Anyone dating/ planning to marry Jamaican man?

[MaryJ 7]

i met a man on resort back in 2010 and i really liked him. we talked everyday and at night he never asked for money or nothing. so i decided to go back that same year and see him again and we had a good time. now we still vibin and talking everyday then he got to telling me he love me and I thought I loved him, but eventually we slowed down talking but i never forgot about him and we would talk every once in a while. fast forward to 2012 one day i was sitting at work at the computer and my bf called and said girl i got something to tell you are you sitting down. so im scared now, im like what she said go on fb under my jamaican boo name, when i did girl i just screamed and cried, why this man got married to another american woman and moved to California. I could not believe it i was hurt for real. for a while i hated jamaica even though i went all the time i felt like all the men there was users they wanted sex or to get to america, until i met my fiance!! Yes he is Jamaican we met at a party in the hills, and i still wasnt right i played him, he called i wouldnt answer, he tried to meet me at a party i didnt go until finally i gave in when he was about to give up!! We been together, will be 2 years in March next year, he proposed to me for my birthday this year in May and it was a surprise with all my friends and his family. He going for his interview in November and we will be getting married in married in April next year. i really love him, i prayed for my future husband and this who god has blessed me with. So i say in all pray over everything. sorry if this was long lol!!

[Mellyboo 15]

i met a man on resort back in 2010 and i really liked him. we talked everyday and at night he never asked for money or nothing. so i decided to go back that same year and see him again and we had a good time. now we still vibin and talking everyday then he got to telling me he love me and I thought I loved him, but eventually we slowed down talking but i never forgot about him and we would talk every once in a while. fast forward to 2012 one day i was sitting at work at the computer and my bf called and said girl i got something to tell you are you sitting down. so im scared now, im like what she said go on fb under my jamaican boo name, when i did girl i just screamed and cried, why this man got married to another american woman and moved to California. I could not believe it i was hurt for real. for a while i hated jamaica even though i went all the time i felt like all the men there was users they wanted sex or to get to america, until i met my fiance!! Yes he is Jamaican we met at a party in the hills, and i still wasnt right i played him, he called i wouldnt answer, he tried to meet me at a party i didnt go until finally i gave in when he was about to give up!! We been together, will be 2 years in March next year, he proposed to me for my birthday this year in May and it was a surprise with all my friends and his family. He going for his interview in November and we will be getting married in married in April next year. i really love him, i prayed for my future husband and this who god has blessed me with. So i say in all pray over everything. sorry if this was long lol!!

aww Congrats as I was reading your text it kept getting interesting and more interesting such a sweet ending! May God bless your union!!

[TBoneTX 45,850]

He may have been through a lot of bad relationships in Jamaica that is why he may not want another Jamaican woman. There are plenty of other foreign countries with woman he could decide to be with if he wanted to but finds you very special.

These are valid observations, and here's some piggybacking on them from non-Jamaican standpoints.

One woman's standpoint:

Mrs. T-B.-to-be saw how her father treated her mother and how most Ecuadorian men treated their women.

She'd had a couple of bad/dissatisfying relationships herself.

She had resolved not to settle for any of that, and in fact she was fully prepared to remain single for life.

She was already at least a decade older than the age at which most Ecu women typically married.

She signed up for a tiny, Ecuador-only "marriage broker" program just as a "let's see; who knows" action.

She was introduced to me. I treated and dealt with her differently than other men had.

She'd visited the U.S. twice before and had no pressing desire to return.

She agreed to move, purely because this is where I, her husband-to-be, happened to live.

Our 8-year wedding anniversary will be tomorrow, on Hallowe'en Day.

One man's standpoint (Part 1):

At my age, I was "scraping the bottom" in trying to find someone American with whom to start a family.

Excepting a couple of longer-term prospects who ultimately weren't right, dating was an unmitigated disaster.

On 1 April 2006 (no foolin'), after yet another ghastly experience, I resolved not to seek further relationships with U.S. women.

After considering international options, I settled on Latin America.

Most of the women with whom I communicated seemed to be distinctly more sincere than "my" U.S. women.

I was ultimately introduced to Mrs. T-B.-to-be. I had no preconceptions of what might result.

At the close of our first phone conversation, she said the following, in her very rusty English:

"T-B., whatever happens between us, promise me one thing: Please never lie to me."

I took note -- this was the polar opposite of "my" game-playing, confused, screwed-up U.S. women.

Part 2:

E-mail and phone interaction can go wonderfully well; however, in-person is all that matters.

On my first visit to Ecu, I listened and observed like a hawk.

Not one thing contradicted prior evidence or raised my highly tuned alarm system in the slightest.

I'd come with a ring in my pocket, fully prepared to return home with it if I had any doubt.

When I was sure, I asked her if she would marry me.

She considered this for some moments and agreed to.

A full-family "introductory" meeting (parents, 4 younger sisters, brothers-in-law) had been previously arranged.

With her last-minute translation help, I proposed to her in front of all of them.

She looked scared to death, paused for a seeming lifetime, then blurted "Si!" ("Yes")

Her sisters squealed, and one said, "Finally!"

Our 8-year wedding anniversary will be tomorrow, on Hallowe'en Day.

Of note, we'd discussed potential incompatibilities, in depth, long before the commitment emerged.

Also of note, we used much of the above to overcome the doubts of the [censored] COs at the [censored] Guayaquil consulate, toward whom and which I remain vehemently angry to this day.

The takeaway points from the above are:

-- Gently yet continuously probe for what dissatisfied him in his previous relationships. Listen very hard. Remotely and in person, listen to his words and observe his actions, toward you and others.

-- You're pretty much determining his level of availability to you, which sounds as though he's making you a priority.

-- A key point is to distinguish between "how he makes you feel" (superficial) versus "how you feel as a result of being with him" (integral). Do you feel like a million bucks (valued)? Or do you feel like two cents (not valued)?

-- Every one of us is a mixture of good and bad qualities. Someone can have a zillion good qualities, but if there's one negative quality that causes you to compromise your ethics, morals, or sensibilities, it disqualifies that person as a potential mate.

-- There's no substitute for "face time." Continue to visit, to meet his family, and to observe the functionality (or dysfunctionality) of those relationships. Beyond the general cultural aspects in Jamaica, attend to how healthy his relationships are with family and friends.

I think that you're largely doing much of the above already. Sadly, most of us get more information about how to buy a car or a washing machine than we do in regard to picking a mate. The advice from others in this thread is very good, and I hope that you'll follow it and make an informed decision that will leave you happy and firm in your convictions.

Edited October 30, 2016 by TBoneTX

[Jash n Ginger 1]

So I'd like to comment first about Terry McMillans situations, while the marriage did not workout and the divorce was ugly as most are, she said herself that they are now best friends so it couldn't have that bad an out come. Many men are on the down low with their sexuality and we all know that You can't be gay especially male and live safely in Jamaica. Secondly I went to Jamaica on vacation and with no expectation of meeting a man let on considering marriage. But it happened and we both decided mutually to take our time and get to know one another and in fact he had no desire of coming to the US and he has two kids and there is substantial deference in our ages, and yes finances are an issue but we have been going strong long distance for 5 years now this past October and I tell you we don't agree on everything and no relationship is ever going to be perfect but if both people are willing to put in the work then it will work no matter what the circumstances if the love is meant to be it will be.

[Therealworld 90]

On 10/29/2016 at 11:58 PM, Mellyboo said:

aww Congrats as I was reading your text it kept getting interesting and more interesting such a sweet ending! May God bless your union!!

Hello,

 

when you had to come in for an interview where all the questions asked of you only?

[MaryJ 7]

4 hours ago, babygurl said:

Hello,

 

when you had to come in for an interview where all the questions asked of you only?

What did I like to do, where did we meet, how long we been together. He asked me the same questions he asked my fiancee, he just wanted to see if our story was the same.

[Therealworld 90]

13 hours ago, MaryJ said:

What did I like to do, where did we meet, how long we been together. He asked me the same questions he asked my fiancee, he just wanted to see if our story was the same.

I am going for another interview because the idiot did not record that I was there for my husbands interview.  I am so pissed about this.  They called my husband and asked was I there her told him yes, but because the China man did not record it even though he spoke to me and asked me questions, they don't believe I was there. So back again next week.  I am really heated about this, but there is nothing I can do but go back if I want my husband here.

[Therealworld 90]

Just now, babygurl said:

I am going for another interview because the idiot did not record that I was there for my husbands interview.  I am so pissed about this.  They called my husband and asked was I there her told him yes, but because the China man did not record it even though he spoke to me and asked me questions, they don't believe I was there. So back again next week.  I am really heated about this, but there is nothing I can do but go back if I want my husband here.

The funny thing had the medical been there we would have been all set. My husband was told he should have had his visa long time, then this SMH. God help me

[MaryJ 7]

On Thu Feb 02 2017 at 5:06 AM, babygurl said:

The funny thing had the medical been there we would have been all set. My husband was told he should have had his visa long time, then this SMH. God help me

Omg I would be pissed. This time when you go you have to tell them that you can not afford to take all this time off and that you was down there before. Cause that's bs!! I would be livid!!!!

[Therealworld 90]

On ‎2‎/‎9‎/‎2017 at 10:04 PM, MaryJ said:

Omg I would be pissed. This time when you go you have to tell them that you can not afford to take all this time off and that you was down there before. Cause that's bs!! I would be livid!!!!

You want to know whats even worse so a couple of days before I was to leave the status went from AP to Issued!  Okay so I called and asked do I still need to come in for the interview and the lady told me yes.  I get in at 4am and go straight to the embassy for the 7am appt.  Get there no name on the list so sat and waited with another couple that was there for the same thing for 30 minutes.  Finally a lady comes out and tells me I did not have to be there because the visa was issued! and it was sent over to DHL the day before! SMH!!!!! You know by now I am really trying to not cause a scene.  She told us to just go over to DHL and asked them nicely to look for it.  After almost not getting into DHL due to no tracking number, my husband came out with his VISA in hand.  They are a mess over there.  I am so glad I am done with there process.  SMH.  No home with husband and so happy!!

[lisamay 0]

Yes! I am dealing with the same situation! I almost wish Terry McMillan had never written that book bc it's making my head crazy and it's so unfair to both me and my boo. I hate that I am so suspicious of his motives! Everything seems so real. It feels organic and amazing. We really have a connection, like magnets, a real chemistry. I met my friend NOT at a resort. He was vacationing, like me,  with friends, and we were all on a part of the island where it is country and quiet, mostly locals no big hotels and no resorts. So, he seems real, enu? Also, we met in summer of 2016 and didn't even really stay in close contact for a year, besides initial talking and then it dwindled into just liking pictures etc on each other social media pages. When i met him last year he had just had a baby with his high school sweetheart. And he is young. I didnt think he was even available plus i was NOT looking like that, i promise. he was just a new friend i made. I was there to vacation and mind my own business only, lol. We really just met by chance bc we both were scared to jump off of this cliff at the beach we were at lol. It was a very random and organic meeting. And we both ended up jumping so it was kind of a bonding experience So anyway after a year of loose social media contact, I was planning to go back again this summer so in the months leading up to my trip, I got back in real contact with him and started our dialogue again bc I was going to be spending more time in his home city this trip and wanted to do some exploring. I was asking him for suggestions and recommendations on where to go etc, you know, insider info! lol. so he was happy to help and actually seemed eager slash anxious about when I was coming and what did I want to do and he could take time off of work and give me a tour if i wanted, etc. I was like okay well what do you mean, am I going to have to pay you for that etc. As we kept talking about plans I basically told him that I didn't have it in my budget to pay him, and that was the truth. It would be nice to see him though and hang out if thats what he wanted to do, maybe he could take me to a dancehall so i could see one etc. If he would come with me i would pay for drinks etc. so he ended up just asking for his normal two workdays off to coincide with the days I was going to be in his city - so basically he abandoned the i could pay him for a "tour" component, and agreed to really just go hang. he was down to see me. It still was all very innocent and chill, no expectations from either side. Trying to make this story short, thats how it began but idk what happend. During this trip this summer i became glued to this man. We became glued to each other. It was so natural and so innocent and so sweet. We walked around the whole city the first night i was there just talking for like idk, three or four or five hours. and didnt spend any money enu. didnt go to any venue just me and him walking around the town and the city park on a summer night. it was beautiful and pure. after that night we spent all the time that we could together during my trip, we separated a few days then he came to meet me back where i was at in the country where we met at first again and we spent a couple more days together out there, then he had to leave again and go back to work but  then i met him again for one last day and night in the city before i left the island. so basically we had some time together and some time apart and some time together again and it got more intense and real and amazing each encounter. and besides a couple of meals, I didnt spend on him you know, and he wasnt asking like that either. and now that I am home we are still as inseparable as two people who live very far apart can be. We are in contact via text facetime pictures and videos etc everyday. i tried to not contact him for a day and it was agonizing even just for a few hours and he was looking for me too liek what is happening, where are you lol.. When he tells me how he feels, i feel the same way. but in my head im like is he making this up? OKay here's the other  part - he already has a visa. he has a visa, a passport, a driver license...... he's all set. he could come see me tomorrow if we just buy a plane ticket. but bc of all the nonsense you hear, im still wondering if i have any reason to be suspicious? I was wondering about the baby and the high school sweetheart. The baby and baby mother do not live on the island with him. they live in the states already. and again, he has a visa, he could be out there with them if he wanted to be. he says they are broken up. he admits he still loves her but says they argue too much and he has no interest in being in a relationship with her. my concern is, is that true? is he feigning interest in me to maybe gain some kind of leverage or money from me or something? what does he have to gain from me? is it that he can use me for money or something and then go back to the high school sweetheart and the baby he has? ugh. i am totally overthinking, its ridiculous. there are SO MANY ugly stereotypes and stories. I feel like a ridiculous statistic. but the real life butterflies in my stomach tho....... long sigh. so torn.

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I think timing tells all. You just have to give it time to develop and get to a point of trust.  Everything is a risk but if you don't take them you'll never know.  It's up to you to weigh the pros/cons and ultimately make a decision so did it when you are ready and comfortable with it.  Good Luck. 

[Imani 105]

6 hours ago, lisamay said:

Yes! I am dealing with the same situation! I almost wish Terry McMillan had never written that book bc it's making my head crazy and it's so unfair to both me and my boo. I hate that I am so suspicious of his motives! Everything seems so real. It feels organic and amazing. We really have a connection, like magnets, a real chemistry. I met my friend NOT at a resort. He was vacationing, like me,  with friends, and we were all on a part of the island where it is country and quiet, mostly locals no big hotels and no resorts. So, he seems real, enu? Also, we met in summer of 2016 and didn't even really stay in close contact for a year, besides initial talking and then it dwindled into just liking pictures etc on each other social media pages. When i met him last year he had just had a baby with his high school sweetheart. And he is young. I didnt think he was even available plus i was NOT looking like that, i promise. he was just a new friend i made. I was there to vacation and mind my own business only, lol. We really just met by chance bc we both were scared to jump off of this cliff at the beach we were at lol. It was a very random and organic meeting. And we both ended up jumping so it was kind of a bonding experience So anyway after a year of loose social media contact, I was planning to go back again this summer so in the months leading up to my trip, I got back in real contact with him and started our dialogue again bc I was going to be spending more time in his home city this trip and wanted to do some exploring. I was asking him for suggestions and recommendations on where to go etc, you know, insider info! lol. so he was happy to help and actually seemed eager slash anxious about when I was coming and what did I want to do and he could take time off of work and give me a tour if i wanted, etc. I was like okay well what do you mean, am I going to have to pay you for that etc. As we kept talking about plans I basically told him that I didn't have it in my budget to pay him, and that was the truth. It would be nice to see him though and hang out if thats what he wanted to do, maybe he could take me to a dancehall so i could see one etc. If he would come with me i would pay for drinks etc. so he ended up just asking for his normal two workdays off to coincide with the days I was going to be in his city - so basically he abandoned the i could pay him for a "tour" component, and agreed to really just go hang. he was down to see me. It still was all very innocent and chill, no expectations from either side. Trying to make this story short, thats how it began but idk what happend. During this trip this summer i became glued to this man. We became glued to each other. It was so natural and so innocent and so sweet. We walked around the whole city the first night i was there just talking for like idk, three or four or five hours. and didnt spend any money enu. didnt go to any venue just me and him walking around the town and the city park on a summer night. it was beautiful and pure. after that night we spent all the time that we could together during my trip, we separated a few days then he came to meet me back where i was at in the country where we met at first again and we spent a couple more days together out there, then he had to leave again and go back to work but  then i met him again for one last day and night in the city before i left the island. so basically we had some time together and some time apart and some time together again and it got more intense and real and amazing each encounter. and besides a couple of meals, I didnt spend on him you know, and he wasnt asking like that either. and now that I am home we are still as inseparable as two people who live very far apart can be. We are in contact via text facetime pictures and videos etc everyday. i tried to not contact him for a day and it was agonizing even just for a few hours and he was looking for me too liek what is happening, where are you lol.. When he tells me how he feels, i feel the same way. but in my head im like is he making this up? OKay here's the other  part - he already has a visa. he has a visa, a passport, a driver license...... he's all set. he could come see me tomorrow if we just buy a plane ticket. but bc of all the nonsense you hear, im still wondering if i have any reason to be suspicious? I was wondering about the baby and the high school sweetheart. The baby and baby mother do not live on the island with him. they live in the states already. and again, he has a visa, he could be out there with them if he wanted to be. he says they are broken up. he admits he still loves her but says they argue too much and he has no interest in being in a relationship with her. my concern is, is that true? is he feigning interest in me to maybe gain some kind of leverage or money from me or something? what does he have to gain from me? is it that he can use me for money or something and then go back to the high school sweetheart and the baby he has? ugh. i am totally overthinking, its ridiculous. there are SO MANY ugly stereotypes and stories. I feel like a ridiculous statistic. but the real life butterflies in my stomach tho....... long sigh. so torn.

I personally don't think he has any hidden motives based on everything you said.  No offense, but the problem is the way you're thinking due to the "stereotypes".  He even told you he loves his baby mother, so he's honest.  He has a visitor's visa, so he can travel if he wants to.  He is also likely to be reissued a visa should it expire also.  You met on pure innocence, he didn't pursue you, you contacted him a year later.  Just enjoy the getting to know eachother phase if thats what you want.  Stop judging people based on what you "hear", you just might miss your blessing.  Ofcourse you have to be cautious and take time to get to know people but if everything you just said is true, you're thinking too fast and too deep.

[lisamay 0]

On 8/26/2017 at 11:01 AM, Nipperswife said:

I personally don't think he has any hidden motives based on everything you said.  No offense, but the problem is the way you're thinking due to the "stereotypes".  He even told you he loves his baby mother, so he's honest.  He has a visitor's visa, so he can travel if he wants to.  He is also likely to be reissued a visa should it expire also.  You met on pure innocence, he didn't pursue you, you contacted him a year later.  Just enjoy the getting to know eachother phase if thats what you want.  Stop judging people based on what you "hear", you just might miss your blessing.  Ofcourse you have to be cautious and take time to get to know people but if everything you just said is true, you're thinking too fast and too deep.

No offense taken thank you for your feedback, i agree with you. It tough with so many opinions out there. The latest development is he wanted me to pay for a plane ticket up front for which he would pay me back when he gets some kind of savings return in a month. I told him i wouldnt need to do that and we can just wait until he gets his money and then he can buy the ticket himself. He seems okay with it, but time will tell if his behavior changes any. I hope he does come out. To be continued.

[OWilli25 3]

I’ve recently experienced the same thing. I went to Jamaica and met a man at the resort I was staying at. He treated me and my family very nice during our stay and even told my mother that he really liked me and the vibes we shared together.  So far he hasn’t done anything that I would considered “ red flags” he hasn’t asked me for money or anything. We talk everyday 3-4 times a day! Of course he wants to me to come back and visit him again. Things have moved fast while  surprisingly isn’t like me at all , but it just feels right for some reason. I do want to others experiences and the outcome.