AOS Postponement

[Hypnos 6,576]

K-1s aren't a "try before you buy" offer.

The time for deciding whether this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your lives is before you have them uproot their entire existence for you.

If I were in your fiancée's shoes and stumbled upon this thread, there likely wouldn't be a wedding to worry about.

Someone out of status is essentially a non-person in the eyes of the United States. I've lived that, and I do not recommend it. The feeling of always looking over your shoulder, wondering if today will be the day they'll catch up with you. I still have occasional nightmares about it.

If you're sure this is the person you want to be with, and your relationship is genuine, don't hold the sword of Damocles over their head whilst you decide if you're super dooper *absolutely* sure. And if you aren't sure, don't go ahead with it until you are.

Edited September 23, 2016 by Hypnos

[Pitaya 2,577]

~Non-contributory post removed~

~Post constructively, or do not post.~

Pitaya

VJ Moderation

[Ash.1101 1,756]

K-1s aren't a "try before you buy" offer.

The time for deciding whether this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your lives is before you have them uproot their entire existence for you.

If I were in your fiancée's shoes and stumbled upon this thread, there likely wouldn't be a wedding to worry about.

Someone out of status is essentially a non-person in the eyes of the United States. I've lived that, and I do not recommend it. The feeling of always looking over your shoulder, wondering if today will be the day they'll catch up with you. I still have occasional nightmares about it.

If you're sure this is the person you want to be with, and your relationship is genuine, don't hold the sword of Damocles over their head whilst you decide if you're super dooper *absolutely* sure. And if you aren't sure, don't go ahead with it until you are.

That limbo period can be real rough. My husband had almost no cultural shock or change, but not working and worrying about being in the limbo def made him a lot more irritable than normal. Adding in Culture shock can really really really make things worse.

The guy is working over night shifts now, only gets four hours of sleep a night, and says that working all the time, being tired, but having the GC process done is MUCH less stressful than doing nothing and sitting around waiting to hear from paperwork or going out with me worrying that something might happen.

Some people might think that doing nothing is a gift or a vacation, but when in the process of immigration, it can be one of the most stressful times for both parties.

Edited September 23, 2016 by Ash.1101

[Rc123rc 528]

My personal opinion is that your plan to delay the AOS for the reasons you stated are not a good idea and most likely fail miserably. What will you answer to the interviewing officer if you are asked why you delayed the AOS process? They all know that it's best to file soon after marriage unless there are some very odd circumstances. It is certainly within your rights to go forward with your plans. I understand your concerns but quite frankly have you considered her side? There is a good chance she will lose complete trust in you. With 46 years of relationship experience I can tell you this whole plan is going to backfire on you. Go ahead and tell your fiancee that you are delaying the AOS because you don't trust her and see what happens. If you don't tell her then you are lying to her. Not a good way to start a marriage. Also, as stated in other posts. There is no "getting to know someone" after they arrive on a K-1. It's a complete misuse of the visa if you do. My suggestion is to delay this whole process one year and you visit her 2-3 times to get a better idea of your fiancee. This is just common relationship sense, not a judgmental opinion.

[zilchfox 296]

I'm trying to understand why you didn't get to know her before even sending off the I-129F. As the beneficiary in our own case, I myself am already scared about the time where I cannot work and being stuck in limbo, I already know I'm going to have sleepless nights, and my SO and I want to get that out of the way as soon as we physically can. On top of that, I'm from Canada so it's not like the culture shock is going to be that big for me, but I assume she's from Indonesia given your avatar, and that's a complete change in culture.

If you didn't trust her to the point that you're not willing to sign off the AOS, you shouldn't have filed the I-129F to begin with -- It just doesn't make any sense. Please reconsider your decision, for her sake if anything. It's not like she's coming over for a visit, she's packing her entire life up into a bag and staying with you for the rest of her life, or so she thinks at this rate. If my fiance did that to me and I found out, I'd feel like I'm being punished for something I didn't do, and completely lose trust in him, break up, and go back home.

[blue_angel_29 108]

I was just wondering, would a pre nup agreement be something to consider? In this case instead of postponing the AOS process?

[Dan and Radinka 11]

Its impossible to know anyone that well. I dont think I need to tell you this. People surprise you regardless of how well you know them. Its a fact of life. If all couples were honest, loving and faithful then nobody would get a divorce. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself and having an insurance policy.

He should have tried to get to know her better before even getting her out of her own country. There is a HUGE lack of trust coming from OP and a lot of selfishness/self-serving interest. I feel bad for the fiancee.

[Cathi 5,748]

Why did you even ASK this question if you already have your mind made up? People are telling you what the right thing to do is and you've done nothing but try to defend your paranoia. Stop watching 90 day fiance. I hope your fiance catches on and dumps you, she deserves a "man" who trusts her.

[Cathi 5,748]

I was just wondering, would a pre nup agreement be something to consider? In this case instead of postponing the AOS process?

what would a pre-nup do? What's he supposed to put in it "if you scammed me for a GC you're #### out of luck" Pre-nups don't protect someone from being scammed for a GC.

Edited September 23, 2016 by mimolicious

[Cheezees 1,514]

So you're using the K1 visa for a marital test run, huh? "Protecting" yourself from a potential gold digger, you say? Withholding immigration opportunities, yeah? Having her practically stranded in a new country so you can have "power" over her if she doesn't "act right", yes? Making sure you'll get your money's worth 'cause "you can never know someone that well", amiright?

[f f 725]

a nice little thing to remember is that the info you gave her with the i134 which is part of the i129f is already more than enough information to steal your identity. so if you trust her with that why don't you trust her now?

[blue_angel_29 108]

what would a pre-nup do? What's he supposed to put in it "if you scammed me for a GC you're #### out of luck" Pre-nups don't protect someone from being scammed for a GC.

No. I was thinking more of. Of they divorce, she will volunteer to go home to her country. If she signs then she is obligated to do so. Better option than to keep her immigration. Though.

[blue_angel_29 108]

.

Edited September 23, 2016 by blue_angel_29

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I dont think the fiancee will ever be good enough in your eyes and you will alienate her...

And if you put this out here who knows what other plans you may have. This is abuse what you intend to do.

[A'n'L 735]

Do YOU love HER? Are you really willing to risk losing her? Keep in mind that she is actually the applicant for AOS, she just needs you to fill you the I864. If my husband withheld that from me after I picked up and moved across the world for him, I would loose all trust and love for him. Are you really willing to go there with your future wife?