Good Luck with your relationship and please let us know how your journey continues.

 

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

55 minutes ago, Inluv said:

 

Welcome to VJ.  Stick around the MENA forum and learn more. You did yourself well joining.

 

Good Luck with your relationship and please let us know how your journey continues.

 

Thank you! It definitely seems like there's some great information and experiences on here!

[A&B 1]

I have been in this exact same situation.  Trust me when I say that a lot of Egyptian men will tell you ANYTHING to get out of their country.  They are very charismatic and are definitely salesmen.  I was married to an Egyptian prior to my current relationship and in retrospect I definitely believe now that his friend who was already here in the states helped him to find someone "me" to help him get here.  That being said, they can only hide their true intentions for so long.  I never caught my ex in a lie before he came either.  I met all his family when I went to Egypt and truly believed he was an honest guy.  He had a college education, a decent job and his family was upper middle class.  Just be super careful.  As you can see I married an Egyptian again but I was fully armed with all the red flags I chose to ignore the first go around.  Be careful.  Protect yourself, your heart and your family.  My ex waited almost two years to show his true colors.  Once he knew he had the green card in the bag his true intentions came out.  I finally threw him out and divorced him after he made a sexual pass at my 18 year old daughter.  I know you will probably still go through with it.  I don't care how well you think you know his friend.  Beware.  From what I experienced it's definitely a Bros before you know what mentality in Egypt.  Just my two sense. 

[Mido&Emi 33]

Aw man. I was also doubting my relationship just like you... I met my now husband 3 years ago online through a game. But he never wanted a relationship with me. In fact, I liked him before he ever liked me lol. He never asked me to travel to him or anything. We talked for 3 years online (which most men who are JUST interested in the greencard wont handle, they can easily find someone else) After time I went to Egypt to marry him and have been living in Egypt for 1 year now. Before I filed for his CR1, he didn't want to come to the US, he's quite happy in Egypt with his friends and family. But I want him to meet my family too. So not all are scammers. But yet again, I would talk to that guy for a LONG time before I ever traveled to him. It took me 2 years to ever even meet my now husband  Goodluck, dear!