Bad situation

[andy78 178]

im not happy in my marriage at all all his conversations about me paying bills thats all im about for him all he wants is body with pocket

You don't like paying 50% of rent and bills and it's part of the reason you are considering divorce, and at the same time you think it's perfectly fine for you to expect your husband to pay 100%. Your position seems unreasonable.

Edited September 21, 2016 by andy78

[Ciyara 11]

Thank you all I don't mind Paying or helping this is marriage i know that but the fact his pushing that all the time all his conversations bills bills i don't believe in divorce it's scary none of you going to understand people here always asking about immigration status and stuff I don't care I posted because I needed to talk to see how others going to feel about my situation if im giving 100% of my life to him i just want him to do the same happiness it's not in places thank you

[deleted this acco 44]

This is the real life here: paying bills no one here enjoys it but there is nothing for free here. Even if you run off single u will be paying the bills but this time in full. Be grateful you only have to pay half for now.

[Ciyara 11]

I don't mind is this all about bills is this life is this love bills the marriage that i know is sharing not only bills is daily life don't leave your wife waiting for you until 3:00 am in morning or 4 while you were enjoying your life with others marriage is when you feel sick one of the other needs to take care of the other of your wife's birthday or anniversary or any special occasion if she remembers and bought you something and prepared surprise for you she wants you at least be emotional not cold marriage is feeling and sharing respect taking care of each other not bills I don't mind people paying bills but I really need him to start thinking about me not when im going to pay the next bill ?

[Cheezees 1,514]

If you think that money/resources don't matter in a marriage, you are in for a rude awakening. When he was the one stuck with all the bills, bills, bills, you were fine. Now that he's asking you to pay your share, you're upset. You don't believe in divorce yet clearly your relationship is not working.

So what advice do you want us to give you? How to turn your husband into your "dream guy"? That's hardly immigration related. But here goes:

Step 1: Contribute to your household finances so your husband can also feel appreciated/taken care of.

Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

[Ciyara 11]

If you think that money/resources don't matter in a marriage, you are in for a rude awakening. When he was the one stuck with all the bills, bills, bills, you were fine. Now that he's asking you to pay your share, you're upset. You don't believe in divorce yet clearly your relationship is not working.

So what advice do you want us to give you? How to turn your husband into your "dream guy"? That's hardly immigration related. But here goes:

Step 1: Contribute to your household finances so your husband can also feel appreciated/taken care of.

Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

thank you I don't mind I'll keep paying after while I'll be back believe me life is sharing not only bills o hope you understand thank for your time thanks for everyone your different opinions helps me giving my self and my marriage chance to think about it in different way like most of you said i'll do my best o will give more then 100% to my marriage i have only one thing to say appreciate your wife's thank you

[Ciyara 11]

If you think that money/resources don't matter in a marriage, you are in for a rude awakening. When he was the one stuck with all the bills, bills, bills, you were fine. Now that he's asking you to pay your share, you're upset. You don't believe in divorce yet clearly your relationship is not working.

So what advice do you want us to give you? How to turn your husband into your "dream guy"? That's hardly immigration related. But here goes:

Step 1: Contribute to your household finances so your husband can also feel appreciated/taken care of.

Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

just to late. You know i have never asked him to pay anything my first job i was getting 90$ a week i was paying for my phone bill and if I liked something for my house and clothes i was not pushing him for anything nothing

[James007 6]

Ciyara, I know you didn't want a divorce but sometimes relationships don't work and sometimes people change. It's possible you are seeing how your husband really is. What you are describing is not healthy for you at all-I don't know you but I'm concerned for you. You can get a divorce and still stay here in the usa. I know life isn't easy at all and your in a difficult situation but you should focus on your life NOW! You are still young and life is yours-take it and be happy.

[Cathi 5,755]

you said you have been here 9 months but have had your GC for 2 years. Which is it? either way, divorce and move on

So you've been enduring this for "9 and half months"?

Are you concerned about your immigration status or your marriage?

You are not due for ROC yet. Sounds like your husband is an #######.

if you have evidence to show this marriage was entered in good faith then you will be fine.

But seek counseling if theres a way to savage your marriage.

What he is doing can be considered as an abuse, but you need proof.

what abuse? since when is working and paying your fair share abuse?

[Cathi 5,755]

I don't mind is this all about bills is this life is this love bills the marriage that i know is sharing not only bills is daily life don't leave your wife waiting for you until 3:00 am in morning or 4 while you were enjoying your life with others marriage is when you feel sick one of the other needs to take care of the other of your wife's birthday or anniversary or any special occasion if she remembers and bought you something and prepared surprise for you she wants you at least be emotional not cold marriage is feeling and sharing respect taking care of each other not bills I don't mind people paying bills but I really need him to start thinking about me not when im going to pay the next bill ?

You really need to use punctuation. I can't understand a thing you're saying because it's just one long run on sentence.

[Cathi 5,755]

You can file a divorce base on abuse. He signed Affidavit of Support and he's not supporting you. You said you are a green card holder, if you leave him, you will still get the permanent green card, so don't worry about immigration issues. I understand why you think you have to stay in the marriage but this man is killing you little by little. Leave him for the sake of your life and sanity.

Wish you all the best.

Huh? What????????? There is no abuse, he expects her to work and pay her fair share instead of sitting home all day doing nothing. Where is the abuse? Seriously? The affidavit of support has nothing to do with this. The affidavit of support is a contract between her husband and the US government, not him and her. It's a contract stating that if she goes on means tested benefits(welfare, food stamps etc..)that he will be liable for paying the government back. If you don't know the answer to a question, don't answer.

[dawning 212]

I don't mind is this all about bills is this life is this love bills the marriage that i know is sharing not only bills is daily life don't leave your wife waiting for you until 3:00 am in morning or 4 while you were enjoying your life with others marriage is when you feel sick one of the other needs to take care of the other of your wife's birthday or anniversary or any special occasion if she remembers and bought you something and prepared surprise for you she wants you at least be emotional not cold marriage is feeling and sharing respect taking care of each other not bills I don't mind people paying bills but I really need him to start thinking about me not when im going to pay the next bill ?

I think what I am getting from you is that you are worried about a lack of warmth and concern from your husband, and that the discussions about money are just a symptom of that? And it sounds like things have changed significantly since an earlier time in you relationship? It sounds like you don't mind helping financially, but expect more emotional support and help with day to day challenges for you.

The one thing that I'm not sure about is, what are you afraid of? Of your husband? Of divorce? Of problems with your immigration status, or with anti-immigrant attitudes? My advice would be that you try to work that out first, before you talk to your husband (or don't talk to him, if it's him your scared of) or make any decisions about whether or not to divorce or stay in the US or go home... it sounds like you are feeling very alone and overwhelmed, and I think the people suggesting you seek counseling or find some sort of support agencies for women or Latinas are noticing the same.

Good luck... you deserve to be happy, have a stable life, and have children if you want to... try to figure out your next steps and move forward as best as you can.

[Jawaree 717]

In defense of the OP i think English is not her 1st language,

but just buying her clothes & paying her phone bill maybe

one reason he gets into a tizzy about bills, there are many here

and priorities must be met

[Ciyara 11]

I think what I am getting from you is that you are worried about a lack of warmth and concern from your husband, and that the discussions about money are just a symptom of that? And it sounds like things have changed significantly since an earlier time in you relationship? It sounds like you don't mind helping financially, but expect more emotional support and help with day to day challenges for you.

The one thing that I'm not sure about is, what are you afraid of? Of your husband? Of divorce? Of problems with your immigration status, or with anti-immigrant attitudes? My advice would be that you try to work that out first, before you talk to your husband (or don't talk to him, if it's him your scared of) or make any decisions about whether or not to divorce or stay in the US or go home... it sounds like you are feeling very alone and overwhelmed, and I think the people suggesting you seek counseling or find some sort of support agencies for women or Latinas are noticing the same.

Good luck... you deserve to be happy, have a stable life, and have children if you want to... try to figure out your next steps and move forward as best as you can.

thank you for understanding, like i said i don't mind paying at all

[Ciyara 11]

In defense of the OP i think English is not her 1st language,

but just buying her clothes & paying her phone bill maybe

one reason he gets into a tizzy about bills, there are many here

and priorities must be met

with 90$ a week how can i pay for bills i was struggling and needed some source of money because I had none even a dollar, but after 6 month with that low check I decided to search for new job, i got hired in nice place with nice pay check i was always helping since i got hired paying the food for the house i was inviting him for food out side, but the thing is now he said that i have to pay helf of the rent and full payment of electricity, gass , cable ( interne/ tv) and food , like i said before i don't mind helping but it needs to be fair I don't make much as he do , when I first started working my paycheck was only 90$ a week Edited September 21, 2016 by Ciyara