Three Word Stry #2 - Fianl Edition

[Marilyn. 340]

Here is the full story... I had to make a few minor adjustments or else the story would have made less sense then it already doesn't...

CHAPTER 1

Early one morning VJ exploded. Everyone didn't know what to do. Confused and lost they called upon Captain Underpants. But he was drunk under the big brown paper bag. So we sent in the big investigator.

“Dang” he said, as he looked for the suspects. First he looked with the telescope, but he didn't get a good look at the people who were skinny dipping in a small pool. It was frosty. Now cold he could join the ride thru the brisk fresh morning air only to find a farmer planting a secret ingredient that VJers use to do laundry.

He suddenly saw a familiar face in the clouds passing gas but he couldn’t smell it, because his nose was blocked. Despite this setback he searched the sky and saw this weird thing that he couldn’t understand, so I will reply in code. Then the Visa Journey Troll made an azz out of clay to put in his collection. He thought it looked funny but he decided to go and see if he could get some more clay to make a better a$$. He failed because he didn’t have enough but the clay seemed longer than he thought.

Meanwhile the crowd was growing and looking with awe at the huge elephant that was about to dance. The elephant liked rap music and the hip-hop culture will never be the same. But a passing Bee Gee sang Stayin' Alive again and again.

"Oh the pain", he screamed as the elephant sang along. Suddenly from out of nowhere the Geico gecko glows, grows and bares his frightening record collection of Barry Manilow hits, Mandy and all. Everyone was so disturbed by this. All they could do was, dance and shake their trunk sized booty’s, till they dropped on the hood of the car and let loose the smelliest fart. The smell was peeling paint off the car and gagging everyone around. So the elephant reared back his trunk and sprayed HUGE amounts of milk over the entire crowd of Barry Manilow fans. They were surprised and wet, and smelled like bad underwear at a bachelor party.

Meanwhile Yogi Bear was rambling through some pic-a-nic baskets and smoking a joint that had been left behind. He noticed a purple bunny eating a large cheese pizza with whipped cream and chocolate chips, which gave him really bad diarrhea all day long. Before he could join in the orgy, he had to wash his filthy, dirty, large sheets and pillow that were covered with bodily fluids. The bunny was hopping mad at Yogi Bear for being a chopf##k, and a 1st class uphill gardener and sporting a large azz. He came up to the window of the ranger who was trying not to panic as his station was burning and Boo Boo with honey on his paw was sitting on a moss encrusted oak tree stump singing a song, “badump, badump, badump.”

Yogi Bear shouted, "Please stop singing!"

The purple rabbit jumped when he saw the mad cow coming for a big KAZOO. The rabbit was feeling frisky so he grabbed a hold of his wee friend, Tinkerbell and gently began to do the mambo on the hill.

Meanwhile back in Sherwood Forest, Robin was singing in an excited voice. He was feeling Friar Tuck on his back and it startled him and Friar jumped up and said, "What the heck?"

Robin didn't know that Friar was EXCITED. He couldn’t believe that Robin liked this type of game! Robin was so elated he decided to go forth and give Friar a kick in the nuts because he had a sh!tty taste in clothes. The poor Friar was wearing a push-up bra with lace and it was pink with Valentine hearts. Robin was jealous, green with envy because Friar had a pink bikini and looked good with yellow polka dots too. So the other men laughed at him just because he looked good. Meanwhile someone was about to spoil all the fun by calling for the fashion police but Little John tackled Yogi before he could finish dialing.

Robin didn't feel he could go and tell Friar Tuck that he really loved his new hairdo but he decided to anyway by sending him an email.

Dearest Friar Tuck,

I have always had a liking for fat men, with Afros and pink bras, and was wondering can we share from your smallest bit of bread.

They were all having a merry time but then the dark side appeared with cookies and ice cream, tempting mortal sin and Robin's men were getting worried because they really

were good boys and they always ate their green boogers. So the dark side left disappointed kissing their long dark hair they bid their farewell.

Robin Hood was left to pick which friend he wanted to take to the Teddy Bears picnic. He really wanted a hot piece of azz like the girl down the street but she was gay. So Robin decided on Friar Tuck who wore a bikini.

As they skipped hand in hand they looked for pansies along the path so they could give them to John who was feeling sad because his pet speckled frog died when he sat on it and it made a loud, popping sound.

Robin and Friar farted loudly and the pansies wilted. Across the forest they heard a very loud scream. It was a loud and scary looking Snow White who was being assaulted with a large candy cane by the littlest creature, 6 inches tall. He couldn’t see that Robin had snuck up and given him a wedgie. The Creature in lincoln green, jaded trousers and purple socks was running from the big bad Wolf. He was so scared because he thought he would turn into a wuss if he got caught without his lucky underwear and rabbit’s foot.

Snow White was rescued when Friar flashed his little fella and the creature laughed as he was looking at the pink, lacy bra but then Robin spanked his hiney until his hand blistered and oozed icky puss. The pain however continued to excite him. So he asked Robin to smack his little willy but Robin refused. Looking horrified and confused he proceeded to take off his pants, but Friar stopped him, laser gun pointed at his head while he slowly threw the pansies in and out of the tuba.

Snow White thought about Robin's fetish. He really liked to eat the jellyroll, and had tons of them. He got someone to pull his finger out of the jellyroll because he needed to give Friar a kiss because the jellyroll was stuck to his lips and the poor guy had jelly in his teeth. He didn't want to get upset over Friars apparent dislike of the jelly.

Robin was heartbroken to learn his favourite pet was a stupid ** who couldn’t even touch the end of his foot. The faggy pig danced while the mother of his buddy sang a beautiful song about a hairy fairy and everyone slept soundly.

The next paper on the toilet roll holder was too small, so Friar grabbed cornhusks from Robin but then Robin's ####### exploded and Friar was knee deep in smelly, icky poop. UGH! *Gasp* *Choke* … Friar gagged and spit up a cupcake. Robin looked at his feet, erotically. He began to strip down and saw his very small wee-wee.

“Oh my”, said Robin. “What happened to your pants?”

The friar could not speak because he was too busy looking at Snow White's knee that had a strange looking tattoo. She looked alluringly at Robin but could not decide if Robin was scratching his butt or picking at his swollen hemorrhoids, alas the hemorrhoids burst.

Michael Jackson appears to have vanished only to reappear while applying make-up upon helpless children.

It poured rain and I told Spot to “run spot run” but not into traffic. Do it somewhere far away, where raindrops glisten and children listen to a story about bunnies and strange people with funny little Marilyn P phobias .

Got on the off topic thread! To see DRAMA, visit a theatre.

No reason for being scared cos she held secret, “I need advice”, she said, “Cos of hairy legs as worn by the 2 ladies who were trannies with Adam's apples, a 5'oclock shadow & deep voices.”

So the trannies pranced off to Neverland to visit the Queen Mother and to drink some tequila as they made whoopie under the table. The next morning they felt guilty because they didn't seem to realize that the Queen was really an old broken horse that used to frolic madly in the woods.

The Queen mother went insane over Jimmy's green and juicy fried tomato sandwich with a side of french fries.

As the skies darkened over Pasadena, a tornado appeared. They left for the Sherwood Forest in a small puddle filled with warm chocolate pudding and pistachio nuts. The skies darkened with red clouds and thunder erupted. Everybody jumped as a spaceship hurtled towards the group as they cowered beneath the crusty old blanket.

The spaceship emitted a terrible sound as death rays were directed toward the news channels. The crowds cheered as the victims made the headlines with biased views and twisted logic.

So people decided to lift the president up to the very top of a very beautiful old church to crucify him. The president was rescued by some little green aliens with x-ray vision.

Meanwhile in Sherwood, Maid Marion and her dog Fluffers were getting ready to hunt the horrible nuts and bolts when suddenly they tripped over a large wooden log. Fluffers was wounded and started whining when suddenly they dusted themselves off with a pickled magical fern leaf.

Suddenly, a Chinese Food Restaurant appeared. So they decided on an appetizer that was far too greasy, so they chased it down with some lukewarm gnats piss, which served as a good appetizer for the main dish.

Fluffers was a big floppy dog who everyone wanted to pet. Maid Marion was secretly going to take Fluffers to be neutered at the animal clinic. Fluffers wasn't happy at the thought of getting his nuts lopped off. So then Fluffers escaped his leash and ran away. Maid Marion Screamed and then fainted.

Fluffers ran back to see what happened, and saw Robin Hood looking down his pants at the spot right between his knee and foot. He was very shocked to see Maid Marion naked. Maid Marion asked Robin Hood to take off her blue hat and stamp on it with his big ugly wart that grew bigger in the sunlight.

With a grin Robin took Marion to his palace to perform the wedding ceremony he wanted. But before they made their plans, the evil twosome planned their escape. They were digging a hole and then they found something. It was gold and they noticed that it had writing on the bottom of it. They were so excited to see that it was very unusual writing that they couldn't understand.

Robin and Marion took it over to the Professor so he could see the thing and tell them because they couldn't see his face as it exploded into a big red and black ball of fire. The fire was the main source of the huge energy source.

Robin looked distraught and began to cry so hard that his balls exploded. The tennis balls were all over Maria Sharapova's body. What a horrible waste of balls. Robin didn't know what to do so he jumped out of the tenth story window and landed on someone holding a Sandwich board that broke his fall. He then looked dazed and amazed at the woman who was without arms and legs. She was sitting next to a man with no teeth, so she kissed him because there was only one thing she wanted and it was to be the only thing that can mean nothing.

So instead she decided to stand up for her rights, and kick his brand new set of steak knives. Then she decided it wasn't worthy of all the money it cost. So she thought, she better think how he will handle all this since she was about to jump into the pool, naked as a newborn healthy baby. So saying that she began to work on her celebrity contact list since her acting a fool was not as fun as making crème brulee with her sweetie and all this work with her visa processing paperwork.

CHAPTER 2

One cat and one mouse found so much in a big piece of old rotten cheese that stunk so much like wet socks after a hot summer day. They began to surround the cheese, then stepped back and turned a flip and screamed out all before they began to run round and round until they were making a hole very deep in the tropical rain forest. Next they began to smell the banana tree blossoms while cuddling with a new teddy bear that had soft life-like fur and made awful coughing sounds like babies with pneumonia. It needed some oil in the radiator but then but then where can you always find the time to buy a new one.

So she stole the neighbor’s new car and drove off to the dog races in the middle of Oklahoma, and then the police came and asked if the car was registered to her.

She replied, "No, in Oklahoma we just steal cars and run like maniacs through the pastures and towns."

She then decided to call her new husband in so that she could talk things over with him and help her. When she went over to him, he ran away and took his cell phone with him so he could call the doctor and find out if the office needed him to come in and strip to the itsy bitsy teeny yellow polka-dot bikini that he had outgrown but instead they sent him to Weight Watchers to lose his jiggly belly and get more chiseled.

He asked how to milk a cow without having any nipples and was told to go home and drink a crappy light beer, so he did. Which made him sick to his stomach, worse than having food poisoning.

The medicine he got her was nasty icky stuff that looked like baby puke. So he closed his nose and said, "This is the test of time. I just can't continue like this."

The he swallowed. After a short time he felt kinda uneasy about flying so quick and not looking so sickly. So he went to the barber to get all of his beard trimmed. Then he decided to end his haircut with trip to Iceland and apply to be sheriff of the town.

Much to his surprise he found that he was all alone with a whole pack of half eaten doughnuts that were left from New Years. He tried to ignore them but the sprinkles on them caught his eye and wouldn't let him forget how hungry he was since he hadn't eaten since his illness had made him barf. He decided right the to throw up again all over his shoes. He took off his shoes and socks, pants, shirt and began to run down the street. As he ran he fell down and hit his head on a big piece of old, hard doughnut.

He began to shake his head as if dazed and he said, "Why is this all happening today?"

Then a lady across the street winked at him and gave him the finger and mooned him.

He said,” WOW, Lady, you're too old to be flirting with me and I don't mind dating old chicks."

The lady looked up and said, " Come with me."

But she seemed too eager and then he ran away but a red car hit his nose on the window and he bled all over. He screamed and the car alarm went off. He was so scared he fell down and broke his pinky finger on some broken glass. He cried out but no one came to help. He then decided to get up and shake off all the glass and continue to flirt with the old lady because she was hot and he was lonesome and very bored.

He suddenly went. So he told her, "Take it or leave it, babe!!"

And she said, "I'm really hungry. Can you buy me some Quiznos? There's one in China somewhere."

He said, "Hell, come on baby. I'll hand feed you since it is too heavy for your skinny calcium depleted bones and broken pinky to handle."

She shoved it in his mouth and he started choking and said, "Shut up!!"

She did the Hindlick remover and it came up and landed on his shirt and made him puke on her shirt.

She looked at the puke and exclaimed, "Da@n idiot!!"

Then she slapped the living daylights out of him. His face turned red, green and he was crying like a baby.

She told him, " Suck it up, shut the nonsense!!" which made him turn a flip and kick her right in the ovaries.

Then she kicked him in the baby makers. He then grabbed a big piece of chocolate cake and shoved it in her face and stuck his tongue in her ear and held her throat until she coughed up the chewing gum she found on the bottom of the man's dirty shoe.

She said, "Man, this flavor stinks but I'm getting some flavor out!"

Then the man said, "Let me grab your little toe and wiggle it around until you can't take it anymore."

She sighed and moaned while he felt like sleeping instead. So she continued to sigh and moan until he told the family dog everything about himself. He just looked like he was bored to death. So he began skipping and dancing around the house.

Then the doorbell rang so he tried to hide but the door flew open quickly. It was a pumpkin from trick-or-treat night. It looked very rotten because the maggots were setting up house. Then the dog peeked through the door-lock and peed on his foot and ran off into the forest. Then a bear fell and squashed the rabbit that was just wandering around.

The rabbit screamed, "OMG, its Alice!! Run Forest Run!!" but it was just too much and the rabbit rolled over and played dead in case the bear came back and tried to sit on him.

But the rabbit started to jump and turn because he was to ashamed of his Victoria's secret underwear that he had bought for himself for Valentine's Day and that he wore to bed every night. He really looked very sexy but his wife thought he looked like an idiot with fat thighs and his big belly hung over. So he threw him a beer and left for the nearest airport.

He was going to Paris to see his girlfriend, Ms. Bunnykins. She lived in a barn full of old, gray horses that smelled like American idol rejects that Charles really liked to kiss. He loved the way they drove in Oklahoma, singing and appearing like they were wearing sexy lingerie. But he felt embarrassed about his pink lace undies and didn't wear them anymore because Nessa caught him looking in the slightly opened door of the bedroom where she applied rotation on something they didn't like to mention.

To the airport the Pope went to get to the next nudist colony where it was plain to see everybody’s parts. Turning his head he saw Elvis in the clouds next to Big Foot with Groucho Marx. They were laughing while huffing paint. Elvis left the Saint Alfonso’s pancake House for Graceland and saw Madonna. Grouch was horrified to find that Elvis left pancakes half eaten and he just couldn’t force himself to cut the mustard instead he stole the silverware and some KY for his upcoming trip and eventual insertion at Neverland Ranch, only to find Michael had left Madonna servicing Groucho with whipped cream and an assortment of mixed fruit and KY lubricated.

Back to lighter French toast sticks and street racing. He found fast food and cars everywhere he looked and he really didn’t like to see all the underfed stray cats. So he took them home to sleep in the spare room. Before he could say “Skat cat” one climbed up the new curtains and knocked over a glass of whiskey that was left from Elvis. There were glasses half full all over the house. Seeing all the spilled whiskey he hurried to clean it before the Mrs. returned. But it was an impossible task so he called THE Merry Maids to come and clean before the whiskey dried.

It was time to travel back to Oklahoma to check out the hot babes at the Fair. He only found a bald headed camel with a yellow ribbon on his short tail. Then a clown came by juggling two tiny midgets with red gloves, big red shoes and false teeth.

They said, “What do you think? We were going to the circus to see the Fat Lady sing. We want to eat fire like the purple monkeys.”

Leaving the circus he fell into Dinah Mo Humm and hit his Zombie Woof on Groucho's elbow, which became dislocated. Groucho screamed like nobodies business and started to cry. With plane waiting Groucho and him ran to the elevator. As he was going through the airplane door he thought about getting some ice cream. He wanted chocolate chip with bananas and tuna but they only had pickles. Disappointed again he boarded the plane and bumped into Elvis again who had longer side burns than Santa Claus.

The plane was really full of fat, sweaty salesmen with small t-shirts, where you could not help but see chest hairs smashed up against the tight shirts. The plane smelled like old, wet onion rings and he couldn’t stand fat, hairy salesmen so he jumped without a parachute. The cruise ship named "Tiny Little hole in boat" caught him, as Great Googahly Moogahla made no sense whatsoever.

After falling into a steaming pile of mashed potatoes that was intended to feed the pygmy ponies smuggled for the little vertically challenged nuns on he boat. They crawled through the portholes made of stained glass squares that instantly tele-ported them far into the Twilight Zone's inner section of doom.

The Outer Limits were unknown to village elders who didn’t trust the newcomers walking past the new McDonalds on the corner. The man decided to go online and buy worms but was thwarted when he discovered the Holy Grail broken into pieces.

He then decided he was going mountain climbing in Tibet with Big Foot. He packed his big foot with care. Arriving at the Gates of Hell he asked for some really cool accessories that would help him figure which way to keep himself occupied but he couldn’t pull the stick out of his box of Famous Amos cookies, however he found a Grand Wahzoo lurking and used the Wahzoos' mystical powers to find out where Elvis lived.

Elvis' drug supply was in Graceland under the cabinet where Lisa Marie hid and watched as Michael Jackson skipped around with his beloved glove. His monkey friend named Bubbles began to spew hot human words to Nicholas Cage about two-headed dragons that appeared out of the wall socket. But then the light came on and the monkey was caught with a banana and a beer in his bag of things he stole.

After that he went to Hollywood to work on his tan and a new movie about flying pigs. In the movie pigs rode dragons to fight off flu-like symptoms. They squealed so much he danced madly backwards trying to imitate wrestlers on some WWF show. Then he found himself in the Arizona town of Prescott wearing nothing but a fig leaf. He sunburned badly. He then figured he better find aloe-Vera lotion to smear on all his owies.

He went to the movie set to ask for total destruction of all things known. Needless to say everyone laughed at the very thing that took place when he tripped on a banana peel left over when the monkeys had an orgy during happy hour. Right after that he had to use the restroom, so he hurried but the door required a key so he had the monkey go to the security and quickly beg the guard for the key immediately. But the guard thought that monkeys couldn’t use the public cafeteria to eat. So hurrying back the monkey flung open the gate and hurled a trashcan full of monkey poo atop everyone in his sight. He laughed, turned in circles and flipped over. He had forgotten to get his bathroom key that he desperately needed for his friend who was about to explode waiting for the key.

Finally he left that restroom looking ready to travel but he still forgot his wife who was waiting at the airport. Wifey was unhappy and she told everyone on CNN that her husband sucked his thumb while wearing pink undies. Then she attempted to call the workers at USCIS so they would know who really applied motion lotions to animals that never saw it.

The plane was never meant to get lost in the Bermuda Triangle but it happened. So whatever he had planned to do was totally ruined. He parachuted out and forgot his newly packed parachute so he landed in a soft field of dandelions.

Once he decided to get up he looked around and asked, “Where can I buy a new toothbrush?”

He found out he had lost three teeth in front. But luckily he had an extra set of dentures that didn’t break. So he put the extra set I his mouth. Now his journey continued. He met some cowboys with tattoos all over, riding their horses along the green hills of Argentina. Then it was obvious he was really from Brazil. Totally confused he joined the priesthood and prayed a lot and drank beer. Then the goats served goat cheese and fried chicken with crispy critters and Diet Coke.

So he left to go to the place where he could surf. He knew he needed sun block to keep him all sun protected and so his skin stayed nice and smooth. He rubbed tons of lotion on his elbows. Ready to surf, he took his lucky monkey charm and headed to the blue waters. The water was full of sharks so he quickly paddled his board to the shore. He was ready to explore sand castle making, with all the sand between his toes, which felt like cookie crumbs.

Leaving the beach he was bitten by a monster sand crab, that was the size of a Rottweiler. Quickly he ran to the first sexy babe that was sunbathing on a pretty pink Beach towel with flowers on it. She was wearing a fake beard and perfume that smelled of skunk. He held his nose and asked if she had a prettier sister.

She replied with, “Yes, would you get a life!”

With the airport near and the bus stop even closer he began to walk behind the bus. It was crowded. In front of the whole world he then began an idiotic shuffle.

He caught the man-eating anaconda and couldn’t figure out how it all happened so much like Elvis who died doing drugs and while eating some Captain Crunch that was 10 days beyond the expiration.

A hospital trip while doubled over delayed his adventures. The highlights of this trip included where he went, and things he enjoyed and mostly about the bearded girl. Her armpit overgrowth, the beard and stinky perfume overwhelmed so he held his words and then his head turned and he asked for a towel with pink flowers but they only had Superman towels. So he cried and begged them to get a flowered spray-on tan for him immediately.

His next adventure was on the newest space rocket. Billy Bob Thornton was his co-pilot and Sponge-Bob Square-Pants was his pilot. They visited Mars, played on Saturn and skied Jupiter. The Milky Way was very cold so entry was impossible so ice picks were used to break through to the top layer of the last great unknown. Mario and Luigi were flying by atop a mushroom and brought him some Willy Wonka's Chocolate for the journey to the center, where who knows if the pickled porkers packed some pickles.

The sun wasn't hot anymore so he just headed back to Casablanca, Morocco. Then he went to get a beer and decided to plan the crazy party later. But the beer tasted very bitter so he went bucknekkid through the forest screaming "BEER"! and "Beer Nuts"

Someone called the deputy and sheriff to thank them for all the weasley acts that they had ignored.

So he went cow tipping in back in the countryside but mitigating circumstances really confused him. Not to mention that he was totally sleep walking in his underwear and feeling slightly breezy with northern winds. Now his favorite part was up ahead. Since it was cold and wet he left town.

Disneyland was his next adventurous treat after the bunny ranch where it's legal to do laundry after you have eaten at McDonald's and stained your fine Sunday clothes. Then mom got the spanking paddle from the closet and found him and the lesbians talking about football and sports cars while they were planning a trip to visit Hawaii to meet Magnum PI.

So they flew over Honolulu in a small helicopter. He finally landed on a deserted island in Oahu ready to sun. Out of nowhere a giant pelican scooped up his fish and chips and he jumped in the ocean with a surfboard to find a lost pirate wench, which he knew from a long time ago in a seedy bar he had visited. Together they paddled to another island for some privacy and to live happily ever after.

On the island lived naked pygmies who were curious. One of them fell in love with a beautiful mermaid that lived on the thirteenth rock east of Tahiti. She had hung out there for six years waiting for “Mr. Right Now" to come rescue her. She waved to the little mermaids with long hair to come and join them. But she was having trouble with “Mr. Right Now”. So she decided to ignore him.

She decided to call, Charlie Tuna so she did that. Charlie told her; sorry, I’m not interested. Then she decided to go back and swim to Tahiti where the World Traveler met the man with the big, new, brown suitcase. She asked him will I fit and he said I’m leaving without it; so leave, I’m going home.

The mermaid was wet and beautiful like Daryl Hannah. Her eyes were yellow like beer and her hair was green and moldy. It’s no wonder she smelled fishy. She was missing her daily bath so her skin flaked and peeled and grew fungus like a snake. The peeling subsided and she looked like a Gremlin hatching. The man ran away screaming and his mommy told him to shut up and be a man.

Unfortunately men can’t understand most English or the women won’t cook dinner. So he left hoping to eat at the airport but Jet Blue had ripped his flesh, being always delayed. So he waited and scratched his chicken-pox thinking what had been said was confusing him. His thought process was very slow. He tried to find another plane going to Italy. But then meatball sandwiches were sounding good to him so he whistled while he stuffed his face with the meatballs. He gagged at the thought drinking curdled milk with worms in it so he pretended it was a chocolate malt only to be disappointed because he was not wearing any deodorant and smelled strangely of cheese.

Continuing his travels, one foot in front of the one he slammed in the car door leaving doctors in the pouring train. Through the fog he hopped on a lama and headed towards a beach resort near Montego Bay so he could relax. He sighed and rank a beer dreaming of old when he realized an appointment at the Embassy was quickly approaching so he gathered his passport and ran to the taxi but he arrived late. So they locked him out of all the entrances. Crying he left punched a Texas-sized hole in the door of the Cadillac sitting near by. The passenger seat was empty so he crawled in the trunk and took a nap. The car left on a slow boat to China with the music playing so loudly he heard nothing so he slept the whole day through.

Meanwhile his toe swelled up to the size of a small banana. The next day he flew to Texas for the Alamo tour that always enchanted him. While he was visiting Texas he grew bigger because he ate a giant taco, which was very greasy, so he caught a bus to the mall. Downtown he found no mall around so he decided he had been misguided and stopped at a Tattoo Parlor. In the chair he slept soundly. Meanwhile he got a giant tattoo. When he awoke he liked it. It was a reasonable facsimile of che guevara. The tattoo infected his left testicle so it was really painful and so he had it removed.

Meanwhile an itch developed. His wife said he had to scratch the itch and then turn left and also don’t drink the water or else he wouldn’t see her ever again. That made him happy, so happy he took another trip.

Meanwhile back at home she packed her things and went after him. But where did he go?? He went back looking for her because she had his passport in her purse and she wanted him gone because he was so turbo gay. She found him at the airport and threw the passport at the clown and skipped away.

Later he boarded a plane for hell and back, also known as The Devil’s Island. Upon arrival he kissed the ground and smelled the scent of doom. Suddenly a monkey swung into view and they became friends.

The pair went to build an exclusive nudist colony for the monkeys. It was a shaggy chic tree house with shag carpet. Their motto was, “Build it and they will come Bangin on Bongos, swinging from trees and flinging poo” …

Along came a big ape to clean up the big mess and cook dinner. They were going to have mashed potatoes and rocky mountain oysters, Pickled Pork Feet, fried cow's brains and for dessert chocolate cake made by local inhabitants. Then they ate while nude monkeys were swinging from trees with no thoughts of Jane Goodall or impending doom.

Tarzan dropped by with a vine with Jane in tow. Tarzan and Jane started off down the path to find the man. Once they arrived, he said he was seeking therapy for himself because he didn’t understand the meaning of life. Tarzan explained to him that he wanted him to make the beds and sweep floors while whistling Dixie. Therapy being over, beer drinking commenced.

Tarzan got looped and crashed into a bamboo hut disturbing the sleep of the chief. Then Boy and all the warriors appeared and gathered all around him and one winked. Boy said “NOOOOOO!” warriors said “UNGA!” Boy ran fast and the warriors ran behind. Tarzan caught Boy and Boy poops pants. Tarzan drops Boy and Tarzan say Boy. Tarzan flings poo all over Cheeta and warriors run away to tell man. Meanwhile Cheeta mad! Man takes BOY and Cheeta takes bath.

Man leaves for Double Gulp at 7-11 and two hotdogs and a lottery ticket too. He scratched off two of the lottery tickets and let out a scream. He finally won Ten Million Dollars!! Overjoyed he peed his pants then ran around with happy thoughts about hot naked lesbians. Since he was rich he could afford kegs of beer and Easter baskets filled with steaks.

His pockets were filled with fleas that bit his itching ####### and sent him rolling down the hill. At the bottom of the hill was a startled five foot high talking rabbit exclaiming that he is president of Wonderland and that his wife, Alice got decapitated.

Then Britney and Kevin, well Britney actually with head shaven married him and neglected her children. So he kicked his sorry butt over to Angelina, The Tomb Raider for his morning coffee on the patio. It started raining on Brad, so he melted, because he was fake like sugar and spice and nothing nice. She rescued him with a paddle and a box of bandages made by hemophiliacs, with the rain falling like hot cats on a tin roof.

So without even thinking he left for Green Bay, Wisconsin to buy cheese and beer bottle sausage. But he didn’t like the cold so he left again. He hopped a pirate boat for Montego Bay, Jamaica, the Florida Keys and Aruba. Then he was on to more adventures on the island that didn’t allow: making out, Kentucky Fried Chicken but only Domino's Pizza. So he ordered a mail order bride along with the pizza with extra cheese, which was delivered by Donald Trump. Without his toupee he looked kinda like a drag queen on steroids.

Donald handed him his pizza and said to him, “We all know the three words, “Now, you're fired” but you can always resign first! Or you can be my little naked lesbian stripper to earn your Law Degree.”

Donald didn’t know that he was really thinking about it but his conscience kept telling him to strip naked so he did. Then he ran into a restaurant and ordered goulash. Everyone was laughing and coughing up, Rocky Mountain Oysters but he sat quietly and waiting for his milkshake, a $5 milkshake which didn’t even taste like what he ordered. So he demanded another one just like the one he remembered having in jail.

So he called Bubba, the jail guard and told him to take him back to the Dairy Queen where they sell pickles dipped in chocolate. The journey began and they drove to California where they ran out of chips and beer so they were very desperate to reach Nevada for drinking, gambling and jalapeño chicken wings. The next day while having breakfast his butt was sore so he packed an ice chunk on it. That helped so he started eating. His belly started to violently convulse and he barfed all the breakfast that he had just eaten. Then a fresh looking penguin from Bel Air came to help them find their way. But on the way their car crashed into the Grand Canyon and they were never seen or heard from again.

THE END!!!!!!!

[Otto 83]

My cheeks hurt from smiling/laughing so much...too funny...

Thanks for the HARD work that must have been putting this bizarre story together...

[Marilyn. 340]

oh my goodness, something is really messed up with my spelling today

I swear I double checked the title before I posted....

Karin und Otton, glad you enjoyed the story....

Edited March 30, 2007 by MarilynP

[brnidokiegurl 0]

THat was the last one, butttttt we now have another one started. That one had gotten soooooo out there...it wasnt makeing much sense (cant say this one is doing much better) ha cya there

[Marilyn. 340]

oops double post

Edited March 30, 2007 by MarilynP

[Marilyn. 340]

THat was the last one, butttttt we now have another one started. That one had gotten soooooo out there...it wasnt makeing much sense (cant say this one is doing much better) ha cya there

yes, I know another one has started .... I had been doing updates periodically on the old one and just wanted to finish it off

[Otto 83]

6,532 (give or take) words.... divided by 3 = 2,177 (+/-) Contributions...OMG.. (I think I contributed maybe 50 or 2%)...wow...

[Savanphil 3]

WOW, what a friggin hilarious story