Please don't judge. I'm going to talk to a consular and seeking for ideas.

[Angrylittlemouse 0]

Long story, I brought my wife here 9 months ago from Vietnam and we're same sex marriage couple. Things didn't went too well between us like I was hoping for after the years we've had together.

My wife's family is strict as they lives in Đông Nai province so same sex is something new to them and it seems to me like they're putting a lot of hope on my wife since she's the only one who's doing good with school and stuff. So when we got her visa to come here, she didn't want to come out yet and told her family that she got a student visa to the US. It was fine with me back then but lately it bothers me a lot because we're planning on kids and more so I do want her to tell the truth and face it. Back to 2014 when I decided to move to Việt Nam so I can be with her and I decided to let my family in general and my Grandmom ofcourse the most important person of my life to know the true and why I was there. Sadly, they ditched me like a piece of trash. I felt nothing like human and no one even welcoming me home or even look at me, either hear my name. My feeling was even lower than dirt. But then when nobody's around and I looked over to my wife ( my fiancée back then). I've asked myself a question if she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and ofcourse she's sleeping next to me. So I told myself that my family's just Angry now but they'll realize later that I'm still their child.

So for a whole year I was there, my wife was the only one to me and my number one priority. For some reason, my wife's family was called by uscis to be investigate about how she got here and stuff. And her family found out the true. My wife now had no choice but have to confess, myself ofcourse i do want them to know and forgive us and take time to accept us. Because we're married and wanting kids so I do not want to live in the dark anymore like I've been doing for 6 years I've know my wife. Now her family said that they didn't want to see her, talk to her and she's dead to them ( according to a friend of my wife who called and talk to her family instead of my wife. I don't really trust this friend that much because she got between me and my wife a lot of time before). A day after talking to her mom, I called and ask if she'll be free so we can get online and show her around where we live so she knows that we're ok on our own and we're just like anyone else in this world. Yet, my wife cailmed that it wasn't help and I just want to destroyed everything. And her friend ofcourse told her that she didn't understand why I did that since the family's so much emotion now. I don't really appreciated how my wife's friend got involve. Not to mention a night before that when my wife put me on the phone with someone else who presented herself as my wife's brother. This person yelled at me on the phone when I told her to please stay out of it and leave my family alone. So I yelled back and ofcourse I couldn't control my anger. My wife smacked me and didn't hang up the phone when we argued. And that person was yelling on the phone the whole time. When being asked, my wife said it was all my fault because I'm being rude. But I just can't understand that what am I doing wrong when I asked someone to leave my family alone? And both does the same thing like yelling and I was wrong. I can't get t.

But anyway, this morning my wife was going to walk away( have done so many times when we fighted) and we agreed for her not to do that anymore but we'll she's still doing it. I finally got her in the car and we talked while going to work. My wife said that she always told herself that if her family dismissed her, then she does not need anyone anymore, that's also me. And she said that she didn't forced me to come out to my family so that's my own business. But I tried to let her know that they're only mad now and it'll be ok later. Just give them them like I did but she doesn't want to listen. She's changed a lot since she came here. And my anger has gotten worst because I always think it's not fair for me after all we've been thru.

I'm just so lost right now. I love my wife a lot and always wanted us to work out. I wish to be happy and not being threath every time when we argued ( I always said sorry first no matter who was right or wrong). I hate it whenever we figured and I couldn't talk to her. Because she'll laugh away and doesn't seem to care and then she'll take off like nobody else business. Doesn't matter if it was dark outside. I don't know what to do. I just want my wife to love me and understand me and treat me as the one she's married to. She has always been an angel to me since the day I met her until she's here with me.

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

It does not sound like you need immigration advice.

[Georgia16 2,858]

Sorry your marriage is so messed up but what is your question?

[Boiler 45,585]

I do not think there is a question.

[Angrylittlemouse 0]

Her I-485 is pending now and they're sending a second RFE. There are days I'm so tired and wanted her to leave. But I couldn't do it. I don't know what else can I do. I am so lost at this point.

[cyclone27 710]

Family is everything in Vietnamese culture so there lies your problem.

[Angrylittlemouse 0]

Family is everything in Vietnamese culture so there lies your problem.

You meant on my part?

[cyclone27 710]

Her family in Vietnam.

[Umka36 781]

Sounds like you both need marriage counseling OP.

[Angrylittlemouse 0]

I don't know why on earth would you tell your kid that they're dead to you. We didn't chose to be gay.

[cyclone27 710]

Vietnam is a very conservative country so this should not surprise you I would have thought.

I doubt your wife will ever be happy until your relationship gets approval from her family. Hiding the fact certainly didn't help the situation either.

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Moved from Vietnam Regional Forum to Effect of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits Forum~

~Similar topics are often discussed at this forum~

[Ontarkie 14,237]

Ok my thoughts - Don't ever say bad stuff about her family, if she bad mouths them let her, it's her family. You support her, be there to listen, but never bad mouth them.

What on earth were you thinking calling her mother to talk and show her your apartment. That is up to your wife not you and only when she is ready and when her parents are ready. You overstep and now she is rightfully mad at you.

As for her friend well stay away from that person if they are trouble, you can't stop your wife from being friends with them. You can only limit and control your thoughts and action towards the friend.

The brother why didn't you hang up the phone or pass it back to your wife saying sorry I don't talk to people who cannot speak to me properly. Someone starts yelling at me on the phone the next thing they will hear is the click and dial tone.

I would just avoid speaking to her family emotions are raw and they are hurt. Yes they are hurt, their daughter lied to them. She left them under a huge lie. She wasn't ready to come out, you can't push her to do something she's not ready to do. It sucks people can't just shake it off and say ok start over but it takes time.

Good luck I hope she is going to go to counseling with you.

[Ortolan 381]

It sounds like maybe you didn't know each other quite as well as you thought you did; that's too bad.

At this point...if you don't respond to the RFE, I guess she'll have to go back to Vietnam, and you'll have to get a divorce. Is that what she wants to do?

I personally wouldn't want to stay with any spouse who "smacked" me.

[IcezMan_IcezLady 582]

I agree with Ontarkie... One thing i learned from marriage counseling (pre-marital) is to never engage your spouse's family in any form of confrontation.

There's a saying " it's not my monkey so it's not my circus".

Let your wife deal with her family and your deal with yours. If you meddle in her family's affairs, you will be the one at the short end of the stick.

Seems like you got this perfect plan in your mind and you are steering it without taking the other folks in the midst into consideration.

You can't make her give you more than she is willing to give.. Step back and let her deal with her family. be there to listen and offer support and encourage and bit your tongue.

good luck to you!