Scam?

[Kastrs 723]

Biggest tips I can give are:

1- definitely understand his culture and understand his religious beliefs. Even if you share the same religion, you can find some large differences in interpretation.

2-spend time with his family. You will get the true sense for how the treat each other and you can see how they treat you.

I will say personally I do not find it as a red flag at all that you have already been discussing marriage. That is not culturally strange for him.

[millefleur 5,046]

This. This is what would be the most helpful

Just to address a couple things that were mentioned (I can't reply to each comment individually because I have a limited number of posts per day)

He has never asked me for money; he actually offered to pay for plane tickets for me to travel to Egypt.

He is planning on trying to apply for the B-1 visa (I think that's the right one, the visitor visa) so we can spend time together here.

I mentioned before that I didn't want to live in the USA, and he didn't flinch about it and said he'd be happy to have me come to Egypt.

We've been talking about a year.

I'm not saying he's perfect or that these points prove he isn't a scam artist. He just never gave me a shady feeling and usually I'm overly suspicious and have a pretty good intuition.

The talking about marriage thing did make me feel kind of strange, but I told him I can't imagine agreeing to marriage before we know each other ALOT better, and he wasn't pushy about it. His response will be something like, "When I say I want to marry you it's just so you can see how much I admire you" or something like that. I'm not saying that makes it okay; and I appreciate everyone's honest opinions on that matter.

Thank you!

He shouldn't just offer for your plane ticket, he should pay for it. I know that might sound a little medieval to us American women, but trust me, it means he's serious. And from more traditional cultures, it's just outright odd for the woman to be expected to pay, if you ask me.

Definitely have him apply for the B-1. His chances might be low, but it'll be a sign he's serious, as I mentioned above. Also, he would have to disclose his financial situation in detail....not a bad thing to get out in the open. His financial situation will be a huge part of the visa process later if you do decide to get married, so nothing wrong with getting it out there sooner.

It's good that he wasn't pushy. No reason to end it all out of paranoid and worry, just continue forward with caution. I hope everything ends up well for you, but don't lose sight of yourself. Going slowly and being cautious certainly never harmed anyone. Just as you will learn more about his culture and have to adapt to it, he will do the same for you...it's the two-way street of inter-cultural relationships.

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

Asking someone to move countries when you haven't met them is a red flag imo. It may be super cute and lovey and it makes you feel warm inside that he wants you to live with him, but no person that isn't trying rush things or do anything fun like that, isn't going to even mention, hey you should come move to my country and meet for first time and the same time.

Some things that seem cute and lovey, have alternate intentions.

Also, unless both state they hate marriage (which would NEVER work for a couple who wanted to be together internationally) all LDR's across the boarder would end in marriage. You -have- to get married to be together when it comes to international marriage, so that will ALWAYS be the end game.

Even if the friend is in Saudi, I still see it as a worry. Why can't the friend teach him English, he must know enough English to come here on a work visa?

With all this said, tbqh you already seem to have your mind set that he's not a scammer. Go meet him and see what happens, but don't be surprised when you're super swoon. Almost all LDR relationships when they meet for the first time, scam or not, are incredibly loving for the first meeting. No amount of warnings anyone may give will change your mind tho, and much like Mille's situation, anything you do catch him in you may just forgive him.

A couple things here,

We were just discussing the future (for sh**s and giggles I guess), I of course was going to visit Egypt first before moving there! Sorry if I was unclear, we definitely didn't intend for me to move there on my first visit.

And yes, as you mentioned, any LDR that work out in end in marriage, so that is kind of why I wasn't SO alarmed at talking about marriage.... because ultimately if we are going to be together, that would be the end result; you are right that international relationships aren't going to work out without a marriage!

As far as teaching him English, I guess the friend thought that speaking with a native English speaker would help him out, and also improve his accent. He's still helping his as well, I guess he didn't think it would hurt anything just to talk to me a little bit.

You are right, that I had my mind set he wasn't a scammer before I came here; But I posted this thread looking for advice and I plan to take all of the advice into honest consideration. If there are some red flags, I'm going to look into it. And if I find some things I don't like, it might change my mind. And I haven't caught him in anything yet, but if I did, I am not going to just forgive him. I know how much is at risk here and I'm trying to take it easy and look at everything I can. I'm posting asking for advice, and I appreciate the advice people are giving me. I hope people don't think I'm here asking for advice just to refuse it and not consider it, or that I'm the type of person that is going to forgive a man for everything he does even if I catch him doing ridiculous things!

[Boiler 45,525]

B2 for visitors

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

He shouldn't just offer for your plane ticket, he should pay for it. I know that might sound a little medieval to us American women, but trust me, it means he's serious. And from more traditional cultures, it's just outright odd for the woman to be expected to pay, if you ask me.

Definitely have him apply for the B-1. His chances might be low, but it'll be a sign he's serious, as I mentioned above. Also, he would have to disclose his financial situation in detail....not a bad thing to get out in the open. His financial situation will be a huge part of the visa process later if you do decide to get married, so nothing wrong with getting it out there sooner.

It's good that he wasn't pushy. No reason to end it all out of paranoid and worry, just continue forward with caution. I hope everything ends up well for you, but don't lose sight of yourself. Going slowly and being cautious certainly never harmed anyone. Just as you will learn more about his culture and have to adapt to it, he will do the same for you...it's the two-way street of inter-cultural relationships.

I definitely agree about the plane ticket thing! When I said he offered to pay for it, I mean he offered to buy me one but I declined because I felt scared to travel to Egypt by myself.

I offered to help pay for his application for the B-1 etc, which he fully refused as well. I also agree that seeing his finances would be good.

I am definitely moving forward with caution! I appreciate the advice from everyone, it definitely gives me a lot to think about and will help me with making logical decisions as I move forward! (As mentioned by a couple comments, I think I need to try to remain logical and not wrapped up in a fog of love and lust)!

Edited November 22, 2016 by WantYouToWantMe

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

B2 for visitors

Yes, it is. We were planning to visit with each other and spend time together first before agreeing to get married or anything like that.

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

Biggest tips I can give are:

1- definitely understand his culture and understand his religious beliefs. Even if you share the same religion, you can find some large differences in interpretation.

2-spend time with his family. You will get the true sense for how the treat each other and you can see how they treat you.

I will say personally I do not find it as a red flag at all that you have already been discussing marriage. That is not culturally strange for him.

I am not Muslim, but I have done a lot of research in Islam/ Egypt/ Arab culture/ his culture etc. since we started talking, and I have heard the same thing quite a bit, that discussing marriage early on is not strange in his culture. So thank you for pointing that out. He shared with me that dating isn't really accepted in his culture, so he would never be able to introduce me to his family as his "girlfriend". When I meet them it would have to be with the intentions of us getting married.

I am working on understanding his culture more and more, that is great advice; thank you!

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

As to red flags, how do your racial/cultural backgrounds intersect? Is your physical appearance and level of physical fitness similar? If he were in America, would you say that he was a more attractive man than you'd typically date?

No need to answer in the thread, but just some things to think about that are common early warning signs...

Personally, I think that you might already suspect that his intentions aren't solely love based and I think you need to listen to those doubts.

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

As to red flags, how do your racial/cultural backgrounds intersect? Is your physical appearance and level of physical fitness similar? If he were in America, would you say that he was a more attractive man than you'd typically date?

No need to answer in the thread, but just some things to think about that are common early warning signs...

Personally, I think that you might already suspect that his intentions aren't solely love based and I think you need to listen to those doubts.

Hello!

As far as racial background, well, he's Arab and I'm white. And our cultures are different, as I was raised in America and he in Egypt. However I have always felt a little more conservative in American culture, and I'm open minded to the culture he's used to so that has worked out well thus far.

As far as attractiveness goes. We are definitely equally matched. We are both fit and love sports and the gym and eating healthy. I don't mean to be conceited or anything, but I think I'm an attractive girl. If he was in the USA already, he is definitely the type of guy I would date. Guys who look like him and his attractiveness level are always the ones who go for me (I think a lot of Arab men like blondes). And he is my type as well.

But that is a good thing to consider, thank you for your comment!

And yes, you are right- I don't totally trust him yet. I haven't even met him in person yet. I'm not ready to jump and marry him tomorrow. I'm on here just getting advice and opinions to prepare for what might happen next. And it's hard not to worry about little with all the horror stories we hear!

[Ihavequestions 419]

Backstory: Divorced from an Egyptian and live in Egypt because I like it.

Where is he from?

Has he been to university? If so, what's his degree?

Why can't he practice his English with any of the bazillion English speakers in Egypt?

Does he have a job? If so, what does he do and how much does he earn?

[Angel Eyes Yuseef 5]

Sometimes there is obvious red flags, and other times they're not so obvious. I've been on a whirlwind journey myself. My ex husband didn't display the regular red flags. So I won't bore you with them.

Instead I'm going to ask you a few questions. How many visits are you willing to put into getting to know this young man and feel confident you know him? Are you willing to live in his country if his visa is denied? Are you willing to wait two plus years on the visa process after the time it takes to feel you know him well enough? Do you make enough money to file? What if you get pregnant and it ends up being a scam, are you willing to raise this child with out being bitter towards this man? Btw babies don't get approvals. After you spend thousands to travel to him and pay to stay a weak or two, multiple times, pay the cost of the visa, go through the emotional hell the visa puts you through, and if he gets denied. How will that make you feel after investing so much into a relationship that the embassy seen through? Or let's say he's approved and comes to the states and stays awhile and leaves you after getting established with Egyptians. Will it been worth all the money, time and emotions it costed you? Because it's not going to cost him, he only has to do a medical examine and a interview. How will you feel knowing you brought him here, and your financially responsible for him till his visa runs out? Are you going to feel hurt, destroyed and feel used on this investment, and bitter. This is the chance we all take. And if you have children it effects them too.

I know there cute, charming and those smiles. But Morocco and Egypt are considered high risk countries for a reason.

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

Backstory: Divorced from an Egyptian and live in Egypt because I like it.

Where is he from?

Has he been to university? If so, what's his degree?

Why can't he practice his English with any of the bazillion English speakers in Egypt?

Does he have a job? If so, what does he do and how much does he earn?

Well from your backstory, it seems you would definitely be able to give me some helpful advice! So thank you for your comment.

he is from Cairo. He said he has a degree in electric, I didn't get information about where from.... I don't know much about that, but it seems like that would have been more of a trade school type thing?

The reason his friend wanted him to speak with me was because I am a native speaker with an American accent. Friend was helping him with English and thought it would be helpful to talk to a native speaker.

He owns a business. I don't know how much money he makes exactly, but he seemed to have no qualms about buying me a plane ticket and stay in Egypt.

Again everyone, we have just started our relationship; we have only been talking online for a year, and have not met in person yet. I am not saying I'm going to marry him for sure. I definitely don't know him well enough for that, and as mentioned many times, I agree that we need to spend a lot of time together in person first before deciding on that. I have mentioned marriage because as someone else here mentioned, in a LDR like this marriage would be the final result if things work out. So I'm just gathering information and advice to prepare for what might be coming in the future.

Thank you for all the replies!

[WantYouToWantMe 1]

Just a side note, for what it's worth, he has also sent me a picture of his passport and I also have his Facebook password (and yes I'm 110% sure it's his real Facebook). I have not given him the same and he doesn't have any personal information on me other than my name and date of birth.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I think you are sorting this all out and giving yourself the answer you need.

Have faith.

Sometimes god puts people in you life to learn a lesson.

If he and you stay together forever great but if not enjoy the time you have.

Personally i dont make future plans live day by day enjoy your partner.

[2far 185]

Hello and welcome to VJ,

I've been married to a MENA man for several years, and I can tell you that whenever I see a woman posting on VisaJourney (or even knowing that it exists) before meeting a MENA man is person, I automatically think it's a scam.

There are far too many stories of women conned by MENA men, and I think that anyone researching visas this early in a relationship is being played.

Yes, actually he has tried asking me to come to Egypt/live in Egypt multiple times, but I always declined. Because in all honesty, I don't want to live there!

Also, don't give this line too much thought. MENA men often ask for the American women to live in their country. Why?

1) They already know that very few American women have the desire to do so.

2) They can fall back on it later and say "Of course I'm not using you for a green card! I never even wanted to move to America. I wanted you to move with me to Egypt"

I can almost guarantee you that this man already knows more about the visa process than you do.

I wish you the best of luck, but please proceed with caution.