Question re: divorce of foreign spouse w/child

[CountryBoy 0]

Sounds like a couple of guys may have been burned in a previous divorce and are wanting to cover their bases.

If you honestly think that divorce and child support is an issue of this magnitude because either you as the petitioner or the beneficiary may "change" after you are married then please take as much time as you need to convince yourself that you will be with your fiancee forever. If you have any doubt, don't do it .. please. I really don't want my tax dollars paying the way for any divorced person/dependant .. foreign or domestic.

This is only my opinion .. take it for what it is worth.

CB

[Fandango 1,440]

I've seen some doozies as far as posts are concerned that have made me raise my eyebrows and think 'yeah that's not gonna last'

But in this instance, the OP shouldn't be based for recognizing what he's committing to....this is not some small deal here. And the foreign spouse has an 8 year old child, which, let's face it...for a 26 year old is a BIG DEAL. Actually for any age it's a big deal...but the foreign fiancee is not the non-custodial parent, so of course they should look at things pragmatically since this directly affects all of them.

Preparing to fail? No I see it as knowing what you're getting into. Far too many people lead with their emotions and are all 'yay for love' only to have it bite them in the azz later because they didn't realize what they were committing to.

Good luck, OP!

[Bobbie 1]

Bobbie thank you for such a detailed personal account, this is EXACTLY the info I was looking for (and the very conversation I am dreading myself). My urge for a pre-nup doesn't come from some inflated feeling of self-worth, its from my desire to protect my current family, specificly my learning-disabled younger brother, aging grandmother, and mother who, bless her heart, works at a non-profit organization and makes ####### for salary. These are the people who I have to care for in my life NOW, and they have to be worked into any future plans.

Regarding a split when the child is involved; the tone of my original post implied that I'm against supporting this child. Not so. What I object to, is the government being the one who decides how much and how often, of which they are frequently a very poor judge. That is something that I would seek to settle between us as parents. As for the emotional ties... that is the real tough subject. When I met the lady in question, I didn't know she had a child.. that wasn't part of my plan at all, but slowly became something I'm accostomed to. Her little girl is 8 now; if we were divorced and they stayed in the country, I wouldn't cut off contact with either, and certainly would help them out financially.. BUT- I would want HER to be her daughter's primary caregiver, not me (particularly should she find herself a new beau). In the case they choose not to remain in-country, I would provide for their tickets home, and a severance gift of sorts (maybe like $2,500US; around a year's salary or so where she's from) and probably then still visit if she'd let me.

Also:

As to what we have to lose:

Don't forget that foreign spouses leave behind their entire life when they come to the US.

We leave behind our homes, careers, families- and don't automatically get them back in case things go bad in the relationship.

Well here is a valid argument, and I think is what mozplay was alluding to.

Whichever spouse is moving undoubtedly bears the heavier burden.

I should hope that one could always return to their family, and homes are replaceable.

However loss of career, I will grant, is a pretty tough blow, especially after a multi-year absence.

Only remedy for that would be to give assistance once they have returned to their home country.. as I said above, not something I have a problem with.

I am guessing people from select countries may also experience problems repatriating themselves.. also rough, but not something I can really help with.

Regarding the I-846, I've read and (I think) understood the guidelines, but was unsure if I there were additional state/federal laws that would require me to provide for the child after a divorce (assuming they don't go back to their country of course).

My thanks again to both of you.

I do completely understand where you are coming from. I think the fact is you are communicating like a business man and talking about a business transaction, and not about someone you love. I really dont think you do love this woman, but you are wililng to pay to play. Whatever. Maybe it works maybe it doesnt. I think however if you continue to behave as a transaction broker, this and other situations like this, love, is doomed to fail. I was a big transaction broker for the past 20 years.....I had to learn not to be this way. People say I am less of a ####### now. Thats nice. (Yes women can be pricks too)....Business sometimes makes you behave this way...but, its love, so, two feet in or get the heck out.

Bobbie

[Fandango 1,440]

I really dont think you do love this woman, but you are wililng to pay to play.

Wow.

[Jasman0717 9]

New to the forum, sorry if this has already been asked but I wasn't able to find a specific example of my situation:

I am considering marriage to a Colombian woman who happens to have a child (by someone else, not myself).

Lets say that I decide to include this child in her K1 petition, and both come to live in the US.

Now my question; if the marriage is sustained long enough for her to adjust status/remain in the country (2 years?) and she then divorces me, what kind of obligation will I face regarding child support for her daughter? Will I be exempt due to the fact I'm not the biological father, or is this obligation applied to me simply because I married the mother? Despite being divorced, will I still be held to obligations outlined in the Affidavit of Support?

Final question: I will of course, seek to limit some of these obligations through the use of a pre-nuptual agreement. From what I've read, I can avoid things like alimony, but prenups have no effect on child support payments. What are some steps I can take to protect my assets in case my marriage to this beautiful mother-of-one goes south?

Thanks much.

While I do understand why some people worry about this, it amazes me how people marry these days and they are already "considering" divorce. I do realize that everyone is just protecting their assets and their pockets, but it still crazy. I am 23 and I am marrying a brazlian girl and I am shooting for eternity and I haven't for once second thought about having to support her in case of a divorce... anyway,

I doubt you will be responsible to pay child support, you are not the biological father and bringing the child to the US is not an adoption, however, you can and will be held responsible for the little contract (I-864) you have (or will) signed with the government basically stating that until:

- They work 40 quarters;

- Die

- Become a citizen

- Leave the US or

- Becomes subject to removal, but applies for and obtains in removal proceedings a new grant of adjustment of status,based on a new affidavit of support, if one is required,...

you will make sure that the government does NOT have to support the immigrant in any case.

So, bringing your spouse to the US is not just about enjoying and having fun, it is very risky and it brings a lot of responsabilities, but so does marrying a USC or anyone for that matter.

Good luck.

In some states the step-parent can be held liable for child support.

I too am amazed that someone going into a marriage commitment is concerned about divorce. I would suggest re-evaluating what is really wanted!

[Fandango 1,440]

I think it's strange the amount of judgement that is going on in this thread. Based only on the fact that the OP is looking at things from all angles. Does no one feel the need for more information before starting to question his feelings and motives?

Sheesh!

[Kez/JWolf 6]

I gave a lot of thought into what I was giving up to be here with my husband as he is disabled and not able to work... so I knew ahead of time that I would have to give up my home and my career and of course being with my family... I also know that I will have to work until the day I die to support us both... so yes everyone should give a lot of thought into what the future may hold if you go ahead with this immigration route both finance and personl...

I would hope that most people at least understand the need to discuss with your SO what would happen if it did not work out the way you had planned either divorce or death can have major impact on both the immigrant and the USC...

Kez

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

In my opinion, it would be foolhardy to rush headlong into ANY marriage without a thought as to the worst case senario. My finace and I have discussed divorce, I guess that makes us both as bad as each other.

I love him dearly, don't believe we ARE going to get divorced but we COULD. And as a RESPONSIBLE parent and adult, I believe I need to consider ALL possible outcomes.

[rob&ana 0]

It’s funny how this forums burns down in flames every time someone mentions the forbidden words: pre-nuptial agreement (yes, scream, run, hide!!!). I believe the only real mistake the OP has made so far, was asking the question without adding a few hearts here and there (but then again, it’s a man, we cannot really expect him to express his undying love before a whole bunch of strangers, do we?). I too believe this is a completely valid question. Why should someone take a life changing decision without considering all scenarios? Doomed for destruction? No, I don’t think so, this is what I call jumping in with both feet, once you’ve covered all you angles, once you’re completely sure of your decision because you’ve assessed all your risks (and the cost of these risks). I would only hope that the immigrating fiancée is also identifying and assessing all her risks, and the cost of this decision for her and her daughter.

And to the OP, it doesn’t matter how bad Sincelejos is, or what is the situation there. Just imagine leaving your disabled brother, mother and grandmother behind (for whichever reason – be it love, or be it seeking a better life), leaving behind life as you know it, friends, foods, things you feel at home and comfortable with. To come to a country that might be ‘better’ than Sincelejos, but that it’s foreign and strange. I would think that is risking a lot, I would think that is the hardest part any immigrant faces when they move from their home countries to the US. I would say that immigrants ‘chance and lose’ a whole big deal for coming here to be with their loved ones.

Another advise, read your posts once over before actually posting them, sometimes we mean one thing and it comes out completely wrong, like saying that ‘she was actually who talked about marriage’ or that ‘you’re taking her away from something really bad’ sounds a little like there is no emotion in your relationship with this woman. In a website where we’re all immigrating because we found love, it might be a touchy topic (even though you did post in the correct forum); some people (including me) might think that this is the kind of bogus cases that delay the ‘real’ ones

Good luck in whatever decision you and your fiancée take, and I hope all goes well for you guys.