What is our best option?

[Bryan and An 23]

Hello everyone!

First of all, what a wonderful website. I want to say thanks to everyone who puts time and effort into helping people with their situations. There is so much valuable information here, and it has been incredibly helpful and useful to me.

That being said, there are still some things I'm not sure about, and since everybody's situation is different, I'm hoping to get some advice on my specific case. I'll start by providing information about our relationship, then detail what I feel our best options are at this point. It may be kind of a long post, so special thanks to anyone who reads it all and offers any kind of advice .

I am an American man, and she is a Vietnamese woman (guess you can see that from my picture). We met just over a year ago, August 2015, on Vietnamese cupid. We really hit it off right away, mainly due to our similarities (both Buddhist, both vegetarians, both love children and animals). But beyond that, there just seemed to be an incredible connection and a flow to our conversations (she speaks very good English - her college major was tourism and she works at a popular resort in Phu Quoc). We have chatted every single day for the past year, usually for at least a couple of hours. We've also talked through Skype, Viber, and Facebook (audio and video), thought not nearly as often as the chats. If I printed out our Facebook chat logs alone, it would be about 4,000 pages.

I visited her in Vietnam this July. I was there exactly 1 month - July 1 to August 1. During this time, we were together basically 24/7. We traveled all over Vietnam - Saigon, Can Tho, Rach Gia, Danang, Hoi An, Hanoi, and Phu Quoc. I met her mom, sister, and brother; unfortunately, I wasn't able to meet her dad, as he is a fisherman and is out at sea for months at a time. This visit really confirmed our love for each other, and our feelings grew stronger by the day. On the last day of my visit, I officially asked her to marry me, although we had discussed it on occasion before this. She immediately said yes.

We didn't have an engagement party, for two reasons. One, since her dad couldn't be there, we didn't think it would be as meaningful or even "official". And two, our plan at the time was to marry in Vietnam next summer, so we were just going to have the engagement party a week or so before the wedding. This was our plan until a few days ago, when it hit a snag. I had already booked a plane ticket for next summer, for a 4 week stay (28 days). We figured this would be plenty of time for the engagement ceremony and wedding. However, stupidly, I hadn't looked into all of the requirements for getting a marriage certificate in Vietnam, and from what I'm now reading, it looks like it will take longer than a month for that whole process. Is that correct? Is it in anyway possible to be done in 4 weeks, if we do everything we can ahead of time?

Assuming not, then as I see it, we're looking at 3 possible options. What I would really like are opinions on which one you think is the best option, solely in terms of her visa being approved. We have our own personal pluses and minuses for each option, but want to go with the one that gives us the best chance to be together.

Option 1: Go ahead with the wedding in Vietnam next summer, then start an IR1 visa application. I can change my flight itinerary to 6 weeks instead of 4, although it may be costly; would 6 weeks be certain to be enough for the official marriage process?

Option 2: Start a K1 visa application now. If her interview is scheduled before July, or in July, we would do the interview and then have a ceremonial Buddhist wedding and reception after that with NO wedding certificate. I would bring her back to the US and we would have a wedding here. (My concern about this option is that we would have the interview with no evidence of an engagement party, and only 1 prior visit. I'm afraid this would be our weakest chance.) If the interview was scheduled after July, we would have a big engagement party in July, and have 2 month-long visits under my belt.

Option 3: Similar to option 2, but wait awhile to start the K1 process to ensure that the interview would be after July. Either way, I should be able to arrange to fly back to Vietnam to be with her for the interview. I think that is important.

Her family really, really wants her to have a Vietnamese wedding, so with either option 2 or 3, we would go back to Vietnam the next year to have a ceremonial wedding. I have a feeling, though, that her family would be much happier with an official wedding in Vietnam before she ever comes to America. But again, at this point we're just looking at which option gives us the best chance at approval.

Side note: Our plan as of yesterday was to start the K1 process, then have a ceremonial wedding in July while waiting for the interview. But I'm reading that's a bad idea, right? That they look suspiciously at anything that remotely resembles a wedding. So I'm thinking a big engagement party would be much better.

As far as our evidence so far, we have daily chat logs as I mentioned, my boarding passes showing my one month stay, hotel receipts for all of our hotels, a few letters and postcards we've sent through mail (we will increase these), no phone bills because we do it all free through Skype, Viber, etc., receipts for flowers and other gifts I've sent her, over 1,300 pictures from my visit...anything major I'm missing? Unfortunately, I didn't keep the boarding passes for our flights within Vietnam, or receipts from restaurants - although we have plenty of pictures of us clearly in different cities and eating. I've read that it's good to have receipts of money sent, but she's pretty adamant about not wanting me to send her any money. I had to practically force her to take the couple million VND I wanted to leave her when I left Vietnam

Sorry for the length - I just wanted to give a complete picture. Any and all advice is graciously welcomed and appreciated.

Bryan

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I would K1 next summer is far away...at least for me

And add whatever icing you want to that cake

Edited August 28, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Jho369 13]

If I were in your shoes I would go ahead and plan everything out for the wedding for your next summer visit for the ceremony. You prepare all the paperwork to bring to VN to apply for a marriage certificate.. You have a year to do that, i did have all the paperwork done through someone I knew and she prepared everything within a month. When I set foot in VN I submit the paperwork and I think it was 21 days without paying to expedite. So with a month you should get your marriage certificate with 7 days to spare. Thats only if you didn't miss any paperwork. After that you can go back to the states and start the CR1 package and she should be state side 9-12 months. GL.

Or you can start the K1 now and plan your ceremony later but I would make plans for a trip to VN for her interview so you can be there with her. It would look a lot better since you only have 1 visit

Edited August 28, 2016 by Jho369

[Bryan and An 23]

Thanks for both of your replies. Forgot to add 1 thing; whichever route we go, I'm not sure if my parents will be able to come to Vietnam due to their age and health. I think it is more likely that they would come if it was a wedding vs. engagement party. An says that she has an uncle that can help with any roles my parents would normally do; my brother says he'll come, but he's quite a bit younger than I am. Do you think my parents not being there would affect anything visa-wise?

Other opinions on the whole situation certainly welcome

[Jho369 13]

My parents couldn't come to ours. We had someone to be my parents representatives for our wedding. During the interview they didn't look at any of those. They asked to see pictures of us together thats all.

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Hine site your parents are older in a third world country. I wouldn't see them saying wow you parents weren't here denied.

You brother should be good as role of representing your family.

I would make certain her parents and Family where there.

But again your timeline is a very long one If you wait till next year to marry and file if you count from today.

Either way you guys know what is best for you as far as waiting.

[B and H 18]

To get married in Viet Nam during a one month stay, I prepared what was needed from me here and sent that to my (now) wife with a power of attorney form. I forget where the power of attorney form came from, but it allowed her to get things done before my arrival. I believe it came from the VN embassy website. We wouldn't have got it all done without doing that. It also took a lot of time to get the documents I sent notarized plus an apostille from the Secretary of State's office plus legalization from the VN embassy. If I remember correctly, the apostille in Washington state was $15 per document and embassy legalization was $300 or $350 for the package.

Like Jho369 mentioned, even with a power of attorney and getting everything ready ahead of time, it was a couple weeks before the certificate was ready to be signed and picked up. We left for our honeymoon and signed the certificate when we got back.

Please do some searching about the engagement party if you decide on the K1 route. I believe there are stories of people being denied because the traditional đính hôn makes them "too married" for K1 and "not married enough" for CR-1. We're waiting to interview now, but so far not having a đính hôn has not been a problem for our CR-1 process.

Good luck.

[Bryan and An 23]

Thanks again to everyone for the info. So to get it done in 1 month in Vietnam, that includes my physical exam, mental exam, etc.? Or can any of that be done stateside now? I'm trying to read as much information as I can, but after a while my head just starts spinning. Once we submit all the paperwork, we can have the wedding anytime before the interview?

[B and H 18]

Thanks again to everyone for the info. So to get it done in 1 month in Vietnam, that includes my physical exam, mental exam, etc.? Or can any of that be done stateside now? I'm trying to read as much information as I can, but after a while my head just starts spinning. Once we submit all the paperwork, we can have the wedding anytime before the interview?

(My response is for marriage in Viet Nam for the CR-1 path)

Getting married in a month in Viet Nam means getting the stuff on the below list done in the US before you go.

http://vietnamembassy-usa.org/consular/legalization-document-marriage-registration for the embassy in DC, or

http://vietnamconsulate-sf.org/en/consular-services/legal-of-marriage-document/ for the consulate in San Francisco

There might be other consulates. Use the list from the location you plan to use. There were slight differences between locations when I was doing this. Read the instructions carefully. And when it talks about checks or money orders but never mentions the cost? You have to call them for the current fees, just like you do for an entry visa.

For the medical part, I had to arrange a mobile notary to meet me at the doctor's office. That's an additional cost.

Almost all of the items on the list need notarization. Then the notarized / county sealed documents need an apostille from your Secretary of State's office. Then the embassy or consulate will legalize the apostilles. When I did it, the embassy also translated the documents to Vietnamese as part of the legalization process. And it does look like the power of attorney form came from the embassy page linked above.

It's a lot to manage, but you can do it. Keep track of any documents that have recency requirements so that you can plan your steps accordingly; and to make sure nothing is considered out of date by the time you two are applying for your marriage certificate.

Where does your fiancee live? Things are much easier if she has access to a printer. If printing is not conveniently available, bring several copies of any forms that will need her signature the next time you go. Or mail her several copies of each. Even if you're on the K1 path instead of CR-1, bring extra forms and get her signature on everything the next time you see her.

When you get further down the road, I have notes on the process of getting her an ITIN and getting you a visa exemption. But that's later.

[B and H 18]

Once we submit all the paperwork, we can have the wedding anytime before the interview?

I forgot to address this last question. No, you can't. Unless I misunderstand what you mean. The paperwork you submit, and the type of interview you are waiting for, all depends on whether you are married. You can't start the spousal visa process if you are not yet married. And you can't get married while waiting to interview for a fiance visa. What did you mean?

[Bryan and An 23]

I forgot to address this last question. No, you can't. Unless I misunderstand what you mean. The paperwork you submit, and the type of interview you are waiting for, all depends on whether you are married. You can't start the spousal visa process if you are not yet married. And you can't get married while waiting to interview for a fiance visa. What did you mean?

I'm sorry - I wasn't clear. I meant the interview for the marriage certificate. I thought I read that after all of the paperwork is submitted, you have to have an interview similar to a visa interview where you have to prove a legitimate relationship before they will issue the marriage certificate. Is that correct?

As far as where she lives, she currently lives in staff housing near the resort where she works in Phu Quoc. Access to a printer isn't a problem. Speaking of where she lives, that brings up another question - our wedding will be in Rach Gia. Will we file all of this stuff in that province, or would we do it in HCMC? Would there be a difference in time frames? I read a post on here where someone said they got their marriage certificate the same day they submitted the paperwork in a more rural area. I find that hard to believe.

Thanks for all of your help!

[B and H 18]

I'm sorry, you did mention where she lives and I forgot.

You are correct about the marriage interview. I suspect they differ between the provinces, but the goal is to protect their citizen from bad situations. We were separated and asked questions about each other and about the relationship, our families, our plans. Unless you speak Vietnamese, you should plan on arranging for an interpreter to be there, or risk a delayed interview.

I thought I saw something about a quick marriage certificate too, but I wouldn't count on it with a tight schedule.

I expect you will need to file according to where her hộ khẩu residence is. If she doesn't have a passport yet, that should be planned as well if it's a hassle to get back and forth. Is Rạch Giá where she's registered? I don't think you'll have a choice about where to file. Just about everything has to be done where your hộ khẩu says you live. The location of any ceremonies or events, that's what I think you get to choose.

[B and H 18]

I still don't think my answer was very clear for your question about the wedding and interview. To further clarify, yes, there will be an interview to get your marriage certificate. But it's the registration of your certificate in the local books that makes you a married couple, not a wedding. That leaves the wedding up to you, as far as timing and location.

Also, you'll interview when you submit the paperwork. The 20 or so day delay is not before the interview, it's waiting for them to make the certificate and put it in the books after you interview.

[Cathi 5,783]

any wedding ceremony, registered or not, makes you married. You cannot apply for a K-1 if your plan is to marry after the interview but before she leaves for the US.. People get denied every day for this very thing. You have 2 choices. Marry, registered or not and apply for a cr-1. Or apply for a k-1 and get married here. You cannot have it both ways. You CANNOT marry in Vietnam after a K-1 but interview BEFORE she leave for the US, with a K-1 she must be UNMARRIED when she enters the US. A K-1 is for marrying in the US. Period!

[JRF 117]

@B and H is correct, your interview will be determined by where her household book is addressed. I personally think option 2 is your best bet. A month may not be enough to get everything done, but if you pay extra anything is possible. As regards this end (the apostile, etc.) I used someone in Orange County to take care of all of that (I gave him my divorce decree, etc. but he obtained the stamps and signatures (correctly notarized). It didn't cost me much, and I didn't ask questions, but I found it incredible he was able to get everything done in a week. He said he knew someone in the Houston consulate. hmm. Saved me a ton of headaches and it was accepted by the vietnamese government.).

@B and H is also correct about the wait time between interview (one can imagine a team reviewing your interview results, but we all know that isn't taking place) and the time you receive your certificate and it's entered in the "books", with the proper stamps (as an aside, one of my wife's job duties at her employer in Vietnam was to guard the stamp room. They take stamps seriously). Humorous aside - I dropped one of our two certificates in a puddle outside the government offices. Nevertheless, all is well with our marriage, despite the rough start (you are officially married after it's in the book).

You can't have the medical check done here (you can try, but if you do that you are taking away a money making opportunity for a doctor in Vietnam, so good luck with that). It's an "interesting" interview - I was asked point blank if I was crazy. I said no. I was also asked if I liked my job, and said yes. Bent the truth on one of those.

Anyways, I took two trips to Vietnam - one to interview, medical check, etc. and another to sign the big book and get my certificate. I was told that for the price of a plane ticket the entire thing could be accomplished in a week, but I drew the line at that level of "coffee money" and decided to pay the good folks at China Airlines.

So, I think K-1, return to Vietnam for the official Buddhist ceremony (my wife and I did that, it was incredible), is your best bet.

By the way, I did the whole asking to marry on bended knee and ring thing in Phu Quoc. Beautiful place.

Best of luck!

Edited August 29, 2016 by JRF