Engagement

[Cheezees 1,514]

Honest question (No snark, I swear! )

I often read posts stating things like "I'm getting engaged in 3 weeks" and I wonder if there is some formal process via which one gets engaged other than 2 people agreeing to marry each other some time in the future. Is there? Is this a cultural issue? In my (western) culture, there is no plan to have a plan to get married and while we also use the words fiance/fiancee, there is no real or legal distinction from that of a boyfriend/girlfriend. (Referring to someone as your "fiance", especially to strangers, can be seen as pretentious.) Once marriage is being discussed or one person asks the other to marry them, that is where I was taught the "engagement" begins. So, how is it where you are from?

Thanks!

[Ben&Zian 4,398]

I have seen this too, and probably more cultural/personal reasons behind it.

I know some people have planned to travel back over seas to see their fiance with the plan to propose, even thought the two are already getting ready to apply for the K-1 openly.

My partner and I never really did any proposals or what not, we just knew that's what we both wanted. Just how we are though together and as people so.

Everyone has their own ways of doing things, and again could be cultural and even to show their fiance's families their are serious.

[Cheezees 1,514]

I have seen this too, and probably more cultural/personal reasons behind it.

I know some people have planned to travel back over seas to see their fiance with the plan to propose, even thought the two are already getting ready to apply for the K-1 openly.

My partner and I never really did any proposals or what not, we just knew that's what we both wanted. Just how we are though together and as people so.

Everyone has their own ways of doing things, and again could be cultural and even to show their fiance's families their are serious.

Ooh, I didn't think of that!

[millefleur 5,046]

Honest question (No snark, I swear! )

I often read posts stating things like "I'm getting engaged in 3 weeks" and I wonder if there is some formal process via which one gets engaged other than 2 people agreeing to marry each other some time in the future. Is there? Is this a cultural issue? In my (western) culture, there is no plan to have a plan to get married and while we also use the words fiance/fiancee, there is no real or legal distinction from that of a boyfriend/girlfriend. (Referring to someone as your "fiance", especially to strangers, can be seen as pretentious.) Once marriage is being discussed or one person asks the other to marry them, that is where I was taught the "engagement" begins. So, how is it where you are from?

Thanks!

One time I went to an "engagement party" held by my high school history teacher from India and it was a huge celebration, endless food, tons of people, etc....so I don't know about India as a whole (that was my only experience) but I get the impression that for some cultures it's a really big deal.

[Cheezees 1,514]

One time I went to an "engagement party" held by my high school history teacher from India and it was a huge celebration, endless food, tons of people, etc....so I don't know about India as a whole (that was my only experience) but I get the impression that for some cultures it's a really big deal.

I know a lot of people who have engagement parties. But question is more along the lines of, "Is that when they became engaged?". I know the party is for celebrating the engagement, but what about the engagement itself? Or is it treated as one and the same, that is, engagement party = engagement. Do you think that's it?

[Rebe y Justin 9]

My wife and had the "discussion" about getting married. After that we referred to each other as "fiance". We planned our wedding while she was in Costa Rica and I was in the U.S.. I did not see her in person from the time we had officially decided to get married and my return trip to Costa Rica for the wedding. However, when I arrived at SJO (airport) the first thing I did was get down on 1 knee and present her with her engagement ring and ask her to marry me. Wedding was a few days later.

I don't know of any formal process here, only a tradition of asking for someones hand in marriage before you refer to them as your fiance.

Edited September 13, 2016 by Rebe y Justin

[Cheezees 1,514]

My wife and had the "discussion" about getting married. After that we referred to each other as "fiance". We planned our wedding while she was in Costa Rica and I was in the U.S.. I did not see her in person from the time we had officially decided to get married and my return trip to Costa Rica for the wedding. However, when I arrived at SJO (airport) the first thing I did was get down on 1 knee and present her with her engagement ring and ask her to marry me. Wedding was a few days later.

I don't know of any formal process here, only a tradition of asking for someones hand in marriage before you refer to them as your fiance.

Aww...

[millefleur 5,046]

I know a lot of people who have engagement parties. But question is more along the lines of, "Is that when they became engaged?". I know the party is for celebrating the engagement, but what about the engagement itself? Or is it treated as one and the same, that is, engagement party = engagement. Do you think that's it?

Maybe! My husband (from Russia) was insanely happy to be engaged, for him it was very serious and definately not on the same level as "a girlfriend" and the word "fiancé" is not pretentious at all in Russia, I guess things here are slightly more old fashioned still, but it does depend on the person.

My sister lives in Austria and what's really weird is nobody in Austria marries anymore. It's just co-habitation (even with children) but no marriage. So her engagement and wedding there was such a big deal that they ended up having their wedding twice, one in the town hall and one in the church....yeah, odd. I guess in the West the general trend is marriage/engagement isn't that big of a deal anymore, but for some people it still means something.

[Scandi 4,166]

I bet when they talk about getting engaged at a certain date they mean the actual proposal itself.

Me and my man were engaged before the proposal, but the official date of our engagement is the day he went down on one knee and popped the question. That's the date friends and family know about and that's also the date we celebrate.

[Scandi 4,166]

My country's culture is slowly changing regarding being engaged. Today tons of kids give each other rings and *whops* they're engaged, often with no plans at all to marry.

I'm still too old-fashioned for that stuff. For me there HAS TO be a real proposal (him going down on one knee and all), not just a "oh shall we just say we're engaged now?". And all the time in between the proposal and the wedding is engagement, and preferably there's no more than a year in between. That's how I look at it.

[MsCompE 50]

Engagement parties are something cultural I guess. If there is a separate engagement party apart from the date they first discussed marriage, then they themselves have to agree when/which do they consider as official engagement date.

As for our case, I was in Georgia and my fiance was in Texas when he proposed to me. He sent me off couple of days back to Georgia and begun that he wanted something long term with me. We were discussing about it in the past midnight and I passed out in the middle of the convo. He called the next day and we discussed some more. He asked if he needs to come to Philippines. I told him, he dont need to.

Although we agreed to start a life together, prior to going much into details I asked him to discuss this first with his parents and ask for their blessings. The discussion go on for a couple more days until I have to go back to Philippines. We didnt have an official engagement date until couple of days before my Interview. I asked him "It's my interview day in a couple of days and for sure the engagement date will be asked. We discussed our marriage plans for a number of days, which should be our official engagement date?"

Not all engagement have movie like themes. We had a simple one but that is what we both want it.

Edited September 14, 2016 by MsCompE

[JFH 12,190]

In the UK it certainly doesn't have the same meaning that it used to. Here people also say "we're getting engaged on my birthday" or something like that. Obviously if they have already decided to marry then to me they are already "engaged" but what they mean is "he's giving me a ring on my birthday". Also many people here are engaged with no concrete plan to get married. People will co-habit for years with a ring on their finger with no real urge to marry. When people get "engaged" people will ask "so when are you getting married?" and often the response will be "oh we're not getting married, we are just getting engaged". I don't get it. Engagement is a plan to marry.

I have been married once before and I was very young and my then-boyfriend gave me an engagement ring. I wore it until we got married but not all the time. I usually only wore it when we were out together but I didn't wear it to work, for example. After we got married I never wore it and I gave it back to him when we decided to divorce.

With my current husband there was no ring. He liked to refer to me as his fiancée to people but it's not a word I like to use because it's become pretty much meaningless here. Like the OP said, calling yourself fiancé here or saying you're engaged can sound pretentious.

I often see here people asking if they need to be "officially engaged" to start the K-1 or if they need "proof of engagement". Here in the UK (and in the USA) engaged is not a legal status and not something that can be or needs to be proved. A ring receipt proves you bought a ring, that's all.

Edited September 14, 2016 by JFH

[soulstriker 274]

I did it the old fashion way of getting on my knee and proposing we knew we wanted to get married she just didnt know the exact day i was going to propose, from my experience some ppl in nigeria dont take marriage or engagement seriously , i have a cousin whose been engaged with the same chick for years and still not married, but there are ppl who still take it seriously, even in the USA ppl dont take it seriously like it should be , meh

[Soup Dragon 104]

Definitely agree with everything in JFH's first paragraph.

My husband and I joked about getting married while we were on a vacation but then two months later he got down on one knee with a ring.

We didn't really refer to the two month period between the proposal and our (very small) wedding as an engagement and I'm not sure I even called him my fiancé! Our announcement to friends and family was simply that we were getting married. It was a second marriage for both of us so everything was far more laid back and relaxed than our first engagements and weddings, which were total circuses in comparison.

[Dutchster 1,107]

In the Netherlands it's quite normal you surprisingly go on one knee and present a ring blabla. However, agreeing on getting engaged is also a thing and not super weird. For us of course marriage was the only option if we wanted to be together soon/forever. That's also what I told to everyone, that we agreed on getting married, that we kind of discussed about getting engaged and marry sooner than we thought (because we really wanted to be together, and still obviously ) but the proposal was still a real surprise for me even though we discussed getting engaged. And personally, I loved how we agreed on this and talked about it instead of him doing a random, total suprise - out of the blue proposal. Now we both knew we were ready.