US Citizen wife possible victim of marriage fraud

[BethyWink 96]

I disagree with this point alone. I actually spoke to my now husband on Skype when he was in Denmark for 5+ hours a day. We still talk for hours a day because we like to talk. I actually think the less time spent talking is usually a red flag.

To me there is a diffrence on texting all day, than skyping for 10 hours a day! But with him in grad school, and me working two jobs, I do not have 5 hours a day to do anything! And getting off work at 2am his time, it makes it impossible to have 5 hours!

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

To me there is a diffrence on texting all day, than skyping for 10 hours a day! But with him in grad school, and me working two jobs, I do not have 5 hours a day to do anything! And getting off work at 2am his time, it makes it impossible to have 5 hours!

The point was that you said being on skype so long is a red flag.

Many couples prepare meals, eat and sleep with skype on and that is a good thing.

If you both don't have the time then you don't have the time which is different.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

To me there is a diffrence on texting all day, than skyping for 10 hours a day! But with him in grad school, and me working two jobs, I do not have 5 hours a day to do anything! And getting off work at 2am his time, it makes it impossible to have 5 hours!

We managed to find a lot of time just based on our schedules and doing stuff together on skype. I clearly recall even cleaning the bathroom on skype! We still do a lot of stuff together and our dining room and kitchen are a central hub of talking and family time because I often am spending a lot of time in there when we are all together. My husband used to leave for work in Denmark super early in the morning and get back in the afternoon, so it was a more feasible schedule. Sometimes I think we have less time together now because he gets home a little later, we have a house to work on, another kid, and his volunteer stuff.

The point was that you said being on skype so long is a red flag.

Many couples prepare meals, eat and sleep with skype on and that is a good thing.

If you both don't have the time then you don't have the time which is different.

This. Often it is the a red flag as in the scammer can't speak on Skype because maybe they've got a secret family or are stringing several foreigners at the same time. That isn't always the case, but you'll see a lot of marriage fraud cases in which the couple spent little time video calling each other.

[MeAlone 158]

Personally I hate phones, video and Skype, my fiance tried but with me mostly works better writing and I do write a lot, he tries to be in Facebook chat with me lots of time, I know his internet is not always working and it's slow too, I don't know how he manages to be with me but he does yet it's never enough for me, lol

So each case is different. I visited my fiance 4 times but there are some people visiting just once, short words and small communication yet they stay in the marriage for life. It all depends how serious and responsible we are about the marriage. My main worries now is my fiance arriving and me trying to be very nice and supportive to him in the new life and country for him as well to make him feel free as for a man is not easy to be dependent.

What I see it's the thing of 2, nothing is a red flag if there is a good will and honesty

Tasha

[Kolewenoik31 57]

What you've described in your husband's behavior are the exact definitions of a narcissist/sociopath. They do have split personalities. They start with the nice & loving personality to manipulate people into doing what they want, then when the victim catches on and stops giving in, out comes the evil twin. They can flip it on & off like a light switch. There is no cure for sociopathy/narcissism, it is a mental disorder and no amount of counseling will ever change it. The best thing anyone can do when they realize they are the victim of a sociopath is to get as far away from that person as soon as you can. It is hard to let go of someone you love, but you need to take care of yourself and your children first and foremost.

Good luck to you.

Correction NPD or Narcs, it is not mental illness, It is a personality disorder. Yes it's sociopathic in nature but it comes from the way a child was socialized as a child. There is no pill cure, it is very, very hard to treat. If the person is in denial and unwilling there is no cure but if they are willing then there is a treatment that has been effective it's Psychotheraphy. But this is no light thing that a non professional can help with. I agree getting far away as possible is best.

[Ortolan 381]

Main thing is: protect yourself and your children. Don't make the mistake of talking to this man again, thinking he's going to change. He won't.

I know you have an Order of Protection, but somebody who would say things like that isn't going to care, so be vigilant about your and your children's safety.

If you're too nervous to call the FBI, at least try to talk to someone at the police department, and ask for help beyond the Protection order. We read stories in the news about things like this all the time, so we certainly don't want you or your kids to be one more horrible story in the news. Get help. Right away.

[Rc123rc 528]

Correction NPD or Narcs, it is not mental illness, It is a personality disorder. Yes it's sociopathic in nature but it comes from the way a child was socialized as a child. There is no pill cure, it is very, very hard to treat. If the person is in denial and unwilling there is no cure but if they are willing then there is a treatment that has been effective it's Psychotheraphy. But this is no light thing that a non professional can help with. I agree getting far away as possible is best.

It's part of the Cluster B Personality Disorders. You are correct, it's not a mental illness and it's only treatable if the person willingly commits to psychotherapy. Medication doesn't work. All too often once a person gets into therapy when pressured to change or face themselves they turn on the therapist and/or quit therapy. A lot of professionals won't even take on a personality disorder patient. My ex wife was a combination of Histrionic, Borderline and Narcissistic in that order of degree of level. She will never change. As many have said, he is not the person you think he is. The man you fell in love with was never there to begin with. He only showed you that personality to get what he wanted. Many times I said to my ex. "You are not the person you think you are" not knowing that she had a personality disorder until much later.

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

Hello. Here's my situation. Met my husband on facebook, I saw him and sent a him friend request. After a few months we started chatting. After a few days he proposed to me, and i accepted after about a week of persistence, and meeting him on skype.

Is that right? He proposed to you after only a few days of chatting online?

[MeAlone 158]

Is that right? He proposed to you after only a few days of chatting online?

Happens. Some people is very fast and live all life together.

Tasha

[devistatedwife 3]

Thanks for all the opinions. I have taken them into consideration. Don't worry I've taken care of this problem he's already returned home & wont be coming back!!! You can close this thread now. I am in counselling and working on my recovery from this sad situation. Thanks again everyone!

[devistatedwife 3]

Is that right? He proposed to you after only a few days of chatting online?

Yep his religion doesn't date only marries.

[devistatedwife 3]

You need to inform the authorities immediately if he is making bomb threats.

I agree. He never made bomb threats he was just joking but I thought it wasn't funny. Don't worry he is back home now & will be sending me divorce papers. I am getting couseling and taking time for myself, I'm really not in the mood to move on right now. I need to heal from this emotional hell. Thanks for everyone's support! This thread can close now.

[yunnipie 6]

Thanks for all the opinions. I have taken them into consideration. Don't worry I've taken care of this problem he's already returned home & wont be coming back!!! You can close this thread now. I am in counselling and working on my recovery from this sad situation. Thanks again everyone!

So sorry you had to go through this, but happy you're taking care of yourself now. Sending lots of love and positive energy to you. All the best

[Ontarkie 14,017]

~~Thread closed as requested by the OP.~~