Keys to making your marriage work

[alix 20]

I am very surprised, to say the least, with some of the postings here. I feel like I am back to medieval times. I am far from being a feminist. I actually believe that men should have the SENSE of control and breadwinning, just because it makes them feel more worthy in the family unit. But then again, just the sense!!!!! Husbands and wives should be partners and have an equal say when it comes to conflicts in the relationship. It's all about balance. There's actually a joke in Brazil that says that men ALWAYS have the last word: "YES, M'AM!!".

Plus, there's got to be love (and lots of it), respect, communication and of course, good sex. Also, both need to accept the other person as they are and not try to keep changing them. People don't change, unless they really want to. I think a big mistake people make is thinking they can change the other person and feels frustrated when they can't. And one more thing....CHEATING IS NO-NO!!!!!!!

[Niels Bohr 72]

I am very surprised, to say the least, with some of the postings here. I feel like I am back to medieval times. I am far from being a feminist. I actually believe that men should have the SENSE of control and breadwinning, just because it makes them feel more worthy in the family unit. But then again, just the sense!!!!! Husbands and wives should be partners and have an equal say when it comes to conflicts in the relationship. It's all about balance. There's actually a joke in Brazil that says that men ALWAYS have the last word: "YES, M'AM!!".

Plus, there's got to be love (and lots of it), respect, communication and of course, good sex. Also, both need to accept the other person as they are and not try to keep changing them. People don't change, unless they really want to. I think a big mistake people make is thinking they can change the other person and feels frustrated when they can't. And one more thing....CHEATING IS NO-NO!!!!!!!

I agree with some of your comments. However, most of you sentences can be you. That is you. Others have it their way. People do change over time, but, the change is parrallel to age and experiences. It can be thought as maturing over time. However, human cultures and society moves at a slower pace compared to one person. That is what I think.

The change is based on if that person wants to change for the better future. Happens in Asia all the time. In Thailand, and Cambodia there are very little divorces there compared to America. This is due to their culture.

[Nessa 23]

People, it's so easy. The secret for a successful marriage is the ability to put up with someone else's sh!it for the rest of your life jk jk

actually, now seriously, I don't agree with ''obey and submit'', it doesn't work for me, it might work in other marriages, it all depends on the way you were raised, your beliefs etc etc. I believe in partnership and equal rights. Of course there are things a man can provide easily and or preferably and things a woman can provide easily/pref.

I am with Alix when it comes to respect, communication and most important: not try to change your partner, the only person you can change is yourself. If I think there is something about me that really bothers my partner and I can do something about it which will result in improving our relationship I will consider doing it, as I have done. It's all about common sense, it doesn't take a genious to figure out the things you can do to make your relationship better, but it takes effort .

[Nikita2Charles 32]

Learn to pick your battle, don't nagger over the small stuffs.

Communication, Understanding.

I felt for long distance relationship, The 1st few months were the most difficult as you have 2 people with different personalities, mingling together, of course there will be friction. The most important part has to do with being compassionate, understanding, since the person left their friends, family, Jobs, environment to sail through many seas to be with you. NOW that both of you are together,that's when the challenge starts, all the being in the best behavior, dating and that stuff is no longer there, now you are 2 souls united as ONE in body and spirit.

Be forgiving

Don't hold grudges

What happen in the Past stays in the Past

Pray Together

Sometimes even if you know you are right in an argument, just let it go what's the point of fighting and showing you are right when the person will not realize it because at the point nobody is thinking straight, later on when things cool down you can point out what you were trying to say and it's amazing how your partner can find out by himself/herself what you were trying to say.

Know that YOU ARE THERE FOR EACH OTHER

No more mommy, Daddy to come to the rescue, you have to deal with things as a couple.

Don't get 3rd parties involved in your argument.

Just be there for each other and PUT YOURSELF INTO THE OTHER PERSON SHOES.

One advice my late uncle gave me before we got married, you know the person loves you, cares about you, so no matter what happen always let her beleive she's right.

Edited March 28, 2007 by Nikita2Charles

[Kathryn41 3,205]

We too are equal partners, in fact, our marriage vows state that we are each individuals who are joining our lives together, but that doesn't mean we stop being individuals. Respect for who your partner is is key - don't try to 'change' them or make them over into what or who you believe they should be; you married them as they are, so accept them as they are. That does, of course, work both ways. Your partner married you as you are and should accept you as you are. You will have things in common and things that differ - both are valuable to the success of a relationship. We all have our own idiosyncracies and you want him to be as understanding of yours as you are of his.

Communication is vital - both listening, and speaking honestly and if what you are saying is difficult, then with 'compassion' for how you are saying it. Think of how the other person will respond and often by changing the wording, or owning your own feelings rather than making it 'their' problem, will allow them to hear you without becoming defensive. Don't hesitate to ask for a 'time out' if you feel things are getting too heated to address reasonably or with consideration for both of you.

Think of small kindnesses you can offer to each other - you are not a servant or a slave to your partner nor are they to you, but if they ask you to do something, why not do it if you are in the position to do so? If you are making a cup of tea for yourself, ask if they want one too. Don't forget to ask them for favours as well and ask kindly - don't demand! If you want him to take out the garbage ask him, and don't get frustrated if he doesn't do it right away. If the garbage truck is coming now, you could say, 'sweetheart, the garbage truck is on the street, would you take the garbage out to the curb right now? Thank you' otherwise, let him do it in his time:-).

Don't expect either of you to be mind readers! Don't expect him/her to know without saying something what you expect. Missed expectations is one of the leading causes of anger, frustration, hurt feelings and arguments. If it is important to you, then let your partner know.

Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Don't let suspicions drive a wedge between you. If you have proof of a problem, then discuss it - listen and speak both - together.

Say 'I love you" even if you are feeling hurt or angry. At the heart of it, you do love each other, even when you don't particularly like each other at the time. That will pass and saying "I love you" helps you remember the deeper feelings - and helps the other remember that they love you too, even when they are frustrated all to bits about a situation.

So, accept each other for who you are, listen, be kind, give the benefit of the doubt, take responsibility for your own actions and words.

Finally, learn to be a happy and whole person within yourself; do not depend on your partner to be everything that you lack or are not within yourself. They cannot 'fill' the empty spaces within you - only you can do that, but they can be there to help. It is far healthier to be with a partner because you want to be there, rather than you 'need' to be there.

Edited March 28, 2007 by Kathryn41

[ladywhite 0]

To me, what holds together two people from different backgrounds and upbringings is the only one thing -- LOVE.

People defines love differently. To me, love is the most solid foundation of all else, not just an emotion or feeling that fades with time.

Without love, there would not be respect, patience, understanding, forgiving, sincerity, kindness, generosity, trust, selflessness, commitment, etc.

I love him so dearly and, admittedly, he can be difficult sometimes (i think we all do). But I try to understand him the way he is and, honestly, never try to change him (he may disagree with this, though ). I am not that of a good person, but, with him, I am a better person. Often, it is hard to believe I can love anyone this much to be this patient, understanding, forgiving, or whatever.

He loves me dearly, too, and unbelieveably, adjusts (not change) himself for many things to make "our" lives happier and better.

I think, getting to know each other well helps tremendously. We know how to approach the other person in certain situation (e.g., post disagreement, post misunderstanding). We know each other's pet peeves. And because of love and strong commitment we have for each other, we do anything and everything to make us work.

Humor helps, too.

That is just us...

[DaveandFleur 0]

Trust, communication, and knowing when to pick your battles.

And this should be moved to off-topic.

I am sure this has to do with a New life in America ???

Oh I respect all avenues of religion. I would be wrong to say there is a right and wrong one....(oops stay on topic).

Be flexible and put the toilet paper roll on the roller how your wife wants it..

I love VJ...(on topic) My wife is moving to America (lol).

[DaveandFleur 0]

I wanted to edit my previous post but it won't let me so here is what I wanted to edit it to:

Equal partners will never work. This is one of the main reasons for divorce today. Today, both partners go into a marriage without knowing who has the final word or say in the family. By having a head of the family ends arguments or disagreements quickly. Do not think of the leader of a family as a tyrant who controls all but as a compassionate person who does compromise even though he knows he does have the final say.

I like to think the head of the family is like the King of Thailand. He has the final word on everything in the country. He can control everything in the country. But he is kind hearted and cares and loves the people of his country. Therefore, the Thai people love him back and submit to him and respect him.

Spoken like a true Cave Man...

OMG that is funny

[Caladan 19]

Trust, communication, and knowing when to pick your battles.

And this should be moved to off-topic.

I am sure this has to do with a New life in America ???

Oh I respect all avenues of religion. I would be wrong to say there is a right and wrong one....(oops stay on topic).

Be flexible and put the toilet paper roll on the roller how your wife wants it..

I love VJ...(on topic) My wife is moving to America (lol).

When I posted, it was in the K-1 forum, where it clearly didn't belong. This works, too. Calm down.

[no one 0]

For us:

- honest communication

- sense of humour

- never going to sleep angry... don't let problems build up!!! (So many of my friends have ended romantic relationships on bad terms because of this)

- compromise on different issues such as housekeeping, budgeting, etc.

- physical touch... a healthy dose of hugs and kisses each day works for us

- doing activities together, and trying new things together

- sharing core values/beliefs

[GabachaYucateca 0]

That post by aitian about loving, feeding, and caring for your wife sounds similar to the relationship I have with my dog. And yes, I do expect him to submit to me.

Thank God my fiance doesn't expect that from me. That's what ya get for wanting to marry a gringa!

[Otto 83]

That post by aitian about loving, feeding, and caring for your wife sounds similar to the relationship I have with my dog. And yes, I do expect him to submit to me.

Thank God my fiance doesn't expect that from me. That's what ya get for wanting to marry a gringa!

That's uncalled for...

SYLLABICATION: grin·ga

NOUN: Offensive Slang Used as a disparaging term for a foreign woman in Latin America, especially an American or English woman.

ETYMOLOGY: Spanish, feminine of gringo, gringo. See gringo.

[GabachaYucateca 0]

Well, I am a gringa...no problem being called one. But I guess you could see that from my picture!

And in Mexico, it's simply used as a descriptor. It's only disparaging when used a certain way and in certain circumstances. If I hear pinche gringa (f**king gringa) it's meant disparagingly, but just by itself not so much.

[m&n 0]

I think it's important that married couples have a lot of inside jokes................just between the two of them.

[Niels Bohr 72]

ROFLMAO!!!