Anyone dating/ planning to marry Jamaican man?

[Thegirl 225]

Like everyone here has said...move very very slowly. I am the Jamaican wife in this situation and for me I was really into my husband to be from early on but it still took me years before I even really dated him. If he is truly interested in you he won't be rushing to move to the US. As everyone else has said there are a lot of resort workers who are in it to find a foreigner who they can fool. They might really be interested in you but really the main goal is for bigger and better. Take time. Taking you around their family and friends wont mean much sadly because a lot of those same people are looking out for their friend to "move up in life" so they may be playing you as well. You have to pay attention to the person, really get to know them. If they are really only interested in getting a green card they will get bored soon enough and move on to something that seems more lucrative...i.e. another guest. Your main goal is to find out if this person is the right person for you, they are really smooth, so the smooth sweet talking person you met might not even be the real person. Treat is as you would any other relationship with even more scrutiny. Good luck!

[LionessDeon 2,060]

^^^ This is so true. Family and friends will act like ur the best thing since sliced bread and will be very encouraging because they stand to benefit. But their words and behavior can give insight to the character of the person in question. They are not quite as guarded all the time.

Anyway the OP hasn't been back since they started this thread. I also find it interesting that she said the Jamaican resort worker wanted to breed her but yet she marked her profile as being a male.

Edited October 18, 2016 by LionessDeon

[Thegirl 225]

hmmmm never read the profile... that is interesting indeed. Mi waan breed you is my first insight into the type of person he is... but alas I have a type lol and that is not it... but I will not let that cause me to cast judgement. To each his/her own.

[angelbrown 195]

Like everyone here has said...move very very slowly. I am the Jamaican wife in this situation and for me I was really into my husband to be from early on but it still took me years before I even really dated him. If he is truly interested in you he won't be rushing to move to the US. As everyone else has said there are a lot of resort workers who are in it to find a foreigner who they can fool. They might really be interested in you but really the main goal is for bigger and better. Take time. Taking you around their family and friends wont mean much sadly because a lot of those same people are looking out for their friend to "move up in life" so they may be playing you as well. You have to pay attention to the person, really get to know them. If they are really only interested in getting a green card they will get bored soon enough and move on to something that seems more lucrative...i.e. another guest. Your main goal is to find out if this person is the right person for you, they are really smooth, so the smooth sweet talking person you met might not even be the real person. Treat is as you would any other relationship with even more scrutiny. Good luck!

Love this advice!!!

[LionessDeon 2,060]

I thought the same thing. Marriage at 3 mos is concerning too.

Hope it all works out.

[angelbrown 195]

^^^ This is so true. Family and friends will act like ur the best thing since sliced bread and will be very encouraging because they stand to benefit. But their words and behavior can give insight to the character of the person in question. They are not quite as guarded all the time.

Anyway the OP hasn't been back since they started this thread. I also find it interesting that she said the Jamaican resort worker wanted to breed her but yet she marked her profile as being a male.

So true, especially if you get to spend real time around family/friends. That's why it's important, like you said, to learn the culture and the language as well. The more you know, the better informed...

[angelbrown 195]

I thought the same thing. Marriage at 3 mos is concerning too.

Hope it all works out.

Yup. I was trying to be positive but we all hear the stories. But I like how Keas said treat it like othe relationships with more scrutiny. Edited October 18, 2016 by angelbrown

[blushblue2 1]

Just remember the author of the book " How Stella got her Groove back" . If you cannot Google it and read the out come of that relationship.

yes I just rewatched that movie like I was studying for an exam and i'm watching him for all the red flags but feel sort of bad because its like im waiting on him to mess up based on all the stereotypes .

[blushblue2 1]

So true, especially if you get to spend real time around family/friends. That's why it's important, like you said, to learn the culture and the language as well. The more you know, the better informed...

oh sorry I didn't notice I put male I have to correct it and yes im happy to see so many supporters that commented i honestly stumbled across the website and wasn't sure if my question would be overlooked but i appreciate all the advice as this is all sooo new and scary to a point.

[Queen Keeli 6]

yes I just rewatched that movie like I was studying for an exam and i'm watching him for all the red flags but feel sort of bad because its like im waiting on him to mess up based on all the stereotypes .

Take that person's advice with a grain of salt. That movie was loosely based on Terry McMillan's life. You have to go with your gut feelings and not depend on a movie to give you any advice. Just follow the advice that some of VJers gave to you hun. If it's meant to be then its meant for you ?

[blushblue2 1]

Did he really say "mi wan fi breed yuh"? lol Slow down yardie!

yes lol and my initial reaction was to get offended i ask was he referring to me as a dog

[Thegirl 225]

yes lol and my initial reaction was to get offended i ask was he referring to me as a dog

Lol. Don't be offended. Spend some time getting to learn about him and the culture

[blushblue2 1]

You can meet men in the states who can use you as well. I would say take the same precautions you would with any relationship. Some men are looking for a step up and others want a better life and to help their family but that doesn't mean he won't genuinely care for you. Just be mindful... obviously you will have to visit him to get to know him. Is he taking you around his family and friends, can you visit/stay with him at his home or does he want to stay with you in the resort (you will have to get to know his way of life as well and not use the excuse of staying within the comforts of the resort), are you having to pay for everything and pay his way when you visit, is he asking you to send $$, clothes, or other goods, are you doing all the calling or is it reciprocal? Ask him how he would feel if you moved there instead of him coming where you are. You also want to be sure he doesn't have a wife/girlfriend or kids he's not telling you about (although he could get away with lying about that-for a while anyway), Ask him hasn't anyone ever applied for a visa on his behalf before. These are just a few things I can think of to help guide you. Lastly, just take your time. If it's genuine, there's no rush.

Yes be careful and SLOW! Do not ignore those red flags!! Message me if you want to go deeper into it Same situation. Met a man at the resort I stayed at. Very fast relationship

Take it very very VERY slow. He works at a resort. He meets women every single day. I have traveled to Jamaica 8 times. I sit on the beach in my lawn chair and watch the men work the foreigners. Now, I am not saying your beau is at all like this but please please be very careful. Do not be smitten with all their loving, sweet words and accent. VIsit him, stay with him, not always on a resort. Learn the cutlure. Learn patois/patweh. Meet his friends and family. Keep your eyes and ears open.

Did he really say "mi wan fi breed yuh"? lol Slow down yardie!

thank you all for the responses, I do want to make sure I go into this eyes open of course to protect myself but I also want to have him doing double the work to make me fall for him and have to fight off stereotypes that he doesn’t even know that I’m critiquing him on. Some things I’ve done

*probably googled every topic on Jamaican men from using foreigners to cheating to scams lies etc. (which most aren’t good)

*once I realized I was "falling" I started my fbi snooping and looked through all of his social media accounts for clues and indicators.

(Everything that I found I asked about in casual conversation and with me already knowing the answers he answered everything truthfully) and he has shared few pics of us from my trip on his social media.

I’ve visited once since initially meeting him in July, and when I went back in august we stayed in his hometown but at a hotel as his family lives in a county area. This was an impulse visit as I wanted to see him right away and i did agree to pay for the hotel/ flight. I only stayed for 4 days and was able to meet a cousin his aunt and uncle briefly. i did get to experience a lot more of the culture while there way more than the resort of course. He has been helpful with teaching patios i can understand most of what he is saying when he's having another conversation but feel like i sound crazy when i speak it. and since we've been dating we do talk everyday on each of his breaks he calls to make sure I’m ok and usually talk at night until we fall asleep.

I’m set to go back in a few weeks and he has stressed that he is saving money to be able to support the trip some as he doesn’t want me to pay for everything, but i know that most of it i can afford i know what resorts there pay. But i also want him to be the MAN so that one’s a battle.

Some of the red flags

*he did mention the breeding/ love very early on*

*he seems slightly jealous whenever i mention going out for the weekend

*he is quite curious to the price of things/ how jobs work etc (but i think the curiosity is natural)

*he has asked for phone credit but never for money or anything

* I don’t like his outlook on Jamaican women as he claims he will never date another one because they are all lazy use men etc. (I’m black American by the way) and his last relationship ended earlier this year was with a Jamaican girl.

*we are close in age but I am 5 years his senior.

Keep the input coming and continue to share your experiences good and bad.

[Thegirl 225]

*he did mention the breeding/ love very early on*

*he seems slightly jealous whenever i mention going out for the weekend

Those things are actually good things. from a cultural standpoint. So two stars

[LionessDeon 2,060]

yes I just rewatched that movie like I was studying for an exam and i'm watching him for all the red flags but feel sort of bad because its like im waiting on him to mess up based on all the stereotypes .

You're not waiting for him to mess up. You are taking time to really get to know him and be sure he is genuine and sincere. Big difference.

Lol. Don't be offended. Spend some time getting to learn about him and the culture

Learning patweh and how they use certain words and phrases eliminates any misconception/miscommunication.

thank you all for the responses, I do want to make sure I go into this eyes open of course to protect myself but I also want to have him doing double the work to make me fall for him and have to fight off stereotypes that he doesn’t even know that I’m critiquing him on. Some things I’ve done

*probably googled every topic on Jamaican men from using foreigners to cheating to scams lies etc. (which most aren’t good)

*once I realized I was "falling" I started my fbi snooping and looked through all of his social media accounts for clues and indicators.

(Everything that I found I asked about in casual conversation and with me already knowing the answers he answered everything truthfully) and he has shared few pics of us from my trip on his social media.

I’ve visited once since initially meeting him in July, and when I went back in august we stayed in his hometown but at a hotel as his family lives in a county area. This was an impulse visit as I wanted to see him right away and i did agree to pay for the hotel/ flight. I only stayed for 4 days and was able to meet a cousin his aunt and uncle briefly. i did get to experience a lot more of the culture while there way more than the resort of course. He has been helpful with teaching patios i can understand most of what he is saying when he's having another conversation but feel like i sound crazy when i speak it. and since we've been dating we do talk everyday on each of his breaks he calls to make sure I’m ok and usually talk at night until we fall asleep.

I’m set to go back in a few weeks and he has stressed that he is saving money to be able to support the trip some as he doesn’t want me to pay for everything, but i know that most of it i can afford i know what resorts there pay. But i also want him to be the MAN so that one’s a battle.

Some of the red flags

*he did mention the breeding/ love very early on*

*he seems slightly jealous whenever i mention going out for the weekend

*he is quite curious to the price of things/ how jobs work etc (but i think the curiosity is natural)

*he has asked for phone credit but never for money or anything

* I don’t like his outlook on Jamaican women as he claims he will never date another one because they are all lazy use men etc. (I’m black American by the way) and his last relationship ended earlier this year was with a Jamaican girl.

*we are close in age but I am 5 years his senior.

Keep the input coming and continue to share your experiences good and bad.

You don't need to speak patweh. I rarely do. (except when my niece and nephew beg me to. I can't resist them and they think it is hilarious!)

The key is understanding it. Knowing what he means by certain words and phrases. Understanding what is being talked about around you. You don't need to depend solely on him to teach you. Google Patois/patweh dictionaries. Watch Jamaican videos.

Personally, I do not see some phone credit as a big deal. It was alot cheaper to put $20 on his phone for the month for international credit, than me calling him. When its possible use wifi calling on FB or Whatsapp.

Edited October 19, 2016 by LionessDeon