is it normal? no send money to your girlfriend in other country?, please answer american men (merged)

[JenniferNangel 137]

I just reread the end. I wasn't able to leave my husband I thought about it and couldn't after we married even being pregnant I have not left his side even know most days are hard for me. I can't picture spending one day away from him.

If you feel like he only wants to visit you when it's convenient for him then cut ties and move on because you deserve better than that

[JFH 12,190]

This is your second American boyfriend? The previous one you got all the way to interview and then realised he wasn't the man for you.

Now you have another one who doesn't seem to be right for you. The money situation is very suspicious. I understand that you may be struggling but your problem should not be your boyfriend's priority. I think some people in developing countries don't realise how expensive it is to live in the developed world. Although our wages are higher, the cost of living is a lot higher and we are taxed for everything, they almost tax the air we breathe. It's perfectly possible that he cannot afford to send you any money and you really shouldn't expect anything from a boyfriend other than love and respect. If you want more than that, you're going to be disappointed.

[Unlockable 7,314]

if i go to live to USA, i need to work i know, but if i go i cant work after work permit, so i thinkk he wont give me money to send to my mother until i be able to work.

i have to add to my topic, that he always says he miss me and want we be together, then he says that he dosnt want i quit my job.

one day he says he will do a visa for me, and other he repeat he doesnt want i quit my job.

i ask him move to my country and i can continue working, but he says he doesnt like to live here.

so i am thinking that he doesnt want help me with money in case that i go there until i can work.

is this normal say that he doesnt want that i quit my job?

i see that when you find someone that you love you want to live together, it doesnt matter if is in USA or in the other country.

First things first. You need to have these discussions with him immediately. If you have expectations of him you are going to be disappointed with him while he thinks everything is just fine.

To answer your question, YES it is normal in America for a man not to send to a woman that has a job if she doesn't ask. In America, women are seen as being independent. So when you say you have a job he is thinking, " that is great. She can take care of herself". That doesn't mean he doesn't want to. It just means he sees you as independent. And as someone already mentioned, if he wasn't around, wbat would you do for money? What did you do for money BEFORE him.

As for you coming to America and not being able to work, I think that he would provide for you. But if you want him to give money to you to send give to your mother, you will have to have a serious conversation with him about that. Sending allowance to family happens in the US, of course, but it is NOT A EXPECTED COMMON OCCURANCE. And I have seen (both personally and on VJ) relationships sour because their spouse wanting to continuosly send money back to their relatives. I have also seen Ameeican spouse have no problem with helping their in-laws. But it is careless to make a move in a relationship without discussing that first.

As for him not wanting you to quit your job WHY WOULD HE? You want him to be your only source of income? Once avain, this is not common in American culture. I have not known a single guy personally that asked his wife or girlfriend to stop working UNLESS there were children involved as he believed it would be better for the kids if she stayed at home with them. To be honest, if you want to quit your job it would be careless as you don't know what his financial commitment is. You shouldn't be thinking about quitting until the visa is in your hands and your flight to the US is booked.

My wife is Dominican. I have experience in this very topic. I have been to the DR many times for business and vacation. I have seen and heard many stories like this. I can tell you that American and Dominican expectations from family are very different. My wife sends money to her mother. But this is money that she makes from her job. She has only asked me for help with sending money to her mom one time and I had no problem with that. But there was a lot she had to learn (and see) how American family structure is.

She asked me if I send money to my mother. I tell her that I don't have to. It wasn't until she actually saw how my mother lives that she realized how different things are. My father died when I was young and my mother never remarried. In my eyes she is truly and independent woman. My mother is a senior manager for a healthcare company for more that 25 years. She has a 3 bedroom house on 2 acres of land that is completely paid for meaning she has no mortgage. She has three vehicles she owns. 2 years ago she her sold the boat she used to fish in because she wasn't fishing as much as she used to. She is heavily active in her church and community including being on the board of a charity organization that sponsors underprivileged kids to go to college. I'm sorry as if this sound like I'm bragging because I am not. My point is that where my mother is at in her life today, me or my brothers sending money to her is the last thing on her mind. In fact, if I did she would call and ask me if I crazy.

To summarize, routinely giving an allowance to a working significant other or sending money to family is not very common in America. It DOES happen sometimes, but it is just not expected.

I hope that helps you understand a little better.

[Boiler 45,501]

I thtink you need to make it clear what your expectations are now, how much money he needs to send you, and how much you will need to be sent should you move to the US.

[Unlockable 7,314]

You have an ongoing thread on this same topic where you have gotten very good advice.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/616047-is-it-normal-no-send-money-to-your-girlfriend-in-other-country-please-answer-american-men/

Please keep your threads at a minimum as to not cause confusion.

[Ontarkie 14,222]

~~Duplicate threads merged. Do not start more then one thread for the same or similar topic.~~

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

if i go to live to USA, i need to work i know, but if i go i cant work after work permit, so i thinkk he wont give me money to send to my mother until i be able to work.

I am American by birth but Dominican by ethnicity and I know klk.

I brought my husband on a K1 I never sent him support money. I did send him money for his Birthday and for Christmas I sent him a Gift with my mom who went to DR he in turn sent me a Mamajuana I really wanted.

If I were you I would make clear supporting your mom is your responsibility as most Dominican support their parents.

Or prepare to have many issues.

PS my husband paid for half of my expenses in DR and I am the US Citizen. He also gave me many gifts when I went.

If you have a real relationship its a two way street.

Edited November 8, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

most Americans will not consider their future in-laws as their responsibility

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

There are many threads here where fights happen about money being send home, even if it is from the income of the immigrant

spouse. Many of those marriages are falling apart and end in divorce.

You must discuss this issue now, not when you are here.

You both have to agree on an amount that gets send home and the frequency of sending it.

Remember, in American culture it is not expected to give money away to parents or siblings and you two are building a future

for the both of you first.

Seeking out an American and thinking now all your money problems are solved is a fairy tale.

Time to wake up.

[Ilovemyman 147]

Hi I would be the American and my husband is Dominican. Before I came here we decided that I would stay in dr and see how well we did (silly me I thought it'd be easy for a gringa to get a job here) until we got pregnant we thought it'd be best for our child to be raised in America, we married in June and started his visa in August. I love my husband and his family has become my family as well so I expect him to send packages, money and I'm completely fine with it. I've been here 8 months and know how hard it is.

Has your fiancé talked about doing a k1 visa at all or marrying you here and then bringing you to America??

he has told about fiance visa, but today i broke up to him, because i asked him about what was going to happen with us, and he said he wanted that i continue working here, i told him that i wanted be with him as couple and live together there or here.

but really he doesnt love me, he loves his money more than me.

he makes more than 2800 every week, and if i go there he can help me to send little money to my mother until i find a job, i dont want he gives me money all the time. just until i fin a job, but he said he cant help me.

so i broke up him, i dont need that kind of person in my life

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

he has told about fiance visa, but today i broke up to him, because i asked him about what was going to happen with us, and he said he wanted that i continue working here, i told him that i wanted be with him as couple and live together there or here.

but really he doesnt love me, he loves his money more than me.

he makes more than 2800 every week, and if i go there he can help me to send little money to my mother until i find a job, i dont want he gives me money all the time. just until i fin a job, but he said he cant help me.

so i broke up him, i dont need that kind of person in my life

You broke up with him because he wont support your mom?

You couldn't have planned ahead and saved some money for when you come?

She couldn't support herself for a few months till you got off your feet.

I think you just had to clear with him you would support her but end the relationship point blank??

That IS NOT a relationship you both need to agree and work it out. its probrably best not to be together.

[Ilovemyman 147]

First things first. You need to have these discussions with him immediately. If you have expectations of him you are going to be disappointed with him while he thinks everything is just fine.

To answer your question, YES it is normal in America for a man not to send to a woman that has a job if she doesn't ask. In America, women are seen as being independent. So when you say you have a job he is thinking, " that is great. She can take care of herself". That doesn't mean he doesn't want to. It just means he sees you as independent. And as someone already mentioned, if he wasn't around, wbat would you do for money? What did you do for money BEFORE him.

As for you coming to America and not being able to work, I think that he would provide for you. But if you want him to give money to you to send give to your mother, you will have to have a serious conversation with him about that. Sending allowance to family happens in the US, of course, but it is NOT A EXPECTED COMMON OCCURANCE. And I have seen (both personally and on VJ) relationships sour because their spouse wanting to continuosly send money back to their relatives. I have also seen Ameeican spouse have no problem with helping their in-laws. But it is careless to make a move in a relationship without discussing that first.

As for him not wanting you to quit your job WHY WOULD HE? You want him to be your only source of income? Once avain, this is not common in American culture. I have not known a single guy personally that asked his wife or girlfriend to stop working UNLESS there were children involved as he believed it would be better for the kids if she stayed at home with them. To be honest, if you want to quit your job it would be careless as you don't know what his financial commitment is. You shouldn't be thinking about quitting until the visa is in your hands and your flight to the US is booked.

My wife is Dominican. I have experience in this very topic. I have been to the DR many times for business and vacation. I have seen and heard many stories like this. I can tell you that American and Dominican expectations from family are very different. My wife sends money to her mother. But this is money that she makes from her job. She has only asked me for help with sending money to her mom one time and I had no problem with that. But there was a lot she had to learn (and see) how American family structure is.

She asked me if I send money to my mother. I tell her that I don't have to. It wasn't until she actually saw how my mother lives that she realized how different things are. My father died when I was young and my mother never remarried. In my eyes she is truly and independent woman. My mother is a senior manager for a healthcare company for more that 25 years. She has a 3 bedroom house on 2 acres of land that is completely paid for meaning she has no mortgage. She has three vehicles she owns. 2 years ago she her sold the boat she used to fish in because she wasn't fishing as much as she used to. She is heavily active in her church and community including being on the board of a charity organization that sponsors underprivileged kids to go to college. I'm sorry as if this sound like I'm bragging because I am not. My point is that where my mother is at in her life today, me or my brothers sending money to her is the last thing on her mind. In fact, if I did she would call and ask me if I crazy.

To summarize, routinely giving an allowance to a working significant other or sending money to family is not very common in America. It DOES happen sometimes, but it is just not expected.

I hope that helps you understand a little better.

thanks for your answer and take your time to answer, i am no talking about quit my job now.

he said he doesnt want i quit my job here, that mean he wants i continue working here and no be together, he wants be traveling jus on vacation time and no live together, for that it is he says doesnt want i quit my job.

but he really doesnt want move here but doesnt want make a visa for me.

and it supose that if you love a person you want to live with that person, he doesnt.

one day he says he wants that i live there and other he says doesnt want that i quit my job.

i know that i need work to send money to my mother, i dont want his money, i am talking that if i arrive with a fiance visa i need work permit and during that time i need he helps me to send some money to my mother, he refused.

anyway i finish with , no for the money isseu, i finish because he only wants keep traveling to see me on vacation time, and i want a person to live together with

[JenniferNangel 137]

he has told about fiance visa, but today i broke up to him, because i asked him about what was going to happen with us, and he said he wanted that i continue working here, i told him that i wanted be with him as couple and live together there or here.

but really he doesnt love me, he loves his money more than me.

he makes more than 2800 every week, and if i go there he can help me to send little money to my mother until i find a job, i dont want he gives me money all the time. just until i fin a job, but he said he cant help me.

so i broke up him, i dont need that kind of person in my life

Do what's best for you and just know not everyone is as understanding. It's hard in dr I know first hand it's not all resorts and beaches tu sabe ?? But I'll gladly support my husband with whatever he decided to do regarding his family as long as my daughter is taken care of and has what she needs I won't complain,that's her family too. Maybe it's different because the tables are turned and he felt that your mother isn't his responsibility.

I hope everything works out for you

[Ilovemyman 147]

This is your second American boyfriend? The previous one you got all the way to interview and then realised he wasn't the man for you.

Now you have another one who doesn't seem to be right for you. The money situation is very suspicious. I understand that you may be struggling but your problem should not be your boyfriend's priority. I think some people in developing countries don't realise how expensive it is to live in the developed world. Although our wages are higher, the cost of living is a lot higher and we are taxed for everything, they almost tax the air we breathe. It's perfectly possible that he cannot afford to send you any money and you really shouldn't expect anything from a boyfriend other than love and respect. If you want more than that, you're going to be disappointed.

i am no talking about that he has to give me his money.

i saying that he doesnt help me now and that mean he wont on the future.

example if i go with a fiance visa i need work permit tobe able to work, and while i wait my work permit he wont help sending some money to my mother.

about he financial situation he is very well, he rents houses and also has a avery good job and make a lot of money,

i tell him about move to live here and i can continue working here, bu he doesnt like live here.

one day he says that he wants that i live there, and another he says he doesnt want that i quit my job and go to live there.

ttoday i finish with him, because he only wants keep traveling on time vacation to see me, i dont need that i need a person to live together and share my life.

[Russ&Caro 1,549]

I think you made the right decision, based on what you've told us. Your mother is a priority for you, especially when you're not working and waiting for a work permit. He isn't willing to help. He isn't willing to move to DR. Time to move on.