Travelling Alone

[Boiler 45,519]

Each to their own, solo Honeymoon?

[Lemonslice 4,841]

During the first few months of your marriage?

we lived apart until I got my CR1... Visiting sometimes weekly, longest was 8 or 9 weeks between visits then.

I wouldn't stay at home and wait for my husband for weeks at a time. My husband knows me and I know him. Again, to each their own.

Edited September 17, 2016 by Lemonslice

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Next thing you know she has a job lined up with her family...

[gregcrs2 1,778]

Sorry Eric, my last question was meant for another poster.

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

Next thing you know she has a job lined up with her family...

I agree this does sound weird for me as well. My wife did the same thing about having to stay home all day while I was working. She wasn't all about traveling to see distant family, she was more worried about being with me everyday and being there when I got home from work. I understand this is boring for her right now. I got my wife TFC just for this, and she was able to get out and walk around in our city when she couldn't drive. Now she drives almost everywhere since she has her DL.

[Erick and Marj 11]

Each to their own, solo Honeymoon?

We went on a getaway. Not really feeling like calling it a honeymoon because we want to have a longer trip further away so we are saving up money for that. We did spend 10 days away on a trip together starting the day after the wedding. We have taken multiple other day trips to different local events or attractions as well. Other time was consumed with wedding thank yous, completing the AOS packet, going to Philippines events held locally.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

GOING OUT ON A LIMB HERE.....I think OP wanted to here he is NOT alone thinking this is a HOT mess!

[Rc123rc 528]

Everyone has their own situation. I am sorry to hear that you are away from home most of the day. That is a problem in itself for any marriage. My personal opinion is 7 weeks is too long. 2-3 weeks max. There is a ton of things she needs to be doing. English lessons maybe? Job resume and searches? Learn the transportation systems and local places? Does she have a driver's license? You guys can share the domestic duties but being home allows her to do an item or 2 a day just to help out. Do some charity work. Check out the ethnic communities and support groups. However, hanging out with the family is just going to cause you a ton of problems. Does she think family comes first before you? Is her family now your family and you're expected to support her support them? Is age a factor where emotional maturity makes her want to spend more time in the comfort of her own family. Check out the Philippine forum. I bet there a lot of threads with similar themes. A word of warning. 2 items. 1) Don't get trapped into financial supporting her family. 2) Don't let her take a job that belongs to a family member or family friend. You are part of a 2 person relationship. Boundaries and lines sometimes have to be drawn for the heath of the relationship. You are trying to cater to her feelings. What? You don't have feelings in this? If she is not at least considering your feelings than she is being a bit selfish.Yes, she uprooted herself but she should have been prepared knowing the situation. Right now what you describe your life as is an extended vacation for the two of you.

[Erick and Marj 11]

Everyone has their own situation. I am sorry to hear that you are away from home most of the day. That is a problem in itself for any marriage. My personal opinion is 7 weeks is too long. 2-3 weeks max. There is a ton of things she needs to be doing. English lessons maybe? Job resume and searches? Learn the transportation systems and local places? Does she have a driver's license? You guys can share the domestic duties but being home allows her to do an item or 2 a day just to help out. Do some charity work. Check out the ethnic communities and support groups. However, hanging out with the family is just going to cause you a ton of problems. Does she think family comes first before you? Is her family now your family and you're expected to support her support them? Is age a factor where emotional maturity makes her want to spend more time in the comfort of her own family. Check out the Philippine forum. I bet there a lot of threads with similar themes. A word of warning. 2 items. 1) Don't get trapped into financial supporting her family. 2) Don't let her take a job that belongs to a family member or family friend. You are part of a 2 person relationship. Boundaries and lines sometimes have to be drawn for the heath of the relationship. You are trying to cater to her feelings. What? You don't have feelings in this? If she is not at least considering your feelings than she is being a bit selfish.Yes, she uprooted herself but she should have been prepared knowing the situation. Right now what you describe your life as is an extended vacation for the two of you.

Thank you for your response. There are some hang ups, and I'll share them for context, but don't want to be ridiculed. Our situation is a bit more complicated. I'm completing my 2nd college degree. This is my final year. As it is right now, I am student teaching to become an elementary school teacher. The college made arrangements for me to teach near my parents' home so that we would be able to live somewhere rent-free and they can provide for her basic needs until I finish in December and am back to work again. By then, she will also be working. I have an apartment in the city where the college is located and we'll be moving in at the end of December. Part of her concerns isn't just lonliness, but also being a distraction to me from what she acknowledges as very important not just to me, but also for both of our future. She is doing her best to not be a distraction to me, which, admittedly, I would agree along with her, can be the case, though I believe, now, after getting into my 3rd week, I can handle the double responsibility of giving her time as well as completing my requirements to successfully pass my professional semester. With that said, I have enough money saved up to pay expenses through December, but not extra for her to do a lot of other things. This also is the reason why I haven't pushed her to a drivers license because then I would have the added expense of high insurance for a new driver in the U.S. Yes, I do have other money set aside. I won't be broke, but that other money is intentionally invested for me to put a down payment on our own house in the future, so I'm not about to resorting to using that money unless it is critical for me to do so. Transportation options are somewhat limited. I have family that all live in walking distance, but let's face it, spending everyday with the in-law's family can get really tough, really fast. She's not really comfortable with going around the house and touching things, even though she has been given full privilege and access to use or do whatever she wants to in the house.

Yes. There are some issues with the living arrangement, and I don't like it just as much as I'm sure plenty of you are cringing while reading this. We both agreed that this would be how we would get by until December and it was this or wait another year before she came to get married. Neither of us wanted to spend another whole year being separated. I thought I could handle 6 weeks or so, but as it turns out, going into week 3, I'm missing her terribly. I'm trying to do the best I can to support her needs to adjust to a new country and culture and that's what has brought me here is to find out if I'm in trouble for giving her that time to go spend with some relatives or if I'm risking our ability to stay together in the U.S. by allowing her to be away for that long of a time. For me, I also feel like 3 weeks should be enough, but I also know that right now, she isn't sitting around with nothing to do because her cousin is teaching her how to cook for me and keeping her distracted from the time where she isn't able to be employed.

I sent her a long message and told her that I understand her needs and respect the fact that she gave up living near her parents and siblings to be with me, but I love her and would very much like for her to come back home next weekend.

Don't worry about the supporting family business. I haven't sent a penny overseas since she arrived and it's not that I'm opposed to helping them out from time to time. I'm fine with that, but I won't be their income and she knows that. Part of the reason was okay with making this decision is because she was the breadwinner for her family and she wanted to encourage her sisters to take some responsibility in providing for their own families so now with her gone, they have no choice but to do that. One sister has gotten a job overseas to send money home to help for her child. (Not the best idea, but it was her choice and I pray all goes well for her.) The other sister is completing college and will be expected to get a job after graduation so she can start to hold her own weight. In the mean time she is getting some support form her relatives here in the U.S. to get her through college.

[TBoneTX 45,299]

The OP has received suggestions that can be acted on.

Other posters are being overly judgmental toward the OP and his wife, despite his request.

Rather than banning participants from access to this thread, it will be locked to further comment.

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