Spousal Issues

[TheResistance 6]

I am sure this may be the wrong board, and an admin will move it. I am not sure where it goes.

Here is it, I was wrong in everything and I am done and tired. My wife has been abusive by pushing me physical and mental and emotional too many times. Tonight she slapped me. My kids are here in the other room and she is screaming her head off, tried to choke herself and stab herself. While two of three kids were sleeping! I could tell you all the things she has said, but why. I never hit her. The only thing was Friday night when she was throwing things off the kitchen shelves while the kids were sleeping. Throwing food all over the place. I had to hold her to the grown to stop her. Therefore, she has some marks because she marks easily. I have never hit her, but it is also not the first time she had to be wrestled to the ground. Once she was throwing picture frames of my kids. She has attempted to rip shirts off me several times. I feel scared and I feel my kids not safe with her anymore.

Now here is my dilemma. She wants to leave and go back to Philippines, tell people her version of the story, fine. But, one, she "hates" me so much, she could call the cops, or the USCIS, or her friends who work in the US government (her past employers when they lived in Singapore) and say I abused her! She will use my finger marks on her body that I abused her, and I am sure police will not care I only held her tight to stop her from destroying the apartment while kids were sleeping.

The other thing, since she has my SSN, she could destroy me, as she has said may times due, to her paranoia causing her to stress out, that she will ruin my life and my kids' lives.

She always blames me for not letting her work. I am not stopping her from working. She wants to work, than I be happy. I told her, however, she has to deal with having no SSN (since the SSA messed that up), no car, and she has to deal with her issues being stressed over everyone else's "junk" in an office, etc, and to stop being prejudice.

She is at a friend's house for the night, giving them her view point. I had to kick her out from slapping me (because would it have been the only time tonight??), trying to hurt herself, and scaring the kids in the living room. She has scared me. I know I lost her. I have to let her go. I have to get her back to her family, who all told her she would be miserable with me, when I never really did anything to hurt her. She just gets overly stressed over changes in life, mainly with dealing with my ex (who has done NOTHING to my wife to be mean) and time with kids (because my kids and I are too selfish).

So I am afraid how she is going to want to see me tortured for "ruining her life" because she has some serious mental issues.I

I am done with her abuse towards me. I am afraid to come home and find her dead one day. I am afraid for the kids.

I have no choice. I need a divorce. I do not know if it can be done while I am in USA and she is in Asia. God, she does not have her birth control pills, not sure if she is even going to take them if she had them. I hope she is not going to get pregnant, since her next period not for another couple of weeks.

So, I am afraid of the cops coming to arrest me, while my kids are her, at 3a because I abused her with whatever story she gave them. Or even later, the government maybe stealing all my paychecks or putting me in prison based on her story. Or her using my SSN and posting it online, of whatever method she does, to get back at me for "tormenting" her, for whatever reasons in her head. I got no money for a lawyer. I can not afford time off from work (I am just a temp).

Another thing, no one even knows about how bad she has been. However, our pastor has some emails from me on things she has done, and I even started to email him, without details, Friday that she needs "to go."

Since this is heard over and over again on this board, including the part that "it would not happen to us," yea, well, it has. It has been going on since July. The arguing, her stressing over and screaming, that has been going on for years online, but I thought being together, she would calm down. I was wrong!!! There, you have it. Please no lecturing me.

Can someone please help me????

Edited September 19, 2016 by TheResistance

[Ontarkie 14,237]

~~Moved to Effects of Major FAmily Changes from K1 P&P - as similar topics are often discussed.~~

[TheResistance 6]

I may be a man, but I am crying my eyes out over this. She has hurt me way too much. This hurts me to even come to this site to tell someone.

[TheResistance 6]

What other info can I provide? She has no SSN, and can not one, as far as I know, until I can afford thousands for the AOS. She is never to be near my kids again. They were supposed to be our kids. She tells m she loves them, later she think they selfish. She tells me she ants to help me with them, but then wants me to give all my time to her.

I have no idea what to do, and I got no place else to vent. I am tired. I am scared. So very scared. Am I at fault? Yes, for falling in love with someone who probably should never have been in my life in the first place. I cannot trust her. I have not for months, and she does not trust me because of what goes on her her head, and she always... ALWAYS uses my ex in a fight when my ex did nothing. She (wife) does nothing but attacks my past, before we even met.

I forget if I said this, but I have some audio, not all good, of some of our arguing Friday while the kids were sleeping, to record how bad she is making things up. Not sure if this means anything.

Tomorrow I need to speak to the complex office about removing her name from the lease, and need to call my pastor and tell him everything. Heh, if she does too, he will now get a "he said she said" thing.

What can I do to protect myself from her vengeful wraith, which she seems to be known to do, so I can sure to protect my children? I can not do it while in jail, you know? This is why I am afraid.

All because she hates seeing "messes" from kids, too many books in the living room, and schedules being changed.

Edited September 19, 2016 by TheResistance

[Rc123rc 528]

Calm down if you can. Get some counseling, get a lawyer, get a divorce, get a restraining order, document everything. She can't destroy you. I don't know where you have been getting your information about possible consequences but stop. It's not true. Do not listen to her threats. Do not ever restrain her in any way. Call the police the moment she makes a threat, throws something or hits you or the kids. Do not, I repeat not let her anywhere near you or the kids without a witness you can trust. Yes, you can divorce even if she is in Asia. Document the history of abuse... calmly. Your story is all over the place. I understand your fears and frustrations but you need to take a bunch of deep breaths and start thinking instead of reacting and venting. With this kind of situation.. your done. Save yourself and the kids. Quit talking about it. Start doing things about it. I might catch hell on this from some other posters, but I know what it's like to live with a psychotic person. Also be aware she may be setting you up for a domestic violence charge to use for future status filings. Don't give her the chance. You already screwed up twice by restraining her.

[Jawaree 718]

How much did you know her

whats the age difference and how long she has been in your home

Might she have had mental problems you knew nothing about.

This whole thing sounds crazy, not only should you speak to a pastor

but seek help for her if this is all factual, the sittuation is unhealthy for

your kids, it can also be a ploy to leave you but she's not really going

back home, this game has been played many times...seek professional

help she may be planning to file a VAWA case.

Go to your local legal aid if you cant afford an atty but do it ASAP

Edited September 19, 2016 by Jawaree

[TheResistance 6]

rc, I appreciate what you are saying. I had no choice but to restrain her, to keep from her waking and scaring the kids, but two days after (today) that was enough. I gave her many chances to calm down, but I do not know how much more this apartment or her being disturbing while the kids are sleeping (playing her games on her phone loud to get back at me) can take.

Jaw, I thought after 2.5 years, I knew her. I seen her stressed and angry online, but different story when she moved in (April 2016).

One year difference in age.

I wish they did do a psych test on her before she came her. Maybe they would have found something.She has some serious OCD which stresses her out to these situations.

No, I can not afford any help. I will empty what is left in my 401k (had to use since 2011 layoff, near empty now) to buy her a ticket and fly her home. Other than that, I can not even buy food for the week. So, no, can not afford one.

[Boiler 45,585]

Ticket home would be cheapest option.

[NikLR 13,227]

Send her home, sonce she wants to go, and start your divorce. She doesnt need to be in the USA for you to get divorced. I also suggest a restraining order and staying somewhere else with your valuables (aka kids) until she leaves. Stop giving her ways to do vawa!

[dmck 80]

Just so you know, there is no law that allows you to restrain someone for the reasons you describe. What you did can be considered domestic violence or kidnapping (depending on the state). Avoid all physical contact, always.

Just so you know, there is no law that allows you to restrain someone for the reasons you describe. What you did can be considered domestic violence or kidnapping (depending on the state). Avoid all physical contact, always.

[Gro 8]

And whatever you do - do not go through with the AOS. You'll be on the hook to support her financially even if you divorce her.

[Sandra G. 5,049]

Dmck you are wrong in all levels, there is no "kidnapping"!in his story.

Yes he can file for a restraining order against her.

[NikLR 13,227]

I would think you could physically restrain someone if you thought your children were in danger. Someone whos throwing plates around, yeah, that qualifies imho. Pretty sure a judge would see it that way also.

[Ortolan 381]

How horrible for you! If she wants to go, help her go as soon as you can...carefully though. I think if you agree to send her back, suddenly she'll want to stay. So tread carefully, send her home as she requests, and file for divorce. Whatever you do, don't AOS.

[Loki_Go 126]

I'd just wait for her to get back home and let her know you're going to grant her wish and send her home. Just be calm and reasonable. The goal is to get her home with the least amount of mess possible... I wouldn't do anything other than get her on a plane. Forget the restraining order, don't leave your home- just get her home and work on the divorce as soon as she gets there.

I'm really sorry to hear this too. Especially for your kids.