Please don't judge. I'm going to talk to a consular and seeking for ideas.

[NikLR 13,227]

100% agree with Ontarkie!

[Rc123rc 528]

100% agree with Ontarkie!

Ya, pretty much. I hate to tell you but you stepped over a lot of relationship boundaries. On top of that, you tried to force the path your relationship would take. Not saying it's all your fault. Your wife is partly to blame for a number of things. This is going to take a lot of time and mutual effort to fix. Unfortunately you may have screwed up any chance of having acceptance form her family. Good Luck and hope things get better.

[Cathi 5,763]

this is what happens when people lie

[JeanLovesTracy 10]

I agree with a previous poster, please explain where physical violence ( slapping someone in the face) is ever appropriate? i know emotions get raw, but I have a friend who is a family atty and he told me it should end at first physical contact, because in his twenty years experience it only escalates from there. Take that advice for what it is worth OP.

[Jawaree 718]

Oh what tangled web we weave when we choose to deceive.

Its a very different culture, you must have known she was terrified to tell her family

She is not ready for that relationship and those cultures are dismissive permanently with gay kids

She will likely end up with a husband to please her family, maybe she was experimenting.

Never cross boundaries with others family, this is a whole lot of drama.

Let her go if she is for you she'll return , she said it no family no relationship...good luck

Edited October 7, 2016 by Jawaree

[wheresmykoala 52]

I'm sorry to hear everything is a mess right now for you both. I would like to hope that things will get better, but as other posters have said, it seems like a lot of damage has been done (especially with family) so unfortunately things might never be the same again. That being said, there seems to be a few ways to go about this.

Since it seems that you're really trying to make it work, consider counseling. Granted this can't save your marriage, as any relationship needs both sides to make it work, but it could help. She's understandably hurt as her family has virtually 'disowned' her, she wasn't ready to tell them about you two, and your interaction with her family has made things worse. HOWEVER, it is not acceptable that she hit you, regardless of how upset she was. With that information alone I would seriously consider the relationship, as it is likely an omen of things to come- if she's done it once, odds are it will continue to happen again and again, which is totally unacceptable.

Her I-485 is pending now and they're sending a second RFE. There are days I'm so tired and wanted her to leave. But I couldn't do it. I don't know what else can I do. I am so lost at this point.

My second suggestion with the above information is to not continue the process any further. Divorce, let her go back to her home country and sort things out for not only herself but with her family. I can't imagine how much it would hurt to let someone you love go, but if the two of you continue to be so miserable together it is probably what would be best. Unfortunately there are a lot of factors that have changed the dynamics of your relationship from when you first met up until this point. The RFE might be a sign you need to let her go and take some time to sort each of your own lives out for the time being.

Good luck with whatever path you take!

[TBoneTX 45,394]

it should end at first physical contact

This is the heart of the matter.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I think this was a hard way for her family to find out. People in the US are just now coming to terms with it and becoming a cultural norm....( if you can say it is ) with all thats going on never mind a country where its taboo.

I would support and listen not comment like ontarkie said. Coming out of the closet is huge especially if you have strong family ties. (With a family who doesnt tolerate homosexuality)

Good luck ?

Edited October 7, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Ortolan 381]

I don't know that the violence would escalate either.

But I'm just saying personally I wouldn't stay with someone who thought it was acceptable to hit me, no matter WHAT culture they came from. If the OP is willing to deal with the possibility that it will occur again then by all means, try to save your marriage.

You have to ask yourself, though, is the possibility of someone striking you as a response something you're willing to have in your future.

[NikLR 13,227]

Personal decision.

[USAMorocco 143]

First of all when I fight with my mother or my family it is one thing....if someone else fights with my mother or family it is another. I agree with what most of the other people have said. You crossed boundaries that well you just don't cross. If my fiance ever said anything bad to my mother or family AND if he ever put a hand on me he would be gone. It is very hard to overcome normal cultural differences let along cultural differences and same-sex marriages. If you want to stay with her you have a lot of work to do. If she can handle not talking to her family right now and maybe ever that is something she has to decide and accept. My cousin came out to my Italian Catholic family and they didn't talk to her for close to 3 years. It is not easy for family members to accept that. I would seek marriage counseling if you both want it to work and if only one wants this to work it won't work. I don't see why people lie. Like I tell my 7 year old....When you lie you get in more trouble for lying and deceiving someone than you do for just coming out and telling the truth. I hope you find a solution. Good luck.

[Rc123rc 528]

You also have to remember that physically striking a partner, in the U.S., is grounds for a domestic violence charge. I told me ex wife, she had a temper, you can yell, scream, swear at me, call me all kinds of names or even hit your head against the wall in frustration, but if you ever lay a hand on me, I'll call you a cab and show you the door. The closest she ever came was throwing something at the wall when I was leaving the room. The marriage was pretty much done by then anyway.

[Angrylittlemouse 0]

Ya, pretty much. I hate to tell you but you stepped over a lot of relationship boundaries. On top of that, you tried to force the path your relationship would take. Not saying it's all your fault. Your wife is partly to blame for a number of things. This is going to take a lot of time and mutual effort to fix. Unfortunately you may have screwed up any chance of having acceptance form her family. Good Luck and hope things get better.

Thanks for your kindness. But you know, if they accept us then fine. I'm happy to be a apart of their family. I'll be a good kid. If not, it's fine still. I'm married to my wife, not the entire of her family.

[Angrylittlemouse 0]

FYI

I DIDNT say any bad words to her family. EVER AND PERIOD. All I did was wanting to show her mom around where we live so she knows that her daughter is ok and living a life like anyone else. That's also happened after my wife came out. I DIDNT just go and tell her family hey let's me show you around and your daughter is gay.

My wife and I have been together for 6 years and my wife doesn't want anyone to know about me. I told her right after she got her visa approved that's its best to come out now because she doesn't want to make up a huge lie such as she got a student visa with scholarship to come here. Her family is from a country side of Vietnam so yes it's a huge sea and pride when their daughter gonna study abroad and ofcourse with scholarship. I would be shocked too if I were her parents. But my wife didn't want to listen to me. She even wanted us to have kids first then bring the kids home and then come out.

For physical involved. My wife wanted to put me on the phone with her LGBT friend in vietnam and presented herself as my wife's brother. I did refused to talk to that girl and told her to stay out of my family business. That girl then started to yell at me and stuff so i yelled back and asked my wife to hang up the phone which it didn't happen. My wife left the phone on for the whole time we argued. And ofcourse the other girl was yelling on the phone the whole time as well. So my wife slapped me when I yelled back to that girl because my wife said that I'm being rude.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

Thanks for your kindness. But you know, if they accept us then fine. I'm happy to be a apart of their family. I'll be a good kid. If not, it's fine still. I'm married to my wife, not the entire of her family.

You still don't understand.

In Asian culture, you married a person , you also married her entire family (whether you like it or not).

It is up to your wife to shield you away from her family drama.

Sorry to tell you this: Blood is thicker than water.

6 years of relationship is nothing compare to the importance of family relationship.