Relationship goes bust

[implife 318]

OK.

Step 1: Stop dating women you met in the Facebook Church group.

[Ontarkie 14,321]

OK.

Step 1: Stop dating women you met in the Facebook Church group.

I cannot agree with this enough.

You have a giant target on your back. They can see sucker a mile away.

Btw read up about some of the ways women from the RUB countries scam men. Not all of them want to come to the US they just want the cash flow and will have it coming from more then one guy. You will not see it coming because you are too desperate.

Edited November 15, 2016 by Ontarkie

[gregoryagu 31]

@Victor,

You are so right! I need to slow it down considerably. I do need the icewater thrown in my face sometimes

But here is what I have learned from this thread: Someone mentioned the "long con" I had to look that up, and I did some reading on it. Very interesting. In a nutshell, it's a confidence job that plays out over weeks or even months. But here is the thing: Any con job is based on the marks "desperation." I wanted desperately to get into the relationship and once I had decided that it was going to work, I got desperate about getting her over here to the US. Thus it made sense to me to pay for English lessons (in reality, moving over here is the best English lesson, and it's free.) It made sense to send her money because I thought it would speed up the process. In short, after a few other failed relationships, I was making some bad choices.

And there was also some desperation on her side too. I could sense it in her when she was asking me for money. I should have recognized it for what it was. But I didn't see it. I am not saying she went into the relationship looking to con me, but when she saw I did some have money, her desperation kicks in and she of course then asks me to help her out. Perhaps if I had said no from the start about her quitting her job, she would have saw that the relationship would be based on it's own merits, not money. I am as much to blame as her because I offered it and it then got out of control.

So with the new girlfriend, I am going to back it off. Sending her money even specifically ear-marked for travel/visa is just going down this same road. It's too easy for her to spend it on something urgent, then spend more and more of it, and of course I would never know. Almost like a drug. But if she is so desperate, she is the wrong person to be in a relationship with.

All I can say is I keep learning and trying. One day I will get it right

[gregoryagu 31]

I cannot agree with this enough.

You have a giant target on your back. They can see sucker a mile away.

Btw read up about some of the ways women from the RUB countries scam men. Not all of them want to come to the US they just want the cash flow and will have it coming from more then one guy. You will not see it coming because you are too desperate.

Funny you should say that, as I just came to the same conclusion (about being desperate) and posted about it. Then saw your post

[Ontarkie 14,321]

Funny you should say that, as I just came to the same conclusion (about being desperate) and posted about it. Then saw your post

It's nice to have a distraction when you're getting over someone. you just need to be careful.

More then a few men on this very forum who swore up and down that they met the one who was madly in love with them. In the end they were scammed and scammed good. Their girl got their citizenship and so much more.

[gregoryagu 31]

So I read a bunch of sites on relationship scams, and they all boil down to the same thing: Anyone who asks you for money in a relationship is a scammer. Simple as that. A legit girl will NOT ask for money. Or even hint about it. Now, it stands to reason that a man may find it necessary to help out with the plan fair, or Visa expenses as those do occur. But it would be the man's suggestion to do these.

The thing that tricked me was that I HAD seen her, and been with her for over two weeks. During that time there was no mention of money. But once I got back, the money requests started and they kept coming. I still don't think it started as a scam. But it turned into one.

On a side note, this also happened with a relationship that started in Texas. She was born and raised there, had two kids from a former spouse. But after we moved in together, a few months later she lost her job, and she never got another one. And they money requests got bigger and bigger. It took me 5 years to escape from that relationship, and it cost me dearly (a house and a 401K). I never once saw that this too was just a scam - a pretense of a relationship for personal benefit - until I refused to give her money and it was over.

On the other hand, I was in two other long term legitimate relationships (1 year, and 10 years) and in both, they never asked me for a dime. It was just never an issue.

Oh well, time to move on from this.

[TBoneTX 45,659]

I was about to post, but no longer need to. Glad that the lights have come on, Pardner. It's big of you to admit what you've realized. Stick to your (new) guns, and you'll be fine.

[gregoryagu 31]

Thanks everyone.

Greg

[millefleur 5,047]

So I read a bunch of sites on relationship scams, and they all boil down to the same thing: Anyone who asks you for money in a relationship is a scammer. Simple as that. A legit girl will NOT ask for money. Or even hint about it. Now, it stands to reason that a man may find it necessary to help out with the plan fair, or Visa expenses as those do occur. But it would be the man's suggestion to do these.

The thing that tricked me was that I HAD seen her, and been with her for over two weeks. During that time there was no mention of money. But once I got back, the money requests started and they kept coming. I still don't think it started as a scam. But it turned into one.

On a side note, this also happened with a relationship that started in Texas. She was born and raised there, had two kids from a former spouse. But after we moved in together, a few months later she lost her job, and she never got another one. And they money requests got bigger and bigger. It took me 5 years to escape from that relationship, and it cost me dearly (a house and a 401K). I never once saw that this too was just a scam - a pretense of a relationship for personal benefit - until I refused to give her money and it was over.

On the other hand, I was in two other long term legitimate relationships (1 year, and 10 years) and in both, they never asked me for a dime. It was just never an issue.

Oh well, time to move on from this.

Whoa, you seem like a very honest and generous guy but maybe a bit too trusting and naive at times. I'm sorry to hear that you've been scammed like that, but people are people...no one is 100% evil, I'm sure some of these women did have good sides to them, they just also had a greedy or desperate side as well. It happens, nice people can do bad things.

Definately heed the advice people have given you here. Be cautious and maybe just try being friends with and get to know a lady first before diving right into the responbilities of a relationship, especially when it comes to finances/money. Best of luck, it seems like you've learned a lot from your experiences already.

Edited November 17, 2016 by millefleur

[gregoryagu 31]

Thanks @millefleur