Bad situation

[Merrytooth 5,748]

There are also tons of USC here who never buy health insurance for their immigrant spouses / parents and resort to emergency medicaid.

So we should condemn these type of people as well, for being cheap, irresponsible.

Ultimately, it is up to OP and her spouse to decide what works best for them.

If she is not happy, she could walk away instead of continue to suffer in the marriage.

[Unlockable 7,314]

As a fairly new LPR her credit and job history might not allow her to secure a car loan, and based on her posts I doubt her husband is willing to co-sign or purchase her a vehicle in his name and alow her to make payments. Also there will be auto insurance and registration fees she will need to come up with.

Financing a car in the US is one of the easiest things to do. "Buy here, pay here".... " Your pay stub is all you need"..."No credit, No problem"..., etc, etc.

Sure, she may pay higher than most but it is doable.

[Teddy B 17,252]

There are also tons of USC here who never buy health insurance for their immigrant spouses / parents and resort to emergency medicaid.

So we should condemn these type of people as well, for being cheap, irresponsible.

Ultimately, it is up to OP and her spouse to decide what works best for them.

If she is not happy, she could walk away instead of continue to suffer in the marriage.

Umm yeah, someone who chooses to abuse the system when they can afford to pay for services like health insurance should be condemned. If they can't afford to provide health insurance for their spouse, then they shouldn't be importing one.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Financing a car in the US is one of the easiest things to do. "Buy here, pay here".... " Your pay stub is all you need"..."No credit, No problem"..., etc, etc.

Sure, she may pay higher than most but it is doable.

My uncle owns a car dealership that's notorious for those obnoxious ads.

Having zero credit still ends up being a problem for most people. Shouldn't believe everything you hear in ads.

[Teddy B 17,252]

Financing a car in the US is one of the easiest things to do. "Buy here, pay here".... " Your pay stub is all you need"..."No credit, No problem"..., etc, etc.

Sure, she may pay higher than most but it is doable.

For $500 a month, including insurance, gas, upkeep and any repairs that may be needed? Her insurance alone as a new driver under 25 will be around $50 a week. Not to mention the possibility of having to pay for parking if she works in the city which can be upwards of $25 a day or more. $125 a week for someone that commutes in and out of Boston or any big city isn't all that much, especially if she is forced to utilize taxi services.

Note: I used "Boston" as an example because the op lists Massachusetts as her state.

Edited September 21, 2016 by Teddy B

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Why can't the husband come pick you up at 11pm?

It's just such a huge waste of resources to spend nearly HALF your income on taxis.

I know there are bigger fish to fry here, but it seems like both members of this couple have some serious financial planning deficiencies.

OP: Did you husband agree that you should take this job, wasting half of it on cabs? It's almost equal to your $90 /week job if the commuting was free.

Edited September 21, 2016 by Harpa Timsah

[Teddy B 17,252]

Why can't the husband come pick you up at 11pm?

It's just such a huge waste of resources to spend nearly HALF your income on taxis.

I know there are bigger fish to fry here, but it seems like both members of this couple have some serious financial planning deficiencies.

Sounds like the husband is a loser who only cares about himself, and or that other word that Sandra used that begins with a "d".

The financial planning deficiencies are mostly the husband's fault as well, imo. Sounds like the guy brought his wife here and basically threw her to the wolves.

[JenniferNangel 137]

So most of you agreed that I have to pay half of the rent and full amount of gass bill and electricity amd cabel and he should only pay for his car and helf of the rent is this fair thank you is this because im not USC im the foriener i have to pay for everything thank you all

With all due respect first you said you pay half the bills and rent and now it's all ?? I honestly think you are looking for sympathy. Paying bills is called being a responsible adult it's not abuse and him being loving isn't abuse either. Before you came to America your husband payed for all the application in order to bring you here , plane tickets and God knows what else. Do you know the application fee to petition a spouse is 420$ ?? I know you don't bother responding to a single comment I post but really you either suck it up and deal with it or divorce

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

With all due respect first you said you pay half the bills and rent and now it's all ?? I honestly think you are looking for sympathy. Paying bills is called being a responsible adult it's not abuse and him being loving isn't abuse either. Before you came to America your husband payed for all the application in order to bring you here , plane tickets and God knows what else. Do you know the application fee to petition a spouse is 420$ ?? I know you don't bother responding to a single comment I post but really you either suck it up and deal with it or divorce

I'm not sure where it was made clear that OP didn't help with immigration fees or didn't pay for her plane tickets. Did I miss that post?

[JenniferNangel 137]

I'm not sure where it was made clear that OP didn't help with immigration fees or didn't pay for her plane tickets. Did I miss that post?

Nope I'm just saying she's complaining about everything she must pay for and how unfair hubby is but doesn't realize the money that goes into the immigration process

[Teddy B 17,252]

Nope I'm just saying she's complaining about everything she must pay for and how unfair hubby is but doesn't realize the money that goes into the immigration process

From what's been posted about the husband, I wouldn't be surprised if he made her pay for her own immigration too.

[JenniferNangel 137]

From what's been posted about the husband, I wouldn't be surprised if he made her pay for her own immigration too.

I guess I'm the only one that thinks the husband is not unreasonable. He doesn't have to drive her anywhere he doesn't have to add her to his insurance he doesn't have to pamper her when she sick that's life some men are like that just like some men will do anything for their wife no questions asked. I don't think she honestly knew this man well enough before they decided to marry but it's not fair at all calling him abusive

[Teddy B 17,252]

I guess I'm the only one that thinks the husband is not unreasonable. He doesn't have to drive her anywhere he doesn't have to add her to his insurance he doesn't have to pamper her when she sick that's life some men are like that just like some men will do anything for their wife no questions asked. I don't think she honestly knew this man well enough before they decided to marry but it's not fair at all calling him abusive

Marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership where both spouses help each other the best they can. Based on what's been posted by the op, the husband is definitely not holding up his end of the bargain. If the husband doesn't want to be helpful and loving to his wife, then why get married at all?

I agree completely with your last sentence in that she didn't really know this man before marrying him. I wouldn't call what he is doing abuse, but it sure as heck isn't nice either.

[BethyWink 96]

I guess I'm the only one that thinks the husband is not unreasonable. He doesn't have to drive her anywhere he doesn't have to add her to his insurance he doesn't have to pamper her when she sick that's life some men are like that just like some men will do anything for their wife no questions asked. I don't think she honestly knew this man well enough before they decided to marry but it's not fair at all calling him abusive

Not the only one, I agree with you.

My main question is, would people think this is abuse if the female was the USC?! I know my husband and I had long conversations about where to live, here or Denmark, and we decided since I make significantly more, have a steady job, and disposable income, it is easier for him to move here for the time being. (this way we can afford on day one to fly to Denmark in the event of an emergency (sick family, funeral, etc). But we have also made it clear that ideally once he starts working, he starts contributing! It doesn't make me evil to pressure him into taking some weight off my back, and create a more stable home. But why is it abuse when a husband does this?

[KCMO 84]

i see two kinds of perspectives here. one from the western culture and one from a culture where divorce is not common and emotional support and financial support are very common. i can understand OP is coming from the latter. it may seem strange for the people brought up in western culture about op's wording regarding the paying bills etc. there is more here than that. like someone mentioned its about the warmth and companionship and a feeling of belonging to each other. that is what is lacking in Op's situation as per her posts. its not just about splitting the bills. many people from western culture suggest getting a divorce and i understand & support that perspective , but for women from many countries their marriage is tied into their family honor. i know no one should stay in a abusive situation . and abuse is not just physical , it totally can be emotional disconnection and cold treatment of a wife or a husband who came to another country trusting their spouse. abuse can take many silent forms. and for someone who grew up in a culture watching long lasting relationships and very minimum divorce rates and financial support and warmth , divorce may feel like more than just freedom. it may feel like how can they face their family and culture. so Op i believe is asking for some sort of emotional support here to make that choice. she has figured out that her husband is not affectionate towards her and does not probably care about her as she had thought . and her family might not get this, her culture might not get this, she feels going back with this truth is more painful and staying , divorcing , starting her own life can be a choice but that does not mean OP is not scared about such a choice. we all can offer her the right advice while sparing the harsh judgement about her life or making it seem like something is fishy or she is dishonest etcetc. we dont know her situation fully , but with compassion we can try to understand without jumping harsh judgement as some of us have done here. we probably should encourage her to get out of marriage and start her life and telling her that its fine she can do it instead of scolding her for her fear about this. she is from a different culture . if we were in her shoes we would know too. compassion and true advice to help is what is needed here. I am sorry op you are experiencing lack of love in your marriage , but you must listen to your own heart in this matter. if you decide to stay in this country and get out of marriage , you must file for divorce and use appropriate steps to make sure you to extend your GC . good luck! it may indeed bring you a freedom from any cultural repression you may have faced in your own country .

Edited September 21, 2016 by KCMO