Bad situation

[JenniferNangel 137]

So you think that im not supposed to be in his health insurance and his not supposed to help me if i need him and if im sick he doesn't have to buy me medicine is this how marriage for you is it not supposed to be helping each other supporting each other taking care of each other specialty your wife is this how things for you im sorry

. Mira I'm going to share a story with you ok

My parents(both USC by birth) split everything down the middle. My dad had his own insurance with my siblings and myself and my mother had her own(it's was cheaper that way at the time for whatever reason I dk) my father had his own car as well as my mother. My father never took care of my mother or bought her medicine but then again there was a cabniet full of different meds and shopping was always my mothers thing. What your husband is asking from you is normal maybe you thought you'd work and have all the money to yourself and now your angry I dk. If you work you can pay for transportation as well and maybe adding you on to the insurance will cost your husband more money. Some men are jerks (same as woman so don't attack me) but I'm thinking your husband isn't the lovey dovey I'll pamper my wife and do everything for her type

I really commented to stop getting emails from this post by now I realized I can't unfollow this topic ####### can someone help me my inbox going cray-cray right now

?????

[BethyWink 96]

The situation is that you have a job, so you should be able to pay for your own items if you need to. You have the following choices:

1. Divorce him and go back home

2. Be unhappy and pay your own bills.

To me, paying your own bills and needs is not abuse...including health insurance! I have had many conversations with my husband about US health insurance and what would be the cheapest way to insure him as he has previous conditions (Asthma, usually expensive for meds) and I have a history of cancer. We decided that for the time, he will be on my work insurance, but even that is $300+ a month, and once he gets a job, he will pay me back for the situation. It is 2016, husbands do not need to financially support their wives anymore.

This is not abuse, this is a man who sounds tired of financially supporting someone who is sounding ungrateful and thinks more of the stigma of divorce, than doing what is best for both parties.

[BethyWink 96]

I really commented to stop getting emails from this post by now I realized I can't unfollow this topic ####### can someone help me my inbox going cray-cray right now

?????

On a computer, there is a dark blue bar at the top of the topic, there should be an "Unfollow" button

[Boiler 45,535]

Sounds like you meed marriage counselling.

[Rmmm12345 15]

Op - I'm 21 and I pay for all of my own meals, my own insurance, my own car payments, and phone bill. Before I moved here I saved every penny from my old job which was reasonably well paid. I would never expect to move here and become a financial burden on someone else. Yes my husband helps me out by paying for meals sometimes or taking us out to the cinema or shopping or whatever, and I am very lucky in the sense he would help me out no problem. But I think you are expecting something miraculous to happen such as overnight your husband becomes a human ATM. It's all about helping one another but you have a job, and an obligation to pay for what you use - nobody else. I'm sorry if this comes across rude or abrupt but I feel like you're just expecting way too much from him. Either leave him if you're fed up with it, or sit down and have a conversation with him and sort something out that way.

[JenniferNangel 137]

On a computer, there is a dark blue bar at the top of the topic, there should be an "Unfollow" button

Omgggg thank you so much you are my hero

[Cheezees 1,514]

Yes im only 22 years old and divorce is not what I want (Why not?!?!?! Please divorce this guy!) to but there is no solution (Yes there is. Divorce him. He turned out to be a rotten apple. Let him go. You deserve better.) im really suffering i do have text messages of him telling me that yes you will pay the bills (this is a reasonable expectation in a marriage, but it is not abuse) and im not going to going put you under my health insurance (this is not a nice thing to do but it is not abuse) i have pictures of me and him i Have really a lot of messages im really tired

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Getting in before the lock

Paying your way is not abuse.

He does NOT have to add you to his medical but it WOULD be nice.

Lastly live life not to care what others think. (if you don't pay my bills...)

carry on

[Unlockable 7,314]

It is very common that both the husband and wife split the bills in a household. I agree that this is a lack of understanding on the expectations from each other in your marriage.

[Amadia 711]

The OP's story seems all over the place....she's scared and needs help....from what exactly? A husband who wants her to have a sense of independence? (Others may see it differently..this is how I see it...judge me if you like)

I brought my entire life's savings when I came up here to be with my husband 6wks ago. I left a permanent job, sold my car and my kids had to be taken out of school. We have come here to start a new life and while everything in a marriage is not made of cupcakes and fairy dust, we must always remember that dialogue between partners is the key in working out differences in any relationship.

Now....sharing the bills would be fair if you are working (utilities/groceries). It begs to wonder what the OP's stance would be if she was married to this man but they were living in her home country? Would she come on here to bash her spouse? None of us know the truth behind what actually is occurring between this husband and wife in their household and although we try to offer help in some form or the other, no one should take what the OP says at face value.

Like another poster indicated, no one can take the pill for you. You have the answers to all the questions.

Good luck in your marriage.

[Jawaree 717]

Are you from the same cultural background? If

working and no kids yet, nothings wrong helping

with a bll but not all, its not a year yet and seeing

a person then living in the same space may take

getting use to and challenging.

Can you talk to him without it going bad> explain

how you feel ask him about what he needs from you

and in what direction things may go, even mention

maybe some counseling. This marriage may be

experiencing some selfishness that ah borders a

bit on abuse, but not enough for VAWA maybe....

you'll have to prove good faith marriage, lease with

you both and ,more, so if its about VAWA that could

be up in the air.

Really no one here knows or can judge you, so the sly

remarks of immigration benefit ignore and be true to you

[Sandra G. 5,048]

You just got married to a douchebag, plain and simple! .You don't have to go back to your Country.

Marriage is a partnership of equals. It's about support one another in every way.Many people set the bar too low and live as a "roommates with benefits", but raise your standards, divorce and move on.It's impossible to be happy in an unhealthy relationship.

[sereques 7]

You can file a divorce base on abuse. He signed Affidavit of Support and he's not supporting you. You said you are a green card holder, if you leave him, you will still get the permanent green card, so don't worry about immigration issues. I understand why you think you have to stay in the marriage but this man is killing you little by little. Leave him for the sake of your life and sanity.

Wish you all the best.

[Ashaa 1]

I will go to a Women's Center in your area to get support but I do not think your case is one of abuse more than a man being selfish and perhaps both of you have different expectations coming into the marriage.

I will join a community support group (church or immigrant support center-Centro Hispano or Latino; I am assuming since your banner has the Mexican flag).

Marriage takes work and you can't quit at the first sign of problem without trying to solve the issues. You clearly entered into the marriage in good faith but you need to gather concrete evidence and make attempts to make it work and document all for when you have to go for removal of conditions.

If you are in precarious conditions and he is not providing for you, you can sue him for support since he signed affidavit of support.

I hope it helps.

[TripleA 0]

I think it's a little extreme to be suggesting she's being abused, so no, definitely do not go straight to that.
To me it honestly sounds like something that could have been expected. Yes, it's his job as the breadwinner to take care of you, but I'm sure after 9 and a half months he's probably feeling like he's stuck taking care of everything with little reward.
I doubt it has anything to do with you personally.

You should look into getting counseling for yourself and perhaps suggesting he join you.
Speaking with a therapist on your own will help calm any unnecessary worries you're having, and even validate some that you do have and teach you how to deal with that appropriately. Without insurance, a non-medical therapist is usually around 95 -125 dollars per session, many actually don't even take insurance so it's not as though it would be too unreasonably high.

And don't forget you have your family back home, your in laws, and your many friends to help you. They will offer infinitely better advice than anyone on here can.

Good luck.