Scared to even start

[LoveCanSurvive 0]

Hello! I came to the US through an F1 visa to study. While I was there I didn't expect to fall in love, but I did. I'm from Kuwait, and when I come back to visit, my parents decided to keep me. I don't know what to do. My boyfriend has recently asked me to come back on a K1 visa so that we can get married. I am scared to even start anything because of possible snitches when I got to get police clearance, when I go to the medical report, everything basically. What should I do?

[LionessDeon 2,060]

Your parents decided to keep you? How old are you?

What snitches? Do you have a police record? Who would "snitch" about ur medical and for what reason?

Please explain what you are talking about

Edited November 10, 2016 by LionessDeon

[LoveCanSurvive 0]

I am 19 and I turn 20 on January. I apologize for the typos I'm just really stressed and worried right now. I don't have a record if you mean convictions and crimes, but I should exist in the police record. The doctors that check me up (I see their names are Arabic and that worries me) and the police officers when I ask for my PCC are possible snitches. I'm Arabic and in a Muslim conservative family and country, that's why I'm worried. But I fell in love and we really just want to be together again.

[narakthisud 174]

This sounds like more of a cultural issue than an immigration issue. It's tough when you and your partner come from two vastly different cultures. Is it worth an honest conversation with your parents? Probably. If I were you, I'd start there first.

[LoveCanSurvive 0]

No, there can be no conversation with my parents. My mom wants me to get hymen reconstruction surgery and possibly force me to get married after I get my bachelors degree. This is just going to get worse. I know that the two cultures thing is tough, but I didn't meet him online. I met him there while I was studying and I have photographic evidence (although not a lot, I'm camera shy) and the passport stamps and boarding tickets I can reprint as proof. We really love each other and this separation has been really hard. Is there really no way of us reuniting?

[p-ana 933]

Certainly there are ways, but you'll have to overcome the difficulties you're talking about because to come here you'll definitely have to go through consular processing, have medical done, police reports, interview, etc. If your parents control your life that much, that will be a challenge. It's up to you.

[LoveCanSurvive 0]

But there are some weird requirements I saw. I have to show strong ties to my country? How and why would I need to do that? And we are moving to a new house soon where I will have my own room, and I will be able to drive myself places. So I can sneak around without suspicion when the time comes. I'm just worried about the doctor, are they legally bonded to keep my information secret and not try and find my parents to snitch? What about the police officers when I go get my PCC? I just need to start planning everything right now so that when the time comes everything goes smoothly.

[LoveCanSurvive 0]

Also the PCC paper, does it specifically say that it's for a K1 visa? If it doesn't then I might be safe with that. What about the medical examination? Does the doctor know that it's for a K1 visa?

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Wait until you are a little more mature to be on your own and away from your parents.

Worrying about parental punishment if they find out from "snitches" tells me you need to be on your own two feet

first. Get a job, move out, be independent, you seem too young to pull this off right now.

Then study the guides here on how to go about a K1.

[LoveCanSurvive 0]

I can't move out, no one in the country will let me rent my own apartment. The reason I'm scared of "snitches" is not because of the silly parental punishment you're thinking about. It's because of a possible honor killing which no one will hold my family accountable for. I was independent when I was studying in the US. It was my mistake when I came to visit them. Furthermore, the only job I'm allowed to get as a Kuwaiti national with no degree yet are summer jobs which I will be applying for once the summer comes around. I'm stuck in my parents house, there's no way of me moving out. What you are asking me to try and do is impossible in my country.

[p-ana 933]

Showing strong ties to your home country is for non immigrant visas, like f1 and b1/b2. If you're going for a k1 that doesn't matter.

The medical is performed by only a handful of doctors (if much) in the foreign country and the doctor will have to know it's for a k1 visa so he/ she will be able to give you the right tests, fill specific forms, etc. I'm not familiar with your country specifics so you should get on to reading and educating yourself about the steps you need to take and if that's doable in your personal situation.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I can't move out, no one in the country will let me rent my own apartment. The reason I'm scared of "snitches" is not because of the silly parental punishment you're thinking about. It's because of a possible honor killing which no one will hold my family accountable for. I was independent when I was studying in the US. It was my mistake when I came to visit them. Furthermore, the only job I'm allowed to get as a Kuwaiti national with no degree yet are summer jobs which I will be applying for once the summer comes around. I'm stuck in my parents house, there's no way of me moving out. What you are asking me to try and do is impossible in my country.

Yes, the honor killing has crossed my mind but did not know to what extend your parents disapprove.

Is there any way to leave again to do some further "studies" abroad ? Could you convince them, even to another country ?

I don't think anyone can guarantee you that your parents would never find out.

I would discuss this in your regional forum where others may have succeeded in a situation like yours.

[LoveCanSurvive 0]

Thank you for all your advice! I just want to also know whether the pcc paper to get the report says that it's specifically for a K1 visa. Also I wasn't asking about whether I'll mess up and my parents will find out, I was asking about whether during the process anyone of the officials which I think are required to keep this information as confidential, whether they have the liability to go and try to contact my parents. I'm not as worried about the doctors because they took a medical oath didn't they? Also they are live very far away from my house and I think even though the clinic is under their name, nurses and doctors from different nationalities are the ones that will be conducting the tests.

[p-ana 933]

Thank you for all your advice! I just want to also know whether the pcc paper to get the report says that it's specifically for a K1 visa. Also I wasn't asking about whether I'll mess up and my parents will find out, I was asking about whether during the process anyone of the officials which I think are required to keep this information as confidential, whether they have the liability to go and try to contact my parents. I'm not as worried about the doctors because they took a medical oath didn't they? Also they are live very far away from my house and I think even though the clinic is under their name, nurses and doctors from different nationalities are the ones that will be conducting the tests.

It's hard to say because this is country specific, as stated before. Google, check your regional forum, maybe even post there to get your answers

[Limey 551]

Thank you for all your advice! I just want to also know whether the pcc paper to get the report says that it's specifically for a K1 visa. Also I wasn't asking about whether I'll mess up and my parents will find out, I was asking about whether during the process anyone of the officials which I think are required to keep this information as confidential, whether they have the liability to go and try to contact my parents. I'm not as worried about the doctors because they took a medical oath didn't they? Also they are live very far away from my house and I think even though the clinic is under their name, nurses and doctors from different nationalities are the ones that will be conducting the tests.

Things like the police certificate are going to be country-specific. I know I obtained them from the UK (my home country) and the UAE, and as I recall I stated when obtaining them why I needed them. I wouldn't have thought that your parents would be contacted during a police background check as any sort of standard procedure (they normally just run your name and in some cases fingerprints through their database looking for any criminal history).

I understand your position. I think many of the people posting here don't understand enough about Kuwait and the culture in the Middle East. They don't understand the legal and practical control that your family can exert over you.