Need help--physical violence

[Villanelle 4,122]

Refer to the definition of Domestic Violence in the state of Massachusetts which her profile states shes from.

“Abuse”, (i) attempting to cause or causing physical harm; (ii) placing another in fear of imminent serious physical harm; (iii) causing another to engage involuntarily in sexual relations by force, threat or duress or engaging or threatening to engage in sexual activity with a dependent child; (iv) engaging in mental abuse, which includes threats, intimidation or acts designed to induce terror; (v) depriving another of medical care, housing, food or other necessities of life; or (vi) restraining the liberty of another.

“Abusive behavior”, (i) any behavior constituting domestic violence, (ii) stalking in violation of section 43 of chapter 265, (iii) sexual assault, which shall include a violation of sections 13B, 13B½, 13B¾, 13F, 13H, 22, 22A, 22B, 22C, 23, 23A, 23B, 24, 24B, 26D, 50 or 51 of chapter 265 or sections 3 or 35A of chapter 272 and (iv) kidnapping in violation of the third paragraph of section 26 of chapter 265.

The law requires a Massachusetts police officer responding to an incident of domestic violence to make an arrest if the officer has probable cause to believe that a domestic violence assault or other serious domestic violence offense was committed within the previous four hours.

I really dont think she is seeking to bring a case against her spouse. Nor does she have to worry that by contacting the clerk for a protective order charges will be brought against him.

She came here for advice- but she never said what kind she wanted- so for that reason I think the topic is over unless she comes back to clarify. The situation meets the definition for DV and she can get a protective order and end the marriage safely. She does not have to move out of her home- he does. She can attempt to work on the marriage however there are very poor statistics for rehabilitation for abusers. One can argue this is "mild abuse" so its not as big of a deal and should be "easier" to fix. I would say to them that they are uneducated on DV issues and fortunate that it hasnt impacted their lives that they are able to have such a view...

Edited November 22, 2016 by Penguin_ie

[Penguin_ie 5,994]

***** One post removed and one quoting edited, one member's access to this thread removed. Post with constructive advice for the Op, or do not post. ******

[AlinaB 43]

Okay number one- Why would we put aside the specific situation here? To have an off topic discussion? Um lets not okay. So back to the subject-

You think people have gone overboard with this case. Thats fine. Thats your opinion.

The OP has reported the following "him blocking me in the room and forcefully trying to "hug and kiss" me. It's disturbing and scary. I ask him over and over not to touch me, let me go, etc. and he doesn't stop. ...The "hugs" are basically him restraining me from leaving the room. He's much bigger than me and uses that as a method from preventing me from leaving the room. The "kisses" often involve him grabbing my head. It's aggressive.My only option would be to let him grab me and push me around. When he's done, then I could leave the room. I have tried to explaining that to him--that's it's actually assault if he won't let me go. I've told him explicitly he is hurting me when he so aggressive. Sometimes he grabs and "hugs" me so tightly it's hard to breath."

If you read and interpret any of the above as simple unwanted advances or spontaneous affection or any other form of acceptable communication between individuals then your views do NOT match with the definition of acceptable conduct and what is abuse according to US law. So believe its acceptable if youd like. You can believe what you want. A court will disagree.

Furthermore she has the right to protect herself, so her punching him or biting him is perfectly acceptable. This is not a situation of mutual abuse nor a situation where she assaulted him unprovoked. The only thing we do agree on is that counseling is in order for HER as she is a VICTIM of domestic abuse and needs help.

Thank you for addressing this. The OP should understand that this is abuse in the eyes of the law and she is well within her rights to call attention to it.

OP - I think a very good idea is to call a domestic violence support line and get their opinion. I also believe that therapy is going to be necessary. I don't mean couples counseling, I mean for you. You are a very strong person for dealing with this on your own. But it's going to take its toll on you. The bottom line here is get help.

You may need several weeks of therapy and time away from your husband to decide what to do next.

Don't listen to anyone who blames you for this or tries to tell you "suck it up, others have it worse".